


Life is Like T-Rex

by slincoln



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 91,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slincoln/pseuds/slincoln
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One rainy August day Harry decides to entertain his children with a story from his twenties.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hey Beautiful

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter One: Hey Beautiful

* * *

It was a rainy day the week before my eldest son James left for his final year at Hogwarts and the kids and I were alone in the house while my wife Ginny was covering a Quidditch match for the Daily Prophet. A loud crash accompanied by accusatorial shouting suggested to me that my darling children were in need of a distraction.

"Kids!" I called out, "Would you please join me in the study?" Dutifully James, Albus and Lily tromped into the study as only teenagers can.

"Whatever you think you heard dad?" James said. "I swear it was an accident."

"Have a seat, I want to tell you a story," I motioned for them to sit down on the sofa.

"What about" Lily asked as she perched herself on the sofa in between her older brothers. "Does it have to do with Lord Voldemort or Dumbledore?"

"Or Grandpa Potter and the Maruaders?" James suggested.

I shook my head, "No, seeing as James is about to start his last year of school I thought I'd tell you a story about your mum and dad."  


"But you already told us how you met," Albus protested.

"And fell in love," Lily added.

"That might be true, but I haven't told you the story of how I married your mother."

"You asked, she said yes, can I go now?" James asked.

"Quiet smart arse," I chided. "You see kids, it's a bit more complicated than that. It all started back in the year 2002, around the middle August to be precise..."

* * *

At that point your Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione and I were living together at 12 Grimmauld Place. Uncle Ron and I were still Junior Aurors, and Aunt Hermione was just getting started on her campaign for magical creature rights. However work isn't really important to the start of this story. No, this story starts with a proposal.

"Hermione Jean Granger. I love you now and always, will you marry me?" Uncle Ron asked and held out an engagement ring to your aunt. He was standing in front of Hermione in the front hallway of Grimmauld Place, having caught her as she walked in the door after a long day at the Ministry.

"Honestly Ronald, you're asking me this now?" Hermione replied with a laugh, unable to process what Ron was asking her.

"Will you answer the question?"

"You're serious?" 

"Of course I'm serious, you think I'd buy a ring like this if I wasn't?"

"Why do you even have to ask? Yes of course I'll marry you," she answered before throwing her arms Ron and kissing him fiercely.

It was at this point that I came home and found your aunt and uncle snogging madly in the front hallway. "What have I told you two about that?" I scolded them good naturedly.

"Harry, she said yes!" Ron said excitedly.

"Did you ask if she thought you were a pillock because I'd say yes to that too." Hermione then showed me her hand and the brand new ring on it, and I finally caught on. "Oh that's bloody brilliant, congratulations you two."

"You had no idea he was going to do this?" Hermione asked me.

"None at all, in this one instance your Ron operated in complete secrecy," I said honestly.

"It was a little spur of the moment," Ron admitted. "I was walking home, saw the ring in a shop window, and just knew."

"Well if nothing else your mum will be pleased," I told Ron. "Another wedding to plan."

"I don't think we'll have to worry about that for a while," Hermione said. "We're all entirely too busy to have a wedding anytime soon, and besides Ginny won't be free for any amount of time until the after season's over."

"You'll be my best man right mate?" Ron asked me.

"Like you even have to ask," I told Ron before pulling him into a hug. "And I'm so happy for you Hermione, though I don't understand what you see in this git." I said to your aunt as I hugged her as well.

"Prat," Ron said then punched me in the arm.

It was at that moment that I realised I was a little jealous of your Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione. It wasn't that I was interested in your aunt, or uncle, that way. Or even their relationship, but they had each other, and that was something I didn't have at the time. However, none of that took away from the fact that I was ecstatic for both of them.

"So how are we going to celebrate?" I asked Ron and Hermione.

As was often the case in those days we wound up at the Leaky Cauldron. I wasn't fond of the attention I got there on occasion, but after having to Obliviate the customers at several Muggle pubs after your uncle had a few too many pints – and don't listen to him if he says otherwise – we decided to stick with wizarding pubs. At the Cauldron we ran into a lot of people we knew from school and work. We were already many firewhisky shots into the night when she walked into the room.

Now kids, before I go any further, there's something I need to explain. As you might have guessed your mum and I weren't together at this point. After the battle with Voldemort I fully intended on resuming the relationship your mum and I had for a while during my last year at Hogwarts. However, between my joining the Aurors, your mum's last year at school, rebuilding after the war, it just never happened and we had slowly drifted apart. We would run into each other at family gatherings at the Burrow, but that was the extent of our social interactions. And whenever we did run into each other there was a tremendous awkwardness between us. It was something I regretted, but had learned to deal with.

I'm telling you all this because when I saw your mum enter the Leaky Cauldron that night none of it mattered. It was as if everyone in the pub vanished and it was just the two of us standing there. At that moment I was absolutely convinced then and there she was the woman for me. Was I influenced by Uncle Ron's actions? Absolutely, but sometimes kids you need the universe to give you a shove in the right direction.

However, before I had a chance to talk to her she made a beeline for your aunt. "Alright Hermione, what did my idiot brother do this time? Your owl wasn't very clear." In response Hermione showed Ginny her ring, who uncharacteristically squealed her approval. The pair then descended into discussions of wedding arcana that at the time I was completely unaware of.

Instead of intruding on that, I settled into a booth where Ron and Neville were sitting. "What's Ginny doing here?" I asked Ron, trying my best to sound as casual as possible.

Ron shrugged, "She's only Hermione's best friend. I know things between the two of you are strained, but..."

"No that's not it at all," I said quickly. "I just remember Hermione saying she didn't have a lot of free time right now."

"They work hard at the Harpies, but she can make time for this. I know she's not around a lot, but blimey Harry, I'd think you of all people would understand a person dedicated to her job. You spend more time at the Ministry than me and Hermione combined."

"It's not that," Neville announced, looking up from his drink. "Harry's still hung up on Ginny."

I glared at Neville, "It's not..."

Neville waved me off, "Don't deny it, we all know Ginny's not the sort of witch you easily forget...er, sorry Ron." He suddenly found his glass very interesting.

"Speaking from experience Nev?" Ron asked before he elbowed Neville in the ribs.

Neville's ears turned pink, "Ginny was always very popular at school, and a good friend to me, especially that last year, but Hannah's more my speed. Ginny needs someone who can keep up with her, like Harry here."

"Mum certainly would approve," Ron said as he rubbed his chin.

"Merlin, I think this proposal has addled your brain," I groused. "Just because the two of you are settled doesn't mean I have to be." I might have agreed with them, but I wasn't going to let those prats know that.

* * *

"Dad, did you just called Professor Longbottom a prat?" Lily interjected, her voice aghast.

"I've known 'Professor' Longbottom for almost thirty years," I told my daughter. "I'm allowed, you lot however," I warned them, focusing my glare at my oldest son, who did his best to look innocent.

* * *

At any rate the conversation drifted back to safer topics, like work and Quidditch. I half-heartedly followed along with the conversation, but spent most of my time tracking your mum as she made her way around the pub. For the rest of the night people would come up to congratulate your uncle and buy him a drink to celebrate. It was the drunkest I've ever seen your Uncle Ron get, no second drunkest, but we'll get to that. When he started to detail his plans for turning around the Cannons I excused myself under the pretense of needing the loo.

As I mingled through the room I saw your mum standing by herself at the bar. Recognizing an opening when I saw one I sidled up next to her and ordered another drink from Hannah. She gave me a wink and handed me two firewhiskies. "Er, Hannah," I protested. "I only wanted one."

"Well then, I guess you'll just have to find someone to give the other to," Hannah replied in a too loud voice that attracted Ginny's attention. I gave her an apologetic smile and held up the second glass in offering.

Ginny rolled her eyes, but took the glass from me. "You know what George says, never let good firewhisky go to waste, and you always get the good stuff Harry. No matter if it's from a meddlesome barmaid." She glared at Hannah who was obliviously serving drinks to Seamus Finnegan.

"This is all pretty crazy isn't it?" I asked Ginny as I pointed at Hermione and Ron. At that moment Hermione was trying to coax an extremely drunk Ron out of the booth he was sitting in.

"I was just surprised he worked up the nerve to ask her," she replied as she took a sip of her drink.

"Who won the bet?" Your uncles, as is their way, had all placed bets on when your Uncle Ron would propose to Aunt Hermione, I think it was Uncle George's idea. They banned me from participating because George said I was too close to Hermione and Ron and could influence the result.

"I'm not sure, I think Charlie."

I took a pull from my glass and let the firewhisky burn its way down my throat. "Ginny, what happened to us?"

Ginny chuckled, "Merlin you do not beat around the bush do you Harry?" She paused for a moment. "As I recall what happened is that you dumped me before vanishing for a year."

"It wasn't a full year," I protested, "but I see your point. Still, what about after?"

"After what? After you and my brother went off to be Aurors? After I finished with Hogwarts? After you started working the insane hours you do? After I started to play for the Harpies? Look I don't blame you for any of that stuff. Goodness knows I got caught up in making a go of this Quidditch thing. We had our moment then moved on, it happens." To this day your mum insists she never meant any of this. "We weren't even together for all that long."

"Even so, you can't deny things are awkward between us," I pointed out.

"Well of course they are. We are exes after all, you don't see me palling around with Michael or Dean now do you?"

"But we were mates before that weren't we?"

Ginny nodded, "Yeah, we were."

"Well can't we go back to that at least?"

"Harry Potter, are you trying to woo me back?" Your mum asked lightly. She had an amused, yet at the same time dangerous glint in her eye.

What I thought was "Yes, of course!" What I said was, "No, of course not, have you ever seen me woo, ever?"

"You always were rubbish at romance," Ginny agreed.

"Harry, Ginny There you are," Hermione said quickly as she walked up to the bar. "Wait, you two talking? What's going on?" Neither of us missed the change in tone that crept into Hermione's voice.

"We are talking Hermione, that's what old friends do, they talk," Ginny said sternly.

"Yes, but, oh never mind, I'm taking your drunken lout of a brother," she started to say to your mum.

"And your fiancé," Ginny interrupted.

Hermione grimaced, "Yes, I am taking my drunken lout of a fiancé, home before embarrasses himself any further. At this rate he'll be too pissed for me to properly thank him for this gorgeous ring."

"That was more than I needed to hear Hermione," I told your aunt. I reached out and hugged her. "Congratulations again. I know you two are going to be very happy together, just be sure to use a silencing charm if he isn't too pissed, ok?"

Your uncle stumbled up behind Hermione and grabbed her in an entirely too inappropriate way. "Don't worry mate, there's no way I'm that pissed."

Your mother and I held back our laughter as Aunt Hermione worked her way out of Uncle Ron's embrace. "Steady on mate," I told Ron. "I think your new fiancé has some choice words for you."

Hermione grabbed Ron by the arm and started to drag him out of the Cauldron. "Honestly Ron, I don't know why you'd do this to yourself, tonight of all nights."

"But Hermione, they kept offering me drinks," Ron feebly began to explain as they walked out of earshot.

"So where were we?" I asked your mum.

"You were about to take me out to a Muggle cafe I know," Ginny said.

"I was?"

"Yes you were, I came here straight from practice and meetings and I've barely had anything to eat all day."

"In that case it will be my treat Miss Weasley."

"I hate to break it to you Harry, but you're also rubbish at being charming," Ginny said with a laugh before slipping away from the bar.

"Is there anything I am good at?" I called out after her.

She turned and stared at me appraisingly. "Well you're not half bad to look at, I'll give you that." She continued to sashay out of the pub. I chuckled to myself and followed her out onto the street.

* * *

The next morning I made my way down to the kitchen in Grimmauld Place where I found Hermione trying to get Ron to eat some breakfast.

"I am never doing that again," Ron moaned as he held his head in his hands. He did.

"Well it serves you right," Aunt Hermione scolded. "What on earth possessed you to get that drunk?"  


"People kept giving me drinks, what was I supposed to do?" Ron protested.

"At least you have the day off today. Robards would have a fit if you showed up in this state." Hermione then took note my presence. "And how was your night Harry? You and Ginny sure seemed chummy."

I slid into a chair at the table. "I am a colossal idiot."

"Well that's a given," Ron said reflexively. "Wait, you and Ginny?"  


I nodded, "I tried to clear the air between us last night."

Ron sucked in his breath, "And are all your bits still in one place?"  


I glared at Ron, "Yes, I'm fine." I told him.

"Well what happened?" Hermione demanded before sitting down next to Ron.

"It went something like this," I said. "After you two left Ginny and I took a taxi from the Leaky Cauldron to an all night cafe Ginny knew."

* * *

"The food isn't brilliant, but they're open all night," Ginny explained as we entered the cafe.

"I didn't think professional Quidditch would have you keeping odd hours," I replied. We slid into opposite sides of an empty booth and a waitress came up and handed us menus.

"Anything to drink for you two?" She asked us.

"Just tea thanks," I told her.

"Most of the time yes, but there are a lot of late nights when we have to travel to matches," Ginny explained.

"So what you do recommend?" I asked as I opened the menu.

* * *

"Uh Harry?" Hermione asked. "Could you get to the point.

"Er right, so we spent what felt like hours at the cafe, talking. About playing professional Quidditch, being an Auror, just stuff, and it felt like the old days."

"Well that's not so bad," Ron said.

"Then I took her back to her flat..."

* * *

"Have a seat on the couch, I'll go get us some wine," Ginny told me before disappearing into her kitchen.

"Nice place," I said as I surveyed her flat.

"That's right, you've never been here before," Ginny said from the kitchen. "I could have a flat closer to Holyhead, but I like being in the big city too much." She returned with a bottle of wine and some glasses. 

"You should stop by Grimmauld Place sometime," I said.

"I expect I will be there quite a lot helping Hermione out with wedding plans," Ginny replied as she sat next to me on the couch. She offered me a glass of wine. "Cheers," We clinked out glasses. Ginny took a long drink from her glass and stared at me. "Harry, whatever am I going to do about you?"

Now to this day I have no idea what possessed me to say what I did. "Marry me."

* * *

"What?" Ron and Hermione exclaimed in simultaneous surprise.

"What?" My three children also cried out.

"Yes, that's what your mother said too."

* * *

"What did you just say?" Ginny demanded.

I cleared me throat, "Er, marry me? Now hear me out, we get along well, you're brilliant, beautiful, and by your own admission your fancy the way I look. Why not?" I surreptitiously reached for my wand to defend myself from any incoming hexes.

Your mum leaned back further on the sofa as she contemplated my sudden proposal. "Ok, I've thought it over," she announced. "My answer is no."

* * *

"What?" My children erupted again.

I chuckled at them. "I told you it was a long story."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're off, again. A few words of explanation for anyone who hasn't read this story on ff.net; Life is Like T-Rex (the title comes from a line in the song "Last Person" by Jenny Owen Youngs) came about because of a discussion I was having with some people about something Potter related and it occurred to me that if you squint just right you can map the characters from How I Met Your Mother onto the central cast of Harry Potter. Harry is of course Ted. Ron and Hermione are Marshall and Lily. Ginny is a combination of the Mother and Robin. The show and the books both generally take place between September and May, and so on. All the pieces fell into place from there and here we are. Though I will say that I didn't even try to write a Barney-style character into this, I know my limits. If you have read this over on ff.net, nothing has changed, I just wanted to publish the work somewhere else in case of the proverbial meteor strike. A few other pieces of miscellany, the title of this chapter comes from the song of the same name by the band The Solids, it's better known as the theme song to How I Met Your Mother, and felt like a good choice for the first chapter, and yes it does have words. So with that out of the way, sit back and enjoy Life is Like T-Rex, and please feel free to leave a review.
> 
> -sam


	2. The Premature Preposal

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Two: The Premature Proposal

* * *

"What on earth possessed you to ask that?" Hermione demanded.

"I don't know," I replied. "It was...the two of you, and her, the drink, the moment." I sighed. "I am a colossal idiot."

"What did you do after that?" Ron asked.

"I left! What else could I do?"

"Oh Harry," groaned Hermione.

"I panicked."

"You have to go and talk to her," Hermione insisted.

"But what do I say?"

"Say that you don't want to marry her for starters," Ron suggested. "You don't right?"

"I, er, don't know, maybe? When I said it, it seemed...right, y'know? Like that was how it was supposed to be."

"Well don't tell her that mate!"

"Harry, you need to go deal with this. Ginny is going to be involved in the wedding and you won't be able to avoid her," Hermione told me.

"I know, I'll patch things up with her somehow."

The sound of the front door closing interrupted our conversation. "Hello?" Ginny called out. "Are you home Harry?"

"Better think of something to say quick Harry," Hermione warned me. "He's in the kitchen Ginny," she called out.

Your mum stuck her head into the kitchen, "Harry, can I talk to you...in private," she added. I nodded and followed her into the sitting room. I closed the door behind us and cast a Silencing Charm on the room. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" She asked. "What if you have to call for help?"

"I can take care of myself," I said with a shrug. "Besides, I probably have it coming."

"I'll say, what possessed you to ask me that?"

I sunk into an easy chair. "I don't know, it just...popped out."

"And did you mean it? It wasn't just because of all the Firewhisky you'd had to drink."

"No, it wasn't just because of the drink, and yes I think I meant it."

Ginny raised her eyebrows, "You think? This isn't the sort of question you ask lightly Harry. You'd better mean it."

"Well, it's not something that I've spent a great deal of time thinking about!" I shot back. "But it...I don't know, felt right when I asked."

Ginny sighed in frustration, "Damn Ron for putting the thought in your head. I'll have you know you just made an eleven year old Ginny Weasley very happy."

I felt a smile being to form on my face. "And what about the twenty-one year old Ginny Weasley?"

"Oh she still says no, and I will hex you if you ask again."

"Don't worry, I won't." I took a deep sigh. "I understand where you're coming from by the way. You need to focus on your Quidditch. I respect that."

"It's not the Quidditch Harry, that's hardly even a concern."

"Then what..."

"How about the fact that you broke up with me, we barely talk for five years, five! And then, when we're in the middle of our first meaningful conversation since practically Dumbledore's funeral you propose to me! Can't you see how that might hack me off just a little?"

"Oh right, yeah, I can see that, and I'm sorry for the whole thing."

"It's not your fault that you're a complete git."

"That sounds like something that would be completely my fault."

"I suppose, but I don't hold it against you," Ginny fell silent. "For what it's worth, I agree with the other thing you said last night."

"Which was?"

"I miss having you around, being mates, hanging out," she confessed. "I know this is asking a lot of you, but could we go back to that?"

Now kids, everyone who's ever known me will tell you that what I said next was a baldfaced lie, but I assure you, it was the absolute truth. "Of course, I'd like that a lot."

"And you're not just saying that so you can hang around me in the hope I 'come around' or some such rot."

I stood up and grabbed Ginny by the shoulders, "Ginny look, we were friends. I miss my friend, I want to be your friend again, no strings attached. Is that enough?"

"I can live with that." Your mum slipped her arms around me and gave me a quick hug.

"So friend, would you like some breakfast? Kreecher would love to make you something."

"That sounds lovely, but unfortunately I can't, the Harpies are having a promotional event at the St. Mungo's Children's Ward and I can't miss that, obviously. But I wanted to settle things with you first."

"Well, they're settled." Just as an aside, they weren't and we were headed towards the biggest fight your mum and I have ever, and will ever have, but I'll get to that latter. "However, I do have one question for you." Ginny cocked an eyebrow threateningly. "No, not that. It's just, hypothetically, do you ever see us get back to where we were, y'know, before?"

"I should hex you for asking me that, it's as bad as the other question. You got me back as a friend Harry, don't push your luck." She stepped away from me and walked over to the sitting room door. "And to answer your question honestly...I don't know Harry, we'll just have to wait and see." Your mum now says this was an abject lie by the way.

"I'll send you an owl about maybe getting dinner or something this week. You know, to catch up."

"I'd like that." Your mum opened the sitting room door and found Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron standing there. "Merlin Ron, you look terrible, you need to clean yourself up if you're going to visit mum today."

"Why would I be visiting the Burrow?"

"Oh I can't imagine why, make any big life changing decisions lately?"

Ron sighed, "Oh bloody hell, you're right. We'll go pay them a visit today," he promised his sister.

"You better, congratulations again. And if you need anything from me Hermione, just ask." She turned and left the house.

"Well you're in one piece," Hermione noted as she and Ron entered the room and sat down on the sofa.

"I'm fine, we're fine, we're friends," I told them as I sunk back into the easy chair.

"Are you sure?"

"Hermione I'm fine, we're friends," I repeated. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to have breakfast then visit with my godson."

* * *

Later that day I was back at Grimmauld Place eating dinner after a long day of running after Teddy. Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron were still off visiting with your grandparents so I had the house to myself. My meal was interrupted by a tapping on the dining room window. I opened the window and an owl flew in and dropped a letter next to my place at the table. I picked up the envelope and saw that it was from your mum.

"Fancy a drink at the Cauldron with me tonight, around eight?" the note read. I chuckled at Ginny's presumption, wrote my reply and handed it to the owl, who promptly flew off. A short while later the front door banging open alterted me to your aunt and uncle's return.

"We're not here for long," Hermione called out, "Just stopping by before we break the news to my parents."

I stepped into the hall and saw that your uncle looked especially queasy. "Cheer up Ron, at least Hermione's father can't hex you."

"No, but he has power tools, and unlike my dad, his work!" Ron exclaimed.

"Get a grip Ron, my parents like you," Hermione huffed.

"Still doesn't make it easy," Ron grumbled.

"Choose your next words very carefully Ron, if you say any bollocks about asking my father for his permission to marry me..." she let the rest of the threat hang in the air unsaid.

"But it's what a bloke's supposed to do," Ron protested.

"It's archaic and patriarchal. I am not my father's property," Hermione fumed.

"I never said you were."

"We'll finish this discussion later, right now though we're late for dinner," She said to Ron before storming back out of the house.

"Welcome to the rest of your life mate," I told Ron with a chuckle.

"Oh sure, laugh it up now Harry, we'll see how you like it when the shoe's on the other foot." No, I'm not sure even Ron entirely knew what he meant by that. "Besides, Hermione likes it, says it keeps her sharp when she has to debate stuff at the Ministry."

"The two of you are seriously disturbed, you know that right?"

"And that's why you have us around, talk to you later Harry," Ron said with a wave. I returned the wave and watched your uncle walk out of the room.

I went into my home office and got caught up on paperwork until it was time to meet Ginny at the Leaky Cauldron. I had no idea why she wanted to meet up again, three times in two days after years of relative silence was a little disconcerting, but I certainly wasn't complaining.

As the clock approached eight I walked out of the house and Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron. When I entered the pub I caught Hannah's eye and she nodded towards the back of the room. I nodded in thanks and indicated that I'd like a glass of my usual before making my way to the table tucked into a dark corner that your mum was sitting at.

"So you just can't get enough of me is that it?" I asked as I slid into the seat across from her.

"Oh stop it Harry. I wanted to go out for a quick drink and I hate to do that alone. Plus this way you can tell me where you're taking me for dinner."

Before I could answer Hannah delivered my Firewhisky then left without saying a word, but the smile on her face said everything. "I will Obliviate her," I muttered.

"Don't start, Hannah's good people, she won't run to the press."

"I know, I know, the old DA has to stick together. Still all the knowing looks get on my nerves after a while."

"Just think of what will happen the minute one tabloid photographer sees us."

"I try not to," I replied.

"It's not like I have it easy either," Ginny pointed out. "Not that I'm comparing the two of us mind."

"I know you weren't, but still the love life of Ms. Golden Broom is pretty newsworthy."

"So what you're saying is that you're taking me to a Muggle restaurant."

"Now hold on a minute, which one of us is making the big professional Quidditch money, and which one is getting by on a Ministry salary?"

"Oh please, I know all about that vault in Gringotts."

"You know that's vastly overstated right?"

"Did you or did you not buy yourself a new Firebolt to replace the one you lost?"

"I did."

"And did that put any sort of dent in your savings?"

"Not really," I allowed, "But still, compared to the Malfoys…"

"Harry, do you seriously think you can win me over by making me pay for my dinner?"

"Who said I was trying to win you over? I'm just reconnecting with an old friend like I promised."

For a brief moment I thought I saw a look of disappointment flash across Ginny's face. "Still, you owe me some dinners. It's the least you can do."

I held up my hands in defeat, "Fair enough. So what's your fancy?" We then spent the next while debating the merits of restaurants we both knew and trying to get our schedules lined up. Eventually we settled on a moderately posh Italian restaurant that I was familiar with.

"Alright, I'll see you Wednesday then?" Ginny said as she finished off her drink.

"I'm looking forward to it," I told her.

"Harry," Your mum warned. "Don't get your hopes up, this is just two friends getting reacquainted, that's it. If some bloke comes along tomorrow and sweeps me off my feet that's that."

I drained the last of my firewhisky and stared at your mum. "If you can find somebody better than me I'll officiate the wedding for you." Kids this is why drinking firewhisky is bad, and you should never do it.

Ginny glared at me for a long moment, and I silently readied my defensive wards. Fortunately for me she then laughed. "Merlin, a Harry Potter who knows his own self worth. Trust me Harry, if you'd said that to any other witch you'd be in her knickers by now."

"And why's that?"

"Because it's true, you are hard to top," she said quietly. We lapsed into awkward silence as I digested this revelation. "However, I'm not most witches."

"So you're resistant to my charms?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Well there's one thing you're right about."

"What's that?"

"You're not most witches."

A blush crept up your mother's face. "Goodnight Harry. I'll see you Wednesday," she said firmly before standing up from the table.

"Goodnight Ginny," I said with a chuckle and watched as she walked out of the Cauldron. I then stood and made my way back home.

* * *

By the time I got back to Grimmauld Place your aunt and uncle had returned from their visit with the Grangers and were sitting in the drawing room. They had identical stunned expressions on their faces. An open bottle of Scotch sat on the end table between them and they were both holding filled tumblers, though neither were drinking.

I walked over and poured myself a glass. "So how was your day?" I asked as I settled into a chair.

"It just hit us," Ron started to say.

"We're getting married," Hermione finished.

"A wedding."

"The people."

"The planning."

"Your mother."

"Your mother."

"Kids," Hermione said blankly. She and Ron stared at each other then took deep drinks.

"Having second thoughts?"

"No, of course not, it's just when you start to think it all gets…"

"Overwhelming."

"And just think, you haven't even picked out a date yet!" I said, my voice filled with false enthusiasm.

"Don't remind me," groaned Hermione. "It was the first thing my mum asked."

"Mine wanted to know if we were having the wedding at The Burrow…except it wasn't a question."

"If I get through this without hexing someone it will be a minor miracle," Hermione declared.

"At least your reception won't be interrupted by a Death Eater coup," I offered.

"Harry I love you, but if you offer anymore encouragement like that you will be the first person I jinx," Hermione growled at me. "And where were you this evening?

Internally I cursed Hermione for turning the tables on me. "I was having a drink with Ginny at the Leaky Cauldron," I admitted.

Ron's eyebrows shot up. "Again with Ginny? Is something going on there?"

"No, we just decided when she came over this morning that we should get dinner to, y'know, get reacquainted. So we were working out the details. We're not going to be able to avoid each other with this wedding of yours."

"Yeah but mate we all know you're still hard up over her, and don't object, you bloody well proposed to her last night."

"And Ginny…" Hermione started to say, then cut herself off.

"What, what about Ginny?"

"I know for a fact that the time the two of you dated was the happiest she's ever been, except for making the Harpies of course."

"And me breaking up with her upset her badly, Ron's made that point abundantly clear to me over the years."

Hermione snorted, "Really, you're going to trust Ron for insight into how Ginny feels?"

"She is my baby sister you know," protested Ron.

"Precisely you have a better understanding of the inner mind of a dementor."

"What's your point Hermione?" I asked quickly to head off the impending argument.

She took a deep breath. "The point is I love the both of you dearly, and I don't want to see either of you get hurt again, because let's face it, you are you Harry."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

Hermione and Ron glanced at each other before Hermione continued. "Well let's be fair Harry, you haven't exactly had the best luck when it comes to dating." This was true. After the war my love life had consisted of a series of very brief affairs with an assortment of both witches and Muggles. None of them lasted beyond even a third date, and at that point I had basically given up on the whole thing. She took another deep breath. "Harry, you're the bravest, noblest, most self-sacrificing person I've ever met, and that gets in your way."

"The other blokes in the office say you 'Potter up' relationships," Ron helpfully offered.

"Potter up?"

Ron squirmed in his seat. "It's like with Ginny, the first time, you broke up with her to protect her while we were off looking for the Horcruxes."

"That was for her own safety!" I protested.

"We're not arguing that Harry," Hermione cut in. "It's just that with you it's duty first, always. It's a never-ending procession of former Death Eaters to catch, or plots to foil. It's an admirable quality really, but it makes you a lousy boyfriend."

"And you think I'm going to do that to Ginny, put the job before her?"

"Again you mean?" Hermione asked sharply.

I winced, "I swear, I've been listening to what you were saying."

Hermione smiled. "I know you were Harry, and I know this isn't easy to hear, but we love you, and we don't want to see you screw things up, again."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"For what it's worth Harry, out of all the blokes Ginny's gone out with, you were my favourite," Ron said. "Even if you did make her cry."

I picked up my tumbler and got out of the easy chair. "Well if the two of you would excuse me, I'm going to finish this glass by myself as I contemplate my failings."

Hermione reached out and caught my hand. "It's not a failing Harry. It's just who you are. Voldemort might be dead, but you're still Harry Potter, and that's not something a lot of people can handle. And for what it's worth, if there is anyone out there who can deal with the full Harry Potter experience it's Ginny. Just don't expect her to be eager to buy another ticket for that particular ride."

"Thanks Hermione, I know you're only looking out for what's best for me," I told her before saying goodnight.

The lesson I want you to take away from this kids is that it's easy to be aware of your faults. As I was about to prove, acting on that knowledge is a whole other story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: There's not a lot to say about this chapter, so I thought I'd take a moment to talk about inspirations. Obviously How I Met Your Mother is the big one, and hopefully the story will keep the sort of "dramedic" tone that HIMYM does so well. But just as important in setting that tone for me was music. There's a very good reason I've taken a line from a Jenny Owen Youngs' song for the title of this thing. In fact I had a very specific playlist while writing that ensure my head was in the right place. So if you go out and listen to Jenny Owen Youngs, Explosions in the Sky, Florence + the Machine, and Silversun Pickups you'll have a pretty good feel for the mood I was working from. Anyway thanks again to everyone who's taken the time to give the story a read.
> 
> -sam


	3. Led to the Sea

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Three: Led to the Sea

* * *

The next day I was sitting at my desk in the Auror's Office when my boss, Gawain Robards, walked up. "Potter!" he snapped. "There's been another Sergius Mansfield sighting." Mansfield was a very low-level Death Eater during the war, who in the years after attempted to keep up the fight. Compared to someone like Bellatrix Lestrange he was a small time criminal, but even a two-bit thug is capable of using an Unforgivable Curse. I had been tracking Mansfield for several months at that point, but he had always managed to stay one step ahead of me.

"Where sir?"

"Broadstairs, in Kent, take Longbottom, see what you can find out, and be discrete. Try not to get into any more duels in front of crowds of Muggles."

"I never set out with that in mind sir."

"Good, be sure to keep it that way." Robards turned and walked back to his office.

I stood up and my way over to Neville's desk. "Come on Nev, we're going to the beach."

Neville leaned back in his chair. "Chasing shadows again Harry?"

I shrugged, "We got a tip on Mansfield, and I want to put that nasty bugger in Azkaban."

"No complaints from me there, but we've been after him for a while now and there have been a lot of leads." He stood up. "But that doesn't mean we stop running them down does it?"

I clapped Neville on the back. "Nobody ever said the life on an Auror was glamorous."  


"That's certainly true," Neville agreed.

* * *

We Apparated to just outside Broadstairs and walked the rest of the way into town. Broadstairs is a pleasant enough little seaside town and it was a clear summer morning so there were certainly worse ways to spend our day. I had a Muggle picture of Mansfield and we both carried fake police badges identifying ourselves as detective inspectors with the MPS. We made our way through the town, showing the picture around and asking if anyone recognised it.

After spending the morning fruitlessly asking questions in knickknack shops up and down the high street we sat down for lunch in an open air cafe. "Why do you think Mansfield would come here?" Neville asked me.

"I dunno, hiding out? Meeting someone sneaking over from France? He likes the sea?"

"So you think he's here?"

I gazed out across the street at the Muggles getting in one last holiday before the summer break ended. "If you were a Death Eater looking to cause trouble this would be a good place to do it."

At that moment our waitress came by to take our orders, "Excuse me," I asked as I flashed my badge. "Have you seen this man?" I held out the picture of Mansfield.

"Oh sure, he's stopped in for dinner a few times. Is he some kind of criminal?"

"We just want to ask him a few questions," I replied smoothly.

"If I do seem him again is there a number I can reach your at, or should I just call the local police?"

Neville reached into his jacket pocket and removed a business card. "Call this number and leave a message for DI Longbottom," he told the waitress.

She took the card and stuffed it in her apron. "I do try to help the police, especially in times like these. Now what would you chaps like to order?"

"Once we're done here why don't you continue to canvass the town," I told Neville after we placed our orders.

"You'll stay behind to see if Mansfield shows? Out of sight I'm assuming."

"Of course," I tapped the pocket of my jacket that held my Invisibility Cloak. "If you find anything contact me with your DA coin."

"Hermione's right you know, when we're out around Muggles we really should carry mobiles. We don't exactly blend staring at a coin."

"I'll take it up with Robards when we get back." We finished our lunch and set about our appointed tasks.

Kids let me tell you, there is no more boring job in the world than a stakeout. Especially when you're wearing an Invisibility Cloak. It did give me plenty of time to think, and yes most of that time was spent thinking about your mother. What I would say to her, what she would say to me. In retrospect I should have been thinking more about what Aunt hermione and Uncle ron told me the night before, but introspection is never fun, especially compared to daydreams.

My patience was rewarded when Mansfield entered the cafe several hours later. I watched as he ordered his dinner. Mansfield was the half-blood bastard son of...actually, I don't remember who his father was so let's just say Yaxley, which explained his ease in dealing with Muggles. It probably was also how he managed to avoid us for so long.

* * *

"Dad?" Albus asked. "What does this have to do with Mum?"

"Quiet Al," James snapped. "The story's just starting to get good."

"I promise you, this is vitally important to the story," I assured Albus.

* * *

When Mansfield finished his meal I followed him out of the cafe and to a small cottage on the outskirts of town. After I was confident he wasn't going anywhere I walked a safe distance away and signaled for Neville to join me.

"I'm surprised you didn't go charging in after him," Neville said after Apparating next to me.

"Robards told me to be discrete, this is me being discrete."

"So what do we do now?"

"Message Ron, let him know where we are. I'll scout around the cottage and check for wards. Then we'll get him out of there." I pulled the Invisibility Cloak back on and cautiously made my way towards the cottage.

As you might expect, the cottage was off by itself, near a high cliff overlooking the Channel. There were some wards surrounding the little building, but nothing that would cause Neville or I any difficulties. Satisfied that we weren't walking into too obvious of a trap I turned to collect Neville for the arrest. Suddenly the door to the cottage banged open and Mansfield walked out. Before I had a chance to react he Disapparated away.

I bit back and curse and tore off the Invisibility Cloak. Neville quickly rushed up to where I was standing. "D'you think he made us?"

"No," I said with a shake of my head. "I expect if he caught wind we were here he would've destroyed the cottage on his way out." I drew my wand. "Fancy having a look inside?"

The interior of the cottage was extremely sparse, if you didn't know any better you'd think it abandoned. It was basically one room on the inside with a bed and bath attached. There was very little by way of furniture and no personal items of any sort visible.

"Well I'll take out here and you can have the bedroom," Neville said.

Nodding my understanding I walked into the small bedroom and found that like the rest of the cottage it was not very lived in. There was however, a desk with papers strewn about on it. My curiosity piqued I leafed through them and found a collection of trains schedules, photos, and references to two other former Death Eaters. It was obvious they were planning something big, and it appeared they were targeting Muggles. It had taken a lot of work on Minister Shaklebolt's part to smooth over relations with the Muggle government after the war and another round of Wizard on Muggle violence would cause massive diplomatic headaches for everyone involved. The whole affair had quickly turned from tracking down a lone hold out to a much larger case, and it presented a great opportunity to break the back of the former Death Eater network. But at the same time it posed a hard dilemma, there was nothing in the documents that said where the other Death Eaters were, or when they would make their move. Arresting Mansfield now would undoubtably force the rest of his group into hiding.

I didn't have to debate for long however because the sound of the cottage's front door opening and closing echoed through the house. I cautiously looked into the living room and saw Neville and Mansfield staring at each other dumbfounded. Mansfield came to his sense a fraction quicker than Neville and with a snarl fired an Avada Kadavra in Neville's direction. Thankfully Neville jumped out of the way and the curse sailed harmlessly past him. Mansfield was so focused on Neville that it was easy for me to drop him with a Stupefy.

"You alright there Nev?" I called out.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Neville replied as he walked over to the unconscious Death Eater and snatched his wand off the ground. "That sure was a bit close though wasn't it?"

I shrugged, "We've been in worse scrapes," I said lightly. "I found out what he's up to, and it's big. He's working with Blenheim Vogler and Jason Thomas Harris."

Neville's eyes widened, "Those are two nasty pieces of work. If we could get our hands on them it would mean the end of the holdouts."

"But that's not all," I then told Neville about the attack plans I found in the bedroom.

"When will these blokes take a hint and just give up already? Haven't they heard they lost the war?"

"That certainly would make our lives easier. Still this isn't the time for us to be thinking about how we'd like the world to be. We have to get this lump back to the Ministry for questioning."

"But Harry, once they find out we knicked Mansfield they'll scamper back underground."

"I know, but we can't Obliviate him. Vogler's too good with memory charms not to notice. Wait, I have it. We tell the Prophet he's dead, fell wrong after getting hit by a stunner, and that it happened somewhere far away from here. That should be enough to keep Vogler and Harris from skiving off."

"The Prophet won't like being lied to."

"They've told enough lies about me over the years for everyone else's agendas. The least they could do now is tell some for me."

"We could also tell old Xenophilious Lovegood the truth since no one believes the Quibbler."

"Now that is some clever thinking Nev," I cast a levitating charm on Mansfield's prone form then tossed the Invisibility Cloak over him.

"That thing really does have infinite uses," Neville said appreciatively.

"Well once use actually, but lots of different ways to apply it," I replied before Apparating back to the Ministry, Mansfield firmly in tow.

* * *

I was writing up my report on the events of the day when Neville pulled a chair up to my desk. "Mansfield's secure in a holding cell." He announced. "What did Robards have to say about your plan?"

"He agreed, not that I thought he wouldn't. Catching Vogler and Harris is too important."

"That's good," Neville squirmed in his chair. "Y'know Harry, I'm thinking I'm going to propose to Hannah."

I looked up from my paperwork, "Nev, that's brilliant. Ron must have rubbed off on you?"

Neville shook his head, "Nah I've been thinking about it for a while now. The thing is Hannah isn't exactly comfortable with my work as an Auror, and truth be told so am I."

"What are getting at Nev?"

"What I'm saying is I'm not cut out for this job, not like you or Ron."

"Nonsense, you're a great Auror."

"I'm a good Auror Harry, you're great."

"Does this have anything to do with what happened today?"

"What? No of course not. Merlin Harry, after six years of school with you, then that last year at Hogwarts, it'll take more than some two bit Death Eater lobbing a killing curse at my head to make me piss myself." We both chuckled. "No, like I said, this is something I've been considering for a while, even before I decided to propose to Hannah. I could stay here, follow in my parents' footsteps and even be happy, but it's just not me."

"So how long have you felt this way?" I asked.

"Honestly? From the start. I signed on after the war because everything was in such shambles, and I wanted to do my part to help put it back together. Plus my parents were Aurors and I wanted to have that connection with them. And if I'm perfectly honest I wanted to have one last grand adventure with my mates. Y'know sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I'd gone with the three of you that night our first year at Hogwarts."

"We wouldn't have won the House Cup for one thing," I said lightly.

Neville cuffed me on the shoulder. "That's kind of you to say, but you know what I mean. We might be friends, but you didn't ask me to go chasing all over England trying to stop Voldemort. A decision I'm fine with I might add, but yeah I wanted to be in the innermost circle for once, to try it on if you like."

"And now that you have?"

"It's bloody exhausting! I don't know how Ron's managed to keep up with you for a whole decade!" Kids, at the time I thought that statement made me feel old. The fact that this conversation happened almost twenty years ago really makes me feel old.

"So what are you going to do instead of this glamorous life?"

"I've been talking to Professor Sprout and she's thinking about retiring in a few year's time. I've always been good at Herbology, so I figured why not teach?" He said with a shrug.

"Are you sure? My recollection is that teaching at Hogwarts isn't much safer than being an Auror."

"I figure now that Voldemort's been dealt with all I have to worry about are the students."

"Which let's be honest, are more of a threat than he ever was," I interjected. "You do realise what Sprout's game is don't you? She's trying to get out before the next generation of Weasley's arrive."

"Next generation?" Neville asked as the realisation dawned.

"Oh sure, little Victoire's sweet enough, but you know any child of Hermione and Ron is going to be a handful. To say nothing of George and Angelina, and heaven help you if Ginny ever has children."

"Especially if their last name is Potter. That's the truly frightening combination."

"Yeah well I don't think you have to worry about that anytime soon, if ever," I grumbled, then took a deep breath. "Honestly Nev, I'll hate to see you go, but you always were the best at Herbology out of our year, and it'll be good to have at least one member of the original DA back at Hogwarts."

"You know Harry, McGonagal would love to have you back too. You'd be the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher the school's ever had!"

"Except for Remus."

"Except for Remus," Neville agreed.

"No offense Neville, but the thought of me teaching classes at Hogwarts is only slightly less ridiculous than if George Weasley was suddenly appointed Headmaster. This is right where I need to be."

"I know, but it never hurts to ask." To this day every time I see Neville he asks if I'm ready to join the ranks of academia.

* * *

"That would be so much fun if you taught DADA dad," Albus said.

"Somehow I don't think your brother or sister approve of that idea," I replied with a chuckle.

"No, it would be brilliant, right Lil?" A visibly shaken James asked his sister.

"Yeah, brilliant," Lily replied unenthusiastically.

"I was sorely tempted to take Neville up on his offer for this year, what with it being James' last and all." Inwardly I laughed at the pained expression that flashed across my eldest son's face. "But I decided I didn't want to show up my children with my brilliant spell work." The trio smirked at each other, I might have defeated the darkest wizard in history, but try telling that to my children. "Now, as I was saying..."

* * *

"So why are you telling me this now?" I asked Neville.

"Because I'm going onto a reduced schedule. Splitting my time between here and Hogwarts. Sprout asked that I be her teaching assistant at first to see how I like it and get me up to speed, but I think she's mostly interested in having someone else do all her grading for her."

"You have to start somewhere," I reasoned.

"That you do," Neville agreed. "So you're ok with this Harry?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Seriously Neville, this is a tremendous opportunity and I'm glad you're taking it. Besides like you said, you're not leaving right away, and we can still get you to consult on any Herbology questions right?"

"Of course, once and Auror, always an Auror."

"In that case you can go with my blessing. You always were rubbish at interrogations anyway."

"You're just an arse, you know that Harry?" He said with a chuckle. "So what's this I'm hearing about you and Ginny?"

"It's nothing, we're just getting reacquainted is all, for the wedding," I hastily added.

"I'm sure you don't want to hear this from me Harry, but Ginny's the only witch the country, maybe the world, who can possibly put up with you. Whatever you have to do to get her back, do it."

"Honestly Nev, it's not like that.." I started to protest.

"Harry, if there's one thing I've learned from that war it's that life's too short to lie to yourself, go tell her how you feel."

"I hate to break it to you Neville, but I kind of already did accidentally, and she didn't take it well."

"But I was the one who spent that last year at Hogwarts with her. Trust me Harry, you're the bloke for her."

"That was a long time ago mate."

"And yet you're still hung up on her." He stood up and slapped me on the shoulder. "Anyway I should let you get back to work. Thanks for being so understanding, and keep in mind what I said about Ginny."

"I will, I promise Nev."

"That's the best I can hope for, see you tomorrow Harry, I've got to go have a long talk with Hannah." Neville waved and walked out of the office.

Kids, your Aunt Hermione is by far the smartest person I've ever known, but if you were to ask me who the wisest wizard I know is, I'd say Neville Longbottom every time. Out of all my friends he's always had the best sense of himself, and if I'd paid closer attention to what he had to say...well I'm getting ahead of myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: And here we start what I like to think of as the "Auror arc." It's my own little spin on the architect story lines HIMYM likes to use from time to time. Hopefully it'll be appropriately action. Fun fact, I spent quite a bit of time researching small towns along the English coastline before settling on Broadstairs. If anyone cares the title for this chapter comes from the Jenny Owen Youngs' song of the same name. Thanks again for reading. 
> 
> -sam


	4. Watching the Aurors

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Four: Watching the Aurors

* * *

"Ok Harry, here's what I don't get," Uncle Ron said to me as we watched over the London Eye. "It's been years since the War ended, why stage a big attack against the Muggles now?"

"Because the Muggle government is more sensitive to these sorts of attacks," I explained to Ron. "And after Kingsley went through all that effort to convince the Muggle Prime Minister that we could keep a lid on any future dark wizards, if they don't think that's the case it would be...awkward."

"Awkward how?"

"This is highly classified, but Kingsley told me the Muggle government was close to mobilizing against Voldemort."

"What could they do against an army of Death Eaters?"

"They have weapons more destructive than Fiendfyre for one thing, not that I think they were even remotely close to using it against us. The Muggle army is not to be trifled with. They've come a long ways from the days when they tried to burn us at stakes."

"If you insist," Ron said dubiously.

"Trust me Ron, the last thing we want is for the Muggles to try to be more involved in our affairs."

"And a new string of high profile wizard attacks would go a long way towards making that happen. But why would a bunch of Death Eaters do something to get the Muggle government more involved with Wizard affairs?"

"And just how do you think the Pureblood families would take that? They'd have Kingsley sacked and probably start a fight with the Muggles.

"Yeah ok, I'll stop being dense," Ron said with a sigh.

"Why stop now? It's served you so well," I quipped.

Your uncle snorted, but did not reply. Instead he turned his gaze back to the Muggles getting on and off the giant Ferris wheel. The documents recovered from Mansfield's cottage had given us several potential targets that Vogler and Harris were planning to hit, and our interrogation of Mansfield had provided the date. However, we did not know exactly which locations were going to be attacked. With no better options Robards had split the Auror office up into two man teams and assigned them to each of the landmarks on the list. Which was why your uncle and I were disguised as a pair of Met PC's standing watch over the London Eye. We had already spent the morning placing as many protective charms over the area as we could. If Vogler or Harris were looking carefully they'd spot them and run, but our primary job was keeping the Muggles safe.

"I don't know how the Muggle police does this," Ron groused. "I've got cushioning charms cast on my shoes and my feet are still killing me."

"You're getting soft mate."

"Not bloody likely. I can out watch you that's for sure."

"You're not still cross because I'm the sergeant are you?"

"Technically you don't outrank me."

"That may be, but Muggles are more likely to ask the sergeant a question, and do you really want to give directions to Waterloo Station?"

"Er no, I guess not," Ron admitted. "I should take this kit back to the Burrow, Dad would get a kick out of this gear."

"Just don't forget, it's all Ministry property and they'll want it back in one piece."

"I wouldn't let him tinker with any of it, this time."

"Those radios aren't cheap you know."

"Oh give it a rest already. It was just the one time."

"Fair enough, so how's the wedding planning going?"

"We've barely started and I already know it's going to kill me. The negotiations between my mum and Hermione's are going to set back wizard/Muggle relations a couple centuries."

"That bad?" I asked as I cast a watchful eye over a tour group that walked past.

"They both insist we should have the ceremony where they want it."

"Your mum's pushing for The Burrow?"

"Obviously, and Hermione's mum wants it at the chapel she got married in."

"And what do you want?"

"I just want to get married and move on, the location doesn't much matter."

"Reckon you and Hermione will be wanting to find a place of your own after the wedding then?" I asked as casually as I could.

"Don't get me wrong, we love staying with you at Grimmauld Place, and we haven't talked about moving out at all, but yeah I expect we will eventually. Though if we do, promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"Find another housemate. Grimmauld Place is entirely too big for one bloke and his house elf. I know you don't want to let more people into your 'inner circle' and that makes sense, but there has to be someone else out there who won't sell you out to the tabloids, and needs a place to stay."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," I said, feeling uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed, and cursing myself for bringing it up.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, the sound of one of our warning charms provided all the distraction I needed. Ron and I turned as one and saw a crowd of Muggles watching in amazement as a once elderly man morphed into a much younger one, Blenheim Vogler to be precise. Vogler was a short man with a dark complexion and close-cropped black hair. If ever there was someone who looked the part of a Death Eater it was Blenheim Vogler.

"Good call on the anti-Polyjuice Charm," Ron muttered to me as we raced over to Vogler. We frantically cast shield charms around the nearby Muggles in case Vogler tried to act sooner now that his cover was blown.

"Surrender Vogler!" I shouted. "The areas warded, you can't escape."

"Don't be too sure Potter," Vogler sneered. Much like Mansfield, Vogler had been a very low level member of Voldemort's army. However that was not for lack of cruelty or guile. He had been a ruthlessly efficient Snatcher who would have risen far if Voldemort had not been stopped. Out of all the remaining Death Eaters he was the unquestioned leader thanks to his fanatical devotion to Riddle.

"Don't do anything that will make this harder on you," I cautioned Vogler as I aimed my wand at him. The Muggles around us began to realise this was not a safe place to be and started to run away.

Vogler reached out and grabbed a Muggle woman from the crowd. "Not another step Potter," he warned as a wicked dagger appeared in his other hand. "You don't want to see this Muggle get hurt now do you?"

"Easy now," Ron said. "There's no reason for any bloodshed today."

"Of course there's a reason. That's the whole point you fool," Vogler snapped. "All these Muggles prancing about when they should be serving their betters instead. The Dark Lord was going to set things straight."

"I stopped him Vogler, and I'll stop you as well."

"You have to catch me first," He said as he started to back away from us with the woman as a human shield.

I glanced over at Ron and gave him a slight nod. "Last chance Vogler, let her go."

Vogler jabbed the knife against the woman's throat. "Wands down Potter, you know I don't care if a Muggle lives or dies."

"Now!" I yelled. Ron cast a levitating charm on the woman sending her flying off to safety while at the same time I knocked the dagger out of Vogler's hand with a well-aimed stinging jinx.

Vogler swore as he drew his wand and fired a blasting curse at us. We dove out of the way and the spell tore a large hole in the sidewalk. Vogler seized on the opportunity to make his escape, and by the time I picked myself up off the ground he was already out of range of my spells.

"Check on the woman," I yelled at Ron before tearing off after Vogler. The sound of police sirens in the distance gave me added motivation to capture Vogler quickly. An encounter between him and the Met would surely end in carnage. "Give it up Vogler!" I shouted and fired a poorly aimed snaring curse at him. Vogler ducked the spell which instead caught a passing bike messanger. "Sorry," I muttered under my breath. It occurred to me that this was going to be a right mess to clean up, but I didn't have time at that moment to dwell.

Vogler rounded a corner and I realised he was headed for the Waterloo Station. If he was able to board a train he was more than likely gone. I went to follow him across the street when a large saloon came to a sudden stop in my path. Without breaking stride I jumped up and slide across the Jag's bonnet ignoring the protests of the driver.

Vogler spared a glance behind me and saw that I was still in pursuit. I could see his lips move as he fired another blasting curse in my direction. Using a shield charm I deflected the curse harmlessly into the air and then tried to catch him with a stunner, which he again managed to dodge.

Growling in frustration I cast an attraction charm on the cards lining the street, causing them to form an impromptu barricade. Vogler was not expecting that and pulled up to a stop. Realizing I had him cornered he whirled and shot a killing curse in my direction. With a wave of my wand I ripped up a section of the asphalt pavement and used it to block the curse. The force of the curse cause the pavement to explode sending shards of asphalt flying everywhere.

"I'm not going to Azkaban Potter," Vogler shouted, "All Hail the Dark Lord!" Before I could disarm him he cast a Blasting Curse at one of the cars blocking his route. The resulting explosion knocked me off my feet.

By the time I picked myself up Ron had caught up with me. "Bloody hell, are you ok?"

"I'll be fine," I assured Ron. "Just a little singed and bruised."

"What happened?"

I stared at the burning wreckage. "He didn't want to go to Azkaban."

"Can't say as I blame him, but that still seems a bit much."

The crack of Apparation behind us signaled the arrival of Robards and a team of Aurors. "I take it this is the work of the Death Eater you were after Potter?"

I nodded, "Yes sir, Vogler got caught in that blast. He said he didn't want to be captured."

"Well we'll just have to verify that. I want the pair of you to return to the Ministry. I'll expect your full reports by the time I arrive after settling things here."

"Sir, if I may, did we stop it, the other attack that is?"

Robards sighed, "Yes Potter, we did. Though the other team wasn't as...effective as you were in dealing with the offender."

"Meaning?"

"Harris escaped and injured Corsetti and Felkirk in the process. They've already been taken St. Mungos."

I nodded grimly, "I see sir. Thank goodness that was all."

Robards stared at me for a moment. "Yes, quite. Now don't you have somewhere you need to be?"

"Begging your pardon sir, but do we know what were they trying to accomplish with all this?"

"Exactly what you said they were going to do Mr. Potter. Kill a lot of Muggles. We will discuss this in more detail after I return to the Ministry."

With Robards there always was a time when it was safe to push for more information. This was not one of them. "Of course sir." Robards dismissed us with a curt nod and your uncle and I Disapparated just as the first Met police cars arrived on the scene.

* * *

Several hours later I knocked on the door to Robards' office with my report in hand. I entered the office after hearing the brusque command to enter. "Here's the report you asked for sir," I told Robards, setting the scroll on his desk.

"Thank-you Potter. Tell me, what do you make of this?" He handed me a small cube of stone with runes carved into it.

"It's, err, a cube."

"It's a bomb, and when activated it releases a Reducto Curse. Relax, this one's inert," he added.

"So that's what their plan was, set these off in Muggle London."

"Apparently so, you did good work on this case Potter, a lot of people are alive because of you."

"Though not everyone made it out unscathed."

Robards sighed, "Yes, we almost lost two good Aurors today." He stood and poured two glasses of Firewhisky from the bottle he kept in his office. "That's the problem with leadership Potter."

"Sir?" I asked, confused by the change in topic.

"Come now Potter, I'm sure you know this by now. The hardest part of leading is telling all these brave witches and wizards to go out and put their lives on the line."

"Yes sir, but why are you bringing that up now?"

"Because sooner rather than later you're going to be behind this desk ordering bright young Aurors to go out and die. I know you're brave Potter, all you lot are. You, Longbottom, and Weasley, everyone from your class. You're all exceptional Aurors because you've already met the fear, and know how to push past it." He took a sip of his drink before continuing.

"Sir, just so we're clear, I don't want your job. I like being out in the field."

"I appreciate that, but I don't want this job forever, and you're the best man to replace me. You might not want to admit it, but you are too important to be stuck in the field your whole career. Besides, there will come a day when you won't be so keen on doing those three day stakeouts. So how about it Potter, are you ready to order your friend Weasley to go chase down Harris?"

I fixed Robards square in the eyes. "Not right now, I'd rather catch the bastard myself."

"So would I Potter, so would I, but that doesn't answer my question."

I looked down at the glass of firewhisky in my hand. "It's like you said sir, we all were involved in the war, we know the risks better than most." I took a large drink from the glass. "So to answer your question, yes I would, but I'd also be right there with him."

"It's not cowardice you know," Robards said, more softly than I'd ever heard him.

"No sir, of course not. I never meant that. The head of the department has to be here, above the fray so to speak, you keep us together and focused."

"That's kind of you to say Potter."

"It's the truth sir. You've taught me what being an Auror really means."

"If that's the case then it's my greatest accomplishment."

"Sir?"

"I've invested my entire adult life into this department. When I do retire, which won't be anytime soon mind you. I'll be glad that I'm giving it to someone who understands just how special it is." He snorted. "You must think I'm a dottering old fool for telling you all this."

"I think you almost lost two Aurors today sir. A little introspection is allowed."

"Very well, in that case a toast, to Corsetti and Felkirk, a finer pair of Aurors I've never met."

"Here here," I agreed and we finished our drinks in silence.

"Unless you have anything further consider yourself dismissed. We can discuss finding Harris tomorrow."

I nodded, "Of course sir, goodnight sir." I set my empty glass down and made left the office.

"So what did Robards want?" Ron asked when I sat down at my desk.

"He just wanted my report on Vogler," I replied.

"Did he have you recite the bloody thing?"

"No, we just talked about…things."

"That's descriptive."

"He all but named me his successor," I blurted out, still not quite sure how to process the conversation I'd just had with Robards.

"Of course he did, that's been obvious to everyone from the moment you joined."

"And if I don't want it?"

Ron shook his head. "Doesn't work that way. You're the leader, that's been true since the DA. I'd thought you'd be used to that by now."

"That's...that's what he wanted to talk about I think, especially because of what happened to Corsetti and Felkirk."

"Yeah real shame about those two. Corsetti was always good for a laugh."

"Wait, did something happen? Are they?"

"No, they'll be fine, but we just got word from St. Mungo's, their days on active duty are over."

"That's a hard blow, but still, it's good that they'll pull through."

"Things could've gone much worse that's for sure," Ron agreed.

"So did you hear about Neville?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"Yes and I think it's brilliant. Nev will be great teaching at Hogwarts."

"Have you thought about doing that too? I mean what with the marriage?"

Ron shrugged, "I dunno, maybe someday? But right now Hermione understands this is what I have to be doing. And it's not like teaching DADA at Hogwarts is all that safe; besides considering all the things we got into at school, being an Auror is less risky."

"Well when you put it that way..."

"What's the matter mate? You normally aren't this introspective."

"Hermione must really be rubbing off on you if you're using words like introspective."

"That joke was old the first hundred times, now what's the deal?"  


"It's just...it feels like everyone around me meaking these big life decisions."

"And you feel left out?"

I shrugged. "Maybe? I don't know."

"So does any of this have anything to do with your sudden renewed interest in my sister?"

"That's...I told you, we're just friends, she doesn't want anything more."

"I'd ask if you do, but I already know the answer to that."

"Oh stop, it's not like that. It's...it's all very complicated."

"Well I'd say you better figure it out mate, because I don't want to put with this mopey Potter for much longer."

"I'm not mopey!"

"If you insist, but you probably should get what you're after straight in your head. Ginny's not very tolerant of subterfuge after all."

A chilling bolt or realization suddenly shot through me. "Today's Wednesday isn't it?"

"When last I checked, why?"

"I agreed to meet Ginny for dinner in," I glanced at a clock, "a half hour."

Ron chuckled, "Better hurry along then mate and don't forget to pack an extra handkerchief, just in case!" He called out after me as I raced out of the Auror's office.

When I got back to Grimmauld Place to change I found Kreacher waiting for me with an envelope in his hand. "Master Harry, an owl left this for you."

"Thank-you Kreacher," I said as I took the offered envelope. My heart nearly skipped a beat when I saw Ginny's handwriting. I quickly tore it open.

"Harry," the note read. "I hate to have to do this, but Gladish," the Harpies manager at the time. "has us putting in extra practice time for the match against Puddlemere, so I won't be able to make dinner. We can reschedule for another time right?"

I fought back a bitter laugh and started to write my reply when a plan formed in my head. I dropped the note on an end table and ran up to my room to change out of my Auror robes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession time, I'm a huge fan of cops and robbers action, and this chapter reflects that. Having Harry do that Seventies-style power slide over the hood (or bonnet if you will) of a car was a vital addition. I also spent more time than was probably necessary researching the Met, but little details are important details. The title for this chapter comes from the Justified episode Watching the Detectives.
> 
> -sam


	5. The Dinner Date

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Five: The Dinner Date

* * *

At the same time I was chasing down Vogler your mum was wrapping up her daily practice with the Harpies, or at least thought she was.

"Alright ladies, huddle up!" Wilhelmina Gladish, the Harpies manager barked out. Gladish was a short, rotund witch who chose to wear rumpled robes instead of the more elegant attire favored by the league's other managers. However Gladish also possessed one of the keenest Quidditch minds ever, and was a master at getting the most out of her players. Your mum might have chaffed at some of Gladish's mindgames, but she also said that she wouldn't have been nearly as good as she was if it wasn't for Gladish's prodding. "As you know we've got Puddlemere coming up. It might be early in the season, but your play was sloppy against Appleby. So we're not leaving until we're flying as one."

"And I had plans tonight," Ginny groaned as she trudged back out onto the pitch.

"You, have plans?" Fellow Chaser Victoria Gerrand asked.

"Yes, I was...meeting someone for dinner."

"So Weasley doesn't think she has to practice because she's got a Golden Broom, what's your excuse Gerrand?" Gladish's voice boomed out from the sideline. "What you did last season doesn't matter, what you did last match doesn't matter. What does matter?"

"Right now!" Ginny and the rest of the team shouted.

"That's right, now go show me you belong here!" Gladish snapped before blowing her whistle to signal the start of the drills.

* * *

"Uh dad, do we really need to hear about a twenty year old Quidditch practice?" Lily asked.

"And how do you know all this?" James added.

"Your mum told me of course, and you're right nothing interesting did happen at practice other than your mum managing to slip away just long enough to send me that owl. After the practice though was another matter entirely."

* * *

When Gladish was satisfied with the team's progress she ended the practice and your mum trudged into the locker room to shower and change.

"Hey Ginny," Victoria called out as your mum walked out of the practice facility.

"What?"

"You didn't tell me the someone you were meeting was Harry Potter."

"What?" Ginny asked in shock and she looked up and saw me standing at the front gate holding a picnic basket.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Victoria asked.

"He's my brother's best man and I'm Hermione's maid of honour. We were just going to get together to talk about the wedding," Ginny insisted. "What are you doing here Harry?" She asked me.

"I figured if you couldn't make it to dinner, I'd bring it to you," I said with a shrug and held up the basket.

"And if the press sees you hanging around here?" She sighed. "You brought the cloak didn't you?"

"Of course," I held out my arm. "Shall we go?"

Your mum sighed again and looked over at Victoria. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Be sure to tell me all the details," she told Ginny with a wave.

"I hate you Harry," Ginny muttered to me as she grabbed my outstretched arm.

"Admit it, you think this is romantic," I told her. Before she had a chance to reply I Apparated us away from the practice facility.

"Where are we?" Ginny asked as she looked at the wind-swept landscape now surrounding us. 

"Coast of Scotland," I replied. "I like to come here to think."

"Not exactly warm up here."

"Don't worry, I came prepared." I reached into the basket and withdrew a blanket. I laid the blanket on the ground and quickly got a fire started. "I wasn't exactly sure what you wanted for dinner, so I ordered one of everything," I explained as I took packages of food out of the charmed basket.

"That's fine, after today's practice I could eat all of this myself," your mum replied as she helped herself to spaghetti ala bolongese. 

"Gladish work you hard then?"

"Puddlemere's coming up, of course she did. This is good by the way."

"I told you so."

"Yes you did. What happened to your face?" She asked, indicating the cuts and scraps still evident from earlier in the day.

"Ron and I stopped Blenheim Vogler from killing a lot of Muggles. He detonated some cars in his attempted escape and I got a little singed in the blast, Vogler wasn't as fortunate."

"Was anyone seriously hurt?"

"Other than Vogler? No, not there, but two other Aurors were badly hurt trying to stop Jason Thomas Harris. Neville wasn't one of them," I added quickly.

Ginny took a sip of her wine and sighed. "Is it ever going to end?"

"Harris is the last true Death Eater still active. Once we catch him we can close the book on that era. But there is always going to be the occasional dark wizard or witch."

"Then I guess it's a good thing we have you, Ron and Neville looking out for us.

"That won't always be the case," I murmured into my wine glass. Then I told her about Neville's decision to leave for Hogwarts.

"Good for Neville, I'm sure he'll be fantastic at teaching Herbology. Still, it's weird to think someone you went to school with is going to be a teacher."

"We're getting old Ginny," I said with as much seriousness as a twenty-two year old could.

"Old is when he's teaching our kids Herbology." Her face coloured when she realised what she'd said. "I don't mean our as in yours and mine, but your kids and my kids." Yes, even your mum now admits this was a terrible explanation.

"Was that eleven year old Ginny talking again?"

"Do you really want to wear this carbonara?"

"I retract the question. Still, do you ever think about it? Kids I mean...not yours and mine, just in the abstract."

Your mum leaned back and too a long drink of her wine before replying. "I suppose so, I mean nine year old Ginny always figured she'd meet some handsome wizard and they'd have a big family and be happy forever."

"And that handsome wizard was me?"

"Little did I know you were really a speccy, scrawny git, but yes it was you."

"But what about twenty-one year old Ginny?"

"I still want that..the family with the unknown, handsome, not gittish bloke, but I feel like there's so much I still want to do. I've already played in a World Cup, but there's still a League Cup to win, and just living in general. We spent the better part of the last ten years fighting to stay alive. This probably will com across as selfish to someone like you, but for now I want to enjoy having no obligations beyond Quidditch."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Ginny's eyes flashed in annoyance. "Did you even take a break after Voldemort died?"

"Of course I did, we spent that summer together, remember?"

"That's not..." Kids, if your mum had finished that sentence this story might've played out very differently, but she didn't. "Regardless, you threw yourself into that abbreviated Auror training course much too soon. I don't know how you avoided a total breakdown. I know I spent practically all my last year at Hogwarts talking to counsellors, at least it felt that way."

My eyes widened at the admission. "You too?"

"Of course I was. The Carrows treated me like a Bludger, to say nothing of Fred and a host of other people I loved dying. I had, what did Hermione call it, post traumatic something or other."

"It's just, I thought I was the only one. Why didn't you mention it in any of your letters?"

"Why didn't you mention it in any of yours? Not that I'm surprised mind you. Out of all of us you had the worst, and that's understating it."

"I didn't want to worry you while you were focused on finishing school and getting an invite to the Harpies."

"And I didn't want to worry you while you were off being Mr. Saviour of the Wizarding World." She barked out a short laugh. "We certainly are a piece of work aren't we?"

"That we are. In hindsight I should have made a bigger deal out of it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you got help, and as I later found out so did Hermione, Ron, even Neville, but there also were a lot of people who didn't because they didn't want to admit they were, I don't know, weak? If the Boy Who Lived had been out there saying it was ok to get mental help, maybe there wouldn't have been so many suicides," I fell silent. To this day that remains my second biggest regret following the war. The biggest of course was letting your mum slip away.

"Does it ever get tiring?"

"What?"

"The weight of the world, do your shoulders ever get tired from holding it up?"

"That's hardly fair."

"Isn't it? Harry, you're the most selfless person I know, to a fault really."

"Do you realise you're the second person to tell me that in a week? No wait, third if you want to be technical."

"Hermione and my brother?"

"Of course."

"They're just looking out for you."

"Let me get this straight, you, your brother, and Hermione, the three people I trust most in the world, all think I should be more selfish?"

"I wouldn't put it exactly...wait, you trust me as much as you do Ron and Hermione?"

I shrugged, "Sure, you've always supported me, were, are, a good friend, and more. Why wouldn't I trust you?"

We stared at each other for a long hard moment before your mum finally broke eye contact. "Pass me some of that lasagna if you please, she asked then sipped on her wine.

For the rest of the meal we stuck to "safe" topics. Quidditch, the upcoming match against Puddlemere, gossip about former classmates. All the things two friends are supposed to talk about. And I must admit it was great, the best date I'd been on in what felt like forever. Sadly all good things must come to an end and our bonfire started to burn out as we were finishing off the tiramisu. 

"I hate to say this Harry, but I think it's time I was heading home. I'm sure Gladish is going to run us ragged tomorrow as well."

"My day probably won't be much better," I said. "I have to organise the search for Harris."

We packed up the remnants of the dinner in silence and Apparated to just outside your mum's flat. Ginny stood facing the flat's door for a long moment before turning to look at me.

"Harry, thank-you for dinner, it was lovely. Though next time let's do it somewhere warmer, and maybe indoors, ok?"

"So there's going to be a next time?"

"Of course there is. If you think I'm going to turn down a steady stream of free food you're barmy."

"You are a Weasley," I said with a chuckle.

"Hey watch it. We aren't all like Ron. Besides Quidditch builds up an appetite." She paused a moment. "Do you want to come in, for a cup of tea?"

"I thought you had to turn in early."

"A little less sleep won't kill me. Besides I want to digest some of that food before I go to bed."

"In that case tea sounds lovely."

Your mum unlocked the door and let us both inside. As I moved towards the couch she held out her arm to catch me. "Why don't you sit in that chair," she said and pointed a stuffed easy chair next to the sofa. "The last time you sat on that couch you said ridiculous things." The words stung, but there was a smile on her face that let me know she wasn't being serious.

I pulled out of her grasp and sat down on the sofa. "I promised you I wouldn't do that again, remember?"

Ginny huffed, but walked into her kitchen to make tea. I took the opportunity to look around the flat in detail for the first time. I was surprised to see how impersonal the space was. It was all very tastefully appointed, but there were no real personal touches visible. No family pictures on the mantle or any Quidditch mementos on the wall. Instead there was generic Muggle art hanging on the walls. I was strongly tempted to get up and explore the rest of the flat; perhaps she had Muggles over and kept the wizarding trophies hidden. However, poking through your mum's personal things is the surest way to get Bat Bogeyed so I resisted the temptation.

Not long after that your mum bustled back out of the kitchen with two tea cups and various accessories perched on a tray. "Help yourself to milk and sugar," she told me as she set the tray on the coffee table in front of the sofa and readied her own cup.

"Thanks," I said as I picked up my cup. "You know Ginny, this place doesn't feel very homey. No offense."

"That's because it isn't. Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely flat, but the majority of my time here I'm asleep. I spend most of the days at Holyhead, and when I'm not there I'm usually at some league event, or a sponsorship thing, or a fan club meeting or…well, the point is I don't really have the time to make this place a home. Besides, you're hardly one to talk."

I stiffened, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know you've put a lot of work into it, but Grimmauld Place still isn't exactly what I would call warm and cheery. And what are you going to do when Ron and Hermione move out?"

"Ron and I talked about the same thing this morning," I admitted. "He was mostly worried I find new housemates."

Ginny nodded thoughtfully, "That's probably why they haven't rushed out and found a place of their own."

"I think the rent free accommodations in the middle of London also played a role in that decision," I noted dryly.

"You don't charge them rent?"

"Of course I don't! I owe both of them my life!"

"Relax Harry, I was just winding you up." She took a sip of her tea and stared at me. "My brother's right you know. You need someone else in that house, other than Kreacher that is."

"That's easier said than done you realise? I can't exactly put an ad in the classified section of the Prophet."

"Well you could."

I glared at her over my tea cup. "You first."

"Ok fair enough, but outside of work have you made any new friends since you left Hogwarts? I know, why would you want to when you've got the best mates in the world already, but it just seems to us like you live in this bubble."

"Us?"

"Ron, Hermione, Neville. Yes Harry, we talk about you behind your back, deal with it."

"I'm just impressed you care enough to talk about me."

Ginny's cheeks pinkened, "I've always thought of you as a friend, even if you were avoiding me."

"I was not avoiding you, and you also clearly aren't in the 'inner circle' if Ron didn't tell you about the Quidditch league we're in." I leaned back on the sofa and smiled contentedly to myself.

"Wait, you're playing Quidditch again? Harry that's wonderful, tell me more."

"There's not much to tell, it's just a bunch of former house players who get together once a week and try not to embarrass ourselves too badly."

"I'm amazed they allowed you to play."

"I wasn't that bad."

"Stop fishing for compliments you git. You're too good a Seeker for some pickup league. I reckon you still could start for half the teams in the league, though not the Harpies of course."

"Are you sure? It's been years since I played seriously."

"I'd have to watch you play again. You always had tremendous instincts for the game, and if anything you're in better physical condition now than when you were in school. Yeah, I'm sure if you announced you wanted to play every team in the league would line up to sign you. Who knows you might even get a starting spot right out of the gate. Not that you're going to do that."

"I don't know, could you imagine Ron's reaction if I signed on with the Cannons?" I said as I scratched my chin thoughtfully.

"He'd be completely insufferable. Besides we both know that's not going to happen. You'd sign with Puddlemere, or Appleby and then I'd have to destroy you."

"And right there is why I'll never play professionally. Because you'll never leave the Harpies and there's no way I'll play without at least one Weasley on my team."

"You don't think Ron could make it as a keeper in the league?"

"Well maybe for the Cannons, but I look awful in orange."

"No one looks good in that orange. I think that's the cause of all their problems."

"But they can't change their colours now. Ron would go bankrupt trying to buy all new kit," I said with a chuckle.

Ginny shook her head sadly. "He would wouldn't he? Bless him though, and all the other crazy nutters like him who keep the league going and me pulling in the Galleons."

"No love for the tradition of the game?"

"Game? What are you talking about? Professional Quidditch is a business, not a game."

"You don't really believe that."

"Well the business end certainly is more important than when you play for your house team, and everyone is just looking out for themselves. Players who only care about who can give them the biggest contract and the teams are just as bad. The moment you can't contribute you're gone. You can't help but get cynical in that environment."

"So if the Cannons backed up Gringotts at your door you'd sign with them?"

"In Ron's dreams," your mum laughed. She then stared at me with an unreadable expression. "No, I figure my playing days are going to be coming to an end sooner rather than later."

"How's that?"

"Oh I never intended to make a career out of this. I figured fly for a few years, prove that I can, make a ridiculous amount of money, then try something else."

"Have you settled on what's next then?"

"No I'm still weighing my options." An uncomfortable silence then fell over us.

I glanced down at my tea cup and saw that it was empty. "Looks like I need to be shoving off now, big day tomorrow." I hastily stood up.

Your mum followed suit and gave me a firm hug. "Thank-you again for dinner Harry, by your standards it was highly romantic." She then kissed me on the cheek. "Let me know when you're free to do it again." She released me, gathered up the empty tea cups and started to walk back to the kitchen. Before I could Disapparate she turned around. "And Harry," she said with a smirk, "the answer is still no."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is me basically running through a bunch of ideas about what went on in the immediate aftermath of the books, plus a few other things. Hopefully done in a way that's not too polemical.
> 
> -sam


	6. Scenes From a Chinese Restaurant

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Six: Scenes From a Chinese Restaurant

* * *

The next day I was delivering a briefing to the rest of the Aurors in the office on Jason Thomas Harris. We were all gathered around my desk. "Alright everyone, Ron is passing out information on our only priority at the moment, Jason Thomas Harris." I flicked my wand and an image of Harris floated over my desk. "Now for those of you who don't know, our friend here is a half-blood, Muggle father, witch mother. When he was seven his father died and his mother remarried, this time to a pure-blood acquaintance of hers from school."

"What d'you reckon that bloke had something to do with dad kicking off?" Ron muttered to Neville.

"Now as you might imagine Harris Senior was none to happy to learn that his new bride was infertile due to complications delivering his new stepson. He did adopt the boy as his legal heir, but never treated him well. This lead to a resentment of the wizarding world in young Jason. He attended Hogwarts, sorted into Slytherin, did very well, lots of O's on his O.W.L.s and passed his N.E.W.T.s with flying colours, the specifics are in your packets."

"He could give Hermione a run for her money," Neville observed.

"After Hogwarts Harris found work at the Department of Mysteries, partly on his school records, but mostly due to his step-father's name. He worked there a few years before being let go. His research was a little too dark for the Department's liking. He did not take the dismissal well and vowed revenge on the Ministry. We have no idea where or what he was doing until he turns up again after Voldemort seized control of the Ministry. It was at this point he resumed his more...unsavory experiments, including work on Muggle-borns." I watched as the group collectively shuddered. "I think Voldemort was hoping to get some sort of weapon he could use against Muggles and Muggle-born wizards."

"So those things he and Vogler tried to set off were his design?"

I nodded, "That's correct. He also took out two well-trained and experienced Aurors which I think should underscore just how dangerous he is." I fixed everyone around me with my gaze to emphasise my point.

"Here's what I don't understand," Aunt Hermione said as she walked up to my cubicle. "If Harris hated the magical establishment, why work with Voldemort?"

"Because Voldemort offered his best chance to destroy the Ministry. As near as we can tell Harris didn't subscribe to any of the Death Eaters' supremacy ideals, he was just using them to further his own goals." I answered. While Aunt Hermione technically shouldn't have been there, nobody was going to tell her she couldn't pop into a briefing if she wanted to .

"Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what are you doing here?" Ron asked Hermione.

"I just wanted to stop by before you set out after Harris. Make sure you stay safe yeah ?" She asked Ron.

Ron caught her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Yeah."

"And I'm holding you responsible if anything does happen to him Harry Potter."

I bit back a smile. "I'll make sure he doesn't miss the wedding Hermione." Satisfied with my response your aunt kissed your uncle on the cheek and walked out of the Auror Office. "Alright Neville, I want you and Howard to run down the known list of Harris's associates, see if he's been in touch with any of them recently."

Neville nodded his understanding. "Of course, we'll get right on it."

"It probably won't amount to much, but check under every rock. Ron and I will go to his hometown, Durham, and see if he's gone to ground with Muggles in an environment he's familiar with."

"Join the Aurors, visit exot ic locations like the North," Ron quipped.

"Everyone else wait for our signal. If you find him Nev, send a Patronus back here and wait for backup."

"You know me Harry, I'm no hero."

"That's what I like to hear. Ok let's go get him." The group around my desk dispersed, leaving just your uncle and Robards behind.

"I'll, er, meet you at the Floo," Ron said as he glanced at Robards.

"Mr. Potter, that was a very informative briefing."

"Thank-you sir."

"I do have one small concern however. When I put you in charge of this investigation it was my understanding that is what you would be doing."

"Sir?"

"You're taking part Potter, that's not leadership."

"I've always been a big believer in leading by example sir."

"So I've gathered, but you don't have to worry about that. No one in this office questions your ability."

" Sir, I appreciate your advice, but I have to take a more active role in this case. I've been fighting Voldemort my entire life and I want to be there when we finish the job."

Robards nodded, "I can certainly understand that, well don't let me delay you any longer."

"Thank-you sir."

"And Potter? Do be careful out there, the Minister and I would hate to see our protege taken out by the last Death Eater."

"I'll do my best sir," I promised before hustling off to change out of my Auror robes.

"So what did Robards want this time?" Ron asked when I caught up with him in front of the Floos.

"He just impressed on me his displeasure that I'm taking such an active role in finding Harris."

"What's it matter to him?" Ron asked before jumping into the nearest Floo.

I followed your uncle into the Floor and found myself deposited into an Auror safe house. "I think he wanted me to get a feel for what it's like to coordinate one of these cases, not just investigate."

Ron clapped me on the shoulder. "Gee mate, so what's it feel like to be groomed?"

"It feels damn uncomfortable," I grumbled. "As if I don't have enough to think about right now."

"So where do we start first?" Ron asked as we walked out of the safe house and onto the streets of Durham.

"Start with his childhood home I guess," I replied. "If that fails we wander around and hope we get lucky."

"Then lead the way."

We set out through the heart of the old town, discretely casting detection charms as we went. Our efforts turned up nothing out of the ordinary as we made our way towards Harris's old home. When we arrived there it was not what we had expected.

"We probably should have looked the address up in a Muggle phone directory," I told Ron.

"Probably," he agreed as we started at the small cafe that stood where Harris's childhood home used to be. "It did seem to be a bit of a stretch that a place he had n 't lived in for almost twenty years would have anything of value. So now what fearless leader?"

"We go back to the office and hope Neville finds something I suppose."

"We got all dressed up for nothing ," Ron groused.

I stared at the restaurant, "No, it's not nothing. We definitely learned something here."

"And what's that?"

"Simple, Harris can never go home again."

"And that's important."

"I think so, don't know just why yet, but it's important."

"Well as long as you figured out something it's alright then."

"What's alright?"

"You dragging me up to the North on a wild good chase."

I punched Ron in the shoulder. "Smart arse."

“There is a way you can make it up to me though.”

“How’s that?”

Ron jerked his thumb in the direction of the cafe, “You can buy me lunch.”

* * *

"Uh dad?" James said. "I know you have plenty of time to tell bori...er, long and rambling stories, what with you being old and all, but could you please get to the point?"

"Don't listen to James dad ," Lily said. "He just wants to go out and snog Martha Rice ."

"I...that's...it's private Lils!" James protested.

"If I'm intruding on James's time with Ms. Pond then I'm sure her parents wouldn't mind if I added a few more digressions to the story," I said with a laugh as I watched James squirm in his seat. "No, I promise this is all relevant to the story."

"You're not just trying to jazz up the story with your adventures chasing Death Eaters?" Albus asked.

"No, this case is directly linked to your mum and I getting married. Now if I may continue? The longer you sit here questioning me the longer it will take to finish the story." My children, who I all love dearly, had the decency to look mollified. "Good, now where was I?"

"You had just wasted Uncle Ron's time with a trip to Durham," James offered.

"It wasn't a waste of time, the Chinese cafe we ate lunch at was very good.”

* * *

After Uncle Ron and I finished our lunch, we reviewed where things stood in the case.

"Now here's what I don't get," I said to Ron as he sipped on a cup of tea.

"What's that mate?" Ron asked.

"Why haven't you told Ginny about the Quidditch league?"

"What?"

"I mentioned we were playing in that amateur Quidditch league and that was the first she'd heard of it. I was wondering why that was."

"If she knew then she'd want to watch, and having my baby sister, who also happens to be one of the most brilliant players in the league watch me play? You know how I get, I'd stuff things up for sure."

"Well bad luck mate, because she does know and she does want to see us play."

"Great, hopefully her schedule interferes until we've clinched the championship."

"Have you ever tried breathing through your eyelids?"

"How does that even work?"

I shrugged, "Search me, I just heard once it was a way to deal with stress. Lets you play without thinking. You could also try wearing a pair of Hermione's knickers."

Ron paled, "Now just hold on mate, that's going to o far."

"I'm just trying to help."

"I'm sure, but put that aside, how did you playing Quidditch again come up in conversation? Come to think of it, you didn't say anything about how your 'friendly dinner' went last night."

"I didn't propose to her."

"Well that's something at least."

"We just talked about stuff. Like Quidditch, and how you lot gossip behind my back."

"We do not, Ginny asks us how you are doing from time to time, and we answer. Contrary to what you might think she does still care about you. I mean she's still willing to put up with you after you made a complete prat of yourself with that proposal."

"I'm never going to live that down am I?"

"Not anytime soon that's for sure. Still, it'll make for a good story to tell your kids."

"Now who's getting ahead of himself?"

Ron held up his hands defensively. "I'm just saying it's not a total lost cause...maybe."

"That's comforting."

"Though I still say you need to be more upfront about what you want with her." I glared at your uncle. "I'll say no more. Just don't come running to me when you muck things up."

"I'll keep that in mind," I grumbled.

"So do you have any idea where we can find Harris? You know, the reason we're here."

I stared at the files on sitting on the table next to the remains of my lunch . "None whatsoever. We know he still wants his pound of flesh from the Ministry, but how?"

"He might try again at attacking Muggles."

I shook my head. "No, that was Vogler's plan. Harris will want to try something more direct, a clear shot at the establishment."

"Can't be the Ministry, it's too well guarded . He'd never be able to get one of his little boxes in. Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade perhaps?"

"Perhaps, but those are place where people life and work, there's no real symbolism to them."

"Other than that's where people live and work."

"Fair enough, but there's one place that's as much a symbol of Wizarding Britain as the Ministry."

" W ait, you don't mean?"

I nodded. "That's right, Hogwarts."

"But Hogwarts is as well guarded as the Ministry, maybe even more so."

"That didn't stop Malfoy from sneaking in all manner of things during our sixth year," I pointed out. "Or the twins for that matter."

"True, but it still is too hard a nut to crack, especially if you don't have help on the inside."

"Which is what makes it such an attractive target. Kingsley would never survive as Minister and the shock it would give to the general public would be enormous. Even Voldemort respected Hogwarts."

"I'm not disagreeing with you mate, but I repeat if he wants to attack Hogwarts he might as well try the Ministry . "

"But attacking Hogwarts would be more shocking wouldn't it?"

"Sure, I mean it's a school all those kids."

A pit of dread formed in my stomach. "And how do all those kids get to Hogwarts?"

"The Express. You don't think he 'd ?"

"It would cause the maximum disruption. Setting off one of those devices either at Platform 9 ¾ or while the train was en route to Hogwarts..." I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.

"At least we lucked out in one respect."

  


"How's that?"

"The Express left for Hogwarts last week and didn't blow up."

"So we step up security when the Christmas holidays begin."

"We have no proof that this is his plan," Ron pointed out.

"It makes too much sense not to be though. If your goal is to destabilise the magical community, destroying the Hogwarts Express would go a long way towards doing that. I'll go tell Robards our suspicions. I want you to start reviewing the security measures currently in place. See if there are any areas we can improve on."

"Sure thing H arry, I can get right on it. But don't you think an attack over Christmas is an awfully long time for him to wait? Not that I want him to try, but there are plenty of those things he could do in the meantime."

Out of habit I rubbed the scar on my forehead. "That's true, but he's already waited most of his adult life to get his revenge, he can wait a few months to get things perfect. Besides I'm sure Vogler would never allow an attack on the Express, too many pure-blood lives at stake. Harris will have to plan his attack from scratch, and that will take time." I stood up from the table .

"No offense Harry, but I hope you're wrong."

"So do I."

* * *

"Well Potter that is certainly a well reasoned hunch, but it's just that, a hunch," Robards said after I explained my suspicion to him.

"I'm aware of that sir, but at this point hunches are all we have to go on."

Robards nodded thoughtfully. "Of course, and I'm not doubting your instincts. So what do you recommend for our next steps?"

"I have Ron reviewing the existing security protocols at the moment. B ut just off hand w e'll want an increased presences at King's Cross and Hogsmeade as well as added coverage of the train when it's in transit. Scout ahead, make sure the track is clear, that sort of stuff."

"Sensible precautions. I'll bring them up to the Minister the next time I see him. It wil l be a hard sell without concrete proof of a threat, but Kingsley trusts your judgement. One thing though Potter, if we do get the go ahead for your enhanced security measures they'll have to be discrete. Having a bunch of Aurors looming over everyone could be as politically troublesome as an attack. People think they are safe now, and they don't like that illusion bothered."

I rubbed the faded scar on the back of my right hand. "Yes sir, I'm very much aware of that."

Robards nodded. "Good, I'll leave the details to you then. I expect a plan on my desk within the week."

"Certainly sir," I replied.

"It also occurs to me that we've hit on a bit of good luck."

"Sir?"

"Between now and Christmas we're going to want to keep a sharp eye on Hogwarts, a very discrete eye, but a sharp one."

"Oh Neville. Yes sir, I'm sure he'll be brilliant in that role."

"In fact I think we'll want to adjust his schedule for the time being to reflect that."

"I think Neville will appreciate the chance to focus on his Herbology," I agreed.

"You will inform him of this correct?"

"As soon as he and Howard get back."

"Very well, is there anything else?"

"No sir, I'll start drawing up those plans immediately."

"Good, keep me informed if anything changes Mr. Potter."

"Certainly sir," I said before turning and walking out of the office.

The rest of my day was spend reviewing security plans and train schedules with your uncle. We finally broke away with our heads swimming with numbers and Flooed back to Grimmauld Place. When we arrive I found an owl waiting there patiently for me. I took the unmarked envelope from the owl and opened it.

"So Harry," the letter read in your mum's handwriting. "Where are you taking me for dinner next week?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Ugly expository chapter is ugly. Though lifting the Chinese restaurant joke from How I Met Your Mother did amuse me. I have plenty of thoughts about Jason Thomas Harris, but they can wait for a later chapter. Thanks again to everyone who's read this thing, you're all awesome. Until next time.
> 
> -sam


	7. Adventures in Real Estate

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Seven: Adventures in Real Estate

* * *

Kids, sometimes you can know a person for years, and yet have your perception of them change in an instant. Certainly that was the case with Aunt Hermione and your Grandmum. This all happened a couple of weeks after Ron proposed, during one of their visits to the Burrow. The two of them were talking in the kitchen. Actually to be precise Molly was going over some of your uncle's favorite childhood recipes when Hermione came to a realization.

"Do you have any idea how terrifying your mum is?" Hermione asked Ron after they returned from the Burrow and were lying in bed.

"She certainly can be a fright when she's brassed off, but how do you mean?"

"For starters, she raised the seven of you, including the twins and Percy at the same time."

"All of us together could be a handful, true."

"And she's practically the best cook ever," Hermione continued.

"She's not bad," Ron allowed.

"And she killed Bellatrix Lestrange! The woman is a force of nature!"

"But she likes you, always has," Ron protested.

"I never said this was a rational response Ron. I like Molly too, she's wonderful, and intimidating."

Ron leaned over to kiss Hermione on the forehead. "And I say you're overreacting."

"Oh really? Well in that case why don't you explain to her that we don't want the wedding at the Burrow?"

Ron squirmed a bit in place. "I thought it wasn't that we didn't want to have the wedding there, just that it would be impractical with all your Muggle relatives."

"So if that wasn't an issue you'd choose to have the wedding there?"

"I can't say I've given it a lot of thought," Ron said with a shrug. "Wherever makes you happy is fine with me, and I agree with you that the Burrow isn't practical, but can we also not have it at that moldy little chapel your mum wants?"

"I'm not exactly thrilled with that idea either," Hermione admitted.

"So where then?"

"I figured you'd most likely be indifferent, so I started to do some research," Hermione said, all her concerns about Molly Weasley temporarily shoved to the back of her mind.

"Of course you have," Ron said with a sigh.

"What, you think I'd pick a name out of a hat?"

"No of course not, what did you find?"

"Well, for starters, we want a place in the country, the logistics of a hall in the city are just too complicated, and we want a location that can accommodate either an outdoor or indoor service, depending on the weather. And of course it has to be large enough to account for all of our guests."

"Exactly how many people were you planning on inviting?"

"Its not that I want to have a state wedding, but just think: your family, my family, the entire DA, the Order, Hogwarts faculty, people from the Ministry. It adds up quickly."

"Suppose I can't argue about any of them, I guess I never thought about how many people we know."

"Feeling daunted yet?" Hermione asked with a wry smile.

"If we can rob Gringotts, we can pull off a wedding," Ron confidently replied.

"You say that now, but we haven't even started to think about seating arrangements," Hermione noted. She reached over to her nightstand and and retrieved a piece of paper. "Now I've narrowed the list down to twenty candidates and we'll have to visit them all before the new year."

"What?" Ron protested.

"Most of these place are very popular Ron, so we'll have to reserve a date months in advance."

"And I'm also guessing none of these places are cheap to rent out?"

"It will set us back quite a few Galleons," Hermione allowed, "but between what we've saved from living here and the reward money from the Ministry for defeating Voldemort we should be fine."

"I'm sure we can afford it, but you know me, I don't like to waste money."

Your aunt's eyes hardened. "Is that so? In that case what do you call buying a fresh Cannons' kit every season?"

"A necessity?" Ron weakly answered.

"And our marriage is a waste of money?"

Ron scrubbed his fingers through his hair in frustration. "No, of course it's not, it's just everyone is making such a big deal out of this, and it is a big deal to me, because i'm marrying you, but all this other stuff that people seem to care so much about doesn't matter to me."

Hermione leaned over and kissed Ron on the cheek. "That's sweet of you to say, but this is what I want, and we're going to have the wedding the way we," She indicated both of them with her index finger to emphasis her point. "want it. Within reason of course. So you can forget any sort of Cannons theme straight away."

"Never crossed my mind," Ron said. "I might be a dense git, but even I know you'd never agree to that." He took a deep breath. "So where do we start?"

Hermione's face brightened. "I was thinking we could start this week, there's a little country inn in Surrey I want to examine."

"I should be able to, but if we get a break in the Harris case I can't make any promises."

"You do realise I'll double check with Harry if you back out."

Would I skive off and leave you all the work? On second thought don't answer that. And how about we don't tell Mum until we've picked out a place."

"Now who's afraid of your mother?"

"It's not that, not entirely at least, but what if none of these choices work out?"

"Considering that we haven't settled on a specific date I find that highly unlikely."

"But let's just say what if..."

"Ron no, under no circumstances am I getting married at the Burrow." She took a deep breath. "I love your family Ron, but sometimes I feel like been absorbed into a collective. I want this to be about us, and not a celebration of all things Weasley. Does that make sense?"

Ron leaned over and hugged your aunt. "That makes perfect sense, and I won't bring it up ever again."

"I suppose if push came to shove we could use the Ottery St. Catchpole parish church," Hermione mused. "But only as a last resort."

"You really are looking for the spot that will irritate both our parents aren't you?"

"That's the only way to be perfectly equitable," Hermione replied lightly.

"So are there any other weighty matters we need to discuss tonight?"

"Actually yes, and this is trickier than dealing with your mum. It has to do with Harry. I know he's your best friend, he's mine too, but..."

"But we can't keep living here," Ron finished. "I know Hermione. I even told Harry as much."

"I just don't want to see him alone in this big old house."

"I know, we've talked about it before, but you're right we need our own space. I reckon you've put a list together for that too?"

"I've been looking at some options, but I wanted to talk to you first. I'm thinking we want to stay in the city?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah, I'm partial to remaining in London. I know you like living close to the Ministry and after spending all those years at the Burrow and Hogwarts I rather enjoy city life."

"In that case I'll start looking at listings for places in the city."

"Do we tell Harry?"

"He knows we're planning on leaving sooner or later, like you said you've told him as much. I don't see the need to rub his face in the matter."

"I know what you mean, I just can't help but feel like we're abandoning him or something, which is nonsense."

"Of course it's nonsense. It's not like we won't spend plenty of time here after we move out."

"I guess I'd just feel better if someone else moved in. Say do you think Ginny..."

"Don't finish that sentence, I have no idea what's going on between those two, but we are not playing matchmaker, do I make myself clear?"

Ron held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, consider it forgotten. Although they really should settle their differences and get back together."

Hermione arched an eyebrow at this comment. "So you want Harry to date your little sister?"

"How many times do I have to explain this? Better Harry than any other bloke out there. Sixty years from now, when we're settling down to Sunday dinner with Harry and his wife don't you want it to be Ginny sitting there?"

"Of course I do!" Hermione snapped. "But they have to figure this out at their own speed. How would you have liked it if Harry played matchmaker with us back at Hogwarts?"

"I wouldn't have reacted well, I get your point. It's just…"

"Frustrating? Yes but don't worry Ron. I'm sure everything will sort itself out."

"Well, I hope you're right. So Surrey?"

"Yes I was thinking we could go tomorrow. I checked your calender so I know your schedule is clear."

"I'll go with a smile on my face," Ron promised.

And so began your aunt and uncle's quest to find a venue for their wedding, as well as their concurrent hunt for a house. The country inn in Surrey was rejected because your uncle objected to the cost. The banquet hall in Berkfordshire wasn't big enough for your aunt, and so on. The same held true as they explored London looking for a house. All of the places your aunt could find were either too small, too expensive, or purchased before they could make an offer. Of course since this is your Aunt Hermione we are talking about she had new property lined up as soon as one fell through.

* * *

They continued on this pattern for a month or two until one day in late November when your aunt pulled Uncle Ron out of Grimmauld Place.

"I hate to leave you in the lurch like this Harry, but you know how Hermione gets," Ron shouted back into the house as the door closed behind him.

"I'm sorry Ron, but as I already explained we have to move quickly. This house just came on the market and it sounds ideal."

"Yes but."

"No buts, you agreed to this. I know it's an inconvenience to you, but this is important."

"I know, I know, let's just get this over with. Where are we going anyway?"

"Havering-atte-Bower."

"That's a little out of the way."

"That's what's so appealing about it. The property is an old wizard's house that just came on the market. So we'll have space to ourselves, but be near the city."

"Only technically," Ron grumbled.

Hermione swatted him on the shoulder. "Oh hush, at least wait to see it first before you run it down."

"Alright, I won't say anything else until we see the place." Your aunt and uncle clasped hands and Disapparated away.

They arrived with a pop on a wooded driveway. A wrought iron gate stood behind them facing the road. The lane extended past them and curved out of sight.

"Well this is something," Ron observed.

"Hello? Is that you?" A female voice said from the up the lane. A rotund middle-aged woman came bustling towards them. "Yes it is! It is such an honour to meet you Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley. I could hardly believe it when I received your owl yesterday Ms. Granger."

"It's nice to meet you as well Mrs. Seldin," Hermione replied. "Ron, this is Sarona Seldin, the real estate agent."

Your uncle held out his hand. "How d'you do Mrs. Seldin?"

"Like I said, it is such an honour to meet your Mr. Weasley," Mrs. Seldon said as she pumped Ron's hand.

"The pleasure's all mine I'm sure."

"Oh but you haven't come all this way to just hear an old woman gush like a schoolgirl. Let's look over the property shall we?" She turned and lead your aunt and uncle up the winding lane. "Now Cotswallace Hall was constructed in the Eighteenth Century by the first Lord Cotswallace, a wizard of smal renown who also happened to be a very distant relative of the Crown. The house was held by the family until the recent troubles when the last surviving member was killed by Rudolphus Lestrange. Since then it's sat unattended while the Wizengamoot sorted out the estate. You two are the first to see it. Technically it's not even on the market yet."

Ron glanced over at Hermione who shrugged. "I pulled some strings," she explained.

When the house came into view Ron pulled up to a stop. "This is the place?" He asked as he stared at the large, slightly ramshackle building.

"Yes, this is Cotswallace Hall, it's not as grand as some of the more famous old Wizarding manors," Mrs. Seldon said. "But it's got five bedrooms, a library, sitting room, kitchen, dining room, attached garage, green house, and plenty of garden space."

Ron took in the simple, white plaster walls. "I think it's bloody brilliant."

"Well why don't we examine the inside?" Mrs. Seldin lead them into the house and your uncle gazed fondly at the unassuming, homey construction within the house. "The last Lord Cotswallace was a little mad, so he had the house retrofitted with Muggle conveniences, which only work about half the time," Mrs. Seldin explained as she walked them through the first floor of the house.

Your uncle reached up and appreciatively stroked one of the exposed wood beams in the ceiling of the dining room. "Good construction this," he noted. "And the room's plenty big too," he said to Hermione.

"Stop gawking Ron," Hermione hissed at him as they examined the large fireplace in the kitchen. "We're in a negotiation here."

"Sorry, it's just this place," Ron replied.

"This way dears," Mrs. Seldin called out. "I want to show you the library."

Ron chuckled when he saw Hermione's eyes widen as they entered the library and she took in the empty floor to ceiling bookshelves that lined the room. "Mrs. Seldin, I think we can skip looking at the bedrooms for now."

"Oh, so you're interested in buying?"

Ron nodded. "Very much so. What, er, is the asking price?"

"Very reasonable for a house like this, just 200,000 Galleons."

Your aunt says at that moment your Uncle Ron looked like he'd been hit by a Bludger. "Excuse me, did you just say 200,000 Galleons?"

"I know, quite a steal."

"If you'll just pardon us a second," Hermione said. "I need to talk this over in private with my fiance." Mrs. Seldin nodded and walked out of the library. To be extra safe Hermione cast a Muffliato around Ron and herself. "What are you thinking Ron?"

"I'm thinking that's more money than my dad's earned in his entire life."

"But?"

"Hermione, we have to buy this house."

"Are you mad Ron? It's far too expensive."

"We have our reward money from the Ministry, and the rest of our savings..."

"That still doesn't come close to 200,000 Galleons. Plus, if we spend the money on the house what will we do about the cost of the wedding?"

"Hermione, we are buying this house. I know you want to as well. We can sort out the other details later." Ron dismissed the Muffliato and waved the real estate agent over. "Mrs. Seldin, my fiance and I are very interested in buying this property, we're just a little concerned about the price. Isn't there anyway you can shave some Galleons off?"

Mrs. Seldin laughted. "Oh no dears, this is as cheap as I can go. But what I can do is take whatever you have for the down payment. I'm sure Gringotts would happily loan the rest to the saviours of the wizarding world."

Ron glanced over at Hermione and chuckled nervously. "It's been four years, I'm sure they've gotten over it."

* * *

"We here at Gringotts have been waiting a long time for this day," the goblin seated across from your aunt and uncle said. "Gringotts Bank takes the security of its clients possessions seriously, and the two of you, along with Mr. Potter, jeopardised that." Your aunt tightened her grip on Ron's hand to keep him quiet. "That being said you did a great service to us too, and not just by pointing out flaws in our security measures. Gringotts will lend you the money you are asking for, but under our terms." He slid a piece of paper across the desk.

Ron picked up the paper and his face turned red. "This is highway robbery!" he spluttered.

Hermione leaned over and glanced at the paper. "That's usurious!" she exclaimed. "And highly illegal," she added, her eyes narrowing. "Do you really want to answer questions from the Prophet about excessive loan rates"

The goblin banker huffed and snatched the paper out of Ron's hands. "Very well, this is my final offer." He scratched out the figure the with a quill and tossed the paper back and them.

Hermione looked down at the paper, then to Ron. "I don't know, that's still awfully high."

"We can make it work," Ron replied. "I'm a Weasley, we're masters of stretching a Galleon."

Hermione sighed, "Alright fine, it is a beautiful house. But it does mean we can forget about finding our own location for the wedding." She picked up a quill and signed her name on the loan.

"If push comes to shove we can always have the wedding at the house," Ron pointed out. "And I can maybe do some work on the side for George to bring in a few extra Galleons," Ron added as he put his own name on the parchment before handing it back to the goblin.

Kids, sometimes it's the little decisions that make the biggest impact. If your aunt had decided to tour Cotswallace Hall on a Monday instead of a Saturday, they would have missed the chance to buy it. If they didn't have all the debt from the mortgage your Uncle Ron wouldn't have gone to work for Uncle George. And most importantly, when your aunt and uncle got home from touring Cotswallace Hall that night they wouldn't have found your mother and I snogging in the sitting room.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Yes, this is just the broad strokes of the HIMYM episode Dowisetrepla, but it's one of the more appropriate episodes to borrow from. I actually did spend some time looking at actual real estate in that area to get a handle on price. Also, Hermione and Molly Weasley, yes that's me pulling from Lily and Mrs. Eriksen's relationship in HIMYM. But let's be honest, Molly is an absolute force of nature and I'd have to imagine that anybody marrying into that family would be a little intimidated by her, so it felt right to include it. Thanks again to everyone who's read. 
> 
> -sam


	8. The Greater London Amatuer Quidditch League

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Eight: The Greater London Amatuer Quidditch League

* * *

Now why were your mum and I kissing? To explain that I have to go back earlier in the day when Hermione and Ron were leaving for their tour of Cotswallace Hall.

"What do you mean you can't play today?" I asked your uncle in disbelief. Hermione, Ron and I were all standing in the entry hall of Grimmauld Place. "This is the league championship game!"

"I know mate, I'm gutted, but Hermione says we can't reschedule this appointment."

"Hermione..."

"Harry, I know how much this game means to both of you, but it's like Ron said, it is impossible to change this visit, I already tried," Hermione said to me as she dragged Ron out the door.

"I hate to leave you in the lurch like this Harry, but you know how Hermione gets," Ron shouted at me as the door closed behind them.

I stared at the empty door and fumed. As I mentioned earlier, your uncle and I played in an amateur Quidditch league, and the championship match was scheduled for that day. A championship match we would forfeit to a team of former Slytherins if I didn't find a seventh. Long on desperation, and short on ideas I walked over to the fireplace and grabbed a handful of Floo Powder. Taking a deep breath I tossed the powder at the fire and stuck my head in.

"Ginny, Ginny are you there?" I called out.

After a long moment your mum came into view. "I'm here Harry, what is it?"

"Can I come over? It's urgent."

"Of course you can," she replied.

Without hesitation I tumbled into your mum's flat. Before I go any further I should probably stop and explain that in the time between that first date and now your mum and I continued with our weekly dinners. There was nothing remotely romantic about them; we were just two friends enjoying each other's company. Though from time to time your mum would tease me by saying her answer to my proposal was still no. Despite that I was content with the situation because any time spent in your mum's company is time well spent. 

"Harry, what's wrong? Did something happen to Ron?" Ginny asked as she walked over to me.

It was at that moment I realised your mum was wearing a tattered shirt, ratty gym shorts and not much else. I also realised that she was probably expecting me to deliver terrible news about Ron given my frantic state. "No, Ron's fine. He skivved off from our Quidditch match go to attend to some wedding business with Hermione."

"But today's your championship match. Even Hermione knows how important that is to the two of you. Certainly more so than some silly wedding planning appointment." This is why I love your mum kids; she knows what is truly important in life.

"She claimed it was impossible to reschedule. I know they've been looking for a place to hold the wedding, and maybe today is the only opening to examine a spot."

"Is your reserve keeper any good?"

"Ginny, this is an amateur league, we don't have reserve anything, and if I don't find a seventh before the match we'll have to forfeit."

"Harry…" Your mum began to say.

"I know this is a huge imposition, but Ginny, could you please fill in?"

"You're asking me, the professional Quidditch player, to fill in on your amateur Quidditch team, on my day off?" I could hear the disbelief rising in your mum's voice.

"That does sound a little…” I started to say.

"Absurd?" Your mum finished for me.

"Well it is your brother who scarpered off."

"And he's your best friend. Besides, I don't play keeper."

"I have a plan for that. Ginny, I know this is asking a lot from you."

"The Harpies will have kittens when they find out."

"And I'm interrupting your lie in." She glanced down at her clothes and her face coloured. "But this game means a lot to me. You'd be doing me an enormous favour."

"An enormous favour?"

"Huge, and did I mention we're playing a team of former Slytherins?"

Your mum took a deep breath, "I know I'm going to regret this, but fine, I'll do it."

I pulled your mum into a bear hug. "Thank-you Ginny. I promise I'll make it worth your while." I will admit I let the hug linger longer than should have.

"Harry, I haven't showered yet, I'm sure I smell awful."

I rested my nose on the top of your mum's head and breathed in deeply. "You smell fine to me."

"You're being creepy Harry," Ginny said to me. She pushed me away with a gentle shove. "Is there any special kit I need to wear?" She asked over her shoulder as she walked towards her bedroom.

"If you still have any of your old Gryffindor shirts that will work," I called out. The sound of a shower running came floating into the living room. I made myself comfortable on the sofa and waited for her to finish.

"So who exactly am I playing with?" Ginny asked when she emerged from her room. She was dressed for cold weather Quidditch, with heavy boots and a thermal undershirt. In her hands was an old Gryffindor team shirt. 

"Mostly people you know," I replied. "Our chasers are Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, and, er, Dean Thomas."

Your mum quirked an eyebrow at me. "So I'll be playing with not one, but two exes, that won't be awkward in the slightest."

I shrugged, "He's a good chaser, and dating a Muggle."

"Good for Dean, now who are your Beaters?"

"Aldo Salvucci and Bruce Lester, you probably don't know them. They were a few years ahead of Bill. Good Beaters, but not the most, er, intellectual players."

"Taken a few too many Bludgers to the head have they?"

"Something like that."

"And what about this team of Slytherins, are they any good?"

I shrugged, "They play like Slytherins always do. The only one with genuine talent is their Seeker, Piers Pembledon, again he was before our time at Hogwarts."

"I think I remember hearing Charlie talk about him when I was little. He was a real prat."

"In that case nothing's changed," I muttered.

"You don't much care for him do you?"

"He's an entitled bully, so no."  
  
"Well we can't let the old house down now can we?" She reached into a cupboard and withdrew her broom. "He's going to throw a fit when he sees me."

"I told you, I have a plan."

* * *

"No, absolutely not Potter!" Piers exclaimed. "You are not fielding a ringer." The two teams were lined up facing each other on the Quidditch pitch located on the outskirts of London.

"It's not against the rules Pembledon," I said coolly as I stared at the slight, sallow faced man. "We need a seventh to fill out the roster, and Ginny's the seventh."

"Having you as Seeker is unfair enough, but a professional Chaser just goes too far."

"Who said Ginny was going to play Chaser? We have a full set of those. I brought her in to replace me since I'll be taking Ron's spot as Keeper."

You could see the wheels spinning in Pembledon's head. "What are you getting at Potter?"

"I can assure you Piers I've never played Keeper before."

"And you've never played Seeker?" Pembledon asked Ginny.

"Maybe twice, three times, back at Hogwarts when Harry couldn't play, never professionally," Your mum replied with surprising honesty. "Harry is loads better than I am," she added.

I discretely glanced over at the rest of the team, and to my great relief saw that the people who played in those handful of games were all managing to keep a straight face. In the end, the appeal of having our two best players out of position for the match was too much for Pembledon and he agreed to let Ginny play.

"So this was your big plan?" Ginny asked me as we were preparing for the match in our locker room.

"It's worked so far hasn't it?"

"How did you know he'd go for it?" Dean asked.

"I figured he would only know Ginny from the Harpies, and not her time at Hogwarts. Plus when we played them earlier this season I beat him so badly I knew he'd want to avoid the rematch."

"Too bad for him he's got to go up against Ginny now," Katie noted.

"So she's actually a good Seeker?" Bruce asked.

"The only I've seen better either play professionally or is sitting over there," Alicia replied as she nodded in my direction.

"You all do realise I wasn't lying when I said I last played Seeker at Hogwarts, in my fifth year."

"You'll be brilliant," I reassured your mum. "And no pressure, but I'm going to need you to catch the Snitch quickly. I can't make any promises about my ability as Keeper."

"And they know that too," Ginny said. "I'll bet my broom they're going to go all out to stop me."  
  
I nodded in agreement. "Aldo, Bruce, be sure to keep Ginny clean." The two burly slabs of beef that were our Beaters nodded their understanding. "Alicia, Dean, Katie, I know I don't have to tell you this, but do your best to keep the Quaffle away from me. The fewer shots they get the better off we'll be."

Alicia nodded her understanding. "We'll play keep away with them Harry."

I looked over at Ginny again. "Alright, your last chance to back out."

Your mum glared at me. "You seriously think I'm letting a git like that win at anything?" I grinned when I saw the determined look in her eyes, we were going to win.

* * *

Thirty minutes later I was far less confident in my prediction. The Snitch had yet to show itself, and despite the best efforts of my Chasers the Slytherins were still getting plenty of shots off. Shots that more often than not got past me. As it turns out Seeker instincts do not translate well to player Keeper and we were fortunate to be down by only fifty points. Really though, the match was playing to form. We were sacrificing our offense some, but at the same time the emphasis on defense was keeping the score within reach, assuming your mum could get to the Snitch first.

I spared a glance up and caught sight of your mum circling the pitch, casually dodging the occasional rogue Blodger. Satisfied she had things under control I took a moment to survey the crowd. Unsurprisingly what had started out as a sparsely attended event was slowly attracting more people as the word of what was happening spread. After all it wasn't everyday that a professional Quidditch player showed up in an amateur match.

Another Quaffle slipped past my outstretched hand when mercifully a flash of gold in the corner of my eye signified the arrival of the Snitch. In no time flat your mum flew after it and I redoubled my efforts at keeping the Quaffle out. There was no doubt in my mind that Ginny was going to catch the Snitch. I just hoped I could keep the score close enough to make it count. Fortunately I managed to knock away a few, and when a great cheer went up from the crowd I knew your mum had ended the game. I double checked the scoreboard to see if my math was right and saw that we had in fact won, 200-170. 

The team all flew down to the center of the pitch to celebrate when Pembledon came swooping in. "I am protesting the match," he announced.

"On what grounds?" I demanded.

"Her!" he bellowed as he pointed at Ginny. "You hustled me Potter."

"We only told you the truth Piers," I replied coolly. "The last time Ginny played Seeker was in my sixth year…when she won the House Cup."

"And Harry is a far better Seeker than I am," Ginny added. "It's not my fault that you're so poor."

"Still, she is a professional player, and this is an amateur league."

"Piss off Pembledon! You're just sore because an out-of-practice Seeker and first-time Keeper beat you," Dean shouted.

"I will protest the match, unless…"

"Unless what?" I asked.

"Unless I get a rematch right now. Only this time Potter it will just be you and Miss Weasley."

"You want to play that pair in two-a-side?" Katie asked. "Lots of luck."

"Oh no, you misunderstand. I'll still be fielding my whole team."

"So the winner gets the championship?" Ginny demanded. Pembledon nodded. "And Harry and I can both handle the Quaffle, save goals, bat the Bludger and score goals?"

"But only Potter can capture the Snitch."

"I've seen you fly so that's certainly true," Ginny shot back. The rest of the team laughed and Pembledon's face darkened. 

"Do we have a deal or not?" He ground out.

"Deal," Ginny snapped before spinning on her heals and walking over to Bruce and Aldo. "I need your bats," she told them. The two Beaters wordlessly complied. "Here Harry, you'll need this." She tossed one of the bats at me. "The rest of you should probably clear out and enjoy the show."

"Ginny and Harry flying together again," Katie muttered to the rest of the team. "This should be a treat."

"Have you lost your mind?" I hissed at your mum as the team shuffled off the pitch.

"I'm winning you your championship Harry," she replied evenly. "We can fly circles around this lot."

"Still, two against seven."

"As far as I know it's never been done." She fixed me with her gaze and then flashed an enormous smile. "So what do you say, want to make history?"

"I love you," I blurted out. "Er, I'd love to, that's what I meant to say." I got on my broom and kicked off before I embarrassed myself any further. "How are we going to handle this anyway?" I asked her when she joined me in the air.

"Keep the Quaffle away from them until the Snitch appears then you catch it fast, and watch out for Blodgers."

We drifted over to the center of the pitch where the referee and Slytherin team were waiting for us. "This is, er, highly irregular, but I expect both teams to play within the rules of Quidditch," the official said. "Now I assume the shorthanded team will get the Quaffle to start?"

Ginny nodded. "That's right, they can have it first." The referee goggled at your mum while Pembledon tightened his grip on his broom, but said nothing.

With a shrug the referee tossed the Quaffle at one of the Slytherin Chasers and the game was on. Ginny was off like a shot and jarred the Quaffle loose with a well-aimed elbow. I set off across the pitch for the long pass I knew was coming my way. The pass was an on target dart and I sped towards the goal as soon as I caught the Quaffle.

Surprisingly it seemed none of the Slytherins expected me to take part in the offense since they had all collapsed on your mum. This left me with a clear path to the goal and I easily chucked the Quaffle past the stunned Keeper. They received another rude shock when they tried to mount an attack. I smacked a Blodger at the lead chaser which knocked the Quaffle free. Ginny darted in, scooped it up and raced down for another easy goal.

"That's two!" I shouted at Pembledon.

The rest of the match continued in much the same fashion with your mum and I working together like a well-oiled machine. All the hours of practice we put in years ago at the Burrow were now paying off. We knew what the other was going to do without having to say a word. It really was brilliant Quidditch. By the time the Snitch appeared we had built a comfortable lead. I batted away a Blodger headed my way then dove for the Snitch.

"After Potter!" Pembledon screamed at his Beaters. "Keep him away from the Snitch!"

"So that's your game," I muttered to myself. "Well it will make this a little easier for Ginny without having to deal with Blodgers." In many ways the match had settled into a more familiar rhythm for me; with the other team's Beaters and Seeker trying to kill me. The only real difference this time was that I didn't have any Beaters of my own looking out for me.

I closed in on the Snitch, but before I could get my hand out for the catch, it veered straight up. I pulled up on my broom and followed with a corkscrew climb. I deliberately overshot the Snitch and threw my broom into a hammerhead. This had the effect of putting the Snitch between me and Pembledon. I poured on the speed and bore down on the Snitch. Pembledon's eyes grew wide when he caught sight of me barreling straight for him. To his credit he held his line for longer than I thought he would, but he broke off before we collided. With a yelp of triumph I wrapped my hand around the Snitch and the game was over.

"Harry Potter caught the Snitch!" the referee shouted. "He and Ms. Weasley are the winners!"

* * *

"Now wait a minute Dad," James broke in. "You really expect us to believe that you and mum, by yourselves, beat a complete side at Quidditch."

I shrugged, "It happened, you can look up the articles about it in the Prophet archives if you want."

"No offense dad, we know you and Mum were both brilliant at Quidditch, it's just a little hard to buy," Al said, a bit more diplomatically.

"Are brilliant," I corrected my youngest son. "I don't care if the three of you are defending the House Cup, your mum and I can still take you." My three children all rolled their eyes as if the point wasn't worth the time to argue. "Now may I continue?"

* * *

We flew down and joined the rest of the team for the trophy presentation. I noticed that both Katie and Dean were starting at us rather intently. I asked Dean what the problem was.

"Nothing's wrong, I just remember the last time you two won a Quidditch championship. I was wondering if we'd get another show."

I cuffed Dean on the shoulder. "That's not going to happen this time." I glanced over at the reporter making his way onto the pitch. "And that's our cue; I'll owl you lot with details for our celebration party later. Right now I think Ginny and I should make ourselves scarce. Good work tonight." With a wave Ginny and I Apparated back to Grimmauld Place.

After our return we walked into the sitting room so your mum could Floo back to her flat. Wordlessly she reached up for a handful of Floo powder. She turned to face me and with a jolt Dean's words triggered something in me and all of a sudden we were back in the Gryffindor Common Room on the day Ginny won the House Cup as my replacement.

I'm fairly certain your mum felt the same way because the next thing I knew she had dropped the Floo powder and we were madly kissing. And it was at that point your aunt and uncle walked into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: When I started to work on this project I wrote down a list of HIMYM episodes that I knew I wanted to adapt, and Zip Zip Zip was high on that list, and this is my take on that great first season episode. I know the Quidditch exploits seem a little fantastic, and went back and forth on including that second match. I acknowledge that it's not very believable, but I eventually decided that if LeBron James and Kevin Durant played a bunch of rec league scrubs they'd most likely destroy them so why not? Plus, unreliably narrated story yada yada yada. Also, and most importantly, it was fun to write. Thanks again to all the readers.
> 
> -sam


	9. On the Edge of a Cliff

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Nine: On the Edge of a Cliff

* * *

For a long moment they just stood in stunned silence, until Uncle Ron finally cleared his throat. "So, er, what's this about then?"

Ginny and I leapt away from each other, our faces heating rapidly. "Er, that was just celebratory, congratulations mate, we won the league!"

Ron stared at the two of us and gradually realised what we were wearing. "Oh don't tell me," he groaned. 

"Harry asked me to step in because apparently there are things more important to you than Quidditch!" Your mum snapped. "Er, sorry Hermione."

"But wait, who played Keeper, and why on Earth did Pembledon agree to it?"

"Oh yes," Hermione barked out. "Because that's what is important here."

"Of course it is," Ron insisted. "This is the league championship we're talking about. Besides, it's a well-known fact that Quidditch gets these two, er, worked up."

"You'll be able to read all about it in the Prophet tomorrow," Ginny said to her brother. And you could, I was by turns congratulated for my exemplary flying and pilloried for abusing my influence as the "Chosen One" in getting a professional player like your mum to take part in a silly amateur game. "Harry today was a lot of fun, but I really must be getting home now."

"Wait!" Hermione said. "Ron and I have an announcement of our own to make." She paused to take a deep breath.

"My prat of a brother here didn't get you knocked up did he?"

"What? No, of course not. But we do owe Harry, er, both of you I suppose, an apology. You see we weren't off doing wedding errands. We were looking at a house, and we bought it. Well agreed to buy it, we still need to work out the mortgage, but for all intents and purposes we bought a house!" 

"You bought a house?" I asked in disbelief.

"In Havering-atte-Bower, you should see it Harry, it's brilliant!" Ron enthused.

"That's terrific news!" Ginny said before giving Hermione a hug.

"It's far too big, and we'll be in debt for years paying off the mortgage. Stop thinking that this instance Harry Potter; we will pay our own way. You've done enough for us these past few years. This is what adults do."

I held up my hands in surrender. "Alright, but if you ever need help just ask."

"We know Harry, and thank-you."

"So when are you moving out, er, in?" I asked as neutrally as I could.

"We, er, don't really know," Ron admitted. "It all happened so quickly that we haven't had a chance to think about what happens next. Plus there are mountains of papers to sign." 

"D on't worry Harry, we'll only be a Floo away. Plus I'm sure Ron and I will be over here lots."

"You sound like you're trying to get my permission," I said to Hermione. "This is great news, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Like you said, it's not like you're abandoning me." I reached out and pulled your aunt into a hug.

"If that's true then why do you look like you stuck your finger in a light socket?" She asked reproachfully.

"I won't lie; I am a little cross that the two of you lied to me about what you were up to. Okay, maybe more than a little cross. But I am happy for you, honestly." I looked around the room and saw the disbelieving stares that greeted me. "Merlin, what are you lot expecting, that I'm about to run off and sulk, or worse?" Then before they could reply I did exactly that.

* * *

I returned to Grimmauld Place a few days later and found your aunt and uncle waiting for me in the sitting room. Hermione was reading the Prophet and Ron was leafing through Quidditch Weekly. Neither of them looked up when I entered the room and I cleared my throat to get their attention.

Hermione glanced up from her paper, folded it, and placed it on her lap. "Oh look Ron, Harry's back," she stat ed in a diffident tone. Of all the reactions to my return this was the one I least expected. I saw Ron swish his wand and a silver form shot out of the room. Moments later the fireplace flared to life and Ginny came tumbling out. Which in a way I was glad because it gave me a better idea what to expect.

I didn't even flinch when a trio of spells blasted me into an easy chair, bound me to it, and gagged me. I also felt an Anti-Apparation war d fall into place over the room. As always, your aunt's spell work was impeccable.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?" Hermione demanded. "Do you have any idea how worried we were?" She dismissed the gag with a wave of her wand.

"Firstly, thank-you for your concern Hermione . Secondly, did you do this body-bind Ginny? It's really well done. Thirdly, did you ask Robards where I was Ron ?"

"When you didn't show yesterday I didn't want to do anything that might get you in hot water with him," Ron said.

"Well if you'd bothered to ask Robards you git you'd know I've spent the past two days going over the security for the Express. Including examining the entire route."

"In that case why didn't you tell us?" Hermione asked, the anger fading from her voice.

"Because I was still feeling cross about being lied to," I admitted. "It wasn't exactly mature of me, I know."

"That's putting it mildly," Your mum noted.

"But then I had Kreacher bring me a change of clothes and I got some work done."

"Wait, but then?"

"Can you ever stop being you Hermione?" I said with a sigh. "Alright, if you all must know, yes, at first I did run off to sulk." I took a deep breath. "Actually, it probably was for the best, I had a lot I needed to think through."

"Like our moving out?" Hermione asked gently.

"That was part of it, but it was more than that. I know it's silly, but I can't help but think everything is moving past me."

"No we're… " Hermione started to protest.

"Yes, you are Hermione, engaged, moving out of this dusty old house. That's growth, and I'm still stuck here."

"Harry," Your mum said, her voice strained.

"Let me finish Ginny please. I realise d something, after I destroyed a few boulders; all my problems are mine and having nothing to do with Hermione and Ron. I'm going to say this one more time and hopefully this time you'll believe me. I am over the moon for the two of you R on. I think it's brilliant what you're doing."

"Thanks mate."

"So if I do feel stuck, or trapped, or left behind, it's my own fault because I'm not ready yet." I did my level best not to look at your mum. "Because it's not the right time. Now can I please get up?"

"Hermione, before you do that, could you and Ron give me a moment alone with Harry?" Your mum asked in her quiet voice, you know the one. The collective shudder from the audience said yes, they did.

"I'll put silencing charms on the room," Hermione said as she caught Ron by the arm and dragged him out of the room.

"Good luck mate."

"I should Hex you into tiny pieces!" Ginny yelled as soon as the door shut. "Don't for a second think I didn't know what you were talking about just now, who you were talking about, and I don't appreciate being used as an excuse."

"I'm not using you as an excuse for anything Ginny."

"Then what was all that rot you just said?"

"I know what it sounded like, but it's not about you Ginny, not entirely. I really, really like what we have right now, and I think you do too."

"I do, but I don't want what you do, not right now at least."

I shrugged, or at least tried to. "I'm having fun and enjoying myself, why worry about the other stuff?"

Your mum frowned. "Why are you being so reasonable?"

"I spent a lot of time thinking the past few days, it gives a bloke clarity. I'm also very sorry about what I said earlier. I never meant for you to think you were the reason I feel stuck." I allowed myself a quick smile. "A reason maybe, but not the reason." Ginny pressed her wand into the tip of my nose. "Kidding, kidding."

"I'm serious Harry, don't let my baggage get in your way," Ginny said.

"Your baggage? Look, could you let me out of this? There's something I want to show you."

Your mum nodded and released the binding hex. I stood up and stretched my arms to restore the circulation to them. "So what did you want to show me?"

I reached down and picked up a pair of blankets from the couch that I Transfigured into warm jackets. I handed one to Ginny. "Here, you'll need this." She took the jacket and before she could ask why I pulled her close and Apparated us out of Grimmauld Place.

A sudden blast of winter air caused Ginny to hastily pull the jacket on. "Merlin Harry, where the bloody hell are we? And how did you do that? Hermione had the room warded!"

"Hermione's brilliant, but I am the top Auror in the department, and we're in Scotland."

"This is where you took me before, on our first date. You came here to think when you ran off."

"I did, but that's not why I brought you here, not entirely at least. I spent that whole night just thinking. About what I want to do, where I want to go, who I want to be, all the stuff I never had the chance to when I was younger."

"And what conclusions did you come to?"

I shrugged, "I'm going to stay with the Aurors, I'm good at it, and I believe in what we're doing."

"Forever the hero," Your mum said with an almost wistful tone to her voice.

"The other thing I realise d came to me when I was watching the sun come up over the water."

"And what was that?"

"I want to see that sunrise every day." I spun your mum around and pointed at a set of tracks tramped into the thin dusting of snow on the ground. "I figured it all out, the breakfast nook is going to face this direction with a big bay window, so I can eat my breakfast and watch the sun come up. And it will be two stories, with at least four bedrooms. Stone walls I think"

"Harry, what are you talking about?"

"Don't you see Ginny, I want this place to be home!" I said excitedly as I threw my arms out wide.

"But, there's no house here."

"Exactly, that means I can get one built to my specifications."

"It's in the arse-end of Scotland, is there any place even remotely close to here?"

"There's a village a few kilometres down the road. Besides, I like the isolation, and between Apparation, Floos and Portkeys, it's not like location really matters all that much."

"I hate to keep being so negative, but do you even know who owns this land, and if it's even for sale?"

"No, but I do have money, which is a good substitute for both. I've retained a solicitor to sort it out for me."

"It all sounds very lovely, but why are you showing me this?"

"Because," Now what I wanted to say was, "This is my future and I want you to be a part of it," but I wisely resisted that impulse. "This is what I'm waiting for."

"Come again?"

"I'm not a fool Ginny. It's going to take time to make this house, my home, happen. But I'm willing to wait until it does, because I think it's worth it."

"Well I hope you find someone to share you dream house with, only…" her voice trailed off.

"What?"

"Only you'd better show me these plans of yours. Merlin knows what a git like you thinks makes for a good dream house, and I'd hate to saddle some poor, unsuspecting woman with that."

I smiled and held out my hand. "Ginny, I'd be delighted to."

* * *

I Apparated us back to the sitting room and Grimmauld Place after spending an hour or so going over my plans for the house. I noticed your mum was being very slow to let go of my hand.

"You know Harry; we never did talk about the other thing that happened Saturday night."

"Did you wind up getting in trouble with Gladish for that little stunt?"

Ginny grimaced. "She isn't happy, but the marketers loved it, and that wasn't what I was talking about, and you know it."

I scrubbed a hand through my hair. "I know, but what do you want me to say? We kissed, we both enjoyed it, and I wouldn't mind doing it again."

"Someone is awfully full of himself."

" I don't recall any complaints the first time around."

"That's because I was young and didn't know any better," Ginny said as she closed the narrow distance between us.

"And now you do know better?"

"Well you're still a brilliant kisser, but yes, now I know better than to get involved with the likes of you Harry Potter."

"The likes of me?"

"You're dangerous, a heartbreaker," she said flatly, and I wasn't sure if she was being serious or not.

"And what does that mean?" I asked, taking a step back.

"You did break my heart," she pointed out before reaching up and brushing back my fringe. "But that isn't why you're dangerous Harry. I'm pretty sure I."

Whatever your mum was going to say was cut off by the door banging open and your aunt storming into the room, Ron close on her heels. "How did you do it Harry?" She demanded. "How did you get past my ward?"

"Auror trade secret," I replied. "One that Ron doesn't know," I added. In actual fact as Master of Grimmauld Place it's impossible to keep me from Apparating into or out of the house, but your aunt didn't know that.

"Forget how you got out, where did the two of you go?" Ron asked.

"I wanted to show Ginny something," I replied. "It's between me and her."

"Oh lay off Ron," Ginny snapped. "Harry just wanted to show me why we don't have to worry about him."

"He's got a funny way of doing that," Ron grumbled. "Running off with you, not telling us where you're going."

"What did you show her Harry?" Your aunt asked me.

"He showed me the future," your mum replied before I had a chance to speak. She turned to face me, fixing me with that determined glare I've always loved. "And I think it looks wonderful, so lay off him." Your mum has always enjoyed withholding information from your aunt and uncle. I think it' s revenge for how much the three of us kept from her when we were at school. "Hermione, we'll talk tomorrow. Harry, thank-you for the illuminating trip. Ron," Your mum flashed Ron a gesture that if I catch any of you doing I will be very cross. She then walked over to the fireplace. "And Harry?"

A smile played across my face. "Still no, right?"

Your mum nodded. "Still no." She tumbled into the fire and vanished.

"Still no what?" Ron asked.

I shrugged off the Transfigured blanket I'd been wearing and returned it to its normal state. "Still won't marry me." I tossed the blanket onto the back of the sofa. 

Before I could leave the room Hermione blocked my path. "Harry…"

"I'm fine Hermione, honest."

"Where did you two go tonight?"

"And what's with your relationship?" Ron added.

"That's between Ginny and me Hermione, and honestly Ron, I have no idea, but I'm fine with that. Whatever is going to happen between us will happen at its own time, and it's not going to be rushed. Now if you'll excuse me, I've had a long couple of days and really need to get some sleep. Ron I'll talk to you about what I found on my reconnaissance trip tomorrow."

"Sure thing Harry."

"And Harry?" Hermione said.

"Yeah?"

"We do still trust you, you know that right?"

"That's why you're giving me a hard time, I know Hermione, and I do appreciate it, sort of." I reached out and gave your aunt a hug.

"We won't stop being worried about you, you know," she murmured into my shoulder.

"I know, and I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Now go to bed, you look dead on your feet."

"Yes mum," I said to your aunt and went up to bed.

* * *

"So wait dad," Al said. "That house you mentioned building, that's this house isn't it?"

"That's right Al, it took a long time, but this is the house I described to your mum that night. We had to jump through all sorts of hoops to get it built, but like all good things it was worth the wait. And every morning when I look out the window as I eat my breakfast I see the same thing I did the morning I decided to build this house."

"What dad?"

"The future, I see the future."

"So does that mean you can tell us who's going to win the Quidditch championship?" James asked.

"Don't be such an arse James," Lily scolded. "That was a beautiful metaphor, and you had to go and muck it up."

"Language Lily," I warned my daughter.

"Sorry dad."

"And James is right, that was a bit much, the truth, but a bit much."

"So was that how you convinced mum?" James asked.

I laughed. "Oh no, it took a lot more than that, but just like this house, good things are worth the wait."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: First off, yes, this is greatly inspired by the HIMYM episode Homewreckers, but also in equal measure by a story my grandfather used to tell. The chapter's title comes from The Streets' song of the same name, for no particular reason other than The Streets is one of the bands in my "Think British" playlist. Thanks again to all you cool readers.  
> -sam


	10. Training Day

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Ten: Training Day

* * *

"Dad?" Lily asked. "You've told us what you were thinking during all of this, but what about mum? Why did she keep saying no?"

"An excellent question, and one you'd have to ask your mum for the definitive answer, but this is what she told me. This happened the week after that Quidditch match…"

"And the two of you sno…er, kissing," James added.

"Yes and the kiss. As I was saying, your mum was at practice with the Harpies…"

* * *

"Hey Ginny!" Victoria Gerrand called out to your mum who was tirelessly running through Chaser drills. "Hey Weasley," she said again when Ginny did not respond. Gerrand sighed deeply when your mum kept at her drills, oblivious to the world around her. "Oi Potter!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

That did get your mum's attention and she came to a stop mid-air. "What?"

"Gladish wants to talk to us."

"About what?"

"How should I know? I'm just the messenger."

"I'm still finishing up the extra drills she gave me."

"Well I think this takes precedence. You know how it is with Gladish, do what I say until I say otherwise."

Your mum sighed and angled her broom in Gerrand's direction. "Alright, let's get this over with."

"So, Potter then?"

"Shut it," Ginny warned.

"So what, did you think he was here?"

"I was concentrating on my drills."

"Oh nonsense you can do those drills in your sleep. I think you were day dreaming. Trying his name on for size?"

Your mum's face flushed. "I told you, I was focused on the drills. What with the way Gladish has been riding me over playing in that match I didn't want to make any mistakes."

"About that, whatever possessed him to ask you to play with him?"

"Harry is an old friend, and he needed a favour."

"Still quite a bit of cheek on his part asking a professional player to help win his amateur league."

"Honestly, I doubt that thought ever crossed Harry's mind. He knows me, he's played Quidditch with me, I'm the person he was going to ask."

"And if you just happen to be a top flight professional so much the better?"

"That was just a lucky break for him."

"But why say yes?"

"He did save my life, and my father's and my brother Ron's, and my best friend, and oh yes he's Harry Bloody Potter!"

"Ok, fair point, we all owe that bloke a favour or two." They landed in front of the Harpies' practice building. "Still, there's really nothing going on between the two of you? I mean again, he's Harry Potter, the single most eligible bachelor in Britain."

Ginny pushed open the door. "Trust me, if there was anything to tell, you'd be the last to know."

"Is that anyway to build team loyalty?"

"If I have to sacrifice team unity for the sake of my privacy that's a small price to pay especially since I can just pick up your slack."

"I should know better than to pick on the star of the team," Gerrand said with a laugh.

"And don't forget it. Now where did Gladish want to meet me?"

"In the big meeting room, and let me remind you that I don't know what she wants to talk to you about, probably Appleby."

"Great, just what I'm looking forward to," Ginny grumbled as they entered the large hall used for team meetings and strategy sessions.

"Ah good, so the  Greater London Area Amatuer Quidditch Champion has deigned to grace us with her presence," Wilhemina Gladish, the Harpies manager, barked out. Your mum looked around and saw that all the team's Chasers, and a few of the other starters were also in the room. "Now take a seat so we can get started. No right down in the front please," Gladish added when Ginny tried to sit in the back.

"Good luck," Gerrand muttered to your mum. It was obvious that Gladish was still annoyed at your mum's actions the week before and was going to take another strip out of her.

Ginny squared her shoulders and sat down in the offered chair. A childhood's worth of Molly Weasley tongue lashings left her well-equipped to deal with whatever Gladish was about to deal out.

"Alright girls we're going to review some omniocular recordings this morning. I think we'll all find them highly illuminating." Gladish flicked her wand to dim the lights and grainy omniocular footage started to play on the screen behind her.

Ginny groaned when she realised what they were watching, footage from our two versus seven match. "How did you get this?" She blurted out.

"I have my ways Weasley," Gladish replied. "Now for those of you who don't know, our own Ginevra Weasley took part in the London Area Amatuer Quidditch League Championship, and after showing everyone up by playing out of position, she and her friend Harry Potter, perhaps you've heard of him, went and by themselves beat a full side. The first match doesn't concern us, it's boring amateur Quidditch. Yes even you Weasley, your Seeking was rubbish. No, we're here to watch the second match, and how two flyers managed to beat seven."

"Play against a bunch of over-the-hill chumps?" A voice in the back suggested.

"So you think you could win with no Keeper, or Beaters, even against these plonkers?" Gwenog Jones countered.

"Jonesy's right, it doesn't matter who the seven are, it takes serious flying, and tactics, to pull this off. Now Weasley, how much time did you and Potter spend reviewing your tactics?"

Ginny squirmed in her seat. "Er, practically none at all, it all sort of came together too quickly for anything in depth."

"Then how did Potter know to go deep like that at the open?"

Your mum shrugged. "He just knew it was the right play. They weren't expecting it."

"Very good, remember proper Quidditch requires every player out there to know what's going on, Chasers need to follow the Snitch, Beaters the Quaffle, and Seekers the Blodger. If you don't know where you teammates are, odds are good you'll blunder into one of them at the wrong time. Now Weasley, about these rotations you and Potter made defending the goals?"

"I, er, I'm sorry, but there really wasn't that much thought put into any of this. Like I said before, Harry and I just...knew what the other was going to do."

"And why do you think that was?"

Your mum did her best to ignore the sotto voiced suggestions from the crowd. "Er, because we spent all that time playing two-a-side when we were kids, and all the time we spent practicing at Hogwarts most likely." So we're clear kids, even at the time your mum didn't completely believe this answer, but it was the only thing she was going to admit to in that room.

Much to your mum's relief Gladish nodded along to her explanation. "Yes exactly. Practice is the only way to get this sort of cohesion. And make no mistake ladies this." She pointed her wand at the flickering playback. "Is the sort of flying we'll need if we want to win the championship."

The rest of the session proceeded in a similar manner with Gladish breaking down particular maneuvers your mum made. Sometimes she asked your mum questions about them, and other times the questions came from the reserve players. It gradually dawned on Ginny that instead of the mocking she expected when Gladish began showing footage from the match, the team manager was in fact being genuine with her praise.

After reviewing the footage two or three more times Gladish dismissed the rest of the team. "Stay a moment Weasley," she told your mum.

"Was there something else you wanted?" Gladish asked.

Gladish looked back at the Quidditch footage still playing behind her. "I just wanted to know when the wedding is."

"The what?" Ginny spluttered.

"You and Potter. You two are involved right?"

"Harry and I are friends. Sure we dated once, but that was a long time ago."

Gladish seemed to mull over what Ginny had said. "If you insist, but I've seen plenty of people fly together, and that right there is more than just hours of practice."

"I didn't realise you could judge a person's relationships based on how they fly."

"Weasley do you have any idea just how brilliant a clinic you put on? I could frame this recording and put it in a bloody museum. The only other time I've seen you fly even close to this level was in your house team days when we were scouting you."

Ginny's face fell when she realised where Gladish was headed. "Don't tell me, it was when I was playing for Harry."

"Precisely, it was one of the reasons we offered you a contract, that and I liked your versatility. Then, when you came on you played well, but I never saw that same spark, not until today."

"Ask anyone, Harry has a way of bringing the best out of people," your mum insisted.

"Then maybe he should be managing this team instead of me."

"No, you're the best!" Ginny said.

"You're also stuck with me so that was the right thing to say," Gladish noted with a chuckle before turning serious again. "Playing for me Weasley you're bloody good, great in a few years time, playing for him you're transcendent. It's like a switch gets thrown."

"Merlin, that sounds pathetic."

"As you said, the lad's an inspiring figure. Honestly I don't give a toss what your relationship with him is. I only asked because I want to know how much longer I'll have you." Your mum opened her mouth to protest but Gladish waved her off. "Don't argue with me. There are two kinds of players in this game. The ones out for fame and fortune, and the ones who play for the challenge. You've never struck me as the fame and fortune type. No, you fly to prove you're the best, but what happens when you reach the top? If you're not interested in Galleons then it's time for the next challenge."

"I don't want you to think I'm not one hundred percent committed to the Harpies," Ginny quickly said.

"Oh hush, of course you are. I wasn't questioning your commitment. I wasn't even saying your motivations are bad. In fact I respect them a lot more than those money grubbers. But I will tell you one thing Weasley. I'm not letting you go until I say you're the best, and you won't be the best until you fly like this," She jabbed her wand at the recording. "in a match. I don't care how many Golden Brooms you win. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," Ginny said with a nod.

"Good, I wanted to make sure we understood each other."

"I think we do," Ginny replied.

"Then why are you still here? Go take the rest of the day off, but be sure to get in early tomorrow."

"I will, and thank-you," Ginny said as she turned to leave the room.

"And Weasley?" Gladish called out when Ginny reached the door.

"Yes?"

"No more amateur Quidditch. Don't forget who pays you to fly. I don't care what Potter offers you."

Your mum laughed. "Don't worry, I'm sure I'm no longer welcome there anyway." She was right, before the next season started a rule was passed prohibiting active and recently retired professional players from participating.

* * *

Ginny went straight to the locker room to change out of her practice robes. She pulled up short when she caught sight of her stall. Hanging in the locker was a complete set of Harpies game kit with the name "Potter" emblazoned on the back.

"Alright, very funny," your mum announced to the empty room.

Victoria and the other Chasers poked their heads into the locker room from their hiding spot in the showers. "The gals and I figured we should go ahead and get your kit updated."

"Oh not you lot too," Ginny groaned.

"What do you mean us too?"

"Nothing, forget I said anything," Ginny ran a hand over the embroidered name on the robe. "This was a good one," she admitted. "But what do you think Gladish is going to do when she finds you all in here, and not out running drills?"

"And what about you?" Victoria shot back.

"She gave me the rest of the day off."

"I guess we know who the favourite is."

"The difference is you need the practice, I don't."

"Maybe we can slap a wig on Potter and replace you with him. He seems like a more pleasant sort to be around."

"Harry in a wig, now that is something I'd like to see." To this day your mum has yet to make this happen. "But you forget that Harry's a Seeker, and rubbish at anything else. Now if you ladies will excuse me, I have some serious relaxing to do."

"You heard the witch," Victoria announced to the other Chasers. "Let's go get to it and show Weasley here who the real talent is."

"I am going to get you back for this," Ginny warned Victoria as the rest of the Chasers filed out of the locker room.

"You can try," Victoria replied.

"Your forgetting who I'm related to, be on guard Gerrand. You never know where you might find a Wheeze," Ginny called out as the other chaser closed the locker room door behind her.

After cleaning up from her morning practice session Ginny stood in front of her locker and stared at the gag robe. She let out a small laugh then packed the robe away in her kit bag. After a long moment where she sat in front of her locker; your mum took a deep breath, stood up, and walked out of the locker room.

* * *

Many hours later, around dinner time in fact, Aunt Hermione pushed open the door to a small London cafe, the same one your mum and I went to the night of the engagement party. She glanced around the room until she saw Ginny sitting by herself in a booth near the back starting at her placemat. Hermione walked over to the booth and sat down with a thump causing Ginny to look up.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet me for dinner on such short notice Hermione. I hope I'm not inconveniencing you."

"It's no trouble at all Ginny, I always enjoy the chance to get away from your brother and Harry." She grimaced. "That came out wrong, you know what I mean. So why did you want to talk? Your message was a little vague."

Without saying anything Ginny deposited her kit bag on the table in front of Hermione. "Go ahead, open it," Ginny said.

Hermione unzipped the bag and found herself staring at the "Potter" robes. "Oh," she said simply. "A prank by your teammates I take it?"

"Yes, and before that Gladish spent an entire review session showing the rest of the team an omniocular recording someone made of that match last week," Ginny grumbled. "Though that actually wasn't that bad. Our conversation afterwards though…"

"What about it?" Ginny then recounted what Gladish said to her, pausing only to place her order when the waitress arrived. "Well I can see how that would get you out of sorts," Hermione said once Ginny was finished. "Really that woman," she added with a chuckle.

"What?"

"Don't you see Ginny? She said all that to wind you up. Insinuating that you play your best to impress Harry, what nonsense."

Your mum picked at her napkin. "That's not exactly what she meant, and she wasn't exactly wrong. You didn't see that recording, it was brilliant flying."

"Of course it was, you and Harry are both extremely talented flyers. Now you're probably bound and determined to fly that well in a match with the Harpies just to prove her wrong, but that's not what you wanted to talk to me about is it?"

"Of course it's not!" Ginny snapped. "It's about Harry," she admitted. "And wipe that smug grin off your face, it's not a good look for you. This is all your fault you realise?”

"My fault?"

"You and my brother had to go and get engaged."

"Technically that's Ron's fault."

"You still said yes, and that's why half the blame is yours. Don't you see Hermione, if Ron hadn't proposed none of this would have happened. I would still be happily flying around with the Harpies, Harry would be off catching Death Eaters, and we wouldn't be messing up each others lives!"

"I don't think Harry would ever say you're messing up his life. Even if you were, which you aren't," Hermione chided your mum. "And really, what's the problem? I know you both still fancy each other."

"It's not that simple," Ginny replied.

"Yes it bloody well is!" Hermione shot back. "Merlin, what happened to the two of you?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Ginny, so help me if you don't start talking I will kill you with my bare hands, and I'd really rather not do that, what with the wedding coming up, and it would be such a pain to try and find a new maid of honour at this point."

"We both know it'd be Luna."

"And can you imagine the toast she'd give? Now out with it."

"Alright fine, I'll talk." Your mum then instantly clamped her mouth shut as their meal arrived. "Do you remember the summer after the final battle?"

"Yes, it was when you and Harry last spent any significant amount of time together wasn't it?"

Ginny nodded. "It was, but the thing is, we didn't really talk about what happened the previous year."

"Then what exactly were you doing...oh," Hermione said when she saw the meaningful expression on your mum's face. "So you never talked about anything?"

"How could we? It was all so fresh. You were there, you know what it was like."

Hermione sighed, "I was, and no I suppose you couldn't."

"You had it lucky, Ron was with you for, most of it, he knew. Me and Harry though. He has no idea what it was like going to Hogwarts for that year, and I can't begin to imagine what it was like for him on the run. Especially considering that he had to put up with you and Ron in that tent."

"Harry's no prize in close quarters either, especially back then. He didn't let either of us get a full night's sleep, what with all the nightmares." They both grimaced, even then all those years later, none of us liked talking about that time. "Wait, you said you didn't talk about anything, does that include your break up?" Ginny nodded. "Oh Merlin, that's what this is about isn't it?"

Your mum leaned back in her chair, her arms crossed defensively in front of her chest. "I might understand the reason, but I am allowed to feel cross about it."

"But it was five years ago!"

"And he's never apologised!" Ginny shot back, a little too loudly if the looks the other diners shot their way was any indication. She discretely cast a silencing charm over them before continuing. "He never once apologised for any of it. Not for breaking up with me, not for vanishing with you and Ron, not for keeping me in the dark the whole time, and not for going off to die without saying anything to me first."

"Ginny..."

"No Hermione, don't say it. I realise he had good reasons for all of those things, but it still hurt to get left behind."

"But why didn't you say anything to Harry back then?"

"Like I said, I wasn't thinking about that stuff, I was too numb, too glad to just be alive. Then Harry and I drifted apart during my last year at Hogwarts, and barely said a word to each other. Then, out of the blue he proposes to me! No warning, no preamble, just 'marry me' like nothing had happened."

"I'm not the person you should be telling this to," Hermione pointed out.

"I am aware, it's just these past few months have been good, really really good, and I don't want to change that."

Your aunt reached out and grabbed and grabbed your mum's hand. "Ginny, that's great, but you'll never be able to advance things with Harry, and don't argue you want to, until you get that out in the open."

"And if I don't like the result?"

"You're a big girl, what's the worst thing that could happen?"

Your mum closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "And how do you suggest I go about doing that?" She asked when she reopened her eyes.

Hermione smiled. "I might have an idea or two."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Ok, I grant you that Ginny's reasoning isn't exactly the most, oh what's the word I'm looking for, insurmountable, obstacle in the world. Hey, it's a sitcom, the drama is always going to be a tad slight. Just like how jobs are only important when it's a part of the narrative, and the rest of the time the characters are free to hang out and talk. Fun fact, when thinking up the Harpies manager, my template was hockey coach Scotty Bowman, one of my all time favorite coaches. His irascibility and penchant for playing mind games with his players seemed like a good fit for a Quidditch manager. Thanks again for taking the time to read this.
> 
> -sam


	11. Murder Train

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. The story image is property of Jenny Owen Youngs and is also reproduced without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Eleven: Murder Train

* * *

Now, oh yes the Hogwart's Express...

"Wait a minute dad," James interjected.  "What did Aunt Hermione say to mum?"

"I'm getting to that," I assured my eldest son.  "The fact of the matter is that both our schedules got very busy in the run up to Christmas and we didn't have any time to spend together.  Nor would we until New Year's Eve, but we're getting to that."

* * *

As I was saying, the day for the Hogwart's Express to return to King's Cross for the Christmas Holiday had arrived.  Our attempts to find Jason Thomas Harris had all come up empty.  Ever since the failed attack on the London Eye it was like he vanished off the face of the Earth.  Still, we were all convinced the Express was his next target.

The day before the train's departure I met with the rest of the Aurors and select DMLE officers to go over the details of the mission one last time.  This was the first time I had ever lead a team this large, and I was more than a little nervous.  The briefing was being held in one of the larger meeting rooms in the Ministry.  I stood behind the dais at the front of the room and watched as Aurors and members of the MLE filed in.

"Relax Harry, this is just like a meeting of the old DA," Ron told me.

"Only completely different," I replied as Kingsley and Robards entered the room and sat down in the back.  Kingsley nodded at me, which I interpreted as the signal to start the briefing.  "If I could have your attention please?"  I called out in a loud voice, silencing the conversation going on.  "First, I would like thank you all for coming in.  Second, I am reminding all of you that this briefing is classified Top Secret, so no running off to our friends at the Prophet.  Now with that out of the way, the Auror Office has reason to believe the Death Eater Jason Thomas Harris is going to attempt an attack on the Hogwarts Express when it returns from Hogsmeade."  As I expected this prompted a flurry of activity, mostly from the MLE officers who had not previously been a part of the investigation.  "Obviously we are not about to let that happen.  We are going to have three teams Aurors with MLE teams operating as backup.  Team One will be under the command of Auror Longbottom and is responsible for security at the Hogsmeade station.  Team Two will be lead by Auror Weasley and will be in charge of security on the train itself.  Chief Auror Robards will be overseeing Team Three at King's Cross Station.  Team assignments are in the packets in front of you."

"Excuse me, Auror Potter?"  One of the MLE officers, an older wizard with a fantastically bushy mustache, asked."How do you know Harris is going to try this."

Ron and I shared a look, we figured the question would come up and I hoped my answer would placate the man.  "We did a thorough analysis of Harris' motivations and this is the most likely course of action he will take."

"But you don't know for sure?"

"We have no hard evidence," I admitted.  "But as I said, our evaluation of his methods points to a desire for a showy attack, and short of assaulting the Ministry directly what is more showy than attacking the Hogwarts Express?  And yes, Voldemort would have never allowed an attack like this, but Voldemort was trying to shape Wizarding Britain in his own image, and needed Hogwarts to do it.  Harris has no such desire."

"Yes but..." The officer started to protest.

"Shut it you wanker," Another voice called out.  "That's Harry Potter you're talking to.  If anybody know how a dark wizard thinks it's him."

Kingsley's deep resonant voice cut across the room.  "I have heard Auror Potter's reasoning in person.  I am convinced his logic is sound and that Harris will try to destroy the train."

I nodded my thanks to Kingsley and continued on with the briefing.  "The operation will consist of two phases.  In Phase One, Teams One and Three will secure the Hogsmeade station and Platform 9 ¾ tonight and then stay in position until the train departs and arrives.  In Phase Two, Team Two rides the Express back to London from Hogsmeade.  Meanwhile Team One, having nothing better to do will fly ahead of the train making sure the track is clear.  For this part of the operation I will be in charge of Team One, Auror Longbottom has grading to attend to.  In the event Harris tries to time his attack based on where he thinks the Express will be based on its schedule; I've asked Headmistress McGonagal to move up the departure time by a half hour.  I figure the students won't mind an early start to their holiday."

"Auror Potter?  You keep talking about an attack, but what exactly do you think he's going to do?"

I reached behind the lectern and withdrew the inert device recovered from the London attacks.  "Harris has created these, they are enchanted to contain a curse, which can be released at any point, like a Muggle time bomb.  All Harris has to do is get a few of these devices armed with a Blasting Curse near the train, or on Platform 9 ¾,"  I didn't finish my sentence, the assembled officers were able to fill in the blanks of their own.

"The good news is the Department of Mysteries has worked out how to disarm them, and because they are so unstable they cannot be transfigured.  So if you do see one, contact your team commander and we will have a disposal team there immediately.  Also, if you see Harris do not engage him.  The two Aurors who tried to arrest him during the London attack are still in St. Mungos recovering from their injuries.  So use caution and don't be a hero."

"Yeah, leave the hero stuff up to trained professionals like Potter," A voice in the back I didn't recognise called out.

I waited for the chuckles to die down before continuing.  "That was only because I was too young to know better.  Now then, unless there are any additional questions we have a lot to get done, and not much time to do it.  Dismissed."

As the Aurors and DMLE officers filed out of the room Kingsley and Robards approached me.  "It was a good briefing, and it is a good plan Harry," Kingsley told me.

"Thank-you Minister."

"I wanted to take a moment to apologise to you."

 "Sir?"

"You were doing a fine job defending your theory, you didn't need my help justifying it to the DMLE.  I simply wanted you to know that I have the upmost confidence in your work."

"I do my best to make sure that confidence is well-founded," I replied.

"Of that I have no doubt."

"Tell me Mr. Potter," Robards asked.  "Why did you feel the need to take command of Team One during the escort phase?"

"Honestly sir?  Neville is rubbish on a broom."

"Whereas your flying skills are well-documented," Robards said with a nod.

"Good luck out there tomorrow Harry, and don't worry if nothing happens.  I would much rather be safe than sorry," Kingsley said.

"Thank-you for the vote of confidence sir."

"Just be sure that train makes it to King's Cross in one piece."  Kingsley tapped me on the shoulder then walked out of the room with Robards still in tow.

"No pressure, eh mate?"  Ron observed as he sidled up next to me.  

"No, none at all," I agreed.  "Why do I get the feeling I was just tested."

"Probably because you were, this whole assignment is a test I reckon."

"Nice of Robards to play games when the stakes are so low," I deadpanned.

"It was bound to happen, sooner or later.  Now come on, we have a train to secure."

* * *

The next morning I stood on the platform of the Hogsmeade Station watching students board the Hongwarts Express while wearing the Invisibility Cloak to prevent causing a scene.  I will admit I felt a pang when I realised I didn't recognise any of the students milling about.  I was understandable considering the oldest ones were just second years in my last year at Hogwarts, and paying attention to the younger students wasn't high on my list of priorities that term.  It was a peculiar feeling, one matched only by the day James first went to Hogwarts, but I digress.

As the students boarded the train I eased my way over to where Neville was standing.  "Everything going ok Nev?"

"So far so good Harry," He replied without looking in my direction.  A pair of first years went dashing past us, almost running into me.  "Do you know what I like most about this teaching job?"  Neville asked suddenly.

"The Herbology?"  I guessed.

"No, it's kids like her," Neville nodded at one of the students who ran past us, a girl with curly blonde hair.  "Florence Elschman, Muggle-born.  She wasn't even born when we got our Hogwarts letters."

"Neville, all these kids are already making me feel old."  Not that a twenty-two year old has any real idea of what being old is.  "And you're not helping."

"But that's my point Harry she is young, so young in fact that that the war didn't touch her."

"Because she's Muggle-born."

"Precisely, to her Voldemort is just a name in a book.  That's certainly not true of all the students, but little Florence is the first of many, and it gives me great hope that sooner rather than later, the only terror Voldemort is going to inflict will be on third years who forgot to do their three feet of scroll for Professor Binns."

I felt a grin break out across my face.  "That's an absolutely brilliant way to look at it Nev.  Next time we're both at the Cauldron I'm buying you a drink."

"I'll hold you to that," Neville said with a laugh.

When the last student boarded the train I shrugged off the cloak and looked over at the other Aurors on the platform.  "That's our cue," I announced to the group.  The rest of the team produced brooms.  "Don't forget if you see anything send me a Patronus message."

"Well that's one stage down," Neville said as we watched the Aurors fly off ahead of the train.  "I'll go let Ron and the engineer know they can depart.  Good luck Harry, and stay safe."

"Thanks Nev."  I sent Robards a message via Patronus saying that the train was about to leave the station, then summoned my broom and flew off ahead of the train.

* * *

The plan was simple, we fly ahead of the train in two waves to make sure the track remained safe.  If we did find something Uncle Ron would stop the train and the track would be cleared.  It was by no means a perfect plan, and I was painfully aware of a few holes in it, but you can only account for so many contingencies.  That did nothing to quell the doubts that ran through my head as I flew across the Scottish Highlands under a Disillusionment Charm.

The first few hours of the flight were the sort of tedium unique to that kind of assignment.  On the one hand, it was dead boring; but  on the other you can't let the boredom catch you off guard.  The advance team was sending me regular updates so it was a great shock when I collided with a shield charm.

The force of the collision knocked me off my broom, and only a well-timed levitating charm saved me from a nasty tumble.  I raised my wand to cast a Patronus warning to your uncle, but was interrupted when an incoming Reducto forced me to roll out of the way.

"I should have expected a second patrol, but having it be Harry Potter is indeed a surprise," A thin, reedy voice said from me behind.  "And don't bother trying to signal the train, unless you think you can dodge my next curse."

I turned around and saw Jason Thomas Harris standing across from me.  He was a short man with tidy sandy-blonde hair that had begun to recede and intense blue eyes.  For some reason he reminded me slightly of pictures I had seen of Dumbledore when he was younger.  He wore stylish cold weather robes, and it might sound cliché, but it was true that if you passed him on the street you'd think he was nothing more than a member of the Wizarding upper crust.  Unless you looked him in the eyes.  There was no mistaking his calculating stare for anything but what it was, pure hatred and malice.

"Give up Harris, the war ended years ago."

"You think this is about the war?  I thought you were clever Mr. Potter."

"Clever enough to figure out where you'd strike next."

"Then you must know why I'm doing this."

"I get that you're mad at the Wizarding community for what happened to you, but this isn't how to change it."

"Who said anything about change?  I just want to make them pay.  In case you're wondering, the devices are behind that shield charm, a charm the train will pass through."

"Then I suppose I'll just have to stop you before it gets to that."

"I have no illusions what would happen if I fought you in a fair fight."

"I have no illusions you'll ever fight fair."

"True enough, farewell Mr. Potter.  Good luck stopping your train."

I fired off an Incarcerus Charm, but Harris had already Apparated away.  To my great surprise the charm rebounded off a shield and trapped me.  I stifled a cure as I struggled to slip my hand into the pocket of my robe where my DA coin was located.

"Next time we do this the train stops if it doesn't get an all clear," I muttered to myself.  "Also, no more solo nonsense."

I redoubled my efforts as I heard the train approach.  Fortunately I was able to work my hand into the pocket and sent Ron a quick message.  To my great relief the brakes on the Express squealed and the train ground to a stop well before the booby trapped section of rail.

Ron leapt out of the engine and ran over to where I was lying.  "Looks like you were right," he noted as he cut me loose from the conjured robes.

"Looks like," I agreed.

We instructed the engineer to back the train up a safe distance then set to work taking down the shield and dealing with the deadly traps.

"He certainly meant business," Ron said as we stared at the small pile of deadly boxes next to the tracks.

"I wonder," I replied as a niggling doubt began to form in my head.

"How do you reckon we clear this?"  Ron asked.  "Or should we just Portkey the kids back to London?"  
  
"I have an idea, just stand back."  I hastily cast a Shielding charm around myself and Ron, then took a deep breath.  "Reducto!"  I shouted as I fired the curse at the trap.  The spell worked about as well as I thought it would, causing the trap to explode in an impressive display.  It also left behind a sizable crater.

"Ok now what?"

"Now we fix the line."

We summoned the other Aurors from the train and set to work patching the damage.  With the entire group pitching in it did not take long to get the Express back underway.  I chose to spend the rest of the trip back to London riding in the engine.  Harris had made his attempt and I was confident he wouldn't make another.  I spent the time lost in thought about Harris, and his attempt to destroy the Express.  The more I turned the event over in my mind the more uneasy I became.  Your uncle caught sight of the expression on my face and wisely decided to leave me to my thoughts.

* * *

As I expected the remainder of the trip passed without incident and the Express pulled into the station without further sight of Harris.  I stayed in the engine compartment and watched as students and parents reunited.  It was, I realised, the first time I'd been to Platform 9 ¾ since the end of my sixth year.

"We did a good thing today Harry," Ron said, breaking my reverie as I watched little Florence Elschmen run over to her parents.

"Perhaps," I replied.  "I need to talk to Robards," I added and pulled on the Invisibility Cloak before Ron had a chance to press further.  I stepped off the locomotive engine and weaved my way through the crowd to a darkened alcove where Robards was standing.

"I hear you had a bit of an adventure Potter," Robards said when I stood next to him.

"Sir?"  I asked in amazement.

"The cloak makes you invisible, but it doesn't do a thing for how you smell.  Been sitting in the train's engine then?"

I nodded, though he couldn't see it.  "Yes sir."

"All five sense Potter, remember that.  Now what's on your mind that's so important you risked that throng to talk to me here instead of waiting for our return to the Ministry?"

"I think the whole thing was a put on," I said bluntly.

Robards nodded.  "Not here, my office."

* * *

"Right, so what do you mean about this being a put on?"  Robards asked as we walked into his office with Ron and Neville on our heels.

"I dunno, it all just seemed too easy."

"Too easy?"  Ron exclaimed.  "He slipped past a patrol of Aurors.  If you weren't there he would've blown up the train, and me on it!"

"He also put up no fight when I did show up."

"Like you said, he's no fool, he knew he couldn't take you on one on one and scarpered off."

"And did so when I was defenseless."  I turned to face Robards.  "Sir, he did this today to prove that he can.  If the train blew up, so much the better. But what was really important to him was to prove to us that he can get those little boxes of his whereever he wants them."

"To what end?"  Robards asked.

"To make us nervous?"  I said with a shrug.  "I haven't worked that part out yet, but I reckon he'll be sending out more than a few of those boxes to test us, see how we respond.  This is all building towards something, something big."

"The Ministry?"  Neville wondered.  "Hogwarts?"

"Speculation does us no good Longbottom," Robards said.  "What we need are hard fact.  Potter that was stand-up work today.  You saved a lot of lives, and once again, we're all in your debt.  Expect another commendation to come your way."

I ruefully nodded.  "Yes sir."

"Harry you're the only person I know who gets down when his good work is acknowledged," Ron said with a chuckle.

"We don't have to a ceremony this time do we?"  I asked Robards.

"No we don't want to be advertising just how close an entire school's worth of students were to being blown up," Robards admitted.

"So we're back to square one then?"  Neville asked.

"It does look that way Nev," I admitted.

"Cheer up lads," Robards said as he pours us all Firewhiskies.  "Today was a win for us."  He levitated the tumblers to us.

I held up my glass.  "Now we just need to make tomorrow a win as well."  We all tossed back the shots.

"Well said Potter.  Now it's been a long day for all of us so go on and get out of here.  You can work on your reports first thing in the morning tomorrow."

Neville and Ron quickly moved for the elevator after we left Robards' office, but I headed for my desk.  "You're not leaving Harry?"  Neville asked me.

"I will in a moment," I told Neville.  "I just need to sort something out."  With a wave Neville and Ron left the Auror's Office.  I stayed until late in the night turning over the events of the day in my mind.  I still didn't know what Harris was playing at, and it would be quite some time before I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Some straight up cops and robbers this episode. A dirty secret about my writing is that it's hugely influenced by whatever I'm currently into. Case in point, Jason Thomas Harris. This section of the story was written during the fourth season of Fringe and I really wanted to write a character in the style of the mad scientist villain David Robert Jones, down to everyone using all three names when talking about him. As an extra meta-twist, the actor who played David Robert Jones was Jared Harris, the son of Richard Harris -- the original, and best, Dumbledore – and so voila Jason Thomas Harris was born. This chapter's title obviously comes from the song Murder Train that's been featured in a handful of HIMYM episodes. Once again, thanks to everyone who's read.
> 
> -sam


	12. New Year's Eve

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twelve: New Year's Eve

* * *

Kids sometimes changes is a gradual thing that sneaks up on you, like when you find your first grey hair.  Other times it comes out of the blue and clobbers you over the head.  New Year's Eve 2002 was definitely an instance of the latter.  The excitement of the holidays had forced the mystery of Harris' motivations temporarily into the background.  Christmas was the usual crush of Weasleys at the Burrow.  Which meant that your mum and I never got a chance to spend any time together.  I fully intended to correct that when we rang in the New Year.

"Harry, if you don't want to do this we don't have to," Hermione told me as she pulled on her winter jacket.  "Ron, Ginny and I would be perfectly happy staying in tonight."

"Hermione, we've lived in London for how long without doing this?"  I gently replied.  "Besides, this is the last New Year's Eve where we'll all be single, so think of it as a farewell to our wild and crazy days."

Your mum snorted.  "You lot are a great many things, wild and crazy isn't one of them."

"I don't see what's so brilliant about standing around in the dead of winter staring at a clock," Ron groused.  "I still say we should just tuck into a pub for the night."

"Where's your sense of adventure Ron?"  Your mum asked.  "Don't you want to celebrate the Muggle way?"

"Plenty of Muggles celebrate indoors," Ron countered.  "And I spend enough time in miserable weather at work."

"Ron we are doing this and that's final," Hermione snapped.  "Now put your coat on."

Our plan for the evening was simple, watch the clock strike midnight on Big Ben.  Growing up in Little Whinging it was something I remember Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia watching on the telly.  Back then I'd always told myself that when I got away from there I'd be one of those people I heard on the broadcast cheering and carrying on.  To me that represented independence, freedom.  But more importantly than that, it was a chance to kiss your mum without anyone asking any uncomfortable questions.  Looking back on it I can't say I'm particularly proud of this plan, but at the time I was rather desperate.

"Wait, we're not Flooing to the Leaky Cauldron?"  Ron asked when I pushed the front door open.

"Not tonight, I want the full Muggle experience," I told your uncle.

"Besides a little exercise would do you some good," Ginny said before poking him in the stomach.

"Relax Ron, we'll be taking the Tube most of the way," Hermione said.

"I think I'd rather walk than deal with that scrum."

"Stop being a sourpuss Ron," I chided.  "I used to ride the Tube all the time."

"Why did you stop?"  Your mum asked as we all started off down the street.

"The Prophet figured out where I was going and started to run stories about how I was avoiding my duties by hiding with Muggles."

"They got that half right," Ron observed.

"It got to be too much of a nuisance, and I didn't want some blundering reporter to cause a scene so I found other ways to get away from the spotlight."

"Why do they get away with printing such rot?" asked your mum.

"Xenophilius Lovegood of all people explained it to me.  Basically any story about me gets readers, and negative stories doubly so."

"But that makes no sense, you're the big hero."

"That's precisely the reason, people like to write in to complain that the Prophet's being unfair to me, but that still means..."

"They bought the paper and read the thing."

"The amount the Prophet charges for ad space in an article about me is staggering."

"Doesn't that make it worse then?  They're profiteering on your name and reputation."

"Oh we came to an understanding," I told your mum with a grin.  "They can print whatever they want so long as they stay out of my actual private life and donate a portion of their revenue to the charity of my choosing."

"And they agreed to that?"

"Of course they did.  I'm Harry Potter after all.  Plus I threatened to turn Hermione loose on them."

"It's true, and I'm still more than willing to go over their books," confirmed Hermione.

"And it's not like print all lies, there's plenty of stuff related to work they get right, and whenever I go to public events at the Ministry, things like that.  But they aren't supposed to follow me around outside of that."

"Alright I'm impressed, but why is this the first time I've heard about?"  She saw the uncomfortable expressions Ron and Hermione were sharing.  "Merlin, was I really that far out of the loop?"

I reached out and grabbed your mum's hand.  "We've been over this, that was both our faults.  I haven't exactly been seeking you out for a chat either.  Besides, you're here now, and that's what's important."

Your mum arched an eyebrow.  "Are you done being soppy."

I felt my cheeks heat.  "Ah yes, I think so."

Our arrival at the tube station interrupted the conversation.  Your mum and I shared a laugh at your uncle's expense as he struggled with the ticket machine.  Then I bit back a chuckle when your mum got hung up in a turnstile.  We managed to make our way to the platform in time to catch our train.

"I don't care how many times I ride this thing," Ron declared as we found our seats.  "I'll never be comfortable on it."

"I keep telling you it's perfectly safe," Hermione said.  "A billion Muggles ride this every year without any incident."

"I still don't trust anything that works through unnatural means."

Hermione rolled her eyes and I couldn't hold back my laughter.  "Ron you're a bloody wizard.  Ask any Muggle on this train and they'd say what you can do is unnatural."

"Magic makes more sense than this electrickity nonsense," Ron groused.

"Now you're just being dense to wind me up," accused Hermione.

"I feel safe riding the Tube than I do on a Gringott's cart," I pointed out.

"Ok, you have a point there," conceded Ron.

"So why were you so fond of riding around the Underground?"  Ginny asked.  "Was it just to get away from the press?"

I shook my head.  "Not really.  I just liked the reminder."

"Reminder?"

"That it was all worth it."

"You mean the war?"  I nodded in reply.  "So seeing a bunch of Muggles go about their day makes it all worth it?"

"That's one of the things that does yeah.  We kept these people from being consumed by that madness.  I don't know what Voldemort's eventual plans for Muggle Britain were, but I doubt it was going to be good."

"You said one of, what else is there?"

"You," I said simply.  "No, I don't mean it like that."  Though I did.  "I've never gotten a chance to say this, but I think it's fantastic that you play Quidditch.  It means we live in a world where, er, people can."

"That was deep Harry, very deep," Ron deadpanned.

"I think I get what you're trying to say.  People are free to do normal things again, right?"  your mum asked.

"Yes precisely, and I like things that are normal.  They're...comforting."

"I'm happy to provide you with a sense of normalcy," Ginny said and patted my knee.  "And thanks."

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner," I replied.

"Just another of those things that fell to the wayside," your mum said lightly, but I could sense an edge to the statement.

"Something like that," I admitted.

Ginny shrugged.  "We're probably boring Ron and Hermione with all this talk."

"Not at all, I find it fascinating," Ron said then flinched when your aunt cuffed him upside the head.

"They aren't a spectator sport Ron."

A chattering clutch of Muggle couples then boarded the train and stood in front of us, which rather limited our topics of conversation for the rest of the trip down to the Charing Cross station.

As we rode the escalator up to street level your mum leaned into me.  "I know what your game is Harry," she whispered.

"Oh really?"

"Of course, just you, me, Hermione and Ron in a big crowd of Muggles?  It's so bloody obvious I'm surprised Ron hasn't worked it out yet."

I felt my ears flame.  "We don't have to if you don't want," I mumbled.

"I never said that Harry, I just wanted to be sure we were on the same page.  We are on the same page?"

I stared into your mum's eyes.  "I'd like to think so.  Though there is one outstanding issue."

She smiled, then kissed me on the cheek.  "The answer's still no."

I chuckled.  "And I am ok with that."

We reached the top of the escalator and Ginny pulled me aside so we weren't blocking the flow of people.  "Are you really?"  She asked as her eyes searched my face.

"Oi, Harry!  Quit making googly eyes with my sister and get a move on.  We haven't got all night you know."

I glared at Ron then returned my attention to your mum.  "Yes I really am.  I'm having too much fun right now to be anything but.  Now though we should probably get a move on before your brother completely loses it."

Your mum grabbed my arms.  "We are going to talk about this later," she promised me.  "And Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't stray too far when midnight rolls around."

* * *

Not long after that we stumbled into the Leaky Cauldron.  The very crowded Leaky Cauldron.  I pushed my way through to the bar where Hannah was passing out drinks.

"Harry hi!"  Hannah shouted over the din.  "Are Hermione and Ron with you?"

"Yeah Ginny too, if it's not too much trouble is our table free?"

"If it's not I can make it," Hannah replied.

"Thanks ever so much."  As I watched Hannah walked to the back of the pub and ejected some elderly wizards from our usual table.  I waved to the others that the table was free and waited for Hannah to return so I could place our drink orders.

As I stood there I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder.  Acting purely on instinct I grabbed the offending hand and drew my wand in one swift motion.

"Whoa, whoa, hold up there Harry," the distinctive burr of Seamus Finnegan said.  "It's me, Seamus.  I didn't mean to, er," He glanced at my wand which was pointed at his face.  "startle you.

I lowered my wand.  "Sorry about that Seamus."

"No need to apologise, I should've remembered it was always a bad idea to sneak up on you."

I took a step back and surveyed my former classmate.  "Seamus, what in the name of sanity are you wearing?"

Seamus looked down at the gaudy suit he was sporting.  "A new thing I'm trying.  Robes are so last millennium.  If a wizard wants to strike a young witch's fancy these days he need a more modern look."

"Hence the suit?"  I asked.

"Precisely.  I'm trying to make it a thing."

"Well it sure it something," I allowed.  The suit was a brilliant red with enchanted gold Gryffindor lions running across it.

Seamus threw an arm across my shoulder.  "Harry my boy, do you realise tonight's your lucky night?"

I glanced over at my table where you mum was sitting with Ron and Hermione.  "Surprisingly yes I do."

"Great, so where do we start?"

"Er, what?"

"C'mon Harry we're just about the last two single blokes from the original DA.  That makes us practically the most eligible bachelors in the country.  The world is our oyster you know."

"Uh Seamus," I started to say.

"Well of course you know that, you're Harry Blood Potter, you probably have knickers thrown at you everyday."

"Seamus we shared a room for six years.  In all that time did I ever strike you as the kind of guy who would respond well to having knickers thrown at him?"

"I suppose not," Seamus admitted.  "But that was a long time ago, and as I recall you were pretty well preoccupied by other things as well."

Now kids, Seamus Finnegan is a good solid bloke.  There aren't may other people I'd rather have backing me up in a fight.  But having said that, the thought of watching him try to pull witches left me cold.

"Why Seamus Finnegan, what a pleasant surprise," your mum said from behind him.

"Ginny Weasley!  The pleasure is all mine," Seamus exclaimed as he spun around.

"Now Seamus, what are you doing keeping Harry away from his date?"   Ginny asked as she sidled up to me and wrapped her arm around my waist.

"Your date?"  He asked in surprise.  "Oh we were just catching up on old times, isn't that right Harry?"

"That's right Seamus and I were just reminiscing about the 'good old days' at Hogwarts."

"Far be it for me to keep two mates from catching up, just don't keep him too long, alright Seamus?"  She reached out and pulled Seamus' head down so she could kiss him on the cheek.  "It was good to see you again, and don't forget what I told you Harry," she said before sauntering off.

"Bye Ginny," Seamus said to her departing figure.  "Bloody hell Harry, you didn't tell me you were here with Ginny Weasley!"

"Er yeah well..."

"Harry, you are my god!  What's your secret?"

"Um clean living I guess."

"I'd call you a lucky sod, but know you too well to say that."  He signaled to Hannah that he wanted two Firewhiskies.  He handed me one of the shots.  "Instead I'll say it's your just reward.  Cheers Harry."

"Cheers Seamus."  Like I said, Seamus is a solid bloke.

"Now don't let me keep you from the enchanting Ms. Weasley."

"It was great to see you again Seamus."  I thrust my hand out to him.  "And thanks, for everything."  Over the years I've probably thanked every member of the DA ten times.  Invariably they all say the same thing.

"Oh no Harry, I should be thanking you."

And of course my reply was always.  "No I never could have managed without your help.  I had to stand up to him.  You had a choice.  That makes all the difference."

"That's nice of your to say Harry."

"I mean it Seamus."  I picked up a napkin from the bar and cast an enchantment on it.  "Here, consider this a repayment."

Seamus looked at the napkin.  "My name is Harry Potter, and Seamus Finnegan is a solid bloke."  He recited.  "Thanks Harry."

"Just use that for good yeah?"

"Oh absolutely.  Happy New Year Harry."

"Happy New Year Seamus," I told him before he strode off towards a pair of witches.

I made my way back to our usual table.  "Thanks ever so much," I told your mum as I sat down.  "I do like Seamus, it's just..."

"I could see you standing there looking miserable," your mum replied.  "So I figured I should come to your rescue."  She then placed a glass of Firewhisky in front of me.

"Cheers," I said to your mum and drained the glass.

"So what did Finnegan want?"  Ron asked.

"And where did he find that suit?"  Hermione added.

"No idea about the suit, didn't think to ask, and he wanted exactly what you think he wanted.  Help pulling witches."

"At least he's consistent," Hermione groused.

"Ease off Seamus," Ginny snapped.  "He went through as much as any of us.  If he wants to play at being a ladies man, well why not?"

I watched Seamus show the napkin I'd given him to the two witches he was chatting up.  They both looked suitably impressed.  Seamus pointed in my direction and I raised my glass in acknowledgement.  "Exactly, we all deserve a reward every now and then."

* * *

We stayed at the Leaky Cauldron for another hour or so, and tossed back more than a few pints in the process.  Eventually Hermione declared it was time to move on and we staggered out into the street.  We joined in the throng making its way down the street towards the Thames.  There was a great sense of energy in the air as we walked alongside Muggles wearing gaudy fake glasses and plastic hats.  I must admit Muggles do big events very well.  The only thing I could compared the atmosphere to were the times I went to the Quidditch World Cup.

"Blimey there are a lot of people," Ron noted as we pushed our way onto Westminster Bridge.

"Sometimes it's easy to forget how many Muggles there are if you keep yourself cloistered away," said Hermione tartly.

"I'm fully aware, but this is more than just walking down a street in London."

Ginny reached out an grabbed my hand.  "Harry I'm glad you dragged us out here," she told me, her eyes shining.  "Being around all this is amazing."

"It is pretty brilliant," I agreed.

The buzz in the crowd started to pick up in intensity.  I looked up at the clock and saw that midnight was rapidly approaching.  The crowd started the countdown and we enthusiastically joined in.  "Five, four, three, two, one.  Happy New Year!"  The shout went up.  Over Diagon Alley fireworks, enchanted so that the Muggles couldn't see, started to go off.

I looked down at your mum, suddenly unsure what to do next.  She said she wanted a kiss, but what sort?  A friendly peck or a serious snog?  Your mum, perhaps sensing my indecision took matters into her own hands and pulled me into what can only be described as an epic snog.  There are five kisses your mum and I have shared over the years that I will remember as long as I live, and this was one of them.  It was the sort of kiss that left no doubt in my mind that I was arse over kettle in love with your mum.  

"Happy New Year Ginny," I said when we came up for air.

"Happy New Year Harry," your mum replied with more warmth in her voice than I'd ever remembered hearing before.  We were still months away from reconciling all our of differences, but that night marked a turning point, even if I didn't fully realise it standing on that bridge in the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: First of all, I consider this chapter to be the platonic ideal for this project. It takes the concept for an episode of How I Met Your Mother, but keeps nothing from the episode itself (it helps that I haven't seen this particular episode in forever). Originally this was supposed to be the halfway point of the story, a typical sitcom has roughly twenty-four episodes in a season and the parallelism appealed to me. However, some of the chapters got away from me and that plan went right out the window. Still, this is the hinge point for the season. Also it wouldn't be a HIMYM homage without one reference to suits so there you go. Lastly, in the further proof I am shameless department there's also a Mass Effect joke buried in there because why not? As always, thanks for reading
> 
> -sam


	13. New Year's Day

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."  
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Thirteen: New Year's Day

* * *

Before I continue let me pause a moment and talk about drink.  It is nasty, vile stuff that makes you do stupid things and you should never, ever overindulge in it.  Why do I mention this?  For starters it's good, solid fatherly advice.  And it is not at all related to the state I woke up in that New Year's Day.  Stop snickering James, it's unbecoming.  Now as I was saying, I awoke the next morning feeling like Hagrid had just tap-danced on my head.  I groaned loudly and fumbled around on my nightstand to find my glasses.

"Keep it down would you?"  A voice I was not expecting to hear grumbled.  "Some people are trying to sleep."

My hand closed on my glasses and I hastily put them on to confirm what my hungover brain was telling me.  I sat up, a little too quickly, and looked over at the other side of the bed.  Sure enough you mum – your fully clothed mum – was lying curled up in a ball across from me.

"Ginny!" I hissed in a hoarse whisper.  "What are you doing here?"

"Don't you remember?  You said I was too drunk to Floo home, and that your sofa was rubbish to sleep on," your mum replied without opening her eyes.

"I did?"

"Yes you really don't remember?  You were very insistent."  
  
"The last thing I remember is going back to the Leaky Cauldron.  Everything after that is a blur."

"Well it's all Neville's fault."

"How is it Neville's fault?"

"He gave Hannah that book of Muggle drink recipes."

I groaned as the memory bubbled back up of Hannah giving us a variety of oddly coloured shots.  "Where did we go wrong?"

"I think it was that thing with the vodka.  Red something?  And then the tequila."  My stomach roiled at the memory.  "Harry?" your mum asked.

"Yeah?"

"Can you fetch me a potion for my head?"

"If I don't move I don't hurt as much," I replied.

"You're a wizard Harry, cast a summoning spell."

"Can't.  Hurts too much to get my wand."  We both lay there being very still.  I was trying to work up the courage to ask the question that had been nagging at me since I'd woken up.

"We didn't do anything," Ginny suddenly said.  "We both collapsed straight away."

"Oh, well thank goodness for that."  I could feel your mum arch her eyebrows even if she still wasn't facing me.  "Er what I mean is I'm glad we didn't do anything when we were in that state.  Not that I'm glad we didn't do anything...did I mention I have a terrible hangover?"

"I get what you're after.  Now are going to get me that potion or is Kreacher going to have to clean my sick off your sheets?"

"If you do that you'll have to move," I warned her.  Your mum's only reply was a groan that suggested she didn't exactly care much for my logic.

I clenched my teeth and rolled myself off the bed.  The room lurched dangerously as I stood up, but I managed to stagger into the bathroom.  Doing my best not to catch my reflection in the vanity mirror, I retrieved two potions to deal with the pounding in my head and to settle my stomach.  I also grabbed two more for your mum and staggered back into the bedroom.

"You do realise you're going to have to sit up to take these," I advised your mum.

She groaned and hauled herself up into an upright position.  "Thanks," she said before taking the offered potions.

"You look as bad as I feel," I told her as I fell back onto the bed, waiting for the potions to kick in.

"If you feel half as bad as I do, I must look like a wreck," she replied.  One arm was draped over her eyes to block out the sunshine seeping into the room.

Gradually the throbbing in my head receded into more of a dull ache and my stomach stopped insisting that it was about to throttle me.  Instead a different sort of grumble reminded me how long it had been since dinner the previous night.

"I'm going to get some breakfast.  Do you feel up to anything?"  
  
"I could probably choke down some eggs and toast."

"I'll have Kreacher bring you some," I offered.

"No, no.  I need to get up," your mum said before lurching to her feet unsteadily.

"Need a hand?"  I asked.

"Not with what I have to do," she replied before staggering into the bathroom.  I hung back long enough to make sure I didn't hear any retching noises then headed down to the kitchen.

Hermione and Ron were already sitting at the table when I walked into the kitchen.  Ron was tucked into a large plate of fried eggs and bacon while Hermione nibbled on a slice of toast.  They both looked equally worse for wear, thought freshly showered and dressed.

"Morning Harry," Hermione croaked.

"You're not dead," Ron noted as I sat down at the kitchen table.

"No, though it feels like a near thing."

"Does Master Harry desire breakfast?"  Kreacher asked.

"Yes please, I'll have what Ron's having," I told the house elf.  "And Ginny would like eggs and toast."  Kreacher nodded and returned to the stove.  "So what are your plans for today?"  I asked Hermione and Ron.

"I promised my parents we'd spend the day visiting," Hermione replied.  "What about you?"

"I'll probably just stay in and recover from last night."

"You should head over to the Burrow," Ron advised.  "Mum would love to see you."

"She saw me last week," I pointed out.

"That was an eternity ago to her way of thinking.  Morning Ginny, how are you this fine morning?"  He asked in an overly loud and cheerful voice when your mum entered the kitchen.  Ginny flashed your uncle a very rude gesture and sat down at the table next to me.

"I asked Kreacher to make you some eggs," I told your mum as she poured herself a cup of tea.  She nodded her head in thanks.

"So what are your plans for today Ginny?"  Hermione asked.  She discretely eyed both of us.

Your mum shrugged.  "I dunno, probably go work out and burn off some of the poisons from last night."

"You should help Ginny train Harry," Hermione said.  "After all, you did just say you had nothing to do today."

I glanced over at Ginny.  "I'm sure I would only slow her down."

"No that's alright, you can come along Harry.  You need the practice.  Your form was pretty rough when we flew together."

Part of me idly wondered what form she was talking about, but I decided to play along.  "If you don't think I'll be a hinderance then sure."

"That settles it then, why don't you find some training kit and we can Floo over to my place."

I looked over at Hermione and frowned.  This smelled like a set up, but when did they have a chance to get organised?  "Can I at least eat my breakfast?"

"Oh certainly," your mum replied.  "You'll need to keep your energy up after all."

"Ron I think your sister just insulted my conditioning."

"Careful Ginny, Harry's the most in shape bloke in the whole office."

"Not exactly setting the bar high there," Ginny noted as Ron polished off the rest of his bacon and eggs.

"Sure make jokes, but you've never had to go through the Auror training course."

"Hello, professional athlete here.  You spend most of your day sitting at a desk."

"And you're riding a broom!"  Ron shot back.

"Ron shut it.  You're going to get me involved in some horrid bet."

"A bet," your mum said thoughtfully.

"No," I said forcefully.  "There will be no bet.  At least none involving me.  If you want to challenge your brother at something have at it."

"Now hold on a moment, I never said anything about any bet," Ron quickly said.

"Why?" asked Ginny.  "Scared?"

"Of you when you're trying to prove a point?"  Absolutely."

Our banter was interrupted by Kreacher depositing two large plates, piled high with eggs, bacon and toast in front of your mum and I.  "Master's breakfast," Kreacher said.

"Thank-you Kreacher, it looks delicious," I said before tucking into my breakfast.  AS I expected, the food was perfectly prepared.

"This is very good Kreacher, thank-you," Ginny said.  Kreacher bowed deeply then busied himself with cleaning the kitchen.

"Well my mum is going to be expecting us soon so we should leave you two to your breakfasts," Hermione said before standing up and dragging Ron out of the kitchen with her.

"Why do I get the feeling Hermione is up to something?"

"Because you're a paranoid Auror, all you need is the magic eye and you'd be a dead ringer for old Mad Eye."

"Now that's a low blow."

Your mum put down her fork.  "But she's right, we do need to talk."

I thought back to the night before.  "I suppose we do, but not right now?  My head is still fuzzy."

"So's mine to be honest.  Plus I don't want to interupt this breakfast.  I could get used to eating like this."

"Of course you could, it's basically how you grew up."

"Did you just compare my mum to a house elf?"

I leaned in closer to your mum.  "Well don't tell Kreacher, but her cooking is better.  The best actually."

"I hate to break it to you Harry, but I've never had mum's knack around the kitchen."  As you well know your mum was selling herself short, but then again few people in the world can cook like Molly Weasley.

"Then it's a good thing for me that's not what i'm looking for," I said before I could catch myself.

Your mum forked egg onto a bit of toast then popped it into her mouth.  She started at me thoughtfully as she chewed.  "So what are you looking for?"

"You," I blurted out.

"That's, that's awfully specific."

I took a deep breath.  "I know I said I didn't want to talk about last night right now, but we really can't put it off can we?"

Ginny sighed and put her fork down.  "No I suppose not.  You go first."

"Well you know how I feel about you..."

"Do I?"

"Bloody hell..." I started to explode.

Ginny held up her hand and rested it on my arm.  "I'm sorry Harry, I shouldn't have said it that way.  But you really haven't said anything."

"I care about Ginny, a lot.  I think you do too, and I think we should try getting back together."

"Of course I care about you, but that's never been the issue."

"Then what is?"

"Oh let me think, have you done anything that might have set me off?"  There's an important lesson coming up here kids, so pay attention.

"You've certainly made it clear what a prat I was over the entire proposal incident."  That lesson is that when you're arguing with someone, be sure you're arguing about the same thing.

At this point your mum insists the following exchange took place.  "How typically Potter," Severus Snape said, appearing out of nowhere.  "Completely emotionally tone deaf."

"That was five years ago, it's understandable Harry wouldn't realise we're still thinking about it," Aunt Luna replied.  She too appeared out of nowhere and quickly hopped onto an end table. 

"Luna, Snape?"  Ginny asked in disbelief.

"Oh don't worry Ginny, we're not really here, and I'm not a ghost, we're simply projections in your mind," Luna explained.

"But why you two?"

"Ms. Weasley is now really the time to be asking that question?"

"I should think it's obvious.  Snape is the part of you that can't forgive Harry."

"I get what he represents, but why him?"

"Because it needs to be someone who was not one of Mr. Potter's admirers, would have preferred the Dark Lord himself?"  Snape sneered.

Ginny shuddered.  "Fair point.  So I guess Luna, you're here to convince me to forgive Harry?"

Luna shrugged.  "If that's what you want me to do."

"That's not very helpful Luna."

"It's not?  Ask me the question again and I'll try to do better."

"The question is should I get back together with Harry."

"But you already know the answer to that question."

"And it is also not the issue at hand," Snape added.  "Do you intend to forgive Mrs. Potter for his past transgressions."

"Wait back up!  What do you mean I already know the answer?"

"You obviously want to get back together with Harry."  Luna said.  "But like Professor Snape said.  The real question is are you going to confront Harry over abandoning you our sixth year.  Snape thinks you should make him suffer, but he always thinks Harry should get the hard road."

"And what about you?"

"I think the past is the past and you can't change it, but then again I'm not you."

Ginny frowned.  "I thought you said you were a figment of my imagination?"

"I might be a construct of your mind, but I'm still me, and therefore not you.  There is also a chance I'm just saying what you want to hear, and not providing very good advice because of it."

"At least you're consistent with the real Luna," Ginny groused.

"I'm glad you find me a realistic simulacrum."

"If you're done admiring your handiwork Ms. Weasley, may I remind you of the matter at hand?"  Snape grumbled.  "Are you or are you not going to confront Mr. Potter over the root cause of your discontent."

"I'm not going to tell him anything."

"Are you sure that's..." He stared at her appraisingly.  "...wise?"

"It's like Luna said, the past is in the past.  There's nothing I can do to change it.  Besides Harry is already carrying around enough guilt from those years, he doesn't need me piling on it."

Snape's mouth pulled into a sneer.  "Very well, if that is what you think is best."

Ginny nodded.  "I do."

"In that case I suspect Mr. Potter would like an explanation as to why you've been staring into thin air all this time."

The world around your mum seemed to unfreeze and her two illusionary visitors vanished.  She then took a deep breath.  "Harry, I won't lie, that made me very mad, and I think I've explained why.  Honestly if you'd just asked to get back together I'd probably have said yes."

"Ok then, let's do that," I quickly replied.

Your mum laughed.  "Harry, if you haven't already noticed we kind of already have done that."

"I thought that was just getting reacquainted?"

"Lying to yourself is a terrible thing isn't it?"

"Ok, so we're dating."  I will admit my heart skipped a beat when I said that.  "What happens now?"

Your mum stared at me a long moment, as if she was weighing her options.  "Well it's my understanding that you're about to be in the market for a new lodger.  What with your current tenants running off to a love nest."

I quirked an eyebrow.  "Perhaps, what's it to you?"

"It occurs to me that I know someone who would be interested in filling the vacancy.  Provided the deal on rent the previous tenants got is still available."

"Well that depends, who is this prospective tenant you have in mind?"  I knew of course, but it was fun to play along.

"Why me of course," Ginny said confidently.

"So you want to move in with me then?"

"As a housemate."

"But you already have a place."

"My lease is running out, and like you said, it's not really what you'd call homey."

"Your mum will have kittens."

"She'll be ecstatic someone is here keeping on eye on you after Hermione and Ron leave."

"You're just tired of having to pay rent each month."

Your mum grabbed me by the shirt collar.  "Listen Harry, do you want me as a housemate or not?  And before you answer may I remind you that this is a golden opportunity to see what it's like for us to live together.  And I'm sure you can see how this relates to the other thing.  Y'know, the one you asked me about?  If you want to make that happen you should probably say yes to this."

"Ginny I would be delighted to have you live here."

Your mum smiled.  "Good answer."  She tugged on my shirt collar and pulled me in for a kiss.

"I could get used to that," I said when we came up for air.

Ginny rolled her eyes.  "Of course you would say that."

I shrugged.  "It's the truth, and you obviously agree otherwise you wouldn't be so insistent on moving in."

"The snogging's not bad, but it's the rent that has me the most excited.  You know how us Weasleys get about pinching knuts."

"I'm trying to remember when I agreed that you'd get the same deal as Hermione and Ron.  They've both saved my life, what have you ever done for me?"

"You mean other than winning you the House Cup after you cast that stupid spell on Malfoy?"

"And you think that's equal?"

"To you, yes."  She had a point, I did.  "Besides, there was also that time by the lake..."  You know kids, this really was a long time ago and I don't quite remember every single thing that was said.

"That's a persuasive argument."

"I thought so."

"And of course you get the same deal Ginny.  I owe you just as much and Ron and Hermione."

"If you say anything about how I gave you a reason to fight, live, or anything similarly soppy I will hex you."

"I was thinking more about your filling in for you brother in a Quidditch match."

"Oh no.  You don't to consider that favour called in."

"I don't?"

"I'll let you know when you've repaid that debt, and I assure you it won't be for a long while."

"Is there anything I can do now to start paying you back?"

"Helping me train today would be a decent first step."

"That is something I would be glad to do," I replied before returning to my breakfast.

And that my dear children is how your mum and I decided to move in together.  You might think your mum took the easy way out by not confronting me first, but she really did believe she could move past the issues she had with my actions during the war.  As it turns out, that wasn't to be.  But the months we spent under the same roof did prove to her that she had to confront me in order to get what we both wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Fun fact, I had a raging hangover the day I edited this chapter, so you can't say I don't know what I'm writing about. Also, that's my excuse for any typographical errors that might have slipped through. It was literally impossible for me to ignore the Ted and Robin living together storyline. Now if only I could have done something with the goat, alas that remains a missed opportunity. Once again, thanks to all you kind people reading this project
> 
> -sam


	14. Meeting in the Park

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Fourteen: Meeting in the Park

* * *

Unfortunately at that moment I did not have time to think about the impending change to my living arrangements.  There was a Death Eater on the loose.  Finding Harris was our number one priority and we left no stone unturned.  I even paid a visit to an old "friend."

"I have no idea where that crazy half-blood is Potter," Draco Malfoy sneered.  "Though trust me if I did you'd be the first person I'd tell.  Of course that's precisely the reason none of my old 'friends' will confide in me.  But we all have our crosses to bear.  Was there anything else you wanted?  I have a pressing engagement on the Continent that I must attend to."

"No that's all we needed Mr. Malfoy," I ground out.  "The Auror Office thanks you for your time."

"I'm always happy to help the Ministry any way I can."  Draco stood up from behind his desk in his office and held his hand out to me. 

I rose from the over-stuffed wing back chair facing the desk and grudgingly shook Malfoy's hand.  "And we appreciate your willingness."

"I trust you can show yourself out?"  Malfoy said dismissively.  "Oh and Potter?  I do hope you catch Harris.  I never met the man, but from what my father said he was never the most stable individual."

"I'll keep that in mind.  Give my regards to your mother," I said before walking out of Draco's study and Apparating back to the Ministry.

* * *

"So did the git have any useful information?"  Ron asked as soon as I sat down at my desk.

"Other than the fact that he's scared witless of Harris?  None."

"That makes sense, the Malfoys didn't do themselves any favours naming names the way they did."

"There was more to it than that.  I got the impression that even amongst the Death Eaters they found Harris off putting."

"Blimey, considering that lot that is saying something."

"It certainly does, useful too."

"How's that?"

"If the other Death Eaters were nervous around him that means he doesn't play by their rules."

"Sure, trying to blow up the Express already proved that."

"I still say that wasn't what he was after."

"And I'll remind you that for someone not trying to blow up a train he came awful close."

"We wouldn't take him seriously if he didn't mean it."

"Alright fine, but if he was trying to make a point then why didn't he tell us what he was planning?"

"If the man who destroyed the Hogwarts Express said he was going to do something, wouldn't you pay attention to what he had to say?"

"That's...ok, fair enough.  Still that's bloody callous, and now I see why he gave the Death Eaters the creeps."

"But it still doesn't get us closer to knowing where he's going to strike next.  


"If anyone can figure it out, it's you mate."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"I'm serious Harry you're brilliant at this stuff.  It's a little spooky to be honest.  If I didn't know you better I'd say all that time in Voldemort's head has rubbed off on you."

"Please tell me nobody actually thinks that," I groaned.

"Lucky for you Hermione and I are the only ones who know exactly how far into each other's heads you were, but there is talk."

"Of course there is," I said with a sigh.

"Admit it, you wouldn't know what to do with yourself if there wasn't talk."

"that's not true, I would live my life in peace and quiet."

"Peace and quiet?  As an Auror?"

"You know what I mean."

"I know Harry, you just want to do your job and be left alone.  Well too bad because that's not going to happen.  Especially if you keep up things with Ginny.  Not even your little arrangement with the papers will do you any good when they realise big Mr. Hero is living with Ms. Quidditch Star.  The heart wants what it wants and all, but you really haven't thought this one through."

"Oh I don't know, what do you think Ginny is going to do to the first papparazzi that intrudes on us."

Your uncle chuckled, "So this is deliberate payback then, I get it.  For shame Mr. Potter, using my baby sister to do your dirty work for you."

"Ease up there mate, you know that's just an added bonus.  Besides I think I have to worry more about busybody friends."

Your uncle's face fell.  "Come on Harry, be reasonable, you aren't exactly complaining after all."

I should probably stop and explain.  Remember that conversation your mum and Aunt Hermione had, and how Hermione had "suggestions" for your mum?  I think you can guess what they were.

* * *

"Ron and I are moving out of Grimmauld Place sometime early next year," Hermione told Ginny over after dinner coffee.

"How nice for you and Ron, and of course I'll help you move, schedule permitting, but what does that have to do with me and Harry?  Oh no, no no, no no no, no."

"Wow seven no's, and I didn't even say anything," Hermione quipped.

"You're going to say I should move into Grimmauld Place after you leave."

"Well yes, I was..."

"And what on earth makes you think that's a good idea?"

"For starters we all agree that Harry shouldn't be left alone in that house.  I've tried to convince him to find a smaller flat, but he keeps refusing."

"Hermione I keep telling you don't worry about Harry, he's fine and will continue to be fine."

"Does this have to do with your mysterious disappearance with Harry's  last week?''

"That's between Harry and myself, but yes.  Harry won't be sitting alone in Grimmauld Place brooding...much..."  Your mum added with a frown.

"Ginny I've been fretting over Harry's well-being for half my life.  You know how he is, unless someone is there to push him he will brood, and between the move and the marriage, Ron and I won't have enough time to keep an eye on him."

"I don't want to move to become Harry's minder, and you can't guilt me into this.  Harry's psyche isn't nearly as fragile as you make it out to be."

"I'm not trying to guilt you into doing anything.  In fact I told Ron not too long ago that he should in no way shape or form suggest what I just did.  And do you want to know why I changed my mind?"

"I'm guessing 'because you're a big hypocrite?' isn't your answer."

"It's because I think it would be good for both of you."

"And why do you say that?"

"Because it might help you work through your issues with Harry, but also it will get you active again.  Tell me, when was the last time you did anything fun?  And don't say your dates with Harry."

Your mum opened her mouth to protest, then closed it as she thought.  "All right, so I've been in a bit of a rut lately, but I don't see how having me move in with the most reclusive bloke in Britain will cure that."

"The way I see it the two of your will either keep yourselves entertained, or you'll drive each other out of the house.  Ginny, I saw the way you two were snogging last week, and I am telling you, as a friend, as both your friends, that you should do this.  And tell him how you feel, about all of it."

Your mum leaned back in her chair, "He is a good kisser.  Did you happen to know that?"

"I can't say that I've ever had the pleasure.  Do you want me to describe your brother's technique?  Perhaps we could compare notes."

"Merlin no.  Alright, I'll think it over, is that good enough?"

"Yes but think quickly, I happen to know your lease is running out soon."

"I love you Hermione, but you can be truly frightening, I don't know what's going to happen when you become the Minister of Magic.  Everyone is going to dance to your whims."

"I promise I will only use my powers for good."

"Still, moving in with Harry wouldn't be all bad," your mum mused.  "It's a big house, in a nice part of London, and house-elf cooked meals."

"I'm glad you're capable of looking on the bright side," Hermione deadpanned.

"I promise Hermione I will seriously think about it."

"That's all I can ask," Hermione primly replied.

* * *

"I swear Harry, I had no idea Hermione was going to put Ginny up to that," Ron insisted.

I held up my hands.  "Ron stop, it's fine.  I'm not cross with Hermione, that much.  I mean you're right I'm not complaining.  If anything it is the only logical decision."

"But you dislike the thought of people meddling in your affairs on principle."

"Exactly."

"Still, speaking as someone who had to live with Ginny for a very long time, I hope you know what you're getting into."

"Oh there are plenty of differences between twenty-one year old Ginny and eleven year old Ginny," I muttered under my breath.

"What's that?"

"Oh nothing," I replied.

A letter flying in and landing on my desk cut off your uncle's reply.  "Who's that from?" 

"Dunno," I said as I picked up the letter and opened the envelope.  As I started to read it my blood ran cold.

"Harry what is it?"

"It's from Harris, he wants to meet with me, alone."

"And if you don't something blows up?"

"You wanted to know what he gets by even attempting to destroy the Express?  Private meetings with Harry Potter for starters."

"You're not actually going to go alone are you?  At least let me tag along under the cloak."

"He's clever, and might have figured out a way to spot people under the cloak."

"Well where is the meeting?"

I stood up and Transfigured my robes into a smart business suit.  "Hyde Park, near the Serpentine Bridge.  Tell Robards I've gone.  If I run into any problems I'll send you a message with my DA coin."

"Harry if you think I'm letting you walk into a meeting with a dark wizard with no backup you're mental.  Now hand over the cloak.  Don't worry I'll hang back and watch from a safe distance."  There's a reason your Uncle Ron is my best friend.  This was another example of the bond between us.  It was a hard blow for me the day he left the Aurors.

I tossed Ron the Invisibility Cloak.  "Alright fine, but you're there just to observe, don't do anything unless I signal you, or he tries to cast a Killing Curse on me."  I scrawled a hasty note to Robards and sent it and the letter from Harris flying to him.  "Let's go.  No sense in keeping the homicidal maniac waiting."

* * *

We Apparated to a safe spot in the park then made our way to the bridge.  Ron broke off from me and walked towards a copse of trees, pulling on the Invisibility cloak as he went.  It was a cold overcast day, so despite it being in the middle of the afternoon there was not much foot traffic in the park, just a handful of zealous joggers and cyclists.

Harris was waiting for me on the eastern side of the bridge.  He was dressed in casual Muggle attire, a warm jacket, blue jeans and trainers.  Standing in front of him was a young boy, no older than ten, with a glazed look on his face.  Harris caught sight of me and rested a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"That's close enough Mr. Potter."

"Who's the boy?"  I asked.

"Just a little insurance policy.  Don't make any sudden moves and he might even see his mother again.  Are you here alone?"

"there isn't a team of Aurors waiting in the wings to take you out if that's what you mean, but I'm not alone either."

"I thought I was explicit in my instructions."

"And you expected me to just walk into a potential trap without any back up?  He's nearby, but if you don't try anything he'll hold his position."

"Fair enough I suppose.  You're not one to leave an angle uncovered are you Mr. Potter?"

"Nor you Mr. Harris," I replied evenly.  The hostage complicated things, but it also wasn't entirely unexpected.

"Is this the part where you tell me the war is over and I should turn myself in?"

"Would it make a difference if I did?"

"Of course not.  The Dark Lord is dead, and so are his beliefs.  It's a new world, and I fully intend to make my own mark on it."

"Then why did you want to talk to me?"

"I wanted to congratulate you on figuring out my little train caper.  The Dark Lord was right when he said you were a formidable opponent."

"And look where that got him."

"Ah yes, but you had help there."

I shrugged.  "It's not my fault he didn't understand wand lore."

"Except we both know that wasn't the real reason for his downfall.  Not the reason he searched out the Elder Wand in the first place."

"Our wands shared a core..."

"Stop playing games Potter.  Voldemort had me research the 'twin core' problem.  I quickly realised it was due to the confluence of you being a Horcrux and the ritual which returned his corporeal form, and not something minor like wand cores."

"And you decided not to share this information with Voldemort because?"

"He's the one who decided to meddle with Horcruxes.  If he couldn't anticipate every consequence of that action," he shrugged.

"That's an impressive bit of research, but do you have a point?"

"My point is that for the longest time I was not that impressed by you," Harris sneered.  "Yes, you defeated Voldemort, but that required bravery, not skill or cunning."

"We broke into Gringots."

"You had help, but that's not my point.  You figured out what I was going to do.  I did not expect that."

"You don't seem very bothered that we foiled your plot."

"A minor setback.  What I want to know is, can you figure out where I'm going strike next?"

"Why don't you tell me.  Since we're both right here."

"But that takes all the fun out of it."

Not that I intended it, but white-hot anger flared up inside me.  "You think this is some kind of game?"

"Don't misunderstand me Mr. Potter.  I am deadly serious."  He moved his hand from the boy's shoulder and encircled his throat.  "But that doesn't mean I can't find enjoyment from our little dance.  Surely you feel the same, the thrill of the hunt."

"Tracking down Death Eaters like yourself is my job.  I take no pleasure in it."

"Really Mr. Potter, that's all you see me as, just another Death Eater like those fools Yaxley, or Dolohov?"

"No," I replied.  "I see you as someone who should've known better.  I've read your file, and I understand you wanted to enact your revenge on the Ministry for sacking you, but your stepfather was Voldemort's power base personified, why help them?"

"Because despite his blind spot towards blood purity Voldemort was proof that power is the ultimate currency, and orphan half-blood cowed some of the oldest, most powerful families in Britain.  That was a feat worthy of my respect."

"But then he turned out not to be all powerful.  That must have been quite a blow to you."

"Not really, like I said, I figured out his weakness, it was only a matter of time before someone destroyed the Horcruxes.  However that's all in the past, Voldemort's beliefs have all withered and his acolytes are all dead or imprisoned."

"Except for you."

"Except for me."

"And now what, you're going to raise a new army?  Start this all over again."

"All I want Mr. Potter, is to get what I think should be mine."

"And that is?"

Harris smiled at me.  "That is for me to know and you to find out.  Rest assured though, my next 'caper' will be felt for a long time."

"You won't succeed Harris, I stopped Voldemort, I can stop you too."

"That has yet to be determined."

"Come now Harris, make this easy on yourself.  Let the boy go and turn yourself in."

"I don't think so."  He leaned down and whispered something into the boy's ear.  Suddenly the youth ran off and jumped into into the lake.  "Oh dear, I don't think I remembered to tell the lad to swim.  Good day Mr. Potter."

I cursed Harris as I ran past him and dove into the freezing water after the child.  By the time I pulled him to the surface Ron was waiting for me by the shore, and Harris was nowhere to be seen.

"Bloody hell Harry, what was that all about?"

"He Imperioused the boy," I told Ron in a low voice.  "We should take him to St. Mungo's for observation."

"It's ok," Ron called out to the steadily growing crowd on onlookers.  "We're with the Met.  The boy is fine.  We're just going to take him hospital to get checked out.  Nothing more to see, go on about your business."

"Let's get out of here," I said to Ron through chattering teeth.

* * *

After taking the boy to St. Mungo's, he was fine by the way, your uncle and I returned to the office.  Robards was waiting by the door for us, the letter from Harris clenched in his hand.

"He kidnapped a Muggle boy from a schoolyard and used him as a diversion to get away," I explained before Robards had a chance to say anything.

"What did he want from you?"

"I think he was trying to feel me out, see if we had any ideas what he was up to, and taunt me a little in the process."

"And did he drop any hints about what he's planning to do?"

"I shook my head.  "Nothing direct, but it's going to be big.  That much was obvious."

"We'll step up the security detail around the Ministry," Robards declared.  "I can't say I'm pleased by your gallivanting Mr. Potter, but at least no one was hurt."

"Yes sir at least there was that," I agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: I had to work in a seven no's joke because it's one of my favorite gags from the show. And Hermione does strike me as sharing that manipulative mother hen thing that Lily, the Lily from How I Met Your Mother that is, has; so of course she'll do things she forbids Ron from. Beyond that, this is one of those mid-season episodes that is just moving the plot along but not much else. Thanks again for reading.
> 
> -sam


	15. Moving Day

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter 15: Moving Day

* * *

"Where do you want this box Hermione?" I asked as I stepped into the kitchen of Cotswallace House through the Floo, a levitated box in my hands. After several weeks of waiting for all the various hurdles to be cleared your aunt and uncle were finally moving into their new house.

"That one's books so you can take it straight to the library," Hermione instructed me. As you might imagine your aunt was running the move with tactical precision. In the time between agreeing to buy the house and the move Hermione had meticulously packed all their possessions in colour coded boxes. Naturally your uncle and I promptly forgot what colour went with what room forcing Hermione to direct us.

"More books, what a surprise," I said before dashing out of the kitchen ahead of Hermione's wrath.

"Stop baiting Hermione," Ginny scolded me as we crossed paths in the hall. "I know it's fun, but it also makes the day rougher for the rest of us."

"Only because it means you can't wind her up," I countered.

"Exactly! If I can't take the piss out of Hermione when she's stressed then why am I here?"

"Because she's your dear friend who'd you do anything for?"

"Apparently, because I'm here lugging around colour coded boxes when I could be at home asleep."

"It seems to me like you're following me around while I lug the boxes."

"I reckon I've moved more than you Mr. Check-With-Hermione-Over-Every-Box."

"I'm just making sure everything goes in its right place," I said. "Hermione put so much effort into getting all this stuff organise d; it would be a shame to ignore it."

"And if it means you wind up not doing as much work as the rest of us so much the better?"

"That might play a part," I allowed as we entered the library. "Honestly I expect Grimmauld Place to be bare when we're finished." I placed the box down next to the large pile in the center of the room.

"You're going to miss them," your mum stated.

"Ron and I have lived together since we were eleven so yes tonight is going to be bloody strange," I admitted.

"The end of an era. Not that you need me banging on about it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're getting moody, and we can't have that, not on Hermion e and Ron's big day."

"I thought that was in June."

"Oh don't be dense, today is every bit as important. After all, it's not like they've ever actually lived together on their own now have they?"

"I think we've already established that," I replied stiffly.

"And it's not like you expect ed the three of you to live together forever, right? Right?" She added when I did not respond.

"No, of course not." I said half-heartedly.

"Harry you're not...upset over them moving out?"

I hastily cast a Muffliato around us before continuing. "Would you think less of me if I said I was?" I admitted. "I mean obviously this is what's best for them, and I can't begrudge them that, but for so long it's been the three of us. Me, Ron, and Hermione. Now it feels like Hermione and Ron , and then me. They're still my best friends, but it just feels different."

Your mum held her arms out and pulled me into a hug. "Of course it feels that way Harry. They're getting married, and that means they're not going to be nearly as involved in your life as they used to be. They can't, not when they have to maintain this quite frankly obscenely nice house."

I looked around the library and chuckled. "It is very nice isn't it? Maybe we could use it as the place everyone gets together instead of Grimmauld Place."

" You have people over? " She asked incredulously before hugging me again. "This is change Harry, but it's a good change."

I took a deep breath, "I know and I will come to grips with it sooner rather than later."

"Good now let's get back to the kitchen before Hermione tries to find us and wonders why we have a Muffliato up. Unless you want to tell them all that stuff you just told me."

"No, this is something I am not talking to either of them about. I don't want them to ever think they have to do something for my account ever again."

"As noble as always Mr. Potter, but tell me, did you think of getting them a house-warming gift?"

"Ah, er no, was I supposed to?"

"Yes you git!" Your mum said, rapping me on the forehead.

"Then I guess I'd better come up with something good to make it up to them." I fell silent for a moment before hitting on an idea. "Ok, I've got it, but I'll need your help." I explained my plan to your mum.

"Oh that is clever, of course you can count me in," Your mum said, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

"I thought you'd like it. Do you think you can get your hands on a copy of the list?"

Of course, just run a little interference for me."

"I'll do my best," I told your mum before dismissing the Muffliato.

"I'll start looking in the study," she whispered into my ear. "It's a shame you don't have your cloak with you, and if you do please don't tell me, I don't want to know why you'd bring it to help your friends move."

"Relax, I left it back at Grimmauld Place, I'm not that paranoid."

"Yet."

"Don't you have a list to find?"

"Yes sir Auror Potter sir," replied your mum before tossing me a very mocking salute.

"Smart arse," I muttered.

"It's why you love me."

"Your arse is certainly one reason," I cheekily shot back. I scampered out of the room just ahead of the Bat-bogey Hex that shot my way.

* * *

Still chuckling to myself, I walked back into the kitchen where I found both your aunt and uncle. "What do you need me to get next?" I asked.

"This is the last of it," Ron said as he hefted the box he was holding.

"Where's Ginny?" Hermione asked.

"I dunno, around I guess?" I replied with a shrug. "I saw her in the hall a few minutes ago, but I don't know where she ran off to."

"You're not stealing off to some empty room to have a snog with my baby sister are you Harry?" Ron asked.

"No of course not!" I shot back with as much indignation as I could muster.

"Besides he can just as easily do that when he and Ginny return to Grimmauld Place," Hermione primly said.

"Isn't that what you were after?" I asked your aunt. There are several sure fire ways to distract your aunt and uncle, but very few of them work on them both. Fortunately talking about me is, or rather was, one of them.

"I thought having a familiar face around the house would be helpful." Never forget for a moment kids that your Aunt Hermione is by far and away the most devious and manipulative of all your relatives. If she wants something to happen, she will make it happen. "If the two of your start kissing that's none of my concern."

"I'm glad you're so concerned for my mental well-being Hermione, but did you stop and think what it will do to me sanity being around Ginny that much?"

"If that's the case Harry then I suggest you do something about it," Hermione said coyly.

Now your mum and I had already sort of started to talk about that very topic, but I wasn't about to tell your aunt that, not when I was running cover for Ginny. "I don't know Hermione, Ginny's made it pretty clear to me what she's looking for."

"If New Year's Eve is any indication what she's looking for is you," Hermione noted.

"That was more the moment than anything else; she's not after anything long term."

"Harry, you should talk to Ginny about..." Hermione started to say.

"Talk to me about what?" Your mum asked.

"About what your responsibilities as housemates are going to be," Hermione said. "I'd hate for any resentment to fester because of a misunderstanding." She practically glared at Ginny as she said that last part.

"In that case we'd better get back to Grimmauld Place and hash this out." I walked over and hugged your aunt and uncle. "Congratulations you two, this house is genuinely brilliant."

"Thanks mate," Ron replied.

The three of us all stood in front of the fireplace. Nobody spoke, but at the same time we didn't want to leave. We all recognise d that the moment I stepped into the Floo all the things I told your mum would happen would become real. And while it's true that your Uncle Ron and I are still best mates, we aren't nearly as close now as we were back then. It's not that I wouldn't walk through hell and back for Ron or Hermione, but our lives have diverged. There's nothing wrong with that either. As your mum said, things change, that's life, and I certainly wouldn't give up you lot to go back to living in Grimmauld Place with Hermione and Ron. Though some of those owls I get from Hogwarts have made me reconsider from time to time .

Ginny broke the moment by grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the floo. "Come on Harry, I'm sure Hermione and Ron would like to spend some time on their own in their house. Plus we still have stuff to do at Grimmauld Place."

"Right, well, I'll see you both tomorrow then, yeah?"

"Of course Harry," Hermione said.

"And we'll be over for dinner soon," Ron added.

"As soon as you get tired of take-out you mean," Ginny said.

"Hermi...er we can cook," Ron protested.

"Hermione I forbid you from cooking for my brother," Ginny declared. Make that prat earn his meal for once."

Your aunt laughed. "We're going to be learning cooking together. I've already picked out the cook book I want to use."

"I'll tell Kreacher to set you both places at the dinner table tonight then," I told Hermione.

"Oh go on, get out of here already," Hermione said as she cuffed me on the shoulder.

Ginny tugged on my hand again. "Good luck you two," She called out before activating the Floo and dragging me back to Grimmauld Place. "You already miss them don't you," She told me after we landed in the drawing room.

I glanced back at the fireplace mournfully. "Yeah I do," I admitted. "That sounds ridiculous doesn't it?"

"It does, but the three of you have relied on each other for so long that it's to be expected. But like I said, we have other things to discuss."

"Did you find the list?"

"Found and copied," Ginny replied as she produced a piece of paper filled with your aunt's precise handwriting.

"Great job, so do you reckon the first one on the list is her top choice?"

"That would be the most Hermione thing to do," your mum agreed. "She even has the dates for when she and Ron are going to tour the places listed."

"Even better, we can swoop in and book the top choice before they have a chance to get there." As you might've guessed my plan was to pay for Ron and Hermione's wedding venue.

"You realise there's a chance this could blow up in your face if you don't get the right place."

"I think we we just give them anywhere that's not the Burrow or that church they'll jump at it."

"Since it means they can 'blame' you for it. After all, how could Ron and Hermione refuse your generous offer?"

"That's my hope at least. Do you want to help me check this place out?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean if the press catches wind of the two of us checking out wedding halls they will draw the wrong conclusion. I know Hermione is only considering Muggle places to accommodate her family, but still."

"We could put on disguises," I offered.

"I would look ridiculous with a fake mustache."

"I could wear the mustache."

"You would look even more ridiculous."

"Best not to worry about such things then. So will you help?"

"Of course I will. You're right, this is a brilliant thing to do for Hermione and Ron. When do we start?"

"Right after we finish moving you in."

"Why did we think two moves in one day was a good idea?"

"You're the one who said 'Let's just get this over with.' So don't look to me for any sympathy."

"At least I don't have nearly as much stuff and Ron and Hermione, and most of it we can just put in the basement."

"No sense waiting around then," I said as I reached for a handful of Floo Powder.

* * *

Fortunately for both of us your mum had already packed all her belongings. So when we arrived at her flat it was a simple matter to cart them back to Grimmauld Place. All told the job barely took two hours.

"I'm a little surprised Ron or Hermione hasn't come by yet," Ginny noted as she tucked into her dinner of roast and vegetables.

"Hermione's pretty serious about the two of them fending for themselves," I replied. "Even if they make a hash of dinner they'll get take out." 

"In that case good for her. Don't take this the wrong way Harry, but the three of you were a little too...er close the past couple years. And no, I don't mean it that way. It just seems like you don't really have a life outside of them. Spending some time apart might be good for all of you."

"You make it sound so toxic."

"I didn't intend to, but you do live quite the cloistered life."

"It's not that bad. There's work, nights spend at the Leaky Cauldron, the Quidditch league. Not to mention the time I spend with Teddy and dinners at the Burrow. Contrary to what you might think I do have a life. And no, I don't have a huge social circle, but you of all people should understand why that is."

"I guess I'm not really one to talk am I?"

"That's ok, we can be pathetic and have no social life together."

Your mum sighed and set down her fork. "Harry, there is one other thing. We need to discuss ground rules."

"Ground rules?"

"Yes, you know, between us."

"But I thought..."

"I'm not sharing a room with you," she said flatly , though that went out the window in a hurry . "And the answer is still no. Other than that, anything is far game. Can you live with that?"

"Easily," I replied as I reached across the table to grab a hold of your mum's hand.

"Harry are you really ok with this? I know what you want, and that's just not something I'm looking for right now."

"Ginny what I want right now is you, that's all...that was incredibly soppy wasn't it?"

"Don't worry Mr. Auror, your secret is safe with me," Your mum said with a smile.

"I am serious though, I do want to marry you, but if you're not ready, not interested, well that's alright."

"But what if I'm never ready?"

"As long you as you still fancy me, what does it matter? You do fancy me, right?"

"We wouldn't be having this conversation if I didn't."

"So there you have it, why worry about anything more than that right now?"

"How very eloquent."

"I have my moments."

"And that wasn't one of them...still." She clenched my hand. "I appreciate that you aren't pushing me on this. I know it can't be easy on you. And if you say you're just happy being near me I'll punch you. Do you have any idea how creepy that sounds?"

I nodded. "Point taken."

"Oh don't look so glum Harry. I actually agree with you. I just wish you could say it in a nicer way."

"Well how about this, I love you."

Children I am not making this part up, your mum launched herself across the table into my arms. In the process she sent plates and cutlery flying across the kitchen, but we were both too busy snogging to pay it any notice.

"What brought that on?" I asked when we came up for air.

"You said you love me you git. You've never said that to me."

"I haven't?"

"I'm fairly certain you'd remember if you had."

"And why's that?"

"Because this would be my reply." She leaned into me and we shared another epic kiss. She then slid out of my lap, dragged me out of the kitchen, and we then went to bed...in our separate rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: So that happened, and let me just make this promise now. From here to the end there will be none of that standard romcom breakup/makeup crap, it's all one long straight line to the end. They just have to work out their issues. Thanks again to everyone who's read so far.
> 
> -sam


	16. Puzzles

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Sixteen: Puzzles

* * *

"Oh come on Dad. Do you really expect us to believe that's what happened?" James interjected.

"It is my story, and this is how I remember it," I told James.

"Pipe down James," Albus said. "Do you really want Dad to give us a blow by blow description of whatever did happen?"

"No I just want the truth," James shot back at his brother.

"Okay fine, so from now on just the truth," I told my sons. "Now where was I? Ah yes, so the next morning I awoke to the most glorious sight. Your mum's bare bum as she bent over to retrieve her knickers from where they fell the night before."

"Alright, I take it back," James said quickly. "I don't want to know."

"Thanks a lot James," Lily spat out. "The last thing I wanted to hear about today was Mum's bum."

"Don't give Dad a challenge," Albus warned his sister. "So the next morning you met Mum for breakfast in the kitchen, right dad?"

I nodded. "That's right Albus. I was eating my breakfast when Mum walked in…"

* * *

"Morning Harry," Your mum said as she entered the kitchen dressed in pajama bottoms and a long-sleeved shirt, and not a faded, oversized Holyhead shirt and a pair of tiny gym shorts.

"Morning," I replied. Ginny leaned over and kissed me on the cheek as she walked over to the stove to help herself to the bacon and eggs Kreacher had prepared.

"So where are we going today?" She asked after she sat down at the table.

"Uffington."

"Uffington?"

"Yes. It's in Oxfordshire. There's an inn just outside town that Hermione and her parents stayed at right before she got her Hogwarts' letter."

"That's kind of sweet actually."

I nodded. "Plus Uffington is fairly small. So if there are any incidents it should be easy to contain them."

"And there's the pragmatic Hermione we all know and love. So the plan is to go there, throw a lot of money at them and hope they say yes?"

"Pretty much yeah."

"Seems solid enough. Could we go to Gringotts and get a briefcase full of Muggle money to pay for it?"

"I'd rather the good people of Uffington not think I'm a mobster."

"Pity, that sounds like it would be fun. How are you going to pay?"

"The same way I do for everything else. Have Gringotts settle the account for me. As soon as people realise you have serious money how you pay stops being important."

"Have you set up an appointment?"

"Why would I need an appointment?"

"You certainly have the part of entitled snob down."

I shrugged. "I figured we'd go there and get things settled. That's quicker than finding a telephone and calling ahead."

"You have more experience deal with Muggles than I do. I'm sure you've got it all figured out."

"Well not all of it, but it'll be more fun going there and winging it. Besides this way you get to hang on my arm and put on airs."

"And what makes you think I want to do that?"

"Because you've always enjoyed putting one over on people."

"So it is an undercover assignment then."

"Of a sort, we do have to pass ourselves off as Muggles after all."

"You know you don't have to sell me on doing this with you. I was simply curious if you had anything planned out."

"It's not like we're about to raid a Death Eater hideout."

"No this is Ron and Hermione's wedding, it's much more important."

"Professional dignity requires me to disagree, but I can't. Short of the Harris case this is my top priority."

"How is that going by the way?"

"Frustrating, he pops up, does something, then vanishes again. And every time it's just enough to justify keeping our focus on him, but it's not like he's raising an army. He's, I don't know, causing trouble, but that's underselling his exploits."

Ginny leaned over and patted my hand. "Well I'm sure you'll catch him before he does any real damage."

I glanced down and caught her hand in mine. "It's not the job is it?"

"Is what the job?"

"The reason you keeping saying no, it's not because of the job is it?"

"What? No, Merlin, why would you think that?"

"It's not exactly the safest job in the world."

"And neither is Quidditch, but I don't see you making a big deal out of it."

"Of course not, I know how much playing means to you, and I wouldn't want to take it away from you."

"Precisely, I know how long you've wanted to be an Auror. I also know how good you are your job, and quite frankly, I sleep better knowing you're out there working to keep us safe. Besides, I happen to think Aurors are quite dashing."

"All Aurors?"

"Well maybe not all of them, but the speccy ones? Most definitely."

"And what's your opinion on scars?"

"Provided we're not talking about someone completely covered, like poor old Mad Eye Moody, scars are quite sexy, especially scars earned by standing up for what you believe in." She raised my right hand and gently kissed the back of it.

"Lucky me," I observed.

"You better believe it."

I thought back to the conversation Seamus and I had on New Year's Eve. "I honestly never thought I'd say that and mean it."

"You never thought you'd live to see your eighteenth birthday."

"There's that too," I agreed. "And Ginny, I'm sorry."

Your mum stiffened in her seat. "Sorry about what?"

"These past few years…I wouldn't say I was aimless."

"You were anything but," interjected Ginny.

"But I wasn't…I don't know...settled? I think it's partially why we drifted apart. I just wasn't ready to handle all this…stuff."

"And now you are?"

"Yes, at least I want this, the two of us dating. I've never really done that before. I've had dates, but never anything lasting, not like this."

"I knew you were a 'love 'em and leave 'em' kind of bloke."

I felt my mouth quirk into a smile. "Yeah that's me. But that time we were together at Hogwarts was the longest I've ever been in a relationship, as pathetic as that sounds."

Ginny rested an index finger on my lips. "Harry I'm only going to tell you this once. You have nothing to apologise for regarding your actions after the battle." In hindsight I should have noticed that she didn't say anything about before the battle, but that's how it goes. "Neither of us was in the right frame of mind to be in a real relationship then. Beyond that, for Merlin's sake stop thinking about it, you'll drive yourself mental." I later learned this was as much your mother talking to herself as it was directed at me. "Just enjoy what we have right now."

I reached up and grabbed your mum's hand. "I can do that."

"Now then, didn't you say something about checking out an inn?"

"I did, but I figured you'd want to find some trousers first. I mean I have no objections if you want to prance around the house in your 'pajamas' but Muggles have decency laws."

"Are you done having your fun? Because I can just as easily 'prance about the house' wearing winter robes." I'm not proud to admit it, but that threat did shut me up. "Of course I meant after we get cleaned up. You're not exactly dressed to be out and about either.

I glanced down at my own faded shirt and flannel bottoms. "I suppose you're right. Leave after we get dressed?"

"What's the rush?" Ginny replied and got up from the table. I don't recall which one of us dragged the other upstairs, so I'll just say it was your mum who couldn't resist my charms…don't tell her I said that.

* * *

Later that day, after a vigorous practice session to help your mum stay in top Quidditch form, we made our way to the small village of Uffington. As we walked up the lane to the Pale Horse Inn Ginny shot me an inquisitive look.

"Harry, if this inn is Hermione's first choice why haven't they already booked a reservation?"

"The cost of the rental; Hermione left a note here saying it was out of their price range."

"But what about the parents? Surely together they could cover the cost. Or are they both dead set about having the wedding where they want it?"

I shrugged. "I haven't really talked to Hermione about it much. I get the sense she wants to do the whole wedding her way."

"Well you're about to blow that plan to hell."

"Yes but hopefully she'll forgive me."

"She better, this place is gorgeous." And it was the Pale Horse was a picturesque country inn complete with stone fence and slate roof that looked out over rolling green hills.

We pushed through the simple front gate and entered the inn. The interior was as homey and inviting as the exterior. A cheery fire roared in the large fireplace that dominated one wall of the lobby.

"Can I help you?" A short, balding man asked from behind the reservation desk.

"I hope so," I told the man as your mum and I walked up to the desk. "I hear you rent this inn out for weddings?"

"That we do. I take it you're in the market for a wedding venue?"

I nodded. "That we are."

"Excellent. Step into my office." He walked out from behind the desk as lead us into a tiny office. "Pardon the mess, we just bought the place and we're still getting things squared away." He cleared several armfuls of notebooks and folders off the two chairs facing the equally cluttered desk before scrambling over a banker's box to dis down behind the desk.

"I'm Carter Thomas, nice to meet you Mr.?"

"Harry Potter," I replied as I shook Thomas' hand.

"Ginny Weasley," your mum offered.

"Well first of all, congratulations Mr. Potter and Ms. Weasley, and I'm glad you're considering out little inn for your happy day."

Your mum and I shared an embarrassed glance. "Uh Mr. Thomas, Ginny and I aren't the ones getting married. Our two best friends are, and we're looking to surprise them."

"They must be some friends," Thomas said.

"That they are," I agreed.

"Plus the groom is my brother," Ginny added.

"That's very generous of you."

"They helped me through a rough patch," I explained. "This is the least I could do."

"Well what do you know about the property?"

"Honestly nothing. We nicked a list from Hermione, the bride, and this inn was the first on the list."

"I see. In that case let me give you a brief history lesson. The Pale Horse Inn has been in existence in one form or another for the past two centuries. My business partner and I purchased the property only recently."

"Do you have much experience running and inn?"

"None whatsoever, we were both in copywriting. But one day after work we were down at the pub and I just had this brainstorm. We should buy a pub. One thing lead to another and here we are."

"Owning a pub, that's a brilliant idea," I enthused.

"I know isn't it? I even had a great theme thought up for the pub attached to the inn, but our bartender convinced us not to change anything to keep the regulars happy."

"I'm sure you can ask Hannah about the finer points in running a pub Harry," Ginny noted. She was not at all intrigued by the romance of being a publican.

"Er right, so the wedding is going to be in mid-June, will that be a problem?"

"No, as a matter of face we're completely open then. About how many guests do you expect?"

"I don't right now," I admitted.

"Do you know if the couple has any preferences for catering, open bar?"

"I can't say that I do. My job's been a little hectic the past few months and I haven't been able to help out as much as I'd like."

"Well Mr. Potter without knowing the specifics of the services needed I can hardly provide an estimate for what your cost would be."

I picked up a pen and a scrap of paper from the desk. "Hypothetically speaking Mr. Thomas, would this cover whatever expenses my friends might incur?" I folded the piece of paper and handed it to Thomas.

Thomas opened the paper, then refolded it and placed it on the desk in front of him. "Yes that would be more than adequate," he said, trying and failing to keep his voice neutral.

"I thought it might. Before we leave if you could provide me your bank's information I can have my people send you the money."

"Certainly, certainly."

"And the bride, Ms. Hermione Granger will be in touch with your shortly with all the specifics for the ceremony, or at least she will after she finds out Harry rented the inn."

"And they will be specific," Ginny murmured, causing me to bite back a smile.

"That won't be a problem Mr. Potter. Would you care to tour the grounds before we finalise the details?"

"Certainly," I said with a nod. I'm not proud to admit this, but there are times when it is fun to have a bit of money and be treated like it. Not that I ever want to see such behaviour from you three. Your mother and I didn't raise a bunch of Malfoys. Still, from time to time it gets things done.

Thomas stood up and led us back into the lobby. "To our right is the inn's pub; I wanted to call it Puzzles, but Carl said no."

"Why Puzzles?" Ginny asked.

"That's the puzzle!" I won't lie, Cater Thomas was a very pretentious man. "Now through the pub is our banquet hall." We walked through the cozy little pub and down a short hallway before we entered the large dining area. "This used to be the stables, but the previous owners converted it. We're very proud of our menu. All very traditional English fare, but with a gourmet twist and all locally sourced. That's very important to the quality. We like to think we're setting a trend." An extremely pretentious man, as Aunt Hermione was about to find out, but we'll get to that later.

I carefully appraised the room. "This should do, I doubt Ron and Hermione are going to invite a huge number of guests, though we do have a fair number of friends and family to fit in. Also, we expect a certain level of discretion on the part of you and your staff. This wedding is a private affair if you catch my meaning."

"Certainly Mr. Potter, for the amount you're paying you can consider the Pale Horse yours for the duration of your stay."

"That is very much appreciated Mr. Thomas," I replied.

"Now if you'd just walk this way I will show you the rest of the ground." Thomas led us out of the banquet hall and onto a broad garden that looked out on the rolling farmland. "This is probably the worst time to see this. None of the flowers are blooming," Thomas said apologetically.

"No need to apologise,” Ginny replied. "It's a spectacular view, exactly what Hermione is looking for. Don't you think so Harry?"

"It is very nice," I agreed. "I think we've seen enough Mr. Thomas. Like Ginny said, this is exactly what Hermione had in mind. I'm sure they will be delighted to have their wedding here."

Thomas did his best to contain his glee; it was a very large figure I wrote on that piece of paper. "I'm glad you think so, and I assure you we will do everything we can to make sure your friends' wedding is perfect."

"Of that I have no doubt Mr. Thomas."

"We can stop by my office on your way out and I will get you my bank's information," Thomas offered.

"Certainly," I said to the inn keeper and motioned for him to lead us back inside.

After getting the needed information from Thomas and saying our goodbyes, your mother and I found ourselves on the road back to the village. 

"Knut for your thoughts?" I asked.

"That's probably all you have left in your vault. How much money did you offer him anyway?"

"Apparently enough, but seriously, what do you think about all this?"

"I think we should've stayed for a meal to see what the food's like. That's not what you're really asking though is it? You want to know what I think Hermione's reaction will be."

"That I do."

"Honestly I'm not sure if she'll kiss you or kill you, though my money's on the former. I do know two things for sure though."

"And what are they?"

Your mum came to a stop and pulled me into a kiss. "First of all you are a very good friend Harry Potter."

"And the other?"

"You messed up. That bloke at the inn still thinks you're a mobster, so you could've brought that case full of money."

"You really are taken with this idea."

"I know, have Gringotts pay them with a briefcase full of cash."

"I'm not going to be doing anything to cause the Muggle bank to start asking unnecessary questions; which they would if they were handed that much cash."

"Spoilsport."

"I'm and Auror, that's my job, and weren't you saying just this morning that you think Aurors are sexy?"

"As I recall I said they were dashing."

"Close enough," I replied before sweeping her off her feet and Apparating us back to Grimmauld Place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Harry's selective self-editing of his story never fails to crack me up. So this is probably the episode most loaded with HIMYM references. Carter Thomas is a nod to the creators of the show, Carter Bays and Craig Thomas, and borrows liberally from Ted Mosby's personality. For people who know the show I hope the callbacks are appreciated, for the people who don't, well the jokes are fresh and I take all the credit. I very nearly set this chapter in the fictional English town of Tackleford, but decided that was gilding the lily too much. Thanks again for reading.
> 
> -sam


	17. Auror Walks Into a Shoppe

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right." -Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Seventeen: Auror Walks Into a Shoppe

* * *

Sometimes being an Auror is easy, more times it's hard, quite often it is surprisingly boring, but you are always guaranteed to see something unexpected. Like the time I tracked that fugitive dark wizard to Kentucky, in the United States, but that's a story for another time.

Now this particular incident took place while I was waiting for Gringotts to complete the transaction with the Pale Horse Inn. It all started when I was on what could only charitably be called a fact-finding mission to Borgin and Burkes. The truth of the matter was that I was fishing for information on Harris. The Auror Office had paid plenty of visits there over the course of the investigation, in fact by that point we were practically considered regulars in Knockturn Alley.

"Auror Potter!" The shopkeeper behind the counter called out loudly as I pushed open the door to the shop. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a flurry of activity as the rest of the shop's occupants busied themselves with looking innocent. "So nice to see you again. Is there anything I can help you find?"

"Jason Thomas Harris Mr. Crowe," I replied as I cast my eyes over the disreputable characters milling about the shop, all eyeing me nervously.

"Jason Thomas Harris is a fugitive Death Eater Auror Potter, you should know we don't tolerate that sort of person in this establishment. There's nothing here you'd find objectionable."

"So you're saying if I were to examine your merchandise I wouldn't find any cursed objects?"

"You know as well as I do Auror that Borgin and Burkes caters to a specific clientele that expects a certain type of merchandise," Crowe replied defensively.

"You mean cursed."

"We don't hide what any potential side effects might be, and what our customers do with our wares after purchasing them is out of our hands. You could say the same about your friend Weasley and his Wheezes, and I don't see you hassling them over items banned by Hogwarts."

I held up my hands in defeat. "Mr. Crowe I'm just looking for information about Jason Thomas Harris. Now unless you're selling cursed objects to Harris I don't especially care who bought what, or even what you have behind that counter. However, if I so much as even get an inkling that you, or anyone," I waved my arm to indicate the entire room, "in this establishment are doing business with Harris I will personally tear this store down brick by brick, are we clear?"

Crowe nodded. "I believe we are Auror Potter."

"Good now I'll ask again. Does anyone here have any information they'd like to share regarding Jason Thomas Harris?"

Again no one in the store said anything, but Crowe nodded towards the back of the shop where Gregory Goyle was trying to sneak out. I raised an eyebrow at Crowe who simply shrugged and nodded again. I suppressed a sigh and walked over to where Goyle was struggling with the door.

I suppose I should take a moment to explain. After the war, and a too short stint in Azkaban, Goyle resumed being a nasty brute, though no longer one who answered solely to Draco Malfoy's beck and call. He made his living as a thug for hire. He was a petty criminal who never did enough to warrant a permanent stay in Azkaban, but remained an annoying thorn in the side of the Aurors and DMLE, with the emphasis on annoyance.

Having said all that, the thought of Harris recruiting Goyle for any work struck me as far-fetched. He was never bright when we were in school, and age had done nothing to improve his intellect. Someone as careful and meticulous as Harris would know better than to trust any information with Goyle. Still I was desperate, and there was a decent chance he had overheard something useful.

"You know Goyle, you have to pull that door open." I said as I walked up behind him.

Goyle jumped and slowly turned around. "Harry Potter, I haven't seen you…"

"It's been two months Goyle," I snapped. "You were trying to sell those 'authentic' fragments of Voldemort's wand to unsuspecting tourists."

"How do you know they were fake?"

"Because Voldemort's wand was yew, and you were selling chunks of oak." I grabbed Goyle by the back of his collar and yanked open the door. "Let's go have a little chat in private shall we?"

"Why, what'd I do?" Goyle protested as I shoved him into the alley behind the shop. He banged into a trash bin and stumbled to his knees.

"That's what I'm here to find out Goyle. Jason Thomas Harris, what do you know?"

"He's a Death Eater?"

"At least we've confirmed we're talking about the same person. Now start telling me things I don't know."

"But I don't know anything," Goyle whined. "Harris didn't tell me a thing!"

"So you have seen him then?"

"I never said that!" Goyle protested, despite the fact that he just had.

I reached for my wand. "Goyle if I find you've been holding out on me…" I warned.

"What?"

"Azkaban Goyle, and this time it won't be for a visit. Aiding a Death Eater carries a hefty prison sentence these days…unless you talk to me. Hell Goyle I doubt Harris even expects you to stay quiet."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he knows you, and he knows that I'll find you and get you to tell me what he told you. So why don't you do us all a favour, cut to the chase, and just talk to me." At the time I remember being amazed that I ever found the lump in front of me intimidating. If I were a lesser man I might even have enjoyed the role reversal.

"I'm not saying anything, Gregory Goyle's no snitch." He puffed out his chest as if he was very pleased with himself.

I suppose I should have admired his tenacity, but at that point I was mostly annoyed. "If you're worried about reprisals don't be. Like I said, Harris doesn't expect you to keep your tongue still. You'll either talk to me here, or at the Ministry, and you won't have much choice in the matter there."

Goyle's eyes narrowed as he attempted to process my threat. "Why?"

"Because I'll use Vertisaserum," I snapped. "And do you really want to tell me all your secrets?"

"I'm not a snitch," he insisted.

"Nobody thinks you are Goyle," I reassured him. "And no one will think any less of you if you tell me what you know."

"You are Harry Potter," Goyle noted before biting back what sounded like a sob. 

"That's right, I'm Harry Potter. Big, mean, Voldemort-defeating Harry Potter. So how about it Goyle, just tell me what you know and you can be on your way."

"It weren't even like he asked me to do anything illegal," he reasoned to himself.

"So you have met Harris recently?"

Goyle nodded slowly. "Yeah, a couple of weeks ago."

"Where?"

"He found me! Woke me up in the middle of the night."

"And what did he want you to do?"

"Nothing! Just buy some boxes of potion ingredients."

"What kind of potion ingredients?"

"I don't remember." I narrowed my eyes and started to reach for my wand. "He gave me a list, he gave me a list!" Goyle spluttered as he fumbled through the pockets of his robes before finally pulling out a scrap of parchment that he thrust into my hands.

I glanced at the list before tucking it into my pocket. There was nothing on it that jumped out at me as being dangerous, but I knew I'd have Hermione and Neville look it over carefully to see what could be made with those ingredients. "Where did you take these?"

"Nowhere! I mean, he had me leave them in my flat and overnight they vanished. Honestly that's all I know Harry. Can I go now?"

Reflexively I reached up and rubbed my scar. "Yes you can go…wait, why did Harris approach you?" I said as I grabbed his arm.

Goyle shrugged. "I dunno, I guess Draco told him where to find me."

I released Goyle's sleeve. "Ok you can go, but if Harris ever gets in touch with you again let me know." Goyle nodded then stumbled down the alley. I muttered a curse under my breath and Apparated to Malfoy Manor.

* * *

Draco Malfoy barely even looked up when I blasted open the doors to his home office. I stormed across the room and yanked Malfoy to his feet by his lapels.

"Potter,' Malfoy drawled. "So nice of you to visit, if only you'd called ahead, I would have had tea ready."

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't run you into the Ministry right now," I growled.

"It might help if I first knew why you are so determined to toss me into a prison cell."

"I just had a very pleasant chat with your old friend Gregory Goyle and he had some interesting things to say about Jason Thomas Harris, and some work Goyle did for him."

"Well I would say Goyle should know better than to associate with the likes of Harris, but that would imply he knows anything."

"But that's not the most interesting part."

"It's not?"

"Apparently the person who connected the two of them is the same person who, in this very room, told me he had never met Harris."

"Potter I know better than most not to cross you, and what happens to people who do." He reached up and detached my hands from his lapel. He readjusted his robes then repaired the broken study door. "I didn't lie to you Potter, when we spoke I had never met Harris. That situation subsequently changed. Goyle was correct; Harris did approach me looking for cheap muscle."

"And you didn't think I might find that information just a bit interesting?"

Malfoy shrugged. "I knew Goyle wouldn't be capable of keeping his mouth shut, and that you would be more forgiving than Harris."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," I growled as I raised my wand.

"Perhaps but I do know that you don't involve family in your retribution. Harris does."

I slowly lowered my wand. "Who did he threaten?"

"Who do you think, my mother."

"Is she in any immediate danger? The Aurors Office can provide protection."

"Your concern for my mother's well-being is touching. It's almost like you owe her something."

"No more than you owe me Draco."

Malfoy snorted. "To answer your question no we're fine. I'm sure once Harris met Goyle he knew you'd figure out the two of us met. Besides he didn't see fit to confide in me what he wanted Goyle for."

"And let me guess, Harris didn't leave you any means to contact him."

"It's almost like he doesn't want to be found."

I glared at Malfoy. "What exactly did he say?"

Malfoy shrugged. "Like I said, he approached me one night looking for the name of someone to do some discrete work for him."

"And you suggested Goyle? Discrete is the last word I'd use to describe him."

"Harris didn't specify what sort of work he was looking to do and Goyle will reliably do anything you ask of him."

"Speaking from experience I assume?"

"I did make him regularly Polyjuice himself into a little girl during our sixth year," Malfoy noted with a chuckle.

"As I recall that did not end well for you," I grumbled. That year at Hogwarts is one I would rather forget, with one key exception.

"No I suppose not, though you wouldn't have defeated the Dark Lord were it not for me."

"Malfoy my tolerance of you is falling to levels not seen since that sixth year. Do you really want to keep trying to push my buttons?"

"Why must you think I'm always trying to antagonise you Potter?"

"Because you're drawing breath Malfoy."

"Any way the main reason I recommended Goyle is because there are so few of my former 'mates' left. You've been very effective at putting them in Azkaban."

"And you've been very effective at staying out of Azkaban."

Malfoy cleaned an invisible speck of dirt from under a fingernail. "Being cooped up in an enclosed space disagrees with me."

"I imagine it would, plus I'm sure a few of those old 'mates' might take exception to some of your decisions following the battle."

"I can look after myself Potter you don't have to worry about that."

"Your knack for self-preservation is one of the constants in my life Malfoy."

"I am so happy to hear that," deadpanned Malfoy. "So what is the verdict Auror Potter? Am I free to go about my day, or should I owl my solicitor?"

I glared at Malfoy as I weighed my options. In the end though I didn't like it, I decided arresting the smug git was more trouble than it was worth. "No, I won't be bringing you in, this time. But Malfoy, if he does ever approach you again…"

Malfoy held up his hands. "You will be the first person I talk to after of course, but I don't think that will be necessary."

"And why's that?"

"Because I got the sense that Harris is not expecting to be around after he does whatever it is he's planning. And no, I don't have any idea what that is."

"What makes you think that?"

Malfoy shrugged. "As I said, it was just a feeling, nothing more. He didn't act suicidal it was just like he's not concerned about what happens after."

I nodded. "Thank-you for the information Malfoy, and sorry about the door." I turned to leave.

"Potter," Malfoy called out. "One last thing, none of my…contacts know what Harris is up to, aside from his dealings with Goyle he's kept to himself since you stopped Vogler."

"Is this your subtle way of saying I should leave Knockturn Alley alone?"

Malfoy held his hand over his heart. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I can never tell Harry Potter where he can and cannot stick his nose."

"If I didn't know better I'd think that was a compliment Malfoy."

"Then clearly you are as thick headed as the day we first met."

My reply was cut off by the office door opening. "Draco is everything alright?" A soft, yet refined feminine voice called out. A young, elegantly dressed witch stepped into the room. She took a step back when she saw me.

"Everything is fine Astoria," Malfoy said with a surprising amount of warmth to his voice. "Auror Potter just had a few questions about some former associates of mine. Potter this is Astoria Greengrass, my…fiancé. Astoria you obviously know Harry Potter."

The future Mrs. Malfoy walked up to me and held out her hand. "I'm sure you don't remember me from Hogwarts Auror Potter, I was two years behind you and Draco. But I certainly knew of you."

"I was rather hard to miss," I agreed as I shook her hand. Now this part I'm not particularly proud of. "Wait, did he just say fiancé? You're going to marry him?" I blurted out and jabbed my thumb in Malfoy's direction.

Her eyes hardened. "And what is the problem with that? I know who Draco is, and what he's done, but that's in the past. We all did things we aren't proud of back then Auror."

"The Malfoy name still carries quite a bit of weight in certain circles," Malfoy said. "Unfortunately the war depleted our capital reserves."

"Whereas the Greengrass family has plenty of capital, but little cachet," Astoria added as she walked over to Malfoy's side.

"And the fact that my fiancé is also willing to stand up to the likes of you Potter is just another point in her favor." He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"You'd never be the sort of settle for a shrinking violet would you Draco dear," she replied.

"Clearly love is a many-splendored thing," I said in an attempt to be as diplomatic as possible.

"I believe you were about to leave?" Malfoy prompted.

"Yes I was, an Auror's work is never done. Ms. Greengrass please accept my apologies for my earlier behaviour, that was uncalled for and congratulations on your engagement. Malfoy…" I couldn't think of anything tactful to say and left it at that.

"Potter," Malfoy replied with a bemused terseness.

I beat a hasty retreat from Malfoy Manor and returned to the Ministry. As I said before I've seen many strange and unexpected things as an Auror, but very few of them topped seeing Draco Malfoy in love, and that love being reciprocated. You see kids there really is someone out there for everyone, even smarmy gits like Draco Malfoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Remember when I said you can tell what I'm currently enjoying based on what I'm writing? This chapter is a prime example since I set out to write it in the style of the great FX tv show Justified. With Harry as Raylan, Goyle the Dewey Crowe stand-in, and of course Draco is Boyd Crowder. Is this tonally consistent with the rest of the story? Maybe not, but it was a blast to write.
> 
> -sam


	18. There's No Secrets This Year

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Eighteen: There's No Secrets This Year

* * *

A few days after my visit to the Malfoy's a message arrived at my desk written on Gringott's stationary. Hastily I tore the envelope open and inside was a terse note confirming the transaction with the Pale Horse was complete. Grinning to myself I tucked the note back into its envelope.

"What do you have their mate?" Ron asked, popping his head over the cubicle wall.

"Nothing, just boring Gringott's stuff," I half-lied to your uncle. I wanted to break the news to your aunt first. 

"Must be nice, I think every Galleon we deposit is charmed to leave the moment it arrives."

"You know Ron, just say the word and…"

"Stop right there Harry. Hermione and I are going to pay our mortgage ourselves. I appreciate you wanting to help, but we'll manage."

"If you insist, but remember all you have to do is ask."

"We know Harry, and believe me, it's something Hermione and I both appreciate."

I stuffed the envelope into my robes and stood up. "Speaking of Hermione, I need to pay her a visit, see if she's had any luck with that list of ingredients I took from Goyle."

"I'm sure she'll let you know when she's done," Ron said.

"This is the best lead we've gotten so far, so you'll have to pardon me if I push your fiancé a little too hard."

"It's your funeral; you know how Hermione reacts to being rushed."

"I'll be sure to duck," I assured Ron.

"Just don't roll to the left, she'll expect that," Ron called out as I left the Auror's Office.

* * *

I made my way into the dingy office Hermione worked out of when she was with the Department of Magical Creatures. As was normally the case she was the only one in the office.

"Ah good, there you are Harry. No you don't need to duck; I finished reviewing that list you gave me," Hermione said without looking up from her desk.

"Was there anything useful?" I asked as I slid into the creaky wooden chair that sat next to her desk.

"I'm afraid not, they were nothing more than standard ingredients for various healing potions: Skele-Gro, blood replenishers, that sort of thing. There was nothing in there to suggest any sort of dark intent."

I scrubbed my fingers through my hair, the note from Gingotts temporarily forgotten. But what if the healing potions were a means to an end?"

"Like he's going to spike them with a poison?"

"Precisely, Draco said it was going to be big and poisoning all the poitions at St. Mungos certainly would qualify as big."

"It's possible, but there are safeguards in place to prevent that from happening."

"There were also safeguards in place to protect the Hogwarts Express," I pointed out.

"I'm not denying that Harris is clever enough to possibly pull it off, but the amount of work it would take to get past the charms…it just doesn't seem worth it."

"How's that?"

"Well think about it for a moment. Say he does slip tainted potions into St. Mungos, they'd catch on fairly quickly and get rid of the bad stock. It would be horrible, but to the operations of the hospital it's more an inconvenience. The same is true if he replaces an apothecary's stock with his supply. It doesn't have the same impact destroying the Express would have, and it hardly lives up to the irrevocable tag Malfoy placed on it."

"So you think this is one big wild goose chase?"

"I didn't say that. There must be something to this list. It seems like a lot of work on his part to create a false trail that you wouldn't even have found if you and Goyle hadn't run into each other."

"Or maybe it's not the potions themselves, but what they represent," I mused.

"That's even more ridiculous Harry. You seriously think Harris would leave, deliberately I might add, a clue to what his next crime is going to be?"

"Why not? He's already sought me out once before."

"But that was, I'm assuming, to get your measure. This is completely different. Everything you've told me about Harris says that he's far too meticulous in his planning to risk it for something as petty as taunting you."

"Either it's a deliberate riddle or a clue, in the end does it really matter which is true?"

"Or he's just stocking up on healing potions…which probably means something to you. Have you ever thought Harry, that perhaps you over think these things?"

"Did Hermione Granger really just suggest that I over think?"  
  
"I over plan," your Aunt sniffed. "There is a difference."

"At least you acknowledge your shortcomings. That's the first step," I solemnly told Hermione before dropping to the floor. I was watched as a Jinx flew harmlessly over my head.

"The problem with you becoming an Auror is that your reflexes are now too good," observed Hermione.

"Is it safe to come up?" I asked from behind the protection of the desk.

"Yes Harry, it's perfectly safe," Hermione assured me. I cautiously raised my head then ducked back down as another Jinx shot across the office. "Ok, now it's safe."

"Actually, I think I'll stay right here when I ask this next question. How's the hunt for a wedding hall going?" I heard Hermione take a deep sigh.

"I think I'd rather be searching for Horcruxes," she admitted. I eased myself back into the rickety chair as Hermione continued. "Getting the new house sorted has taken up so much of our time that we haven't been able to even think about anything else, and I'm afraid that by the time we can back to looking all the places we want will be booked." Her eyes narrowed. "Why are you asking?"

I reached into the pocket of my robes and withdrew the note from Gingott's. "I only ask because I received this in the Owl Post just now." I handed the note over to Hermione.

"The Pale Horse?" She asked as she read through the note. "Harry does this mean what I think it does?"

"For the week of your wedding the Inn is yours," I confirmed.

"No Harry, this is much too much."

"Hermione, I owe you and Ron my life, paying for your wedding is the least I could do. Just think of it as a housewarming gift, and early wedding present, all rolled up into one. And if it makes you feel any better, Ginny is pitching in as well." I made a mental note to tell your mum this before Hermione could cross-examine her. "In fact she was a big help with the entire process."

"Oh was she now?"

"Yes she was quite helpful when we toured the Pale Horse a few days ago."

"And just out of curiosity how did you happen to know this was my top, most unattainable choice?"

"Ginny made a copy of your list when we were helping move you and Ron in," I admitted.

"The two of you do seem to be settling in quite nicely," Hermione observed. "Just look at what a good team you already make."

"Well I felt, and Ginny agreed that if anyone deserves exactly the wedding she's always wanted it's you Hermione. And since there's nothing to be done about your groom we figured we could at least get you the perfect venue."

"That's really sweet Harry…wait, what's wrong with Ron?"

"I'm afraid he has a terminal case of the Cannons," I solemnly informed your aunt. "It's not fatal, does it does leave the sufferer highly delusional."

"Think of it this way Harry. All those years supporting a lost cause paid off when he met you."

"So I was a lost cause."

"More hopeless really, but that's close enough as to be the same thing." Hermione reached out and tapped on the note. "But seriously, thank-you so much for this, it means the world to me. Does Ron know?"

"Not yet, I wanted to tell you first since you seem to be under the most pressure to find a place that isn't the Burrow."

A grimace flickered across Hermione's face. "Molly means well, and I do love her dearly, it's just she's…"

"Such a force of nature?" I suggested.

"I was going to say overbearing, but that works too."

"You're still going on about this?" As you will recall kids, ever since Uncle Ron proposed to your aunt she'd been feeling highly intimidated by your grandmother.

"I don't need you telling me I'm being unreasonable too. I hear that enough from Ron. From the day we told her about the engagement Molly has been nothing but her usual welcoming self."

"And that's a problem?"

"Harry she killed…"

"Bellatrix Lestrange, and raised seven kids, and is the most amazing cook. I've heard this speech before."

"I'm sorry Harry, I don't mean to dump this one you…again. It's just whenever I try to talk to Ron about it, he doesn't get it because…"

"Because he's a Weasley."

"Exactly."

"But Hermione you have to remember one thing."

"What's that?"

"Molly Weasley might be a domestic goddess, but you can be pretty scary in your own right. I'd hate to be caught in the crossfire if the two of you ever did go at it."

"Don't be absurd, that would never happen."

"I know but if it ever did, hypothetically speaking, I'm putting my money on you. Being the brightest witch of our generation has to be worth something doesn't it?"

Hermione reached across her desk and squeezed my hand. "Thanks for that Harry."

"That's what I'm here for."

This might sound patently obvious children, but every friendship, every relationship, is different. For instance your Uncle Ron and I, no matter what happens in our lives we'll always be close because he's my best friend, my first friend really. Don't tell Hagrid I said that. And like I said before, while we might not be as close now as we were back then, that unique connection is still there. Give us five minutes in the same room and it's like nothing's changed.

All of that is a roundabout setup for me to explain something about Aunt Hermione and me. You see while your uncle and I are mates, and your mum and I are, well, you know, your Aunt Hermione and I also share a very special connection. We're both outsiders. And I don't mean that in just the fact that she's Muggle-born and I was raised by the Dursleys. If you haven't noticed you kids have quite the extended family. In fact it can be downright intimidating at times for someone who isn't a Weasley. That's why Hermione and I spend so much time talking to each other when we're at those big Weasley family get togethers, because for as much as I love all of them, sometimes the only way to deal with the madness is to share it with someone. So when I tell Hermione that I'm there for her, that's what I mean. Plus the whole time fruitlessly roaming the English countryside looking for Horcruxes after your uncle ran off, but mostly it's the married to a Weasley that's our common bond these days.

"No, you did not come down here to listen to me complain about Molly Weasley."

"That's true; I came here to give you an early wedding gift."

"And I think it's lovely. Thank-you again Harry, that makes me so happy I could kiss you."

"Is there something I need to know about?" Ron asked as he entered the office.

"I hate to break it to you Ron," I told your uncle stone-faced. "But Hermione's finally realised that it's me she actually fancies."

"Harry stop winding poor Ron up, what I said was that I didn't want to have to choose between either of you."

"Well that's a relief…wait what?" Ron spluttered.

"You heard what I said, I want the both of you."

"You mean," Ron gulped. "at the same time?"

"If you're into that sort of thing sure."

"But what about Ginny?" Ron demanded.

"She's more than welcome too," Hermione replied matter-of-factly.

"But she's my sister!" Ron exploded.

"I know, that what makes it so appealing. She’s like you only less angular, and eats with her mouth shut,” Hermione said coquettishly before bursting into gales of laughter. "Oh if you could only see the look on your face Ron." She stood up from her desk and hugged him.

"So that stuff about me and Harry, you were just taking the piss right?"

Hermione sighed dramatically. "Yes Ron, although if you and Harry want to explore your boundaries I won't stop you."

"Don't look at me mate, you're the one who brought it up, though I suppose I'm game if you are." I told Ron and chuckled at his obvious discomfort.

"One of these days I'm going to say yes to that Harry, and then we'll see who's laughing. Now are both of you done having fun at my expense?"

"I've hit my limit, how about you Hermione?"

Your aunt kissed Ron on the cheek. "You just are so…adorable when you get flustered."

"Yes that's exactly how every bloke wants to be described, adorable."

Hermione kissed Ron again. "Would it make you feel better if I said I think it makes you sexy?"

Ron wrapped his arms around your aunt and pulled her in for a deeper kiss. "It's a start."

"So Ron," I said loudly in an attempt to get the pair to separate. "What brings you down here?"

The question was enough to pique Hermione's interest and she pulled out of Ron's embrace. "Yes what are you doing down here?"

"I wanted to make sure you didn't hex Harry into next week for pestering you about that list."

"Oh I finished that this morning," Hermione said dismissively.

"Was there anything useful?" Ron asked.

"No they were just standard healing potion ingredients. Harry seems to think it's some sort of coded message Harris is sending him."

"Of course he does."

"Hey may I remind both of you that Harris has already reached out to me."

"That still doesn't mean he thinks he's in a duel of wits with you," Hermione pointed out.

"Lay off him Hermione, he still takes the existence of Death Eaters as a personal affront."

"And you don't?" I asked Ron crossly.

"I don't think they're waging a vendetta against me."

"How many times do I have to say it, he approached me! Besides that wasn't even the reason I came to see Hermione."

Your uncle raised his eyebrows. "Oh then what was it? I hope you say surprise birthday party and not plans for my stag night."

"Hermione why don't you tell him?"

"Oh Ron it's wonderful. Harry…"

"And Ginny," I added.

"Yes and Ginny, they rented the Pale Horse Inn for our wedding!"

"That's great!" Ron enthused. "Er, what's the Pale Horse Inn?"

Hermione swatted Ron in the stomach. "Only the place I most want our wedding at."

"So this means we won't have the wedding at the Burrow?"

"No thankfully…you, er, really were ok with not having the wedding there?"

Ron shrugged. "That was Bill's thing. As I've said repeatedly we have the wedding where you want it. What I want to know is you and Ginny Harry, is she really going in on this with you?"

"Of course she is, she even helped me tour the place. Why what's it to you?"

"Seems like an awfully chummy thing for two housemates to be doing."

"We’re both your friends, and we both have a fairly big role in the wedding," I pointed out.

"No Ron's right, this is something you'd normally do on your own," Hermione added thoughtfully.

"Does it really matter?"

"Only because you're being defensive about it, like there's something going on. You're not shagging my little sister are you mate?" The directness of Ron's question caught me off guard and I hesitated, for too long apparently. "You are!" Ron exclaimed as he saw the blush creep up my face. "How long has this been going on?"

"Er, since she moved in," I admitted.

Now there were any number of reactions I expected from your Uncle Ron following that particular revelation. The right cross he landed on my jaw was surprisingly low on the list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Okay, so I probably let a bit too much of How I Met Your Mother's Lily's sexual deviancy creep into Hermione there; but I enjoy how the most committed couple is also the most sexually adventuresome couple on what is a very ribald show. Also, unexpected violence always makes me chuckle, especially when accompanied by a pratfall. Thanks again everyone for reading.
> 
> -sam


	19. Somebody Told Me

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Nineteen: Somebody Told Me

* * *

"Ron!" Hermione shouted. "That was uncalled for."

"He's shagging my sister!" Ron protested.

"A development I'd have thought you'd be in favour of," I grumbled as I picked myself up off the floor.

"I want you to date her! Not y'know…"

"The two do go together you realise?”

"But how do I know you're not…"

"That I'm not taking advantage of her?" I grabbed Ron by his robe's lapels and dragged him close. "Because I bloody well asked her to marry me you dense git!" I yelled into his face before releasing him.

Ron staggered backwards. "Oh right, sorry about that mate." Hermione and I both rolled our eyes at Ron's sudden change of heart.

I reached back and slugged Ron in the shoulder. "There, now we're even."

Hermione noted the thoughtful expression that crept across Ron's face. "What are you thinking?" She asked, her voice full of trepidation.

"Harry wants to do the right thing by Ginny yeah? And she won't have it. So really she's the one taking advantage of Harry. She's taking advantage of my best mate! I ought to give her a piece of my mind!" Ron fumed.

"Don't you, er, want to think that over, before you do anything rash?" cautioned Hermione. She reached out and caught his arm as he tried to leave.

"But she's using Harry, it's not right!"

"Think about it for one second. First of all, Ginny won't appreciate you barging into her practice and will most likely hex you into oblivion. Secondly, you shouting at your sister about her relationship with Harry is sure to attract notice from the press; something I'm sure neither Ginny or Harry is interested in. And thirdly I don't think Harry much minds."

"I don't honestly,” I said hastily. “This is fine. How it should be as a matter of fact. The two of us dated for what, a matter of weeks, years ago? That's hardly a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. We need this time together to find out if we just might fit." Ron glared at me and clenched his fists. "Poor choice of words, I'm sorry," I said hastily to defuse his temper.

"That's remarkably mature of you Harry," Hermione said approvingly. "See Ron, there's no reason to go blundering into your sister's affairs." She tightened her grip on Ron's arm to emphasise her point.

"Alright, I won't give Ginny a piece of mind, even if she deserves it," Ron said after heaving a great sigh.

"She does not," Hermione shot back. "And thank-you, I'm sure the last thing your sister wants is her big brother sticking his nose in her affairs." Of course later that day Hermione did exactly that.

* * *

"Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed when she saw your aunt standing outside the Harpies' training ground. "What brings you here?"

"We need to talk," Hermione said flatly.

"About?"

Hermione eyed the people walking past them. "Wedding details, especially the gift from you and Harry." She added extra emphasis to the end of her sentence.

"Gift, oh for…fine, let's get this over with, but not here."

"Of course not." Hermione reached out and laid her hand on your mum's shoulder. "Hold on." Ginny clasped Hermione's outstretched arm and your aunt Apparated them to Cotswallace House.

"You certainly moved in quickly," Ginny noted as Hermione lead her into the library.

"We still have a lot of work to do. The wallpaper in the guest bedrooms is terrible. The carpeting in the master bedroom has to go, and the floor in the kitchen has terrible dry rot and needs to be replaced, which will not be cheap. I think part of the reason Ron snapped at poor Harry today was just the accumulated stress in getting the house in order."

""Wait, Ron did what? Why would be upset at Harry for renting you an inn?"

"So it was just Harry who did that, he said the two of you went in on the cost together."

"I did help, I mean it was Harry's idea, but I did get your list of venues, and I went with him to examine the place. But don't you dare turn this down because you don't want Harry spending money on your wedding Hermione. The inn is gorgeous."

"Are you mental? Of course I'm taking Harry's gift. Why would you think I wouldn't?"

"Because you have cut him off at the knees every other time he offers to help you and Ron out."

"That's different," Hermione insisted. "This house, it's something Ron and I have to do on our own."

"But Harry…"

"Just spent what I am sure is far too much money on my wedding. Ginny this is what adults do, your brother and I will be fine. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

Your mum pinched the bridge of her nose. "Harry told you didn't he?"

"Myself and Ron."

"And how did my dear brother take that bit of news? You said he snapped?"

"First he punched out Harry for taking advantage of you; then we had to keep him from confronting you about messing about with Harry's affections."

"I'm glad you talked him out of doing that. I would have hated being forced to hex my brother in front of the whole team. Though I suppose it's a good sign he wants to protect both of us."

"He really does," Hermione agreed. "He's just…"

"Ron," Ginny supplied. "So if you're not upset about the inn, I assume then that Harry's inability to keep quiet is the reason you dragged me here?"

"Well you must admit it is kind of a big deal," Hermione said. "And when exactly were you going to let me know about this development?"

Your mum squirmed under Aunt Hermione's glare. "Eventually, when the time was right."

Hermione sighed. "Did you at least talk to Harry before the two of you fell into bed?"

"We talked, and I decided that the past is the past and there's no sense worrying about it."

"So you didn't talk about your residual trust issues from Harry breaking up with you four years ago before he went off to die, and in the process left you to deal with a Death Eater run Hogwarts. I just want to be clear about this."

"Well when you put it that way," Ginny deadpanned. "Of course you and Ron went along with Harry that year."

"Yes, but you also aren't interested in a relationship with me or Ron."

"You said it yourself, that was four years ago, why dredge all that stuff back up?" Your mum snapped. She started to pace around the library.

"Your continued refusal of his marriage proposal for starters, despite the fact that you quite fancy him."

"That was a rubbish proposal and you know it. Honestly who proposes to someone on what's effectively their first date?"

"Harry obviously. He never stopped caring for you you know."

"I'm aware but…"

"But it was still a rubbish proposal," Hermione admitted with a sigh. "Even Harry said as much, sort of, when we were talking this afternoon." She held up an index finger to cut off your mum's reply. "However that was then. The two of you have been dating for months now. You're living, sleeping together! If you go back to Grimmauld Place tonight and Harry proposes again what do you tell him?"

A pained expression played across your mum's face. "I..I haven't really thought about it."

"Well you should because sooner or later Harry will ask you again."

"No he…"

"He won't? Oh really. Do you intend to end things anytime soon?"

"Of course not."

"Then where do you think this is going to end?"

"I'm trying not to worry about that. Merlin Hermione, it hasn't even been a month. Whatever happens in the future I'll deal with. Right now though I'm going to enjoy what we have. Maybe that's all I need, time spent with Harry."

Hermione frowned, unconvinced. "If you say so…"

"But you think I should talk to Harry about ancient history."

"Not that ancient."

"It feels like it at times."

"A lot has changed," conceded Hermione before she heaved a great sigh. "I don't mean to be such a nag about this you know."

Ginny heaved a deep sigh. "I know, you just want me to be happy, but don't I look happy right now?"

"Actually right now you look rather cross."

Your mum bit back a chuckle. "You know what I mean. How could I not be happy? I’m shagging the man of my dreams!”

“I suppose that’s true,” Hermione reluctantly agreed. “So, just between us, how…”

“The best I’ve ever had,” your mum said quickly.

“Wait, how many…” Hermione started to ask. “Never mind, forget I asked.” She reached out and pulled your mum into a hug. “I am happy for you, I just wish the two of you would act more sensibly.”

“This is being sensible,” your mum replied as she returned the hug. “At least our version of sensible.”

“You have a mental version of being sensible,” Hermione scolded your mum.

“You’ve known Harry and I for how long and you’ve only just realized this?” Your mum asked Hermione with a laugh.

“I suppose it was too much to hope for,” Aunt Hermione agreed as she pulled your mum in for a tighter hug.

"Er, Hermione, you can let go now," Ginny told your aunt as their hug continued for just a bit too long for your mum's liking.

"Oh right, sorry," Hermione stammered as she released your mum.

"So are you going to stop with your nagging?" In reply Hermione gave your mum a disbelieving stare. "Alright fine I know that's asking too much of you, but could you at least tone it down, or focus on your wedding. It'll be here sooner than you might think," she added in a perfect imitation of your grandmum.

"Do you really want me to get started on the fact that you haven't said anything about the dress choices I sent you last year?"

"Not especially but it beats the alternative,” Ginny admitted. “I promise when I get back to Grimmauld Place tonight I'll look at those designs and owl you the one I like best."

"And be sure that you do, otherwise I might have someone else pick out the dresses," Hermione warned.

"Who, my mum? Luna?"

A wicked smile crept across Aunt Hermione's face. "Even worse, Fleur."

Mum shuddered theatrically, "Alright, alright consider the point made. You didn't have to mention Fleur though, that's a little unfair."

"I'll do whatever it takes to make sure my wedding is a success," Hermione said primly.

"Ron's right, you can be very scary in an Umbridge sort of way."

"Ginny!" Hermione gasped. "That is by far the most hurtful thing you've ever said to me. Take that back this instant."

"Why? You both are very good at make bureaucracy do you bidding."

"You could say the same about Percy…” Hermione paused when she realized what she had just said. “I’m not really helping my case am I?"

"I'd never stoop so low as to compare you to Percy, what kind of cruel bitch do you take me for?"

"One that sees fit to compare me to the most loathsome woman we have ever had the displeasure of meeting, and yes I'm including Bellatrix Lestrange when I say that!" Hermione shot back.

"I'm sorry Hermione, I didn't realise just how deep your dislike of Umbridge was,” your mum said contritely.

"What she did to the school's curriculum was simply inexcusable."

"Ah I should have known that was the reason you hated her, and not because she tortured Harry, or persecuted Muggle-borns."

The pair stared at each other for a long moment before exploding into peals of laughter. "When you put it that way it does seem rather insensitive of me to focus on her attempt to sabotage my OWLS." Your mum glared at Hermione who sighed dramatically. "Fine, our OWLs."

"It really is a good thing you weren't around for my sixth year, the curriculum changes alone would have done you in."

"Yes that, and not the fact that I'm Muggle-born," Hermione noted dryly.

"I'm speaking hypothetically."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Alright fine, assuming that they even would have allowed me in, the changes the Carrows made to the Hogwarts curriculum would have driven me round the twist. But back to your original question, I will keep after you about this, if only because I think it's for your own good. However, from now until the wedding I'm willing to let the matter lay. After the wedding is another matter."

"How very big of you."

"You'd rather I take more steps to force the issue?"

"You know I don't."

"I know this can't be easy for you," Hermione said. "Introspection has never been your strong suit. You're rather like Harry in that regard. But please talk to him about this. You won't chase him away you know."

"I've never thought that," your mum snapped.

"Would it be helpful if you sought out a professional to talk over your commitment issue?"

"I am not mental Hermione."

"I'm not saying you are, just maybe an outsider might provide a fresh perspective."

"I don't need help with this Hermione, professional or otherwise, and I wish you would realise that."

Hermione sighed. "Alright, I said my piece. I promise I'll hold my tongue until after the wedding."

Your mum squeezed Hermione's arm. "Thank-you Hermione. And I promise I'll look over those dresses and owl you my thoughts on them tomorrow."

"And I repeat, you'd better," Hermione warned.

"Now if you don't mind I'm going to head back home, I'm starving…what, what's with that look?"

"You said home,” Hermione said flatly.

"Of course I said home, what else am I going to call it?"

"Grimmauld Place?"

"Hermione I called my old flat home too, stop reading too much into things."

"If you insist," Hermione said in a knowing tone that she was certain would annoy your mum. Ginny glared at Hermione who held up her hands in defeat. "Forget I said anything, but Ginny, before you go I do have one question. When you're old and grey, who do you want by your side? If it's who I think it is then you need to stop hiding and face up to your insecurities."

In response you mum flashed Hermione a rude gesture and Apparated back to Grimmauld Place where she found me in the sitting room nursing a drink. I raised a question eyebrow when she poured herself a glass and flounced into an easy chair.

"You told them," she declared by way of an explanation.

I blanched. "It sort of slipped out. So did Ron…"

"No Hermione."

"But she talked Ron out of…"

"So she could say her piece to me."

"Bad?"

Your mum shrugged. "Nothing unexpected, she just wants her vision of what's best for us, never mind what we actually want."

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

"Perhaps, but I'm feeling cross right now."

"At me?" I asked nervously.

"No, they were going to find out sooner or later, and at least you haven't blabbed anything to my mum…you haven't have you?"

"Merlin no. Though you are going to have to tell her something."

"That is not a conversation I'm looking forward to having." She took a sip of her drink then stared at me. "You've been thinking haven't you."

"What makes you say that?"

"You've got that look on your face. The one that says you've been doing some thinking."

"Fair enough, I have been as a matter of fact."

"About what?"

"Us," I bluntly said.

"Oh."

"I really stuffed up everything."

"No," your mum said. "You…"

"Yes I did, asking you to marry me that night's thrown everything between us off kilter. And don't even try to deny it because you know that's true."

"So what are you saying, have you changed your mind? Don't want to marry me anymore?"

"I wouldn't go that far, but I do realise how totally inappropriate that question was."

"Harry we've been over this,” your mum started to say.

"No let me finish. I know we talked about this, and I know I said whatever happens happens, but as long as that proposal is hanging over everything…" I trailed off.

"That's not exactly something you can walk back from Harry."

"I know that," I fell silent again as I collected my thoughts. "I just wanted to say thank-you."

"Thank me?” Your mum asked, unsure of where I was going. “For what?"

"For saying no. If you hadn’t, well I'm not saying it would have been a disaster, but this way…I got my friend back, and that means a lot to me."

"That's sweet of you to say,” your mum said. The previously hard expression on her face when she entered the room had started to soften.

"Plus if you'd said yes there's a good chance Harris would be targeting you now to throw me off my game,” I blithely rattled on.

A strange expression fell over your mum's face. "Yeah, good thing then." She muttered before she tossed back the remainder of her drink then stood up. "I'm going to see if Kreacher has ready for dinner then look at some dress designs for Hermione." She declared before walking out of the room, leaving me to ponder the sudden turn of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Ron's about face up at the top is one of my favorite comedic beats in the entire novel. Again, there's probably a bit too much How I Met Your Mother's Lily bleeding through into Hermione here; but I will never not find Lily's lesbian crush on Robin funny so there we are. Starting next week we will resume normal service. Thanks once again everyone for reading this folly
> 
> -sam


	20. The Jinx Bet

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty: The Jinx Bet

* * *

As it turned out I didn't have much chance to think about your mum's odd reaction to my off-handed reference to Harris because we had a more pressing to concern to deal with, your grandmother. We hadn't yet told either of your grandparents, or any of your uncles for that matter, about your mum's new living arrangements. No wait, I take that back, they did know Ginny moved into Grimmauld Place. They found that out before she even moved in. As I recall Arthur and Molly were both very supportive of the decision, for many of the same reasons that Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron used.

"With Ron and Hermione leaving it's good to have someone else in that big house of your Harry," Molly told me. Your mum and I were standing in the Burrow's kitchen with your grandmum. "And maybe now that it's someone who doesn't also work for the Ministry you won't spend so much of your time there."

"Mum I spend most of my time in Holyhead, or on the road with the team. I doubt Harry and I will be seeing much of each other."

"Well that Gladish works you too hard as well. Doesn't that woman know you have to stay fresh if you want to play at top form?" Ever since your mum started playing with the Harpies, Molly had taken it upon herself to become an expert on Quidditch. Mostly I think out of a desire to maintain a connection with your mum. It also had the effect of annoying Ginny to no end.

"I'll be sure to mention that to Gladish," your mum said through gritted teeth.

"Oh would you dear? I was planning on owling her with my suggestions." Of course knowing your grandmother her new-found interest in Quidditch might have been an elaborate ruse to take the piss out of your mum. I should ask Molly about that one of these days.

"So you're really ok with Harry and I living in the same house?" Your mum asked in an attempt to change the topic.

"Why wouldn't I be? Harry is an upstanding young man. I'm confident that he would never even dream of doing anything untoward to you. I dare say most of the single witches in Britain would jump at the chance to switch places with you. Plus quite a few of the married ones as well I expect."

"To say nothing of a bloke or two," Ginny said in a voice so quiet only I could hear it. "But still, Harry and I are both unattached; I'd figure you would have something to say about that."

"Well perhaps the two of you under the same roof will fix that problem as well."

"Fix what problem?" Your grandfather asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Ginny's going to move into Grimmauld Place after Ron and Hermione leave,” Molly told your granddad.

"Oh lovely, that is an excellent idea,” Arthur said. “You have been too cut off from the rest of us these past few years Ginny."

"I have not been cut off from the family," Ginny protested.

"You don't visit nearly as much as your brothers do," Molly pointed out. "Well except for Charlie.”

"It's not my fault. Quidditch takes up all my time. I thought you were happy about all I've managed to do in the league."

"We are beyond proud of you dear," Arthur hastily said. "And I'm not saying you've done anything wrong either. You're just starting out in the world. It’s perfectly normal for that to fully occupy your time. It's been the same with all your brothers at various points. The twins were the worst when they were getting the shop up off the ground. Eventually though they all struck their balance and found more time for family."

"Except for Charlie," Molly grumped.

"I think his equilibrium is staying as far away from your mum as he can," Arthur told Ginny sotto voiced.

"It's not that we expect you to move back in Ginny dear," Molly said. "But it would be nice if you visited more often. And the same goes for you Harry, don't think anything I said to Ginny doesn't apply to you as well. So wipe that smirk off your face."

"I'll make a note to tell all the dark wizards out there to leave my Sundays free."

"Watch your tone young man or you might just find all the treacle tart gone when desert rolls around," your grandmum said in the scolding voice that truth be told I love to hear. Though less so when I'm on the receiving end. "I'm well aware your job requires you to keep odd hours, but I talk with Andromeda Tonks, and if you can find time to visit your godson every week you can find time in your schedule for us."

"I can't make promises, but I'll do my best," I assured Molly. Of course what I wasn't going to tell her was that one of the main reasons my visits to the Burrow became so infrequent was out of an unconscious desire to avoid running into your mum. Which turned out to be foolish, because your mum was doing the exact same thing. So many Sunday roasts missed, it really was a tragedy. 

"Now don't use any of the time you spend visiting little Teddy to see us. He's far more important than a pair of old fogies like Arthur and I."

"I'm sure I can find room in my schedule for both of you."

"Good, now if only the two of you would sort out your love lives. That a pair of fine catches like yourselves are unattached is nothing short of a travesty." She glared at us in such a way as to leave no doubt who she thought we should attach to.

"Mum, there's nothing wrong with being single."

"I never said there was Ginny, but I know both of you, and you'd be much happier if you were in relationships. It's just how you are." She reached out and patted Ginny on the cheek. "Now be a dear and help me with this roast."

* * *

"She's going to be insufferable," your mum announced over dinner several weeks later. The next day was the first family dinner we were unable to avoid. Prior to that there had always been league business, or a suspect to interrogate that kept one or both of us from attending.

"We only have ourselves to blame," I pointed out. "All the delays are only making it worse."

"I'm sure George will have plenty of comments about what we've been up to," Ginny groused. Now I must add that we hadn't been so thick as to not tell your grandparents about the change in our relationship. Never ever try to keep a secret from Molly Weasley, she would have been an ace Auror. So while the situation could have been worse, our first Weasley family gathering as a couple still felt fraught with peril.

"I wonder how many dirty looks Bill will give me."

"If he gives you any he's just taking the piss Harry, they all like you, well except for Ron, with him it's a lot more than like."

"If that's the case then why have we been pushing this off?"

"Because they're my family," your mum replied. She banged her head onto the table with an alarming thud. "Ow."

"You're going to have to do worse than that if your aim is to spend the night at St. Mungos."

"I wasn't planning on hitting the table that hard," your mum noted as she rubbed her forehead.

"I'm sure you're fretting about nothing…well not George, you're right about him. In face I bet he'll lose his voice." Your mum frowned. "Because of all the jokes he's going to tell at our expense," I explained. "That wasn't very good was it?"

"No Harry, it really wasn't. You should leave the comedy to the professionals. And of course my mum is going to be insufferable about this. She's been dropping hints to me for years that we should be dating. Tonight is going to be nothing but an endless stream of 'I told you so's' I'm sure of it."

"You're probably right about that, but you are being silly about this as well. Best to get it over with in a hurry yeah? The more we delay the worse it's going to be."

What I did not tell your mum that day was that I felt every bit as trepidatious about the upcoming dinner as she was, though for different reasons. I wasn't concerned about how your uncles would behave around us, well except for George, but that's more common sense than anything else. No, what had me nervous was that this would be the first time your mum and I went anywhere as a couple.

Now if you think this was a strange thing for me to be nervous about let me step back a moment. Obviously the first time you do anything there are going to be some nerves. Also yes, we had gone to plenty of places together before she moved in, but after that we chose to stay in, for a variety of reason we don't have to get into now. Plus we'd always stuck to Muggle establishments where there was a small chance of running into anyone who knew us. So a trip to the Burrow would mark the first wizarding location we'd ever visited together. And that made this dinner a big deal because it mean we were serious about this relationship. Which is what had me terrified.

Again, that might sound odd considering this entire sequence of events was started by my proposal to your mum. However a strange thing happened the longer your mum and I lived together. I began running through all the worst case scenarios. Not your mum leaving me, but all the darkness from work finding its way to her. I could just imagine someone like Harris using her as a way to distract me. I was, without knowing it, confirming all your mum's deepest darkest fears about being in a relationship with me. While I hadn't yet gotten to thinking that you mum would be better off with some other bloke; I'm sure at that point all it would've taken was one credible threat from Harris.

Of course looking back now I can say I was a ruddy idiot. It was hardly a secret that I considered the Weasleys to be my surrogate family. So regardless of our dating status she already was a target of people looking to get at me. But I was far too thick, and to be honest, too scared of the consequences of marrying your mum to realise that. It took Harris actually threatening Ginny for me to figure out where she really was the safest, but we'll get to that.

Beyond my paranoia though, there was also the usual jitters of anyone just setting out on their first serious relationship. Was I ready for this? Could I handle all the implications? And by implications I mean you lot. While by mutual unspoken agreement your mum and I weren't talking about the future, it's impossible not to think about it. After all the two of us were getting along quite nicely and why not get married if that continued to be true? Then after marriage comes children, and so on and so forth. And that also terrified me.

I suppose you could say that's a perfectly natural reaction, especially coming from someone with my childhood experiences. But you see kids, for as long as I could remember my most deeply held desire was to have a family. To begin to have doubts then, well, it surprised me, and in turn lead to more doubts. However, my certitude that a life with your mum was what I truly wanted eventually saw me through that doubt.

Now you might think that given how much I've talked up your mum and I's misgivings about going to a simple dinner that something properly epic happened. Like your mum hexing Uncle Percy over dessert, or me and Uncle Bill coming to blows. While those would make a far more dramatic story, they would also be patently false.

The reality is that the most awkward part of the entire meal had nothing to do with any of your uncles. Your mum and I had to figure out how to act around each other. It might seem like a minor thing, but how couples act in public is one of the trickier things to navigate. You don't want to be one of "those couples" that spend all their time trying to suck each other's faces off – just ask your Uncle "Won Won" about that, preferably with Aunt Hermione around. But by the same token you don't want to appear standoffish towards each other.

In retrospect our obvious discomfiture is probably what held back the worst of the razzing. Things came to a head when we both reached for the gravy boat and nearly knocked it over. Your mum placed her hand on mine, we locked eyes, and it's vitally important you kids understand that what happened next absolutely happened exactly as I'm about to describe it, because we had a telepathic conversation. Not Legilimency, but a true proper conversation.

"Harry," your mum hissed. "What's the matter with you?"

"I should ask you the same thing," I shot back. "We're making complete gits of ourselves."

"Well get a hold of yourself."

"I'm trying, it's just…"

"Ron is giving you the stink eye even if he doesn't mean it, George is acting like he planted a few Canary Creams in the mashed potatoes. My mum looks like she's about to jump the table and hug us to death, and so help me if Hermione doesn't wipe that expression off her face I'll do it for her."

I turned my hand and caught your mum's in mine. "Please don't maim my best friend."

"I'm not making any promises."

I leaned over and kissed your mum on the temple. "Relax, I have a plan." I looked over at Uncle George who was whispering conspiratorially with Ron. "Hey George!" I called out.

"Yes Harry our beloved savior?"

"What are you and Ron up to over there?"

"Oh just chatting about the shop, you should stop by and visit sometime."

"Really? It looked to me like you two were planning some sort of prank."

"Me, a prank at family dinner? You must have a low opinion of my sterling character to think I'd stoop to something like that."

"Well I do know you," I deadpanned. George laughed and held his hands out in a "who me?" gesture. "If you weren't though I'd be disappointed, because I was going to make you an offer."

George leaned forward in his seat. "Go on."

"As I was saying we all know you're going to try and prank Ginny and myself. You won't manage to of course because I'm the top Auror at the Ministry and Ginny knows all your tricks. So here's the deal, you get one free shot, right here, and we won't do anything in response."

"You need to work on your sales pitch Harry. Prank the unprankable? How could I resist that?"

"Did I mention that each time Ginny or I stop one of your pranks she gets to choose the retaliation?"

George nodded appreciatively. "Oh that's a good one. What about when I do manage to get one past you?"

"Not that you will, but still fair game for reprisal." I glanced over at your mum who was giving George her most predatory grin.

"I don't get it," Percy admitted. "You take the free prank and be done with it."

"It's not that simple Perce," Bill said. "Pulling a prank on those two while they're expecting it, well that's a challenge, and our little brother likes a challenge, right Georgey?"

"Right enough Bill," George replied.

"Oh for heaven's sake George, just prank him now and get it over with!" Hermione snapped.

"Have some respect for the man's artistry," Ron protested.

"Can we please not prank each other at the dinner table?" Molly asked with the tired exasperation of someone whose words forever go unheeded.

"And if I take you up on this offer I can do whatever I want?" George asked.

"Whatever you want."

"And Ginny won't do anything?"

I squeezed your mum's hand. "You'll be free and clear, but it has to be now. So how about it?" I let go of your mum's hand and stretched mine across the table towards George. "A gentleman's agreement?"

Without hesitation George reached out and shook my hand. "Alright it's a deal."

"But what about the challenge?" Ron demanded.

"Sod the challenge, this way Ginny can't get back at me," George replied with a grin.

It was at that moment I knew I'd been had, he agreed to my terms too quickly. That and my scalp started to itch like crazy. "What did you do?"

"Here Harry let me help you with that," George said. He conjured a feather and waved it under my nose. Try as I might I couldn't hold back the sneeze and I looked on in amazement as all my hair fell off my head. "You're welcome Ginny, I just gave you a preview of what your precious Harry will look like in fifty years.

"You set his hair back this instant!" Your mum demanded as the rest of the family laughed.

"Oh very well, if you insist dearest sister." George flicked his wand and I felt my hair return. Only the laughter grew more intense. "I didn't realise this before, but pink is a good look for your Harry." He conjured a mirror, held it up in front of me, and sure enough my hair was a brilliant pink. 

A sly smile crossed my face and I shot your mum a wink. "Now George, we agreed to one reprisal free prank on me, but I think that counts as two, don't you Ginny?"

"Wait, what? Oh bugger!" George exclaimed as he ducked a hex from your mum. She then chased him out of the kitchen, firing hexes as they ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: This chapter was a bear for me. It was one of those things that you feel obligated to write, not inspired to. Hopefully George's pranks were character appropriate, and that the people who pay attention to these sorts of things appreciated the little Slap Bet homages. Plus I had to include at least one telepathic conversation. Next week sets up the last story arc before things start to get real; just nine episodes left. Continued thanks to all you kind, and crazy, people who continue to read this thing. 
> 
> -sam


	21. Four Conversations

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."  
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty: Four Conversations

* * *

Now you might find this hard to believe, but George's truly memorable prank was not the most important thing to happen that night.Though it is what the family remembers best, and they never fail to remind me of it whenever they get the chance.However, the fact of the matter is, what took place later on that night had far more lasting consequences.Mostly for Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron, but also to lesser extent for your mum and I.

After the commotion from Uncle George's pranks and your mum's retaliation died down, Aunt Hermione restored my hair and the rest of the meal passed without incident.Once the last of the tarts and pies were eaten everyone broke up into smaller groups.

"Here let me help you with the dishes Mrs. Weasley," I heard Hermione say to Molly as Bill and Percy grabbed me by my arms and dragged me out of the kitchen.They deposited me in Percy's old room.Bill made a show of shutting and locking the door before he turned to face me while Percy stared on, stony-faced.

"So is this the part where the scary brothers threaten my well-being if I don't treat their precious little sister with the respect she deserves?"I asked Bill half-jokingly.

"No, should it be?"Bill asked.

"Of course not,” I hastily said.

"Well that's a relief, because I doubt there's anything Perce or I could say that you'd find especially frightening,” Bill said with a grin.

"Indeed," Percy added."You stared Voldemort in the face on numerous occasions.I cannot possibly imagine that we are even remotely in the same category."

"But I didn't care what Voldemort thought of me," I said."You lot are another matter entirely."

"You care about how we think of you, even Percy?"Bill asked.

"Oi!"Percy protested.

I bit back a smile."Of course, you've always treated me well, and supported me, or at least came around when it mattered the most."Percy nodded ruefully."So yes, I do care what you think about me.Now if you're not here to threaten me, what do you want to talk to me about?"

"Actually we wanted to congratulate you," Bill said.

"And encourage you," Percy added.

"See the thing is Harry, we all agree that out of all the blokes in England you're the one who we least mind dating Ginny," Bill told me as he slung his arm around my shoulders.

"That's not exactly a ringing endorsement," I noted.

"We've known you for well over a decade," Bill continued."So we know what you're about, and we'd be delighted to have you as a member of the family.Not that you aren't already."

"Well you seem much more open to the idea than Ginny," I grumped.

“Trouble in paradise already?"Bill asked.

I felt my face heat.I hadn't intended to mention the failed proposal with any of your uncles, but then I realised Bill and Percy were two of the small handful of married blokes I knew, and that they might actually have advice for me.However I also decided that they did not need to know the whole story."I might have asked Ginny if she wanted, uh, a more serious commitment, and she kind of said no."

"Merlin Harry the two of you are living in the same…"

"You proposed?"Percy asked, cutting off Bill.

"Yes, don't tell Molly."

"Your secret's safe with us Harry,” Bill assured me.“But don't you think that's moving kind of fast?"

"You don't know the half of it," I thought to myself."It just sort of popped out one night," I told your uncles.

"And she said no?"Bill asked.I simply nodded in reply."That's almost more surprising considering how she once spent a good part of a year calling herself Ginny Potter."

"Maybe she's still mad at Harry for breaking up with her before he vanished," Percy suggested in a staggering moment of clarity.

That I completely ignored."She's never been anything but understanding about that," I countered.Percy shrugged and I put it out of mind.

"Well don't worry Harry.Ginny is crazy for you, I'm sure she just wasn't expecting you to act so quickly.She'll come around sooner rather than later," Bill said."My only advice is don't push the matter, but I'm sure you knew that."I quickly nodded."Good man, you've already won half the battle.Now where did George and Ron run off too?They were supposed to help me and Percy out for this little chat."

* * *

The answer to that question was out in the flower garden where George had hauled Ron off to after dinner.

"I have to tell you Ronniekins, charming off Harry's hair was an inspired trick.How'd you know it'd wind Ginny up like that?"

Ron shifted on his feet."Lucky guess I suppose, but why'd you go and turn his hair pink?"

George shrugged."Just wanted to see if I could slip one more by them; always push boundaries that's my motto."

"Well it didn't work out so well for you this time."

George ruefully rubbed his backside."You don't have to remind me.You'd think shagging Harry would make her less vicious."

"Why did you drag me out here anyway?"Ron asked in an attempt to change the topic."Aren't we supposed to be helping Bill and Percy have that chat with Harry?"

"Oh they'll do fine without us,” George said dismissively. “And the two of us have more important things to discuss anyway.”

"What could possibly be more important talking to Harry about Ginny?”

"The shop,” George said simply.

That pulled up Ron short.“What about the shop?"

"You've been coming in part time for the past few months.How have you liked it so far?"

"It's been bloody brilliant,” Ron enthused.

"Quite a change from the Auror's Office I'd imagine."

"A bit, what's this all about George?"

George stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared at the surrounding countryside."How'd you like to take on a bit more work around the shop?"

"I'd love to, but there's no way I could with my Auror duties."

"And if you didn't have those?"

"You want me to quit the Aurors to be a shop boy?"

"I want you to quit the Aurors to be a partner in the shop," George said quietly.

"A partner, me?"Ron asked in disbelief.

"Weasley Wizarding Wheezes was always meant to be a two-man operation, a two Weasley operation."

"But I don't have a head for pranks, not like Fred."

"Then it's a good thing that's not what I'm looking for.Ideas I can handle, what I need is someone who can run the business."

"And you think I can do that?"

"You already are, all the other workers go to you first when they have questions.And that's brilliant, for the first time in years I have the time to develop new product.We've been coasting by on name recognition, but unless I get the inventory freshened the kids are going to start looking somewhere else for their pranking supplies."

"So you want me to quit the Aurors and run the shop while you think up the next Skiving Snackbox?"

"That sounds about right, yeah."

"I don't know George."

"Did I mention you'll be making more money?As in if we're successful, and we will be, that mortgage of yours won't even be a bother?"

"That sounds good, but I'm just not sure."

"Why?Ron you've done the hero thing, what more do you need to prove?"

"It's not that, I just don't want to abandon Harry.We've worked together for so long, it just doesn't seem right to leave him now."

"But don't you think Hermione would rather you worked at the shop full time?The hours will be much better, and the odds you'll get hit by a Killing Curse are much lower."

Ron glared at George."First of all, Hermione works longer hours than I do.Secondly, she understands the risks involved in being an Auror.Thirdly, I know of one shop owner…"He trailed off before he finished that sentence."That was a low blow, I'm sorry George."

"Don't worry about it, I was a prat for bringing up Hermione.Let me ask you this then Ronniekins.Do you always want to be in Harry Potter's shadow?"

"I can think of worse places to be,” Ron said defensively as he glowered at your uncle.

"No doubt about that, but as long as you're with the Aurors you'll always be number two. Don't you want to do something on your own?"

"But wouldn't I be doing exactly that if I go work for you?"

"I don't think you get it, I want you to work with me, not for me.I'll be leaving the running of the shop completely up to you.If anything I'll be reporting to you not the other way around."

"But why?"

"Because running the shop is dead boring!"George exclaimed.

"You have a strange sales pitch," Ron noted.

"I'm a strange bloke," George replied as he tipped an invisible cap.

"George I'm flattered, but how do you know I can run the business?"

A huge smile broke out across George's face."I don't, but you're still the best man for the job.By process of elimination mostly, Bill would say no, Charlie would turn the shop into a dragon emporium and Percy is Percy.The best woman is happier on a broom, while your lovely fiancé is too busy saving the Flobberworms.Sorry Ron, but you're it."

"You really want me to do this?"

"Positive, I'm staking Fred's business on it aren't I?"

"Alright fine, I'll do it, but only after we catch Harris."

"That sounds fair enough."George held out his hand."Welcome aboard partner."

Ron shook George's hand."Happy to be here.Now I need to tell Hermione the good news.I wonder where she's run off to?"

* * *

Aunt Hermione as you might recall, had offered to help your grandmother clean up the kitchen.She also intended this to be the night she told Molly they weren't going to be having the wedding at the Burrow.

"Audrey, Fleur, why don't you go put your feet up and rest," Hermione told your very pregnant aunts.Then with a swift flick of her wand she levitated the contents of the dinner table over to the sink.

"Oh Hermione you don't have to do that," Molly protested.

"It's the least I could do after you spent all that time preparing a wonderful meal,” Hermione said as she deposited the cutlery into a basin full of soapy water.

"Why thank-you dear, now what do you want?"

"Who said I want anything?"Hermione stammered.

"I'm not daft, I know when one of you kids wants something, you either compliment my cooking or help me clean to butter me up.You've just done both."I know I don't have to tell you kids this, but it's hard to put one over on your gran.

"I just wanted to talk to you about the wedding," Hermione admitted.

"What about it?"

"It has to do with the venue.I know you want us to have it here," Hermione took a deep breath."But the fact of the matter is that just won't be practical, not with my Muggle relatives.Also, I want this wedding to be about Ron and I, not the Weasley family as a whole, and as much as I love all of you that just can't happen here.As a housewarming gift Harry rented us a lovely Muggle inn in Uffington, and we'll be having the wedding there."Hermione then reflexively held her breath as she awaited Molly’s reply.

"Arthur certainly will be ecstatic to hear that," Molly said after a long pause."And I certainly know how much it means for a new couple to strike out on their own.Merlin knows I had enough problems with Arthur's mother when we were getting married.It's all so very intimidating isn't it?"

Hermione nodded."Yes you, er it, can be."

"You think I'm intimidating?"Molly asked.She was obviously taken aback by Hermione's slip.

"It's just you raised Ron and all his siblings on practically no money and they all have gone on do to amazing things.You run this brilliant little house with astonishing precision.Your cooking is incredible, and you killed Bellatrix Lestrange!Ever since Ron proposed I've been petrified of being compared to you."

"I think if we're going to discuss this we have to do it properly," Molly declared.She swished her wand and a pair of wine glasses and decanter flew onto the table."Sit please," she instructed Hermione who stiffly took a seat.

"It's not that I don't love you…" Hermione started to say as your grandmother poured them each a glass of wine.

"Hermione,” Molly began after she handed Hermione one of the filled glasses.“When they write the history of our time, whole books will be dedicated to you, and I'll just be a footnote.Don't protest it's true.And not just for what you did with Harry and Ron when you were at school, but for what you're going to do.The work you're doing for magical creature rights alone is more than most people do in a whole lifetime, and who knows what you'll get done when you are running the entire Ministry.But on top of all that I know you will be a wonderful mother and wife.One my son is lucky to be marrying.If anything I should be intimidated by you since I've never aspired to be anything more than a simple house wife."

"And I don't think any less of you because of that…oh Merlin that came out wrong!"Hermione exclaimed.She took a large drink from her wine glass.

Molly reached out and patted Hermione's hand."It's alright dear.I know what you're trying to say.Now I need you to believe me when I tell you that there's no one on Earth I'd rather have marrying Ron than you."

"Thank-you for saying that…" Hermione started to say.

"And above all else, don't try to be me.For one thing that's not why Ronald is marrying you, and for the other…you can't do it."Your grandmother said in a voice Aunt Hermione to this day swears was a perfect imitation of Voldemort."Now where has Ginny run off to?"

"I, uh, saw her and Mr. Weasley go into his shed," Hermione stammered.

"Oh, well that's alright then.Now Hermione, have I given you my rarebit recipe?"

* * *

Ginny leaned against the work bench in your grandfather's shed.“What did you want to see me about Dad?Did you find some new Muggle contraption?"

"Mostly I wanted to get you away from your mum so we could have a little chat."

Your mum tightened her grip on the lip of the work bench."About?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow."What do you think?"

"Harry and me then."

"Yes, you and Harry,” Arthur agreed.

"I would've thought mum would be the one to talk to me about this."

"She was going to, but I talked her out of it.I thought you'd be more inclined to listen to me."

"So what about Harry and I living together do you not agree with?"Your mum asked, bracing herself for what she thought was an oncoming parental argument.

"As a matter of fact we both very much agree with the two of you living together, sorry to disappoint,” Arthur said with a chuckle.

"You do?"

"Of course we do Ginny, I thought we’d already made that abundantly clear.We know what Harry means to you and vice versa.To be perfectly honest we weren't sure why it took you two so long to figure that out."

"We both we very busy establishing our careers.To busy to be in a relationship,” Ginny said.She crossed her arms in front of her defensively.

"And now you're not?"

"I well, what are you getting at Dad?"

"We, I, just want to know what exactly your expectations are for this…relationship."

"It's far too early to think about things like that."

"I would say early is exactly the right time.You don't want to have different expectations after all."

"Not to worry, I know exactly what Harry wants," your mum muttered."Oh Merlin I didn't mean it like that,” she added, her face colouring in embarrassment.

"I, er, realise that,” Arthur stammered.“What I mean is in five years where do you see yourself and Harry?"

Ginny shrugged."I haven't given it any thought."

"I find that hard to believe."

"It's true dad, right now my focus is on today."

"Because the war taught you to live in the now?"Ginny nodded and your grandfather sighed."You know you're not the only one to have grown up with a war raging?I know what that feels like, the pressure you’re under, then the release when it's over.I understand the need to live for today.But the war is over Ginny, and you have a great many todays ahead of you.So maybe you want to think a little bit less about right now, and little bit more about who you want to spend those tomorrows with?”

"I guess I forgot you and mum got married during the first war," Ginny admitted."That was selfish of me wasn't it?"

Arthur reached out and pulled Ginny into a hug."It's alright, surviving tends to do that, but promise me you'll start planning for tomorrow."

Your mum returned the hug."I will Dad."

"That's my girl, now let's get back to the house before mum wonders where we've run off to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Alright, so this chapter was my attempt to play at one of the structured episodes How I Met Your Mother likes to do, where all the elements are taking place simultaneously but are told sequentially. Though that's really hard to get to work on the page so this is a bit of a streamlined version. There was also the need to payoff the Hermione and Molly storyline, and setup the last major plot before the endgame kicks in. Thanks for your continued readership.
> 
> -sam


	22. Falling Out

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty Two: Falling Out

* * *

As I'm sure you're all aware, your Uncle Ron and I had a history of epic rows when we were at Hogwarts. After we left school, and that awful tent, our disagreements seldom matched their old intensity. One exception to that, and I'm not proud about this episode, was when Ron told me he was leaving the Aurors.  


This all took place a few days after George offered Ron the job of running the joke shop. I could tell Ron wanted to talk to me about something, but I was so busy chasing down dead ends in the Harris investigation that I didn't pay it much mind. I figured it had something to do with the rapidly approaching wedding. Ron meanwhile was just trying to figure out how to broach the subject to me.

* * *

"He's going to hate me," Ron said to Hermione. They were sitting around their kitchen table with one of Hermione's more "interesting" attempts at cooking in front of them.

"He will not," Hermione insisted.

"Yes he will. He'll say I'm abandoning him, and he's right." 

"You are not. Now go and talk to Harry. The sooner you get this over with the better. I want the two of you on speaking terms for the wedding."

"You said he wouldn't hate me!"

"I've known you both for how many years now?” Hermione said with a quirked eyebrow. “Harry is incapable of hating you, but he certainly won't take this news well. Now go on, do what you have to."

"Are you sure you don't want to come mediate?"

"Oh no, I learned long ago not to get in between the two of you when you row. Go and take your lumps, I'll be here when you get back."

"I can't just show up unannounced. What if he and Ginny are…you know…"

"In that case I suggest you Apparate to outside Grimmauld Place and ring the doorbell."

Uncle Ron stood up and fixed his jaw resolutely. "Alright if I'm not back in an hour send help."

"It won't come to that," Hermione assured Ron. "There will be some shouting, but he'll see how much this means to you and come around."

Ron kissed Hermione on the cheek. "I hope you're right," he told her before Dissaparating with a pop.

"I hope so too," Hermione told the empty kitchen.

* * *

When Ron arrived at Grimmauld Place your mum and I were finishing up our supper. As such it was Kreacher who answered the door when Ron rang the bell.

"Master Ron to see you sir," Kreacher intoned as he lead Ron into the kitchen.

"Tired of Hermione's cooking already?" I called out. "You should have let me know ahead of time and I would have had Kreacher make more."

Ron glanced mournfully at the remains of our roast. "No that's alright. I actually came over to talk to you, in private."

"Of course mate, we can talk in the drawing room." I lead Ron up into the drawing room and shut the door behind us.

"You don't have to keep this from Ginny," Ron began. "But I wanted to tell you first."

"Tell me what?"

"There's no easy way to say this, believe me I've tried to think of one." Ron took a deep breath. Harry I'm quitting the Aurors."

"You're what?" I asked in disbelief.

"Quitting the Aurors. Not right away, but yeah."

"But why?" I still couldn't process what Ron told me.

"You know I've been doing a little work on the side for George. Well he must have liked what I did because he offered me a partnership in the company. Basically I'll take over running the store, and George gets to focus on creating new products."

Intellectually I knew this was a fantastic opportunity for Ron and that I should be happy for him. Emotionally was another matter entirely. "You're quitting the Aurors to work in a joke shop?" I didn't even try to keep the anger and disbelief out of my voice.

"Run the shop," Ron emphasised.

"Well that makes all the difference then."

"Harry, don't be like this," Ron pleaded with me.

"Don't be like what Ron?" I sniped back. Deep down I knew perfectly well how I was acting, but I could not help myself.

"This wasn't an easy decision for me to make, but it was the right one."

"And just like that you're done? I don't even get the courtesy of being told you're considering making a move like this?"

"I told you months ago that I wasn't sure I wanted to stay on. It's not like this coming completely out of nowhere."

"But I thought this was what you wanted, the two of us, stopping Dark Wizards, saving lives, making a difference."

"I did, but things change. What I want now…" he trailed off. "Look when I was growing up my dad was almost always home for dinner. I want to have the same stability in my life, and you can't have that with the Aurors."

"There are ways we could work around that. You could slide into the training department."

"You don't get it Harry, I'm done with the Aurors. I want to see what's next…on my own."

"On your own, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I want to be more than your bloody number two my whole life!" Ron exploded.

I would like to say my response to your uncle's outburst was measured, mature, and well-reasoned, unfortunately that would be a lie. "So we're back to that again?” I asked coldly.

"Stop being a self-absorbed git and think for a moment. Do you really think there's anything I can do as an Auror that won't be eclipsed by whatever you do. For instance, is it even remotely possible for me to be promoted over you for Department head?"

"Do you even want to be the Head Auror?"

"That's not the point. What I want is something I can point to and say I did that."

"So we'll work different cases from here on out."

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that I want to do something outside your orbit for once in my life?" Ron demanded.

By this point we both should have realised that only bad things would happen if we continued shouting at each other, but arguments rarely work that way. Instead you keep going at it until someone says something completely beyond the pale. In this case that someone was me. "So just because you're still an insecure little boy you think it's a good idea to throw away all the good work you've done as an Auror? And for what, to sell pranks? Besides, from the sound of it you're just changing one 'orbit,' whatever that means, for another. It doesn't matter what he says, the shop will always be George's."

Ron's face turned mottled red, but he somehow found a way to keep his voice down. "My brother asked me for my help, I get that family is a foreign concept for you Harry, but when they need help you give it." The problem with being friends for as long as Uncle Ron and I have is that you know exactly what to say to the other to inflict the most damage.

I clenched my fists to keep from reaching for my wand. "I think you should go now."

To your uncle's credit he had the decency to look ashamed. "That probably would be for the best." He pushed his way past me to the door. "Harry, I just want you to know that I'm not resigning immediately. I want to see the Harris case through to the end. We arrest him then I'll give my notice."

"That doesn't give me much incentive to work quickly now does it?"

"Even you aren't that petty."

I sighed, even as angry as I was I could see how uncalled for that comment was. "No I'm not, but I still think you're an arse."

"It doesn't much matter what you think my mind's made up. You don't have to like it, just live with it you selfish prat." And with that he barged out of the drawing room, storming past Ginny in the process.

"What's got you in a state?" Your mum demanded.

"Ask your boyfriend. Since he thinks the world revolves around his whims!" Ron shouted over his shoulder as he noisily marched out of the house.

Ginny turned her attention to me, her eyes full of worry. "Harry what in the…"

"Ron's resigning from the Aurors," I said bluntly. "George offered him the manager's job at the shop."

"And that's bad?"

"He's throwing away his career with the Ministry!" I shouted. "And for what, to sell pranks to Hogwarts students?"

"What's wrong with selling pranks?"

"It's not important, not like the work we're doing with the Aurors."

"People who don't work for the Ministry aren't doing important things?" She arched an eyebrow dangerously.

"Don't bait me, that isn't what I meant," I snapped.

"I'm not trying to bait you. I just think that's not why you're mad at him."

"Of course that's why I'm mad. Ron's a brilliant Auror, and the best partner I could ask for."

"So maybe the problem is with you and not Ron."

"This isn't about me," I insisted, though of course it was.

"Clearly you aren't in a state to talk about this rationally. Just come to your senses before the wedding. It wouldn't do for the groom and the best man to spend the whole ceremony glaring at each other. People might get the wrong idea. Come to think of it they might get the wrong idea even if they knew the real reason for the row."

I crossed my arms. "You are not helping."

"Oh I'm sorry, were you expecting me to take your side? You're being an arse to Ron. If he wants to help George with the shop that's his right, and who's to say he won't do a good job at it? Regardless I'm not going to run down my own brother to feed your insecurities." As she spoke she closed the distance between us, and then jabbed me in the chest with her forefinger to emphasise her point.

I took a step back from your mum, stunned by the vehemence of her outburst. "Ginny that's not what I meant."

Her expression softened. "I know Harry, but I also know how you get when you and Ron row, and I don't want to get in a fight with you about it. Especially when there's something else I want to talk to you about that you won't like."

I arched an eyebrow. "And you think now's a good time to bring it up?"

She reached out and pulled me into an embrace. "I think it might distract you."

I wrapped my arms around your mum and kissed the top of her head. It's always been hard for me to stay cross about things when she's near. I'm not sure I could've survived those first few years as Head Auror without your mum around. That however does not apply when you lot get into trouble so don't get any ideas.

"Alright, so what is this something else?"

"The season ending charity function is coming up, and I was thinking I should bring a date."

"I don't think Hannah would approved of you taking Neville," I quipped, and got slugged in the shoulder for my effort.

"You know who I'm talking about, and if you say Voldemort I am not responsible for my actions." Your mum pushed herself away from me then sat down on the sofa and I quickly followed suit. "Look I know you want to keep us out of the public eye, I do too, but we both know that can't last. The papers are already starting to piece it together on their own. There are only so many times we can go to the Leaky Cauldron with 'a group of friends' before somebody gets wise."

"Wouldn't putting out a press release accomplish the same thing?"

"We are not people who issue press releases. You are going to be my date and we will not make a big to do out of it."

"They will make a big to do out of it," I pointed out.

"Of course, but it's not like either of us ever gave a toss about that. You've crafted quite the protective bubble for yourself." She cocked her head to the side. "That's why you're so bent out of shape over Ron leaving isn't it? Between him and Neville your support base in the department is leaving."

"I thought you didn't want to talk about Ron," I snapped.

"I don't but the thought occurred to me, and it's something you should think about." She reached out and traced my jaw with a finger. "It's important you make peace with Ron, and not just because of the wedding."  
  
I sighed. "I know but I can't, not right now. It might be petty, but I am upset with him at the moment, and telling me to get over myself won't fix things."

"You realise he's not going to change his mind?"

"I'm doing my best not to think about that. Look can we talk about this date thing instead?"

"You must really not want to talk about your feelings," your mum noted.

"You're the one who said she didn't want to talk about me and Ron," I pointed out.

I was simply…preparing you for what Hermione is going to say when she comes barreling in here."

"She wouldn't, she knows better than to get between Ron and I when we're in the middle of a row."

Ginny shifted herself on the couch, snuggling up next to me. "Oh my poor dear Harry, weren't you listening to what I was saying earlier? Of course Hermione is going to get involved this time. You're endangering her wedding."

"I am not," I started to protest. "Ok, well she might see it that way," I conceded.

"Frankly I'm a little surprised she hasn't come storming in already."

"She's probably trying to calm Ron down first."

"What will you do when she does show up?"

Inwardly I felt my anger towards Ron flare up again, but I tamped it back down. Having your mum curled up next to me was proving to be a highly effective means of keeping my temper in check. "I will tell her that it would be best if she just turns around and goes back home. I'm not going to do anything to endanger the wedding, but I don't want to have anything to do with either of them for a while."

"That's a little severe don't you think?"

"Perhaps," I said then trailed off.

"But you're in a severe mood."

"I suppose I am." We both fell into contemplative silence. "So when exactly is this charity function I'm being dragged to?" I asked in another attempt to steer the conversation away from Ron."

"In a few weeks. Do you have anything appropriate to wear?"

"I do own several formal robes."

"But are any of them recent? It wouldn't do for you turn up at one of the chicest events of the year dressed like Ron at the Yule Ball." I could feel your mum tense up as soon as she realised what she'd said, and who she'd mentioned.

"I promise I don't own anything that manky," I replied with a chuckle.

"I should hope not," Ginny replied as she relaxed back into me. "But I also know how rarely you attend social functions like this, so I'll have to examine your robes to be sure."

"I didn't realise you were such a fashion maven."

"It's not that I'm an expert," Ginny demurely said. "but I reckon I'm better than you are at knowing what's in style."

"Hey I have a style, comfortable."

Your mum rolled her eyes. "That's what all you blokes say. All that means is you're too lazy to shopping for new clothes.

"Guilty as charged," I agreed. We both fell back into silence and simply enjoyed being in each other's presence. It was something I had grown to appreciate since your mum moved into Grimmauld Place, those quiet moments we shared together. "Going to this dinner changes things again won't it?" I murmured into your mum's hair.

She sighed and stirred in my arms. "Yes but it's a necessary evil."

"I know, like you said we can't hide in this house forever. I get that. I just wish…"

"That it wasn't a big deal to anyone but us and the people who really matter? I agree."

We lapsed back into silence and spent the rest of the night lying curled up together on the sofa. Neither of us wanted to break that moment of contentment that we both feared would be hard to come by in the following weeks. As it turned out we were right, but not in the way we thought we would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: It occurred me as I was plotting out the story that for as much as people like to talk about Hermione and Ron fighting; Harry and Ron had some pretty spectacular blow ups in the books too. This chapter therefore is my take on that. Thanks again for your continued readership.
> 
> -sam


	23. Making Up

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty Three: Making Up

* * *

Now kids I'd like to say that I pulled my head out of my arse and apologised to Uncle Ron for being such a selfish git the very next day. Unfortunately that was not the case and we settled into a period of frosty silence. I would also like to say that I was the one who kept trying to engage Ron and air out our difference, but that also wasn't the case. To make matters worse we were still working to close the highest profile case since the end of the war. What I'm trying to say children is that this was not my finest hour.

"Harry, do you have that file?" Ron asked, poking his head over my cube wall. I wordlessly handed him the folder. Ron took it then stood there for a moment. "How much longer are you going to keep up this silent treatment?" He sighed at my pointed non-response. "This is childish, even for you." He said before stalking off.

I leaned back in my chair and also sighed. Even in my irrational state I recognised the truth in what Ron said. It would be fair to say that everyone in the office knew that. In fact earlier in the week Robards called me into his office.

"Potter, I hear you and Mr. Weasley are having a bit of a disagreement."

"I don't think Ron should resign his post sir," I said bluntly.

"Well that's his decision to make now isn't it?" Robards snapped. "I can see why you'd be upset over your mate resigning, but the fact of the matter is not everyone is cut out for the job. Oh I didn't mean it that way," he added when he saw the anger flash across my face. "I'm not talking about his performance, he's as fine a field agent as any I've seen, a real credit to the department. No I'm talking about the Job. The hours, the drudgery, the danger. Not everyone can make a career out of it, and that's not meant as a slight." Robards turned silent. "You might even say he's the one with the right idea."

"Someone has to keep the public safe."

"Someone does indeed Mr. Potter, but there is a cost that goes along with that. I'm not trying to run down Weasley's courage, or dedication. All I'm saying is he doesn't want to make the Job his career. I can't say as I blame him either. You kids have all done more than enough for the rest of us. If Weasley wants to sell toy wands for the rest of his days he's earned the right." Robards stopped and stared at me. "I can see you aren't convinced."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I think people should do what they're good at."

"I think most people would say they should do what makes them happy," Robards observed. "But I didn't ask you in here to debate Weasley's decision. The fact is he's made his choice, and from now until his last day you still have to work with him. I trust my best Auror can put aside his personal opinions and work with Mr. Weasley in a professional manner?" Robards did not phrase it as such, but the threat was implicit in his voice. Get over myself and do my job.

"I promise I won't say anything to Ron that will provoke a row," I solemnly told Robards.

And I was true to my word, thought I don't think Robards had the silent treatment in mind. When we were in the field together I certainly spoke with Ron, but only in a professional capacity. In the office though, total silence. I'm sure the other Aurors all thought I was being an unreasonable git, but I didn't especially care. Thought I must admit the stony silence was starting to get to me as well.

* * *

It's an odd experience knowing you're wrong about something yet not being able to admit it. It requires a very special sort of stubbornness that was fully on display later on that day. Ron was off running an errand when I felt a small hand clamp down on my shoulder and spin me around in my chair.

"We need to talk," Hermione declared and hauled me up to my feet. I willingly let her drag me into an empty conference room.

"Why hello Hermione, and what is it you'd like to talk to me about?"

"You bloody well know what I'm here to talk to you about!" Hermione fumed.

"I promise I won't let this interfere with the wedding," I started to say.

"Sod the wedding!" Hermione spat out. "This is more important than a wedding. This is about the most important friendship in your life, and how your petty selfishness is endangering it."

"I'm selfish? He's the one leaving! He's the one who's turning his back on helping people to sell toys."

"Harry did you ever stop to think that maybe Ron is still the little boy chafing at being in everyone's shadow? All of his brothers, his little sister even, they were all Head Boys, Quidditch Captains, or otherwise school legends."

"Ron did plenty at school to make himself stand out," I protested.

"Not when stacked next to the person he feels most overshadowed by, you."

"Me? We've been through this before Hermione…"

"And it's never gone away. Ron is absolutely your best friend, and always will be, never doubt that, but he cannot keep living in your shadow either."

"Ron told me that too, I think it's bollucks, everyone in the office knows he's a top Auror."

"But who is the top Auror? Of the two of you who is going to be Head Auror? Be honest Harry in ten years who do you see running the office, yourself or Ron?"

"Well me, but I didn't think Ron wanted the job."

"So in your mind Ron would be perfectly happy being your sidekick for his whole life?"

The vehemence of Hermione's tone was blunting my anger, but that stubbornness I mentioned earlier was still in effect. "So Ron gets to be selfish and everybody's happy for him, but when I say he's making a mistake suddenly I'm the bad guy."

Hermione's face softened. "You aren't a bad guy Harry. You're just used to having Ron around, and now he won't be. But Harry you have to realise and accept that this is what Ron needs to do. He has to do something apart from you for once in his life. And who knows, maybe he'll think the whole joke business is rubbish and come back here."

"Now you're just trying to make me feel better by telling me what I want to hear," I groused.

"Is it working?"

Again, I knew I was being foolish, but I still couldn't admit it yet because my emotions were still in control. "I think…" I started to say. "I think I need time to think." Saying that is always a great fall back by the way if you need to buy yourself time.

Hermione flashed me a sad smile. "Certainly Harry, just don't take too long, you're not just making yourself and Ron miserable, but everyone around the two of you. I'd hate to have to pick a side."

"I can't make any promises Hermione, other than I'll think over what you said," I insisted.

She reached out and pulled me into a hug. "That's more than I expected to get. Honestly I thought you'd run me off without even listening to what I had to say."

"Maybe I'm finally growing up?" I suggested.

"We can't have that now can we?" Hermione quipped. "I have to get back to the office, are you really going to consider what I said?"

"I said I would didn't I?"

Your aunt gave me another hug. "This will all work out for the best Harry, trust me." She then slipped out of the conference room, leaving me to my thoughts.

* * *

In the end the person who finally made me see reason wasn't Robards, or your mum, or Aunt Hermione. It was in fact Uncle George, who was waiting for me when I tumbled out of the fireplace in Grimmauld Place's kitchen one night later the next week.

"George what brings you here? I think Ginny is still at Holyhead training for the Porttree match."

"As much as I enjoy my baby sister's company she isn't the reason I'm visiting this former abode of doom and gloom. I wanted to talk to you Harrykins."

"Oh about what?"

"A business investment you made about eight years ago."

"That was a gift, not an investment. You and Fred needed that money and I didn't want it."

"Be that as it may, Fred and I always considered you an investor, not a benefactor, you even have a seat on our board of directors."

"I do?"

"Yep. We needed an outside director on the board when we were establishing the company, and you were as good a choice as any other. We never bothered to tell you because the other two seats were held by Fred and I and we'd always out vote you. So instead of going through the motions we just did as we pleased."

"Why tell me this now?"

"I wanted you to know that because you are actively working to destroy your own company."

"How am I doing that?" I demanded.

"Merlin they were right when they said you were thick. Here I'll use small words so you can understand. Unless I hire a new shop manager the company is going to go under."

"What? I thought business was going well."

"We're not hurting at the moment, but the shop isn't doing as well as it could be. More importantly I've been so busy keeping the shop running I haven't had a chance to develop anything new. The prank market is fickle, you always have to be innovating. I can't make the next Canary Creme if I'm keeping the shop floor tidy."

"George, I had no idea, but why Ron?"

"Because the name on the door says Weasley."

"And Ron is the only Weasley you'd be willing to work with who'd also take the job."

A smile broke out on George's face. "See you do get it, and here I thought you were being a grouchy stick in the mud."

"So asking as one of the board members of Weasley Wizarding Wheezes, is Ron the right man for the job? He's not going to run my investment into the ground is he?"

"Of course he's the right man for the job, he's a Weasley isn't he? Besides it doesn't matter what you think, considering all the work I had to go through to convince him to take the sodding job I'm not letting him go."

"Wait, you had to do what?"

"Talk him into it, let me tell you, I really played up the 'store's going under' angle too. That's not to say I was lying, simply exaggerating a little."

And just like that I felt like a weight had been lifted from me. Ron quitting the Aurors because George begged him to was something I could wrap my mind around. And despite what I might think about the relative worth of an Auror versus a shopkeep, I also considered it vitally important that Fred and George's shop stay open. I've always gelt that as long as that shop's there Uncle Fred is still alive, and I would never do anything to endanger that.

"In that case," I said stiffly. "Far be it for me to overrule the chairman's recommendation, and at the very least the new manager will keep down on the shoplifting."

"That's the hope," George said with a laugh. "I'd be best be shoving off before Angelina thinks I've taken up with another woman." He slouched his way over to the fireplace, but before he could toss in a pinch of Floo Powder the fireplace flared to life and deposited your mum. "Pleasure to see you oh favourite sister of mine. Sadly in the words of the great philosopher, Hello I must be going." George told Ginny with a waggle of his eyebrows. He flicked the Floo Powder into the hearth, then Disapparated out of the house.

Your mum rolled her eyes. "Someone needs to tell George that joke's gotten old. What did he want anyway?"

I waited a long moment before replying. "Sometimes, late at night, I wonder how different my life would be if Voldemort never existed." I told your mum. "I wonder would I be so driven to be an Auror? Would I have this burning need to protect people from all that I went through? Or would I be free to do something else? Could I have been a champion Seeker for the Wasps? Could I have been anyone other than me?"

"Harry…"

"I know, I still could be, but I don't want that. I want to be an Auror. It's just sometimes I still feel trapped by that stupid prophecy. My entire life charted out just because of some stupid noseless wanker!"

"And this sudden bought of self-reflection was brought on by George?"

"Sort of, while we were talking I realised why I've been so angry at Ron."

"Because he has a choice you don't feel you have. But didn't you say you like being an Auror?"

"I didn't say I was being rational about this."

"So you're ready to apologise to Ron?"

I nodded. "I've been a complete arse these past few days."

Your mum walked over and pulled me into a hug. "Yes you have been. Now what are you going to do about it?"

"Like you said, apologise.”

"That's it, just say I'm sorry?"

"Well yeah, what else would I do?"

"I don't know. It just seems like saying 'I'm sorry' isn't enough considering all the drama the pair of you put the rest of us through."

I rubbed the back of my head. "Well that's all it's taken in the past and those rows were much worse."

Your mum shrugged. "Personally I would make you work for my forgiveness, but then I'm not Ron."

"Good thing too," I said with a chuckle. "I should probably head over and see Ron straight away. No sense in delaying things."

Your mum leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "Good luck Harry, I'll be here when you get back."

* * *

I Apparated to Cotswallace House and found your aunt and uncle in the kitchen tending to a bubbling pot of something. Hermione turned and saw me first. She let out a quiet squeak then grabbed Ron by the arm and dragged him over to me.

"Hermione?" Ron asked in confusion. Instead of replying Hermione caught hold of my arm and hauled the both of us into the library. She thrust us into the room and slammed the door shut.

"So why are you here Harry, and I hope you're not going to keep up the silent treatment because I don't think Hermione is letting us out of this room until you stop."

"I'm sorry Ron," I said without preamble. "I was an arse, prat, git, whatever you want to call me. You're right, this is a fantastic opportunity for you, and I've been a terrible friend. I let my own issues get in the way of me seeing that. If you want to run the shop for George then you absolutely should. Keeping Fred's dream alive is far more important than chasing down dark wizards, and it was petty of me to say otherwise. So what do you say, mates?" I held out my hand to your uncle.

"By all rights I should slug you," Ron said.

"I wouldn't stop you," I agreed.

Ron flexed his hand a few times. "What the hell, I treated you worse during the Triwizard Tournament." He reached out to shake my hand, then quickly pulled it back. "There is one thing you have to do before I can forgive you."

"Anything, within reason."

"Just have dinner with Hermione and me tonight."

"I can do that," I told Ron.

"Great, Hermione's been trying out new recipes. Tonight's curry," he said as we shook hands.

"I'm going to regret this aren't I?"

Ron smiled. "What, you didn't think I'd let you off that easily did you?"

I laughed. "No, I suppose not." I clapped Ron on the shoulder. "Well no sense in delaying the inevitable then. Let's see how badly you two stuffed up making curry."

* * *

Very much later that night, after many drinks, and one surreptitiously taken nausea potion, I made my way back to Grimmauld Place. I discovered that your mum had not decided to wait up for me and was already in bed when I crept into the room.

"So forgive and forget yeah?" Your mum asked as I sat up in the bed. I had of course sent your mum a message telling her not to wait up for me, and to have Kreacher make her dinner.

"Apparently you and Ron have more in common than I knew," I said with a chuckle. "I didn't wake you up did I?"

"No I was just lying here thinking."

"About what?" I asked as I sat down on the bed.

"When we were talking earlier you said you sometimes think abut how your life would be different if it wasn't for Voldemort. Do any of those, er, daydreams involve me?"

I stared straight at your mum. "Always, though most of them involve figuring out how to catch the attention of the Gryffindor's star Chaser."

Your mum leaned over and kissed me. "Don't you mean the Chaser who's spent her entire school career pining for the brilliant and dashing Seeker?"

"Whose story is this?" I asked in feigned protest.

"Ours," your mum replied before silencing me with another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Fun fact, a variation of the story Harry describes at the end of this episode is shaping up to be my next project. So hopefully, by the time this series is finished I'll have that in a presentable state. One more chapter of faffing about, then it's full steam ahead to the finale. Thanks again everyone for sticking with this crazy idea.
> 
> -sam


	24. Fine Dining and Other Social Hazards

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty Four: Fine Dining and Other Social Hazards

* * *

I'm sure you kids probably think this story's gone on for far too long, but I promise the Quidditch league charity dinner marks the beginning of the end of this tale. While I had agreed to go to the thing I was still very hesitant about exposing your mum and I to the level of scrutiny that I knew was going to result from going public with our relationship. I was contemplating all of this at my cubicle in the Auror's office when a balled up scrap of paper hit me in the head. I looked around and saw Ron looming over the cubicle wall.

"What's got you in a state?" He asked. "You're not still nervous about this dinner are you?"

"It's not that I'm nervous,” I said defensively. “I just like where things are with Ginny right now, and I don't want to bring on any additional complications. I'm Harry Potter, she's a famous Quidditch player, how will that not be huge news? We'll be hounded anywhere we go, and the press will surely wind up telling horrid lies about us just like they always do."

"And when was the last time you cared what the Prophet had to say about you?"

"It's different now. They can say whatever they want about me, it's not like I haven't heard worse, but telling lies about Ginny, about our relationship? I don't think I could take that."

"It's like you said Harry, Ginny's been in the public eye for years; she knows those press tosspots for what they are."

I fixed your uncle with what I hoped was my very best "Harry Potter is cross" glare. "Ever since that day in the common room everything I've done has been to keep the ugliness of the world away from your sister. I haven't always done a good job of it, but that's been my goal. And the way I see it, those vultures in the press are just another form of that ugliness. I know Ginny can look after herself, I know she understands what they say isn't true, but I still don't want her exposed to it on account of me." I trailed off when I realised your uncle was staring at me, his mouth agape. "What?" I asked in annoyance.

"You never do things in half measures do you Harry? Shield her from the ugliness of the world? And just how long did it take you to come up with that line?"

"A bit too much?"

Ron held apart his thumb and forefinger. "Just a little."

"Alright, that was overwrought, but you get what I was trying to say."

"I think I do yeah, and this is going to sound odd coming from me, but Ginny doesn't need anyone to shield her from anything. She's…she's seen enough to know what's what. In fact I'd say other than you she's had the worst of it out of all of us. Well, except for, you know," he trailed off and we both contemplated all those we'd lost. "But my point is Ginny's already seen the worst, you don't need to worry about her."

"I get that Ron, it's just she's Ginny, and like you said she has been through so much. You'd think that means she's earned a chance to just be left alone."

"That's not how the world works mate and you know, your life is proof enough of that. You also know that this banquet is something you have to attend because you and Ginny can't stay holed up in Grimmauld Place forever."

"Trust me I've been reminded of that many times, and I understand that we can't keep this to ourselves…"

"But you wish you could."

"Well it's nobody else's business now is it?" I snapped. "The people who truly matter already know, and the rest can sod off."

"That's the spirit Harry, now just keep that attitude and you'll be fine."

"Maybe we'll see."

"Look on the bright side Harry."

"What's that?"

"At least Ginny will be there to be miserable with you." And you know what kids? As soppy as it might sound, that did cheer me up.

* * *

I was still mulling over the conversation between Ron and myself when I sat down to dinner with your mum that night. She immediately picked up on the fact that my attention was elsewhere.

"So that's when Gladish told me to go home and 'Shag Potter rotten,' and here we are," she said, very effectively bringing my attention back to the present.

"She said what now?"

Your mum laughed. "Good, I have your attention, I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to start taking off my clothes."

"I will happily go back to ignoring you if you think that's the best way to get my attention."

Your mum tossed a roll at my face. "Maybe later. Now tell me what's gotten you all moody today? And why did Ron send me an owl this afternoon telling me to ask you to tell me what you told him? He also said to tell you that you can thank him later, but skip on the details? Why did you tell my brother something that he thinks will get you in my knickers?"

I coughed in embarrassment. "Oh that." I gave her a very quick recap of the conversation Ron and I had.

In response your mum reached out, caught my face in her hands and pulled me in for a slow, deep kiss. "Ron's right, you will have to thank him later."

"I'll er, be sure to keep that in mind," I stammered out. Though quite frankly I wasn't about to tell Ron anything that went on between me and your mum. "But there was more to it than just what I told Ron. That's actually what I was thinking about just now."

Your mum bridged her fingers together and then rested her chin on them. "Oh really, do tell."

I took a large drink from my goblet of wine before continuing. "Everything I told Ron is true, but there's something else. I don't want to share you."

"How's that now?"

"I've lived in the public eye more or less my whole life. No that's not quite right. I've been a public figure my whole life, and I'm tired of it. I just want one thing that's mine. I know it's not my place to say that about you, or our relationship for that matter. I'm just…tired." I said in an attempt to come up with something more insightful.

Your mum leaned across the table and gave me another kiss. "Harry are you familiar with the expression that living well's the best revenge? Let me tell you what's going to happen. We're going to the dinner. We will enjoy the free food and drink, especially the drink. We will be forced to make small talk with boring people, but it won't matter because we will have a good time. How do I know this oh beautiful and wise Ginny you might ask? I know this because we will be going together, and we are brilliant together. Then the next day the press is going to say whatever they'll say, but will it matter?" She arched her eyebrows to prompt my reply.

"No."

"And why is that?"

I felt a smile break out across my face. "Because we are brilliant."

Ginny kissed me again. "That's right we are brilliant. Now hurry up and finish your dinner."

"Why?"

"So I can demonstrate just how brilliant we can be."

"We can always reheat the food," I said as I hastily stood up from the table and dragged your mum upstairs.

* * *

On the day of the dinner I stood in the sitting room nervously adjusting the tie of my charcoal grey dress robes waiting for your mum to make her appearance. I've never liked going to social functions, they remind me too much of that disastrous Yule Ball I went to at Hogwarts. After Hogwarts, and the war, as society settled back into its normal rhythms I found myself invited to an ungodly number of the blasted things, but I was able to use my position as a Junior Auror to get out of attending most of them. That excuse stopped working after I became Head Auror, but by that time I at least had your mum to keep my sane. Looking back on it now that night proved to be the template for all such evenings in the future.

I was triple-checking the wards around Grimmauld Place when your mum made her way downstairs. As soon as I caught sight of her I felt my mouth go dry and all the air escaped from my lungs, two things that still happen to this day whenever I see your mum all dressed up.

"Wow Ginny, you look fantastic!" I finally managed to say.

"You like the outfit then?" Your mum asked, turning slowing to show off the blue robes she was wearing. "It's from a new shop, the designer is trying to add more Muggle-insipired elements than a traditional shop like Madame Malkin's."

"I think it's perfect," I said truthfully before giving your mum a kiss.

"That was the reaction I was hoping for. Now let's go before we miss our Portkey." She reached into her purse and withdrew the gilt invitation that also doubled as a Portkey. I took a deep breath, reached out to grab ahold of the free side, and we were instantly jerked out of Grimmauld Place.

The Portkey deposited us in front of a very posh manor house. The home of some important person whose name completely escapes my mind right now. A large hedge separated the Portkey arrival point from the prying eyes of the press. I glanced over at Ginny and wordlessly held out my arm. She matched my gaze, took a deep breath of her own, and hooked her arm through mine. I plastered a smile on my face, not too hard considering I had the most gorgeous witch in the world hanging off my arm, and we walked out from behind the hedge.

For a brief moment it was all business as usual, paparazzi taking pictures, asking who people were wearing. Then when the realisation of who had just stepped into view hit, everything fell silent before exploding in a flurry of flash bulbs and shouted questions. We dutifully followed our VIP wrangler from station to station where we answered the same questions over and over again.

"Harry, are you here as a friend?"

"Ginny, how did you catch Harry?"

"Ginny, who made your robes?"

"Harry, what do you have to say to all the disappointed witches out there?"

"Harry, give her a kiss!" That last demand I complied with quite willingly.

After making our way through the press gauntlet our handler lead us into the banquet hall. "I wish you'd told us you were bringing Harry Potter," the harried young witch said. "We could've charged more for a seat at your table." I should probably explain. The dinner was a charity event where league sponsors paid for the right to eat a fancy dinner with league players, the more popular the player, the higher the donation. It gave the well-heeled sponsors a chance to rub elbows with the players, bask in their reflected "glory" and support a worthwhile cause; Quidditch equipment for disadvantaged youth.

Your mum and I were seated at a table with Gwenog Jones and her date as well as two other couples. Gwenog raised her eyebrows when she saw me, but otherwise made no comment. The came could not be said for the paying customers.

"Well I'll be, are you really Harry Potter?" The large florid man sitting next to me asked. In response I simply nodded. "What an honour, what an honour. An absolute honour to meet you Mr. Potter. My name's…" Oh blast what was that man's name? Oh well it doesn't really matter. "Smythe. I run a potions business in Manchester. My wife Ednes said I was daft paying this much money to have a meal with a bunch of Quidditch players. Who's laughing now eh?" he punctuated this with an actual laugh and elbowed the equally solid woman sitting next to him.

"I said your evening would be better spent making new contacts, not ogling young witches," Mrs. Smythe said tartly. "So are you a league sponsor too Mr. Potter?"

"Oh no, I'm just a supporter like any other bloke. I'm here as Ginny Weasley's plus one."

"But I thought the Prophet said you were dating that Romanian Veela."

I leaned across Mr. Smythe and motioned for Mrs. Smythe to move in closer. "I wouldn't pay any attention to what the Prophet has to say about me. Most of the time whatever they print is news to me as well," I said in a stage whisper.

The Smythes both erupted into peels of laughter. "News to you as well. Thats a good line Mr. Potter, I'll have to remember it," Smythe said. "It's also good to hear you're dating a proper English girl, not some foreign bird."

I glanced over at your mum who was making small talk with the woman sitting next to her. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Good lad, good lad. You find the right one then hold onto her, like me and Ednes. Now then Mr. Potter, I was wondering. What can you tell me about the Auror Office's potions contract?"

The rest of the evening continued in a similar fashion. I fended off Mr. Smythe's attempts at landing a Ministry contract for his potions business while a steady stream of people came past the table either to wish us well, or just see the two of together with their own eyes. I got the feeling that quite a lot of money changed hands that night.

Perhaps my favourite encounter of the night came when Gladish, the Harpies manager, stumped over to the table and stared at both of us intently. "Took you long enough Weasley," she finally declared before walking back to her table. Your mum and I shared a look then burst out laughing to the consternation of the rest of our table.

* * *

By the time we got back to Grimmauld Place we were both so emotionally drained we went straight to bed without even talking about the events of the night. The next morning I was eating my breakfast while reviewing the Harris file when your mum entered the kitchen holding a copy of the Prophet.

"There's eggs and bacon on the stove," I told your mum without looking up from the case file.

"We made the front page," she announced and tossed the paper in front of me.

I unfolded the paper expecting the worst and instead found myself staring at a full page picture of the two of us kissing on the red carpet. "Love at last for Potter?" The headline blared. I flipped the paper open and read the story aloud. "'Clearly the biggest news out of the Annual Youth Quidditch Benefit Dinner was the appearance of the dashing Auror Harry Potter on the arm of Harpy heartbreaker Ginny Weasley.' Harpy heartbreaker?" I asked your mum who shrugged. "'Many long-time Potter watchers…"

"There are Potter watchers?" Your mum asked in mock disbelief.

"Sadly yes I can't imagine they lead very exciting lives," I replied before continuing to read from the paper. "Many long-time Potter watchers note that the pair had a brief fling during their days at Hogwarts that was interrupted by the final struggle against You-Know-Who. Insiders close to the pair tells us that they both have carried torches for the other since those days.' Well that much is fair," I observed.

Your mum slid into the seat next to me and slipped her arm around my waist. "I wonder who their 'inside sources' are?"

"No clue, but they do seem well informed. Listen to this. 'The pair reconnected while helping with the planning of the Weasley-Granger wedding. They have also been seen acting increasingly affectionate towards each other when out with Potter's inner circle. We here at the Prophet suspected romance might be afoot when Ginny made her infamous appearance with Harry's amateur Quidditch team. Our sources say the two originally bonded over the sport, perhaps playing together again fanned the fires of their affection?' That's one version of events."

"And not entirely wrong either."

"I think you'll like this next part. 'But whatever the actual story might be we here at the Prophet have nothing but good wishes for the obviously love struck couple. Though we do wish to know why it took Harry so long to realise his perfect match was right under his nose the whole time.' That was…surprisingly positive."

Ginny planted a kiss on my cheek. "It was, but you must answer the question, why did it take you so long to realise I'm perfect?"

I tossed the paper aside. "I've know you're perfect for ages now." I answered before pulling your mum closer for a snog.

"Good answer you smarmy git. You also have to admit that I was right, and being seen with me in public wasn't the end of the world.

I sighed dramatically. "Fine you were right, I was wrong."

"And you'll do well to remember that," your mum said with a laugh. "What's this?" Her eyes caught sight of Goyle's list of potion ingredient and she picked it up. "Buying supplies for your Quidditch team already?"

"Uh no, why do you ask?"

"It's just these are the contents of a team healer's kitbag.” She paused and shot me a concerned look. “Harry, what is this list?"

I quickly stood up from the table. "It has to do with Harris. We need to go, now."

"Where?"

"To the Ministry, I know what Harris has planned and I'm going to need your help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: I've always had a hard time getting a solid handle on precisely how famous Harry is. I find some of his depictions as a complete tabloid fixture to be a little on the side of fanon, but at the same time in the books he did have quite a bit of fame, so hopefully this chapter toed that line properly. One more chapter of table setting then it's one to four weeks of non stop action, and weddings. Thanks everyone for your continued readership, it is pretty fraking awesome.
> 
> -sam


	25. Great Big Plans

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."  
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty Five: Great Big Plans

* * *

Ron rushed into the Auror's office with Hermione right on his heels. "What was so bloody important you dragged me in here on my day off? And what's she doing here?" He asked as he pointed at your mum who was sitting on top of my desk.

"I asked her to be here," I told Ron. "And I'll tell you what's so important once Robards arrives."

"You don't have to wait any longer Mr. Potter," Robards said as he swept into the office. "And I'm sure you have agood explanation for why these 'civilians' are here."

"Yes sir, Ginny's actually here as a consulting expert, and well Hermione's brilliant so it never hurts to have her around for advice."

"Potter I am familiar with Ms. Weasley's profession, and unless Harris has taken up Quidditch I don't see how having a professional player around is going to help us catch the bastard."

"Begging your pardon sir, but she already has. Ginny tell them what you told me."

"That list of potion ingredients Harry had; they were for the contents of a Quidditch Healer's kitbag," your mum told Robards as she held up the list from Goyle.

"I believe Harris intends to attack a Quidditch match on the last day of league play." I announced. “Or maybe even all of them.”

"And you know these are the contents of a healer's kitbag how?" Robards asked Ginny.

"Because I've been given everything in that bloody bag!" Ginny snapped. "And I'm a fair hand at Potions so I recognised the ingredients."

"We didn't make the connection until now because while both Hermione and Neville know what the potion ingredients were for, they know nothing about Quidditch, and I've never seen the inside of a profession Quidditch team's healer bag," I admitted to Robards.

"That's why we have resources beyond your circle of friends Mr. Potter," Robards chided.

I blanched at the rebuke, even though it was well deserved. "I suppose I have no choice but to get better at that."

"Quite," Robards said with a barely contained smirk. "So what do you think this means? Is Harris going to try to tamper with the healing potions used by the league?"

"I don't see how," your mum said. "The teams all brew their own potions for just this reason, and then keep the supply stored under lock and key. I think the potions cupboard for the Harpies is even protected by a Fidelius Charm."

Ron let out a low whistle. "Blimey that seems like a bit overkill."

"Not if you consider how many Galleons change hands over each match," Hermione pointed out. "It makes sense teams would go to great lengths to make sure no one tries to influence the outcome of a match."

"Even so if there's anyone who could sabotage the teams' potion supplies it's Harris," I mused. "Oh the other hand it might just be his way of hinting at where he's going to attack next."

"Seems like an awfully obscure hint," Ron noted.

"And why hint at all?" Your mum asked. "If it were me I'd just show up without any warning and starting tossing Hexes around. Not that I've ever considered doing such a thing," she added quickly.

"Harry believes that Harris is trying to destabilise the Ministry," Hermione explained before I had a chance to. "And attacking the Quidditch League on its busiest day would certainly do that."

"For someone who works in the Department for Regulation of Magical Creatures you are remarkably well-informed as to the workings of this office Ms. Granger," Robards said as he glared at your uncle.

"That's actually Kings…er, Minister Shacklebolt's doing," I interjected quickly. "He gave Hermione a 'Most Secret' clearance in case we ever needed her help."

"Well if anyone has proven that they've earned such a clearance it's Ms. Granger, thought I will have to take the matter up with Kingsley. I would have appreciated knowing we have such a valuable resource at our disposal."

Your aunt's cheeks pinkened slightly at the compliment. "I just try to do what I can to help out."

"So then Potter, assuming you are correct, what do you recommend our next steps to be?"

"There's only one possible answer. We cannot let those matches go on as scheduled," Hermione said. "The risk is much too great."

"No you can't do that!" Ginny shouted. "Mad men be damned, we need the Quidditch League. If you call off the matches there will be hell to pay."

"Plus this is our best chance to catch Harris since he went to ground," I added.

"And if we can't stop him Mr. Potter? Do you want that much blood on your hands?" Robards asked as he gave me a hard stare.

I fixed Robards with my steeliest gaze. "I've been making hard decisions since I was eleven sir. It's what I do."

"We'll discuss this with Kingsley. He's the only one who can cancel the matches, or give us the go ahead to allow them to continue."

"I don't evny him having to make that decision," Ron said.

"Indeed Mr. Weasley,” Robards agreed. “Potter you do realise the amount of manpower this operation will require?"

"Yes sir, I am aware of that."

"And that Kingsley is going to want a plan before he makes any decision."

"We will have something for you to take to Kingsley by the end of the day," I promised.

"Good I will go brief the Minister immediately about our concerns and then wait to hear from you. Excellent work once again Harry."

"Thank-you sir."

"And you too Miss Weasley. Your keen eye has probably saved a great many lives."

"Like Hermione said, I'm just trying to help out anyway I can," your mum replied.

"Well keep doing that. Mr. Potter seems to think he already knows everything there is to know about catching dark wizards, and I need people around who can disabuse him of that notion."

"Not to worry sir, I know how to keep Harry in his place."

Robards laughed. "I like this girl Potter, hang onto her."

"I fully intend to sir," I told Robards as he turned and walked out of the office. "Here Ginny, I'll walk you down to the Atrium. You probably don't want to sit around here while Ron and I review duty rosters and stadium plans."

"And if I do want to watch, what then?"

Honestly I didn't much care if she stayed or left, but I did want to talk to her in private, and I did not want to let your and aunt and uncle know that we were going off to talk. "In that case I would point out that unlike Hermione you do not have a security clearance so technically you shouldn't be in here." I winced as I said that knowing what would come next.

"Oh so that's how it is. You're pushing me away again?" Ginny fumed as she stormed out of the office. I admit I was so pleased at getting your mum out of the office that I did not pay all that much attention to what she said, or the worried look Hermione was giving me.

"I should go calm her down," I said to Hermione and Ron.

"Are you sure that's a good idea mate?" Ron asked. "She seems pretty hacked off. You might want to let her cool down abit on her own first."

"It'll be fine," I assured Ron.

Hermione said nothing during this exchange, but if she had I imagine it would have been something like "Yes run after you idiot! This is your chance to set everything right!" Instead she held her tongue, mostly because she wanted your mum and I to sort things out on our own.

I dashed out of the Auror's Office, past the astonished faces of Aurors coming in to help with the planning, and headed for the elevator. Your mum had just stepped into one when I got there and I managed to stick my arm in the path of the door as it slid shut.

"Ginny wait a second," I said as the door rattled back open. "Give me a chance to explain."

Your mum stared at me balefully. "Explain what? You were pretty clear back there that you did not want me around."

"No I really wasn't. All I was trying to do was talk to you without Hermione or Ron knowing I wanted to talk to you."

"So your great big plan was to get me so cross with you that I storm out and give you the opening to talk to me alone? Harry that has to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

The elevator door started to slid shut again so I chanced it and ducked into the car. "I didn't give it a lot of thought," I admitted. "But it's also the truth."

"So you don't want to send me away?"

"No! Ginny that's the whole reason I wanted to talk to you alone." I took a deep breath before continuing. "All morning I've been trying to decide if Harris is doing this as a way to get at me. He knows I care about you, maybe not the whole story, but enough, so maybe…" I wasn't able to finish that sentence because your mum lashed out and slapped me across the face. "Bloody hell what was that for?"

"You were being entirely too full of yourself," she said. "Harris is not doing this to get at you." A sharp finger to the sternum punctuated her comment.

"I know that," I spluttered. "And I would have said so if you'd let me. I remembered what you said about Ron and how he and all the other 'nutters' as you put it keep the league afloat, and how the league is a more attractive target because it will be hard for us to protect all the stadiums at the same time, and for me to think I had any significant impact on Harris' decision making was the height of arrogance on my part. He isn't Voldemort, and the two of us aren't locked in a life and death struggle. He's just a thug looking to cause as much chaos as possible, that it includes you is just a coincidence and nothing more."

"You got me alone to tell me you pulled your head out of your arse? I don't see why you couldn't say that in front of Ron or Hermione."

"I'm not finished, because along with pulling my head out of my arse as you so descriptively put it I was also thinking about what to do with you. The thought of you out there, exposed, made me feel sick to my stomach. But," I said hastily as I held up an arm to ward off the blows I expected to fall. "I'm not going to do anything as stupid as to tell you not to play."

Your mum lowered her hand. "You're not?"

"No of course not. Quidditch is what you do, you belong out on the pitch, and nothing, not even a crazed madman, or over protective boyfriend, is going to keep you away from it. Though if I had my way you'd spend the whole day next to me, out of the line of fire."

"But aren't you going to be at Holyhead?"

"I haven't told anyone this yet, but I decided I'll stay here at the Ministry to coordinate the operation. As much as I want to be in Holyhead looking after you, the overall mission is too important, and my place is here making sure everything runs smoothly."

Your mum reached out and stroked my jawline. "As selfless as ever eh Harry?"

"I wish everyone would stop making doing the right thing sound like a character defect."

"And I keep telling you it's not," Ginny insisted. "It just…gets in your way sometimes."

I reached up and grabbed your mum's hand. "Well how about this for selfish. I don't care whatever happens in the future, I am never ever going to send you away. I did that once before and it nearly killed me."

Ginny bit back a short laugh. "I hate to break this to you, but it did kill you."

"All the more reason for me to never let you go," I said as earnestly as I could.

The elevator dinged to inform us that we had reached the atrium and the door behind us rattled open. We both stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity before your mum pulled her hand out of mine and moved to leave the elevator.

"You don't have to go," I blurted out. "Not if you don't want to."

Your mum grabbed me by the shirt collar and pulled me in for a searing kiss. "This is me being selfless. You need to stop this bastard and you don't need me in your when you're doing it."

"You wouldn't be," I protested. "And we could use your help. You're our resident expert on professional Quidditch after all."

Now kids this is what your mum wanted to say. "Oh no you don't! You don't make years of doubt and worry go away with a snap of your fingers you prat!" Instead what she said was. "If you really think I can help I'll stay, but Harry, you and I are going to have a little chat when all this is over, yeah?"

"Of course, whatever you want," I assured her. "That's probably for the best anyway since having this conversation here is probably a bad idea." We both paused to look around the cavernous atrium that thankfully was mostly deserted. I punched the button for the Auror Office's floor and the elevator slid back shut. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"I think we've had enough revealing conversations in a Ministry lift for one day don't you?" Your mum tartly replied.

"Fair enough," I conceded. "Have I mentioned how pretty you look today?"

"So what, you think you give me one compliment and I'll be falling all over you now?" Her tone was sharp, but I could see the beginnings of a smile on her face.

Deciding I had nothing to lose I summoned up all my Marauders bravado and flashed your mum a cocky grin. "Of course and it worked didn't it? And if not I'm fully prepared to keep on complimenting you until it does. Potters are nothing if not persistent after all."

Ginny closed the distance between us and reached up to plant a soft kiss on my lips. "You always have the best answers." She then pulled back, crossed her arms across her chest and stared at me expectantly. "Well go on then, get complimenting."

I was still singing the praises of her hair when we reentered the Auror's Office. Ron and Hermione were still there, pouring over scrolls and maps. Ron looked over at us and laughed.

"I thought you were sending Ginny home?" he called out.

I glanced at your mum and winked. "Oh she insisted she could be a help so I decided to give her a chance."

"And the compliments are for?" Uncle Ron always enjoys it when he thinks I'm on your mum's bad side; probably because he steps in it with your aunt so often.

"She's the best Chaser in Britain, not to mention the sexiest, why would I give her compliments any chance I get?"

"Don't we have more important things to worry about?" Hermione snapped in an attempt to get Ron and I back on track, thought I did notice she also gave your mum a look that said the two of them would be talking about all this very soon. Your aunt is one who is never keen on being left out of the loop.

Feeling somewhat abashed by Hermione's admonishment, though not by much. There is always time to take the piss out of a mate, and don't let anyone say otherwise. That being said, this was hopefully the conclusion to the most important Auror investigation since the end of the war, so I couldn't completely ignore Aunt Hermione's irritation over Ron and I's antics.

"What have you managed to put together so far?" I asked Hermione in an attempt to placate her.

"Just the most basic assignments." Hermione said. "You and Ron in Holyhead. Neville and Howard at Puddlemere…"

"Make that Neville and Ron at Holyhead," I told Hermione. "I'm going to stay here and coordinate."

"But Harry that's Ginny out there," Ron protested.

"I know mate."

"My sister…"

"I know, why do you think I'm assigning you and Nev to Holyhead? Ron I have to stay back and monitor the operation from the office. There are too many moving parts that need to be coordinated for me to be in the field. That's why I need you to be at Holyhead Ron. Keep Ginny safe, for me." Now Uncle Ron will always be protective of your mum. Just like how James and Albus will always look out for you Lily. It's how older siblings are wired. But that was the moment when Uncle Ron realised no matter how protective he felt towards Ginny I would be more so, and that I was asking him to keep her safe for me.

Ron nodded. "Alright then, Nev and I in Holyhead, Howards and Lefours to Puddlemere…"

We spent the rest of the day planning for the protection of all the league matches. As it turned out having your mum there was a tremendous help. She talked us out of many ideas that would have been too unwieldy, or just flat out refused by the teams. I'm sure if she had left the results of that day would have been very different. As it was, when Robards returned with Minister Shacklebolt we had what we were convinced was the best possible plan for stopping Harris. Then of course on the day all that changed, but I'm getting to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter of table-settling, but at least in this episode issues got talked through, exciting! Until next time, when we barrel into the first part of a four part conclusion. More people talk sternly to another, and I make the single most nerdy, and obscure, joke in the history of ever, only slight hyperbole. Thanks again everyone for following along.  
> -sam


	26. Wins Above Replacement

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."   
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty-Six: Wins Above Replacement

* * *

It was the morning of the last day of the Quidditch season and your mum and I Flooed into Ron and Hermione's kitchen. From there Ron was going to take Ginny to Holyhead.

"What in the the name of Merlin happened to you two?" Hermione asked.

I glanced over at your mother who, like myself, was covered head to toe in mud. "It's, er, a long story. I'll tell you later. Right now though, Ron you and Ginny need to hurry if you're going to get to Holyhead in time."

"And it wouldn't do to have the star Chaser miss the last game of the season," Ron quipped.

Hermione grabbed a hold of Ron and pulled him into a fierce hug. "You be safe out there Ronald, do you hear me?" 

Ron gave Hermione a kiss. "I will, I promise."

"Well you'd better, we still have the roof to fix after all."

I looked over at your mum. "It's still not too late to back out you know."

Ginny fixed me with her most determined glare. "In that case you should cancel all the matches. Why should I be safe when everyone else is in danger?"

"You would be an amazing Auror."

"I would be a terrible Auror, you have all those rules you have to follow. I wouldn't be able to resist Bat-Bogeying everyone I arrest. It's much safe for everyone if I stay on the pitch.”

I kissed your mum on the forehead. "In that case I'll stop holding you up."

Ron activated the Floo and dove into it. Just as your mum was about to follow I called out. "Ginny I…"

She turned and smiled at me. "I know Harry," she said before leaping into the green fire.

Hermione slid up beside me as we both stared at the empty fireplace. "So…" she said, and indicated my muddy clothes.

"LIke I said, long story, I promise I'll explain later, but right now I have to get to the Ministry.

She slid her arms around my waist and leaned into me. "You stay safe too ok?"

"Me? I'm spending the day at the Ministry. It doesn't get much safer than that."

"I know you Harry, if there's danger it will find you. Just remember she's expecting you to be there when she gets home tonight." Hermione nodded towards the fireplace that your mum had just left.

"Hermione I promise. I will spend all day at the Ministry, far away from any danger." As it turned out I failed miserably at this, but my heart was in the right place at least.

* * *

I Apparated to the Ministry and found Minister Shacklebolt and Robards waiting for me when I walked into the office.

"Good morning Harry," Kingsley boomed out.

"Good morning Minister," I replied.

We all walked over to a large charmed map of Britain that dominated the centre of the room. All of the Quidditch stadiums as well as the names of all the Auror and DMLE officers in the field were prominently displayed.

"There are a lot of names on that map," Kingsley noted.

I glanced around the empty office. "Yes sir, but then again we have a lot of ground to cover."

"True enough. Still I hope no one decides to rob Gringotts today, I think the entire DMLE is in the field."

"Begging your pardon sir, but considering all the enhancements to security the Goblins put in place I doubt anyone would be that foolhardy."

"What's the matter Harry? Concerned someone is going to try and steal your claim to fame as the only wizard to break into Gringotts?" Kingsley laughed at my obvious discomfort. "I'm sorry Harry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. I'm sure every young Auror's worst nightmare is being alone in a room with the Minister and Head Auror."

"No really it's fine," I started to insist but Kingsley held up a hand to stop me.

"This is you operation and you don't need the two of us staring over your shoulder the whole day. We'll let you get to work. I just wanted to see for myself that everything was ready. Now I don't want to put any extra pressure on you, but my term as Minister rests on you being right about this."

"We'll do our best sir," I assured Kingsley. 

"Keep me updated if anything changes," Kingsley told me before walking out of the office.

"For the record Potter this is a damn fine plan, and I must say I've been impressed with your performance over the course of this case."

"Thank-you sir, that means a lot to me."

"I'll be advising the Minister all day, as Kingsley said we'll expect regular updates," Robards told me.

"Of course sir."

Robards stuck out his hand. "Good luck Harry, we're all counting on you."

"Thank-you sir, I won't let you down," I told Robards as we shook hands. He followed Kingsley out of the office leaving me to my thoughts. I looked down at the representation of Holyhead on the map and wondered how your mum was getting along.

* * *

As a matter of fact at that exact moment your mum was sitting in the Harpy's locker room putting on her game kit with less than her usual relish. Normally the little pre-match rituals were one of your mum's favourite aspects of playing in the league. On that day however she was too occupied with an impending sense of danger, and the fact that she was the only one concerned. During their pre-match meeting, Gladish, the team manager, said nothing to the team about the possibility that Harris might attack. An omission your mum brought up with Gladish as soon as the meeting ended.

"Why didn't you mention what Ron told you?"

"Didn't see the need," Gladish replied curtly.

"Didn't see the need?" Ginny parroted in disbelief.

"No sense in distracting them from what's important just because your boyfriend has a hunch, and frankly I'm annoyed he couldn't keep his mouth shut around you." Gladish moved to leave the room but your mum stepped in front of her.

"Without me Harry wouldn't have even known what Harris was up to! And who do you think it was who told Harry the best way to deal with the teams?"

"That was your doing? In that case nice work Weasley. It's not that I don't care about you or your teammates, nor do I especially much like the idea of playing under these conditions, but what exactly do you want from me?"

"They deserve to know the truth," your mum said through gritted teeth.

"The truth won't get the Snitch caught faster or put the Quaffle through the goals. Trust your brother to do his job and you do yours. What I want to know is, if you're so determined your teammates need to know why haven't you told them yourself? Before you answer that let me remind you of something you should know well. You're can't go out onto that pitch distracted and expect to walk off in one piece."

Your mum stared at Gladish for a long moment. "I know the truth."

"You also spent your school years dodging Death Eaters. You're a bloody war hero. The others aren't, they're professional Quidditch players. Don't get me wrong, that's as fine a group of girls that I have ever had the privilege of managing, but they're a lot of temperamental divas. If we're going to win this game, and secure fourth place in the table then I need them focused completely on the task at hand."

"You're willing to risk their lives for fourth place?"

"It gets the team a spot in the European Cup and is worth millions of Galleons to the team. It absolutely is worth it."

Kids if you've ever wondered why your mum walked away from her Quidditch career this conversation was the reason. Wilehmina Gladish was a person your mum had come to respect and admire, yet her all-consuming need to win matched drove her to keep vital information from her team. No matter how competitive your mum was, and still is, that was a bridge too far for her. Nor did your mum hide this from Gladish.

"I'm done after this, you have to realise that. My contract is up after this season, I can walk away and there's nothing your can do to stop me."

Gladish shrugged. "Next season is next season. For now you are under contract and you will go out there and fly today."

"You don't have to worry about that," your mum fumed. "We wouldn't want you to lose your precious place on the table now would we?"

Gladish slowly nodded. "Yes I deserved that." She held out her hand to your mum. "I'll fight like hell to convince you to stay, but you do decide to leave then it's been a pleasure to have you on the team. You are a credit to that uniform, and one of the finest players I've had the privilege to work with."

It is important to keep in mind that to this day your mum still holds Gladish in high regard. It wasn't Gladish she was mad at, it was the culture of the league itself. And this was something she realised even in the moment, which is why she shook Gladish's hand without hesitation. "You're welcome to try," she told the manager. "But I'm not going to change my mind."

"Potter hasn't knocked you up has he?"

"Merlin no! And won't for a very long time, if ever." This was true, if you consider four months a long time, and wipe that look off your face James, we were married the month before. "This has nothing to do with Harry. I love flying, I love playing for the Harpies, but I don't love the League. In fact I'm pretty sure I hate it, and I can't be a part of something I hate."

Gladish shrugged. "LIke you said you won't be under contract once the season is over. All I care about is if you come back, if you don't, well the reason doesn't much change the fact that I'll have to find a new Chaser."

"In that case don't let me stop you from getting a head start in your planning," your mum fumed as she spun on her heels and stormed out of the meeting room.

* * *

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Victoria Gerrand asked your mum as she angrily pulled on her Chaser gloves.

Ginny stared at Victoria for a long moment and briefly considered telling her the truth. However she was forced to concede that Gladish was right; the other members of the Harpies would fly off the handle if they knew there was a possibility of a Death Eater attack during the match. It was true that none of them had experienced the war in the way your mum had, most them were already in the league, and thus were sheltered from the worst of the fighting. Instead she decided to do the next best thing.

"Hey everyone listen up," she called out to the rest of the locker room. "I know Gladish gave us our strategy for today, but I think we need to do something a little different."

"And what exactly is that?" Gwenog Jones asked.

"Victoria, Zoe, feed me the Quaffle, I don't care what defense the Wasps run, I will get the Quaffle past them."

"And why should we do that?" Victoria asked.

"Because I will score," your mum said and fixed the other two Chasers with such a fearsome glare that their protests died in their throats. "Now Stella," she said to the team's Seeker. "As soon as you see the Snitch, catch it, and I know you can, Fligby is rubbish."

"But what if the score…" Stella started to ask.

"You let me worry about the score, just focus on catching the Snitch as quickly as possible." Your mum reasoned that the next best thing to telling the reset of the team the truth was finishing the match as quickly as possible, and of course she wasn't about to lose her last match.

"Why are you so intent on ending the match in a hurry?" Gwenog asked. "Have a hot date with Potter or something?"

"Yeah something like that," Ginny replied as she seized on the obvious explanation. "Harry said he had special plans for tonight."

"D'you think he's going to propose?" Victoria asked.

"Merlin no!" Your mum exclaimed. "Harry won't be proposing to anyone for a long time, I can assure you of that." May I just repeat, we were married that August. "Harry's just…been busy with a case so we haven't seen much of each other recently."

"And we all know what that means," Gwenog interjected. The snickers that rippled through the locker room indicated that yes, the rest of the team did know what she meant.

"Anyway Harry expects to wrap the case up today and I figure he's looking to makeup for all the time he's been away." The white lie tripped easily off your mum's tongue.

"In that case never let it be said the Harpies will stand in the way of one of their own getting a leg over. Let's wrap this one up quick so Harry can give Ginny a proper reward for a season well played." The other Harpies all shouted their approval and your mum did her best to hold back the tears that suddenly threatened to burst forth. She might not miss the business aspects of the sport, but the camaraderie of the team was something she knew she would miss.

"I'm so glad I can provide the rest of you with the proper motivation," she managed to say, covering her emotion with mock annoyance.

"Not that we need any extra. We're winning fourth place today girls, and then next season the top of the table!" Gwenog exhorted. "Now let's go out there and show those Wasps what they have coming to them!" The other Harpies stood and stormed out of the locker room as one. Your mum took one last deep breath to center herself then followed them out onto the pitch.

* * *

To say your mum played inspired Quidditch in that match is an understatement, her play was transcendent. Nothing the Wasps tried could slow her down. And hesitance that Zoe or Victoria might've had went straight out the window the moment they saw your mum dodge all three of the Wasps' Chasers and then rifle the Quaffle past the Keeper.

I think as the years have gone by people have forgotten about your mum's Quidditch career. If you asked the average fan today what he knew about Ginny Potter the first thing he'd say, after being my wife, is that she's the controversial writer for the Prophet who keeps making fun of the Puddlemere manager for his baffling tactics, and mocks people who things wins are a meaningful Keeper statistic. If you pushed a little harder they might say something about the war, and she might've played for a few years, but they looked up her numbers in Quidditch Through the Ages and her goals scored wasn't all that impressive compared to the real greats. And sure she might've won a Rookie of the Year, and a Golden Broom, but there are a lot of flash in the pan players. It's only been recently with all the new Arithmantic based analysis by wizards like Ken Eithridae that people are starting to talk about your mum as an all-time great player. In fact she's a bit of a cause célèbre for them. To them your mum is proof that there's more to player evaluation than the traditional counting stats like goals scored. They point to how efficient she was, and how much she raised not just the scoring of her team mates, but their defense as well. Where am I going with this? Your mum is a phenomenal Quidditch player and she walked away from it because she felt what was required to play in the league compromised what she thought was important. That's something I want all three of you remember, and live your lives by.

Ginny Weasley's last professional Quidditch match lasted exactly forty-five minutes and ended in a decisive win for the Harpies, securing fourth place and a spot in the European Cup. Your mum scored every goal for the Harpies, and to this day people in the know say it was the finest display of Chasing ever seen on the pitch. It certainly wasn't how your mum expected her career to end. She'd always figured she would play her last match with all her friends and family in the stands, with the League Cup on the line. It didn't work out that way, but the important thing is that while your mum took one last, slow lap of the pitch while everyone else celebrated the victory she realised she was at peace with her decision, and she really was ready to move onto the next phase in her life. And that children, is the story of the end of your mum's Quidditch career. As for what happened to Uncle Ron and Professor Longbottom, well I'm getting to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Forever ago I mentioned a chapter that got away from me, and this is that chapter. I did not intend to write the story of why Ginny walked away from Quidditch, but that was the direction the characters went. And any chance I can make a sabermetrics joke in a Harry Potter fan fiction, you can be sure I'm going to take it. Turning Ginny into a combination of Keith Law and Tim Raines still makes me giggle and it's been almost a year since I wrote this chapter. Three chapters left, thanks again everyone for reading this far.
> 
> -sam


	27. When the Wands Come Out

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."  
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty-Seven: When the Wands Come Out

* * *

Now while your mum was arguing with Gladish, Ron and Neville were in the bowels of the Holyhead stadium looking for the bomb we suspected Harris of planting.

"What if Harry's wrong and there isn't a bomb?" Neville asked Ron.

"When has Harry ever been wrong about a dark wizard?" Ron shot back. "And even if he is this one time it will give us a chance to watch what should be a wicked good match. I'll even buy the Butterbeer."

"I'll hold you to that," Neville said with a laugh.

Ron pushed open the door to the stadium's boiler room. "Say Nev, do we know what exactly this bomb is going to look like?"

"I figured it'd be those cube things, why do you ask?"

"Do you think this might be it?" Ron asked as he pushed the door fully open, revealing an odd looking contraption strapped to one of the boilers. The device consisted of three glass tanks banded together with metal straps. Small glass tubes ran between each of the tanks connecting them. The outer two tanks were filled with two different liquids. One a sickly yellow, the other a vibrant green.

'I think it might be," Neville agreed. He waved his wand over the device. "It's charmed to stick there, and booby-trapped if we try to remove it."

"But what's it supposed to do?"

"I reckon when it's set to go off the two tanks empty into the middle one and boom."

"Is that possible?"

"Absolutely, there are potion ingredients that react violently to one another if mixed wrong. Put the right two together in a large enough concentration and you could easily destroy this entire stadium."

"Especially when you've hooked it to a boiler. Alright yeah, I got it. Now what do we do about it?"

"First we need to know what's in these tanks. The green stuff is concentrated Gillyweed, I'm sure of that."

"You are?"

"Of course, we had the sixth years make the stuff."

"Then what's in the other tank?"

"Honestly I don't know, I can't think of anything off the top of my head that reacts violently to Gillyweed extract."

"Well think quickly because the match has started."

"Can't we get them to evacuate now that we've actually found a bomb?"

"What do you figure the odds are that he's got charms around all the exits that will trigger this thing if enough people leave?"

"Blast that does sound like something Harris would do. Alright, I'll stay here and figure out someway to disarm this thing. You go check and see if he really did place those tripwire charms."

"You sure about that Nev?"

"Positive Ron, between the two of us I'm the best qualified to figure this out." Left unsaid was the understanding that Ron's odds of survival would be vastly greater than Neville's if the bomb did detonate.

Ron nodded then clapped Neville on the shoulder. "Alright, best of luck then mate." However as he turned to leave the boiler room door slammed shut on its own accord. "We just walked into a trap didn't we?"

"It would appear so," Neville concurred.

"How long do you think we have?"

"If it were me, when the Snitch gets caught."

"That seems about right, and if I know Ginny she'll have them not waste anytime in catching it either."

"So we don't have much time is what you're saying, got it."

"What if we just smashed those tubes?"

"We could do that, but they're cursed, we destroy them, the backlash will surely kill us."

"But we'd save the stadium yeah?"

"Most of it, more than if we let the bomb explode that's for sure."

"Well lets keep that idea in our back pocket. I'm not exactly keen on the idea of sacrificing ourselves."

"Hermione would kill us if we did."

"She'll also kill us if we let this bomb explode." Ron stared at the tanks. "Say Nev, you said the mixture has to be perfect right?"

"Yeah, if the ratios are off you won't get the right reaction."

"And that's pure Gillyweed? You are positively sure?"

"Yes Ron, I stared at enough samples to know what it looks like, what's your point?"

"Is there a way you could make it, I don't know, less pure?"

"Of course, adding impurities to the mixture should keep it from going critical."

"So we can just dump some dirt in there and be done with it?"

"Doesn't work that way. It has to be something that we know won't make the mixture more unstable."

"It's not like we have all that many options," Ron pointed out. "Unless you can think of something else."

Neville sighed. "No you're right, it's this or we Reducto the thing." He reached into his robes and pulled out a small phial. "Liquid Knotgrass, it should do the trick."

"Why are you carrying liquid Knotgrass around?"

"Really, you're going to question the contents of my robes now? Besides I like a little drizzle of it on my eggs at breakfast." He attached the phial to a stopcock on the top of the Gillyweed tank and released the liquid Knotgrass. The effect was nearly instantaneous as the formerly vibrant green muddied and swirled in the tank.

"Did it work?"

"We won't know that until it goes off."

"This will work right?" Ron asked more than a little nervously.

"It should, the theory is strong, but we'll find out when we find out."

"At least this much is certain, one way or another this is my last day as an Auror," Ron quipped. He pulled his DA coin out of his pocket and sent me a quick message, updating me on the situation and making sure I'd have the Healers ready if things went sideways.

The roar from the crowd above make its way down to them. "Sounds like Ginny's having quite a game," Neville observed.

"She's the best in the league," Ron said with no small amount of pride in his voice.

To this day Professor Longbottom and Uncle Ron would both say that was the longest forty-five minutes of their lives. They found cover behind another of the stadium's massive boilers and cast every protective charm they could thing of around themselves. Eventually the roar of the crowd stepped up in intensity, letting them know the Snitch had been caught.

"Well mate," Ron said to the Neville. "If this all goes pear shaped it's been an honour."

Neville shook Ron's hand. "Likewise."

They peered around the boiler and watched as the two tanks began to empty into the central one. As the middle tank filled the two liquids mixed and began bubbling and foaming dangerously.

Ron didn't even have the chance to turn to Neville and say. "I think we might've made a mistake," before the bomb exploded and showered the room in a nasty smelling greenish goo.

Neville reached up and wiped the sticky, foul smelling goop off his face. "I'm ready to go back to Hogwarts now," he announced. And that kids, is not only the story of how Professor Longbottom saved a stadium full of Quidditch fans using nothing more than a phial of liquid Knotgrass, but also of his and Ron's last official assignment for the Auror Office.

* * *

While all of this was taking place I was back in the Auror Office watching the reports come in, and listening to the Harpies on the wireless. When I got the message form Ron I very nearly abandoned my post, Apparated right to Holyhead and hauled your mum right off the pitch. The only things that held me back were Ron's insistence that he and Neville had things under control, and the certain knowledge that your mum would never forgive me if I did.

So I did the only thing I could do, sit and wait, and brood. In an attempt to distract myself from the increasingly grim visions dancing in front of my eyes, and they started with your mum being caught in a fiery explosion so you can imagine where I would up, I forced myself to look at the animated map and watch the Aurors and DMLE officers run around Britain. The thing that jumped out at me, as it had to Kingsley earlier, was the sizable hole called London. It was easy to see why he joked about someone attempting to rob Gringotts. If you were going to the conditions were perfect. It also occurred to me that if I had followed my first instinct and gone to Holyhead I would most likely been stuck like Neville and Ron were. In addition none of the other teams had yet reported finding anything suspicious, though I wasn't willing to recall them just in case there was something still to happen.

Still I could begin to feel a pattern forming. Harris had not only cleared all the Aurors in Britain out of London, but the only site he appeared to have trapped was the one I was most likely to be at. Now I don't know about you, but to me that screamed diversion. But a diversion for what? Something in London, that much was obvious. Clear out all the Aurors and use the confusion to make his move. It fit so well with all of Harris's past actions that I felt annoyed at myself for not seeing it sooner.

It wasn't until I caught sight of the daily dispatch from the Met that things fell into place. Our liaison with the Muggle police kept us up to date on any noteworthy events that might also impact the Aurors. The dispatch for that day mentioned a large transfer of gold bullion was scheduled to take place at the Bank of England. Now the vault is protected by a host of wards to prevent this sort of thing from happening, but for a wizard as talented as Harris they would merely slow him down In the the time it would take the scattered Aurors and DMLE to respond he could easily make off with millions, if not billions of Galleons worth of gold, and goblins, especially foreign goblins, don't ask many questions when you hand them a bar of twenty-four carat gold. Looking back it really was an ingenious plan.

My own reaction to finally piecing together Harris's plan was less calculated. Instead of alerting Robards and gathering a team of Aurors I hastily changed into the uniform of an Inspector of the City of London Police before heading to the atrium and Apparating to outside the bank headquarters in the City. I briefly considered just walking in and ask to be taken down to the vault, but even in my costume that would raise questions I did not have time to answer. Instead I pulled on the Invisibility Cloak and slipped into the building behind a pair of bankers.

Before I go any further I need to take a moment and just say how foolish my actions were. Charging headlong into an unknown situation with no backup to try and stop Harris was a good way to wind up in St. Mungos, or worse. Not that I was worried about such things at the time. I knew where Harris was and I was going to stop him, as simple as that. Obviously everything turned out fine in the end, but out of all the foolhardy things I've done, chasing after Harris without telling anyone where I was going is near the top of the list.

Getting down to the vault wasn't much trouble. I merely followed the helpful signs, and ever increasing Muggle Repellent Charms. That such charms were even in a Muggle bank was the first sign that my instincts were correct, the vault was Harris's target all along. I allowed myself a small moment of grim satisfaction before pushing on deeper into the bowels of the bank.

When I did make it to the vault the scene was as I feared. Harris had beaten me to the vault; the dead bodies of the bank's security guards were proof enough of that. I pushed that particular failure to the back of my mind and stepped through the massive open door into the vault proper.

The inside of that vault is an impressive sight with rows upon rows of gold bullion stacked neatly on shelves. I was surrounded by more wealth than is in all the vaults in Gringotts combined. That was when it hit me, Harris wasn't just trying to rob a bank, he was stealing the wealth of nations, and unless I stopped him he'd mostly likely succeed too. I adjusted my grip on my wand and began my search of the vault.

"That's far enough Mr. Potter," Harris called out. "We can dispense with the charade now. I know you're here, you know I'm here. So why don't you take off that ridiculous cloak of your and we can talk about this face to face."

"And if I don't?"

"Then I bring the building down around our heads."

"How did you know it was me?" I asked Harris as I shrugged off the Invisibility Cloak and let it fall to the ground.

"Apparation detection ward," Harris replied. He stepped out from behind a shelf. "Then a hearing augmentation charm. You're the only person who possess a Deathly Hallow, which while impressive, does have some limitations that are easily picked up on. To put it simply you're the only person who could Apparate to this building and then not be detected entering it. I must commend you though, I did not expect you'd find me."

"Did you think I'd be at Holyhead?"

"That was my expectation.”

"I'm sorry to disappoint."

"Oh no I am far from disappointed. You truly have been a masterful opponent."

"I wish I could say the feeling was mutual. All this time I thought I was trying to stop a dark wizard with an insane, demented purpose. As it turns out, you're nothing but a bank robber."

Harris laughed. "I told you Voldemort's beliefs were dead. As long as I have this." He brandished a metal attache case that I was sure he had placed an Undetectable Extension Charm on. "I don't much care what you think of me, because when you're richer than Croesus what else matters?"

"The only way you're leaving this vault is in my custody," I told Harris.

"I don't think you can stop me," Harris said as he reached into the pocket of his robe.

"Accio Portkey!" I shouted and a chess piece shot out of Harris' pocket. I didn't move to catch it and the Portkey shattered against the wall.

"Very clever Potter. Too bad for you that means there's only way out left to me."

"Yeah in handcuffs."

Harris snarled then fired a Killing Curse at me. I pulled down a pile of gold bullion to block the spell. The deadly green blast splashed harmlessly against the impromptu gold barrier. I used the opportunity to duck into the next row of shelves, getting out of the line of fire in the process. I leaned around the shelves and fired an Expeliarmus toward Harris. He deflected the spell and countered with a Blasting Curse. I dove out of the way and only a hastily cast Shield Charm saved me from being crushed by a literal ton of gold.

"You know Potter, in a way I'm glad it's come to this. Now I have the chance to do the one thing Dark Lord never could, kill you."

"You're getting ahead of yourself Harris," I replied. From my prone position I tried to catch him with a Stupefy. Harris dodged the spell but it did give the chance to find more cover.

Harris blindly tossed a pair of Reducto curses in my general direction that I dodged easily. I crept around the aisle and found myself standing behind Harris. I raised my wand and summoned a gold bar to me. The bar shot part Harris' head, only missing by a millimeter.

Harris spun around to face me. "Poor aim Potter," he sneered and raised his wand.

"I wasn't aiming for you," I replied as the bar landed in my hand. I swung it with all my might, catching Harris square in the jaw. The force of the blow sent him crashing to the ground. I reached down and snatched his wand out of his limp hand before handcuffing him. "Jason Thomas Harris, you don't have to say anything if you do not wish to do so," I instructed the unconscious man. "But anything you do say may be used against you in a court of law." I hauled Harris up into a fireman's lift, retrieved his attache case, and transformed the bloodied gold bar into a Portkey to take us to the Auror's Office.

* * *

The Portkey deposited me in the middle of the office where I found myself surrounded by Robards, Neville, Ron, Hermione, and to my great surprise your mum. I ignored the cries of surprise as I left the attache case drop to the ground and lowered Harris into a desk chair.

"It was all a distraction," I wearily announced to Robards. "He was after the gold in the Bank of England." I heaved the gold bar onto the desk next to me and wordlessly pulled your mum into an embrace. "You'll want to send a team to secure the vault, it's a bit of a mess." I sagged against your mum. The realisation that it was all over drained me as much as the fight had. I slung my arm across her shoulders and turned to leave. 

"And just where do you think you're going?" Robards asked.

"Home," I replied. "If Ginny can get me there. I'll file my report tomorrow if that's alright with you sir"

Your mum leaned into me and kissed my cheek. "I certainly can."

Robards nodded his approval. "Take good care of him Miss Weasley, and Harry, don't even think of showing your face in this office for at least a week, if not more.

"You can count of me sir," I replied.

"Come Harry, let's get you home," your mum said as she lead me out of the Auror's Office.

And that was the end of the Death Eaters. Jason Thomas Harris was sentenced to life without parole in Azkaban, where he still resides. While the Harris case was long and grueling, it also forced all of us to assess where we stood in life. Some, like Ron and Neville decided to make a change. They both tendered their resignations shortly after Harris' arrest, but not before they were awarded another Order of Merlin for their work in Holyhead. While others like myself redoubled our commitments; in fact I accepted a promotion to Deputy Head Auror and took on more and more administrative tasks as Robards groomed me as his successor. What was true for all of us though was that we wound up where we should be. Whether it was Neville at Hogwarts, Ron working with George, or your mum and myself together. That children, is why this case was a crucial part of this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you were reading along and thought to yourself, "Hey, isn't that the plot to Die Hard 3!" Then give yourself a pat on the back, because yes it is. It was one of my earliest decisions when I started to plot this part of the story out. What can I say, I love the swerve from terrorist to thief. Plus I liked how it signified how times had changed from when Voldemort was around. Also, I forgot to mention this in the notes, but there's an important clue in the previous chapter regarding the finale, and now I'm afraid I've said too much. Two episodes left, thanks for putting up with me so far.
> 
> -sam


	28. A Legendary Wedding

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."  
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Legendary Wedding

* * *

Now as for Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron's wedding…

"Uh dad?" Lily interjected. "We know you and mum got married that August, so aren't you running out of time to propose?"

"You mean for mum to accept dad's proposal," James added.

"Don't worry, we're almost at the end," I promised the children.

"So you proposed and mum said yes at Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione's wedding?" Albus asked.

"Not exactly, but the wedding is the last major event before your mum and I’s wedding.”

“No offense dad, but it feels like you’ve been telling us this story for a year,” James groused.

“Has anyone ever told you James the value is in the journey, not the destination?” I chided. James grumbled to himself but didn’t say anything aloud to contradict me. “So as I was saying, Ron and Hermione’s wedding…”

* * *

First of all, nothing at all interesting happened at Uncle Ron’s stag night. And if Uncle George says anything different, especially about an alpaca, he’s lying, and you can tell him House Elves have a long memory. Oddly enough your mum has never told me anything about what went on at Hermione’s hen night. Other than insisting it has nothing to do with the rule the Three Broomsticks instituted shortly afterwards banning patrons from riding the serving trays. She seemed a little sensitive about the topic, so I thought it best not to pry into the matter.

So as I was saying, the wedding. It took place on a gorgeous day in June. Uncle Ron was, as you might expect, a complete nervous wreck and in an attempt to calm his nerves I set out to find a bottle of something. I was making my way back to his room armed with some Scotch when an arm shot out of a nearby door and hauled me into an empty room.

“Harry!” Hermione hissed at me. “Is he out there?”

I should explain. The he in this case was the co-owner of the Pale Horse Inn, a Mr. Carter Thomas. As you might remember when I first met Mr. Thomas I thought he was a very pretentious man. As your Aunt Hermione found out, not only was he every bit as pretentious as I thought, he was also a complete know-it-all who was convinced his way was the best way. Why does this matter? Soon after the cheque from Gringotts cleared, Mr. Thomas got it into his head that he would make an excellent wedding planner and attempted to insert himself into Hermione’s planning process. It all started innocently enough during Hermione and Ron’s first visit to the Pale Horse.

* * *

“Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley, it is such a pleasure that we’ll have you here at the Pale Horse for you upcoming nuptials,” Thomas told Ron and Hermione as they settled into chairs in the cluttered little office.

“I’m sure you’re especially pleased to cash Harry’s cheque,” Ron muttered to Hermione who elbowed him in the ribs in response.

“Believe me Mr. Thomas when I say that the pleasure is all ours,” Hermione said. “We’d been casting about for a place to hold the wedding for months, and to have this inn dropped in our laps is a huge weight off our mind. Now as for the ceremony itself…”

“Yes about that,” Thomas said excitedly. He opened a folder on his desk and handed it to Hermione. “I have some suggestions.”

“But you’re just a bloody innkeeper!” Ron said in sudden annoyance. “What do you know about planning a wedding?”

“I will have you know I am a master at the grand romantic gesture. Like when I proposed to my wife. It was in London on the banks of the Thames, and when I asked her the question there were fireworks over the London skyline. Actually it’s kind of a funny story…”

“Mr. Thomas,” Hermione interjected. “Why are you offering to plan our wedding?”

“Because I decided it should be a service we offer to all our clients. Now for you two, I think an outdoor service with a single harp in the background, and the moment you say your vows a flock of doves will be released.”

“That sounds…lovely Mr. Thomas but…”

“So you’ll do it then?”

“Mr. Thomas, what my fiancé…”

“Fiancée,” Thomas said quickly.

“What?”

“You said fiancé, the proper term is actually fiancée.”

Hermione laid her hand on Ron’s forewarn to restrain him. “Mr. Thomas, I think what my fiancé was trying to tell you is that while I do think your plan sounds lovely, I have been planning this weding for months now, and I am not going to see all that work go to waste.”

“Ah right, very well. If you change your mind don’t hesitate to let me know.”

“We’ll, ah, be sure to remember that,” Hermione said as diplomatically as she could and returned the folder to Thomas’s desk. 

Unfortunately for your aunt and uncle Mr. Thomas did not get the hint that they weren’t interested in his help. A few weeks later he again tried to insert himself into the wedding planning.

“And these are the fabrics we’ll be using for the tablecloths,” Hermione said as she handed Thomas swatches of red and gold fabric. “We’ll be sure you get them well in advance of the service so your staff can have them in place in time for the reception.”

“Of course Ms. Granger. I’ll be sure to let my staff know to expect them.” Thomas shuffled through the papers on his desk. “Now Ms. Granger, I couldn’t help but notice that you don’t have anything here about a wedding band.”

Ron shot Hermione a nervous glance. “We, er, haven’t had a chance to audition any. Why do you ask?”

“Well in addition to running this inn, my partner and I are also in a band,” Thomas admitted.

“You’re joking,” Ron said bluntly.

“Not at all. I play keys, Bays guitar, and old mate from uni is on drums, and my wife is the bass player. Actually that’s how we met. It’s a bit of a funny story. You see Craig, myself, and Blickstein, our drummer friend, were in need of a bass player after our original one quit…”

“Mr. Thomas,” Hermione said quickly. “You were telling us about your band.” One of Mr. Thomas’s less admirable traits was a tenancy to tell long involved stories that seemingly went nowhere. It was usually best to cut him off quickly before he built up a head a steam.

“The band? Oh right. Well first off we call ourselves the Hollows.”

“Did you just say Hallows?” Ron asked.

“No Hollows,” Thomas clarified. “Like an empty tin.”

“Oh I thought you said Hallows, and that would be a silly name for a band,” Ron stammered. A swift elbow from Hermione convinced him to shut up.

“We’re a power-pop quartet, like that American band, Fountains of Wayne, you’re probably never heard of them,” Ron nodded his head in agreement since he had never heard of any Muggle bands. “We recorded an EP a while back, let me give you a copy.” Mr. Thomas reached into his desk and withdrew a small case. Hermione snatched it out of his hand before Ron had a chance to stare at it questioningly.

We’ll listen to this then let you know,” Hermione promised.

“If you’d rather a DJ instead of a band, I could arrange that too. There was DJ on the radio back when I was in uni. He went by the alias Professor Mysterious. Nobody knew his true identity, not even me, but he always played the coolest, hippest songs. I, er, know how to get in touch with him, if you’d like.”

“No that’s quite alright,” Hermione replied. “We’ll listen to this,” she waved the CD case, “and get back to you.”

* * *

Later that evening Ron walked into Hermione’s study and found her listening to music he didn’t recognise. “Is this Thomas’s band?”

Hermione nodded. “Yes it is. They’re actually not half bad.”

Ron pulled a face. “Sounds like a lot of noise to me.”

Hermione stood up from her desk and gave Ron a kiss. “That’s because you don’t listen to enough Muggle music.”

Ron slipped his arms around Hermione’s waist. “Are you sure about this? Do you really want that pretentious plonked playing at our wedding?”

Hermione shrugged. “It’s not like we can get the Weird Sisters, and like I said, his band is surprisingly good.”

“This will make him even more insufferable.”

“He’ll do it for free,” Hermione countered.

“I get to say I told you so when you hex him,” Ron said.

“Who knows, we already agreed his kitchens get to prepare all the food for the reception. Maybe between that and providing the music he’ll leave us alone.”

Unfortunately for your aunt, while it was true that Mr. Thomas stopped offering advice about every facet of the wedding, it did not lessen the amount of attention he sought from her. Instead he sought Hermione’s input on everything involved with the meal and the music, every ingredient and every note. By the time the wedding day arrived Hermione was doing everything short of stealing the Invisibility Cloak to avoid having to give her opinion on spice notes or an instrument arrangement. Which is what lead her to frantically drag me into that empty room in the inn.

* * *

“No Hermione, he isn’t out there. Why do you ask? And where’s Ginny?”

“I’ve been a nervous wreck all morning. Ginny went out to get me a glass of white wine.” She glanced down at the bottle of whisky in my hand. “I see you’re doing the same for Ron.”

“If he makes it to the service without doing something foolish it will be a minor miracle.” I held up a hand quickly. “Don’t worry, I left Arthur and Bill standing watch over him.” I picked up a rocks glass from a nearby end table and poured your aunt a generous drink. “Here, this will make you feel better. Now tell me, what does Thomas want?”

Hermione took a long pull from her glass before replying. “I don’t know. I cast a ward to let me know if he was getting near and when it went off I ducked out of my room and hid in here.”

“Ok, you go back to your room. I’ll find Thomas and whatever he has to say I’ll take care of it.”

Hermione bit back a sob and pulled me in for a hug, sloshing my back with whisky. “Oh thank-you Harry. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“That’s my line Hermione. You just get back to your room and get ready for the service yeah? In fact here, take this.” I reached into my jacket and pulled out the Invisibility Cloak. “Put this on, that way you can get past Thomas.”

“Harry James Potter, why did you bring an Invisibility Cloak to my wedding?”

I shrugged. “You can never be too careful?

“This is humiliating you know, wearing an Invisibility Cloak at my own wedding,” Hermione grouched as she wrapped herself in the cloak. “And you better have not brought this here just so you can shag Ginny in a corner without anyone catching you.”

“Merlin no,” I insisted. “Now just let me go first and run interference for you,” I told the empty space that used to be Hermione. I stepped out of the room and walked down the hall towards Hermione’s dressing room. I didn’t get very far before I was nearly bowled over by a frantic looking Mr. Thomas. 

“Oh Mr. Potter, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you. Do you know where I can find Ms. Granger? I have terrible news.”

“I think she stepped out for a bit of fresh air, pre-wedding jitters you know. What seems to be the problem, maybe I can help?”

“The kitchen staff all quit!”

I felt Hermione’s hand clamp down on my upper arm. Apparently she decided to stay and listen to whatever Thomas had to say. “They quit?” I asked through gritted teeth. “Now?”

“Yes apparently I offered one too many helpful suggestions for their likings. Now the reception is going to be ruined!”

I grabbed Mr. Thomas by the shoulders and gave him a quick shake. Settle down man, this isn’t the end of the world. You need to focus on getting your band ready.”

“But what about the food?”

I grinned at Thomas as a plan formed in my head. “I’ve got that covered. Molly Weasley, Ron’s mum, is the best cook in Britain. If there’s anyone who can save the meal she can.”

“Won’t she object to having to cook on her son’s wedding day?”

“There’s nothing Molly loves more than cooking up a feast. She’s been chafing ever since Ron told her she wouldn’t have to do any cooking for the wedding. Believe me, she’ll be overjoyed to help.”

“Carter?” A soft, feminine voice called out. “Are you up here?” An attractive brunette with shoulder-length hair and a kind expression walked up behind Thomas.

“Mrs. Thomas?” I asked. She nodded in reply. “Mrs. Thomas, I’m Harry Potter, the best man. I’m going to need you to take your husband to your practice space. I think he’s in need of a lie down.”

Mrs. Thomas reached out and caught Mr. Thomas’s hand in hers. “Come along Carter. We need to get you…centered for the performance.” She dragged him off unprotesting down the hall.

“She has the patience of a saint,” Hermione observed as she shrugged off the cloak and handed it back to me.

I shrugged. “I’ve seen stranger pairings. Like you and Ron for instance.” That remark earned me a swift punch in the arm. “Kreacher!” I called out and the old House Elf appeared with a crack. “I want you to find Molly Weasley and tell her Hermione needs the two of you to finish the dinner preparations.

“Certainly Master,” Kreacher intoned.

“You never cease to amaze me,” Hermione said as Kreacher vanished with another crack.

“I have my moments,” I allowed. “But now I really have to get this bottle to Ron. It wouldn’t do for the groom to faint at the alter due to nerves.”

“Just don’t let him get too pissed,” Hermione instructed. She pulled me in for another hug then hurried back to her room.

I turned to make my way back to Ron’s room when I almost immediately crashed into your mum. “Oh Harry, have you seem Hermione? I went out to get her a glass of wine, but I had to stop Great Aunt Muriel from chasing one of Hermione’s uncles around. She thought he’d insulted her when he was just trying to make small talk. Then Hagrid broke a door, and I had to convince him not to repair it magically, or the chairs he smashed.”

“I just sent Hermione back to her room. She was trying to avoid Mr. Thomas, but I think I managed to smooth that over, and give your mum something to do in the process.”

Your mum chuckled as I related the full story. “Merlin, if this day doesn’t end with the Obliviators being summoned I will be amazed.”

“It has been mental,” I agreed.

“Very Hermione and Ron though. For all her planning has anything she’s done ever gone off without a hitch?” She fell silent and looked around the rustic hallway. “But even without the chaos, Muggle and magic, isn’t that the two of them in a nutshell?”

“When you put it that way I can’t imagine this day going any differently.”

“Though as lovely as it might be, this isn’t how I want my wedding to go,” Ginny announced.

“Hypothetically speaking of course,” I interjected.

“Of course,” your mum agreed. “We both know that’s not going to happen for a long time after all.”

“A very long time indeed.”

“You made your point you prat,” your mum said as she slugged me in the shoulder.

I winced and rubbed my shoulder, your mum hits far harder than Hermione. “Ok fine, you were saying?”

She took a swig from the bottle of wine she was holding before continuing. “I wouldn’t want my wedding in a place like this, as gorgeous as it might be. I’d want it somewhere I know, somewhere familiar.”

“So the Burrow then?”

“No that was Bill’s thing,” she said, unknowingly echoing Ron all those months ago. “No when I get married, whenever that may be.” She jabbed an index finger in my face to emphasis her point. I seized on the opportunity and kissed the tip of her finger. In response your mum rapped me on the nose. “Behave,” she warned, though her scowl didn’t quite reach her eyes. “As I have been trying to say, when I get married I want it to be at Hogwarts, next to the lake, surrounded by just the people that actually matter, none of this extended family nonsense.” She leaned in and wrapped her arms around me.

I closed my eyes, and in my mind I could see the scene perfectly. Your mum standing by the lake dressed in a gorgeous white dress, the sun glinting off her hair. “That does sound perfect,” I told your mum as I planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Who knows, I might even send you an invitation.”

“You’d better, I promised to officiate your wedding if you married another bloke remember.”

“I’ll hold you to that you realise.”

“You still have to find a bloke better than me.”

“It can’t be that hard, there are plenty of blokes out there who aren’t speccy gits.”

“Too bad you have a thing for speccy gits.”

Your mum started to plant soft kisses on my neck. “In that case, lucky you.”

I cupped your mum’s face in my hands. “Yes lucky me,” I muttered as I pulled her closer for a snog.

“Oi Potter! Quit molesting my sister and get back here!” George called out. “Ron’s about to crawl out of his skin.”

I placed a much more chaste kiss than I wanted on your mum’s forehead. “Sorry, duty calls.”

“It always does with you,” Ginny said with a chuckle. “Now go make sure Ron doesn’t do something stupid like turn himself purple.” She gave me a shove down the hall towards George.

“Preventing Ron from doing something stupid. That sounds like a tall order.”

“Nothing the Ministry’s top Auror can’t handle.”

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, enough with the flirting and come on Harry,” George grumbled as he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me down the hall. Your mum gave me a small wave before turning and making her way back to Hermione’s room.

* * *

The wedding service itself was lovely, and did in fact go off without a hitch. Though I must confess I’m still a little hazy on all the details. You see I spent most of the ceremony staring at your mum and imagining a day I hoped wouldn’t be too far off in the future. The two of us getting married on the grounds of Hogwarts with just a small throng of friends and Weasleys watching on. And do you know something kids? In barely two months time, that’s exactly what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no way I was going to actually write the wedding ceremony itself, or the bachelor/bachelorette parties for that matter. I know my strengths as a writer, and coming up with those three events would've been way too much. Besides, there's comedy to be found in the unexplained. I think I burned through all the remaining How I Met Your Mother references I had left in this chapter. I even got The Mother's hair right! Pretty impressive considering I wrote this chapter months before HIMYM revealed her. Also, apologies to Ron, but I didn't know that fiancee was a word until I started to write this, so he got to benefit from my ignorance. Lastly, can I also say that I really like Ginny's idea for where to hold the wedding? The Burrow is so played out in the fandom. Okay, so just the series finale to go. Thanks again everyone for your indulgence.
> 
> -sam


	29. How I Married Your Mum

Life is Like T-Rex

by: slincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission. Story concept based on How I Met Your Mother by Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

"Not trying to make you think this is some kind of great big deal I just know exactly how you feel I could be the thing you reach for in the middle of the night Let me be the one to treat you right."  
-Last Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Chapter Twenty-Nine: How I Married Your Mum

* * *

Alright, as I said, the wedding service was lovely, but let’s face it. Unless something extraordinary happens, all weddings are pretty much the same. The pastor drones on for a while, the couple recite their vos, and then everyone gets pissed at the reception. Aside from some mutterings from Great Aunt Muriel about the uncouth Muggle ceremony nothing extraordinary happened during Hermione and Ron’s wedding.

The dinner and reception were also both fairly low key. Your grand mum and Kreacher saved the meal, obviously. Mr. Thomas’s band was surprisingly good. And everyone had a good laugh when Aunt Hermione tossed the bouquet directly at your mum, who ducked and let it hit Padma Patil square in the face.

“Better luck next time,” Ginny taunted Hermione.

“There won’t be a nice time you brat,” Ron snapped and wrapped an arm protectively around Hermione.

“Sure there will, I give it five years tops before Hermione comes to her senses.”

“I will do no such thing,” Hermione shot back and pulled Ron in for a long snog.

“That’s my cue to find a drink,” your mum said in mock disgust. “And congratulations you two.”

* * *

Very much later that evening, after many dances, and drinks, and drink-fueled speeches, including a spectacularly bawdy one from George detailing Fred’s instructions to Ron for the honeymoon, your mum and I found ourselves sitting at an empty table in the slowly emptying hall.

“So,” your mum asked as she leaned into me. “When should we tell them?”

“I think we can let Ron and Hermione have the rest of the night, don’t you?” I murmured into her hair.

“Tell us what?” Luna asked from behind us.

“Oh nothing,” I hastily told Luna as your mum and I scrambled apart.

“That did not sound like nothing. In fact, it sounded very much like something. Almost as if the two of you are keeping a secret.”

“Why would we keep secrets from you Luna?” Your mum stammered.

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what you were talking about?”

“Nothing important, I just finalised purchasing some land in Scotland is all.”

Luna reached down and patted my hand. “I love you Harry, in a purely platonic way don’t worry Ginny, but you are a terrible liar. Now what are you two really hiding.”

“Honestly Luna, it’s nothing you need to concern yourself with,” Ginny insisted.

“That may be so, but keeping secrets from your friends in an invitation for Nargles to set up residence in your head, and we all know what that leads to.” Kids never forget that your Aunt Luna is first and foremost a Ravenclaw, and if you give her a puzzle she will not stop until she’s figured it out. And she also likes to talk about Nargles, Snorckcracks, and other fantastical, probably imaginary, creatures as a way to wear down your resistance to her questions. Honestly sometimes I’d like to use her to interrogate suspects.

“Then that’s a risk we’ll just have to take because we aren’t telling you,” your mum said.

“Tell her what?” Neville asked having overhead our argument as he walked by us.

“Ginny and Harry are keeping secrets,” Luna told him. “Well, one secret for sure, but who knows how many others on top of that.”

“Well it’s not Auror-related, there was nothing going on in the office when I left.”

“It’s something personal, that much I do know,” Luna agreed.

“You do realise we’re going to keep guessing, quite loudly, until you tell us,” Neville said. “In fact I might ask Hannah to help with the guessing.”

“We could also get Ron and Hermione over since it seems they really don’t want them to know,” Luna chimed in.

“They don’t want Ron and Hermione to know? Merlin this must be serious,” Neville said in a mock horrified tone.

I glanced over at your mum and we shared another psychic conversation. “Should we tell them?” I asked her.

“It’s Luna,” your mum replied. “She’ll keep after us until she gets the answer she’s looking for, we’re stuck.”

I sighed and patted your mum’s hand before turning to face Luna and Neville. “Alright, we’ll tell you what’s going on, but you have to promise you won’t tell anyone what we’re about to say. Not Hannah, not Ginny’s parents, and certainly not Ron and Hermione, ok?”

Luna and Neville shared a look, Neville’s much more anxious than Luna’s. “Of course,” Luna said dismissively. “Your secret is safe with us.”

I rather doubted that last statement was entirely true. Neville would take a secret to the grave. Luna, well she would never deliberately break your trust, but sometimes things just slip out. “Harry,” your mum gently said. “They’re going to find out sooner or later. It’s not like we can keep this hidden forever. Just think of this as a trial run for when we tell everyone else.”

“I said I was going to tell them didn’t I?” I asked peevishly. Your mum arched an eyebrow at me as if to say, “You want to pick a fight with me now?” Sensing this was an argument I couldn’t win I held up my hands in defeat. “Alright the truth. To properly explain we need to go back to the night before I arrested Harris. I came home late that night after finalising plans at the Ministry and found that Ginny had waited up for me.”

* * *

“What are you doing still up?” I asked Ginny as I walked into the drawing room.

“Waiting for you,” she replied.

“I’m touched, but don’t you normally go to bed early the night before a match?”

“Tomorrow is hardly what I’d call a normal match day,” Ginny pointed out.

I walked over to Ginny and pulled her into a hug. “Don’t worry, we’ll stop Harris, I promise.”

“That’s not what I…Harry, do you remember that day at the Ministry, when we first came up with this plan?”

“Of course I do, that’s not the sort of day you easily forget.”

“Then do you remember how I said we need to have a talk?”

“That sounds familiar,” I agreed, trying to keep the conversation light in the face of Ginny’s ever more serious tone.

“And have we had that talk?”

“We’ve, er, talked?” I lamely offered.

Ginny shook her head. “No, we haven’t, and before either of us goes off to do our jobs tomorrow we are going to.”

“Alright fine,” I said with a sigh. “What is it you want to talk about?”

“Us,” she said simply. “And something we’ve been putting off talking about for ages”

Now I’m dense, I had no idea what Ginny was talking about, and I said as much. “You’re going to have to help me out here Ginny.”

She sighed. “I figured that would be the case. Look can you take us somewhere?”

“Did you have any place in mind?”

“Somewhere private, somewhere not here, and not your getaway spot in Scotland either. If this all goes pear-shaped I don’t want them contaminated with bad feelings.”

That got my attention. “Is this a conversation I should be worried about?” I asked, and did my best to keep the dread out of my voice.

“That depends entirely on you, and how quickly you get us out of this house.”

“Alright fine, hold on.” I took hold of Ginny’s arm and Apparated us to a moonlit, wooded glade.

“Where are we?” Ginny asked.

“Forest of Dean,” I replied. “This was the first place Hermione took us after we broke into the Ministry. Since all we did when we were on the run was squabble this seems like an appropriate place to ‘talk’ about whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

“It’s more appropriate than you might realise,” Ginny muttered to herself as she stepped over a mud puddle and cast a series of protective wards over the glade. I noticed that not only would the wards keep people out, but they would also keep us in.

“Ginny, you’re, er, starting to make me a little nervous. Mind telling me what this is all about?”

She cast an illumination charm that lit up the whole glade before turning to face me. “I want to talk about us Harry, and about what should be ancient history.”

At this point I still had no clue what she was talking about, but I could tell it was something important. I’m dense, but I’m not that dense. “Alright but don’t you think this whole presentation is a little melodramatic.”

“I tried Harry, I really did.” She said without preamble. “I thought what was in the past was done and I could just move on from it, but I can’t, it still hurts, after all this time, and unless we deal with it now we’ll never be able to get what we both really want.”

“Ginny you are scaring your boyfriend. Does this have something to do with Voldemort and the Chamber?”

“No you dense git. This has to to do with you!” Ginny snapped.

“Me?” I stammered. “What did I do?”

“It’s not what you did do. It’s what you didn’t,” Ginny said sharply. “Do you realise you never once apologised for breaking up with me after Dumbledore died? Nor did you apologise for disappearing with Hermione and Ron, and you especially never apologised for running off and dying. Not even a simple ‘I’m sorry for what I put you through Ginny.’ No you just assumed everything was forgiven because you’re Harry Potter and I love you. Well guess what? I haven’t!”

I’ll admit, I was stunned by Ginny’s outburst and didn’t entirely know how to respond. “Ginny I…I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what you want me to say. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

Ginny shrugged. “I don’t know, I thought I could deal with it on my own, but it seems I can’t and do you want to know the most messed up part? What convinced me that I had to tell you this?”

“On the elevator, at the Ministry that day,” I said as realisation dawned on me. “You were afraid I was going to break up with you in order to protect you. Ginny you have to believe me, I’d never do that to you again.”

Ginny flashed me a wan smile. “I know that Harry. Like I said that’s what convinced me I had to tell you the truth. You managed to move past your hangups, this is me doing the same.”

“But what do you want from me Ginny? An apology? I hate what you had to go through that year, but I’ll never apologise for anything I did. No matter how hard it might have been for all of us it was necessary to stop Voldemort.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that,” Ginny noted sourly. “I guess that just leaves me one thing to do.”

* * *

“Wait!” Neville shouted, interrupting me. “You’re not about to say the two of you broke up and have just been keeping up appearances until the wedding is over so nothing is awkward for Ron and Hermione are you?”

You mum reached out and rested her hand on Neville’s. “Neville, calm down, the story’s not over yet.”

* * *

Of course if we’re being honest that is exactly what I expected Ginny to say. That she was done with me because I was an insensitive prat or some such. The right hook he landed on my jaw therefore was a complete surprise.

“What was that for?” I demanded.

“What do you think it was for? Merlin, do I have to draw you a diagram?” 

“I wish you could get this through your selfish little head,” I growled as I probed the imminent bruise on my jaw. “I had to leave you behind. You were underage and still had the Trace on you. Taking you along would not only have been a catastrophically stupid idea but it would have made beating Voldemort impossible.” I freely admit this was a cheap shot on my part, but in my defense I had just been punched in the face.

“So I’m selfish then? It’s selfish to expect an apology from the great Harry Potter? I know that I couldn’t have gone with you, you dense git., but you could have at least told me you were going! But oh no, instead you had to protect me. I didn’t need you to protect me, I needed you to trust me! But apparently that’s too much to expect from an emotionally stunted prat like yourself,” She jabbed her arms into my chest hard, sending me staggering backwards.

It was at this point that I finally had enough and I reared back and clocked Ginny a good one. That was apparently all the excuse she needed and she launched herself at me with a tremendous roar and sent us both tumbling to the muddy ground. She began raining blows on me until I managed to grab both her arms and threw her off me. Ginny landed squarely in another mud puddle and she popped up to her feet with startlingly quickness. Fortunately for me, I was just a little quicker and I tackled her to the ground, taking great care to make sure I kept her arms pinned to her sides.

“Ginny stop, this is ridiculous. Just calm down,” I implored her. “I’m sorry you feel so hurt by what happened, and if I could have done things differently believe me I would have, but I couldn’t. I had to do what I thought was best for both of us, and yes I never asked you what you thought about any of those plans. But that was for your own protection! I know you hate it when I say that, but it’s what I thought at the time. If you didn’t know where I was going, what I was doing, the Death Eaters couldn’t torture it out of you. I know, I know, they tortured you anyway. It didn’t occur to me that you and Neville would take the fight to the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. If I am sorry for anything it’s for not expecting a person as strong as you would stand up for what you believe in. That was stupid on my part. Beyond that, well, that’s all in the past, and I can’t change any of it, but I can tell you what I told you in the Ministry. I love you Ginny, and I will never do anything as stupid as excluding you from anything or even dream of leaving you ever again. So no, I won’t apologise for what I did, but I promise you it’s the last time I’ll be that much of a prat.” I realised Ginny had grown very still still as I talked so I took chance and released my grip on her arms.

Of course as soon as I did that she landed another punch on my jaw, but she followed that up by grabbing my lapels and pulling me in for a snog. “Was that so hard?” She asked when we came up for air.

“You didn’t have to punch me,” I protested.

“Yes I did. You said it yourself, you were being a prat, besides it got my point across.”

“So does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”

Ginny stroked my jaw. “I think it means there’s a question you need to ask me to find out Harry Potter.”

I felt my mouth go dry. “There is?”

“Yes, there is,” Ginny said.

“Are you really sure this is the right time?”

“Can you think of a better one?”

“Actually yes, like after we arrest the crazy man threatening every Quidditch match in the country.”

“I did not drag the two of us out here, and go through all this for nothing. Now ask me the question, trust me, you will like the answer.”

“As I recall I already asked you.”

“That didn’t count and you know it.”

My mouth quirked into a smile. “It doesn’t?”

“Of course not, you didn’t ask the right way.”

“And lying in the middle of a mud puddle is the right way?”

“For us yes.”

I stared straight into Ginny’s eyes, took a deep breath and started to speak. “Ginevra Molly Weasley, for the second and hopefully last time, will you marry me?”

And then Ginny said the single most joyful word I have ever heard. “Yes.”

* * *

“You’re engaged?” Neville practically shouted. 

In response your mum reached down the front of her dress and pulled out a ring suspended from a gold chain around her neck. “I didn’t want to cast a Dissilusionment charm on it for fear someone might notice something wrong with my finger,” she explained.

“But why didn’t you say anything?” Luna asked.

“On the day of the match we didn’t want anything to seem out of the ordinary,” your mum explained. “Afterwards we didn’t want to do anything that would disrupt Hermione and Ron’s wedding. Now that it’s over we’re going to have to being breaking the news to people; starting with my mum. So if anything asks, we told you nothing, my mum is the first person who found out, got it?”

“Of course Ginny, your subterfuge is safe with me.” Luna, having found the answer she was looking for stood up, hugged us both, and walked off.

“Well all I have to say is it’s about time,” Neville said as he too pulled both of us in for a hug then set off.

* * *

“And that dear children is the story of how your mum and I got married. Like I said the actual ceremony was that August, and your mum became pregnant with James not long after that.”

“So wait a second dad, that means mum really was engaged when Gladish asked if she was,” James said.

“That she was, and she never said she wasn’t, just that I wasn’t going to ask her for a long while.”

“Because you already had,” Lily said as the realisation struck.

“And in all honesty she fully intended to keep playing after we got married. The proposal had nothing to do with her decision to walk away from the sport. Now, what have you learned form this story?”

“Don’t propose on the first date?” James offered.

“Always be sure to apologise completely for any wrong you’ve done. And be sure you know what it is you’re apologising for,” Albus suggested.

“Good pieces of advice, but not what I was looking for, how about you Lily?”

“I think it’s that even though you might be done with Hogwarts you aren’t necessarily an adult,” Lily said after a moment’s deliberation.

“That’s it exactly, when you finish with Hogwarts it’s ok if you’re not sure what you want to do next, or if you decide that what you are doing isn’t right and you think you need have a change. You all have long lives ahead of you and take your time to figure out who you want to be. Just know that whatever you decide your mum and I are extremely proud of you. Unless you decide what you want to do is laze around the house all day, at which point I will disown you.”

Just then the sound of the front door opening and closing reverberated through the house announcing Ginny’s return. “And what are my four favourite people in the world up to?” She asked as she entered the study.

“Dad was just telling us a story,” Lily announced.

“Oh really,” Ginny said as she sat down on the armrest of my chair, her hand almost instinctively seeking out mine. “A story about what?”

“About how he asked you to marry him,” Albus said.

My wife of almost twenty years, the love of my life, looked down at me with the mischievous glint her eyes that I love so very much and said. “He asked, I said yes. There really wasn’t more to it than that. Now then, what should we have for dinner?”

-The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now it's done. From the moment I even started to sketch out ideas for this project I knew two things about the ending. First, I wanted the last chapter to mirror the second season finale of How I Met Your Mother. Second, that Ginny's dismissive summary of the story would be the last line. I started writing this story almost, but not quite two years ago, and now it's officially finished. I hope everyone enjoyed reading it, and thanks to everyone who has stuck around for the whole thing, you're all awesome. I have about five chapters left on my next project, When You Wasn't Famous, so keep an eye out for it sometime around the start of next year hopefully. 
> 
> -sam


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